Chapter 39
After Patrick had left, Lew returned to the dining room to find Fernanda racing around with a sweeping brush and Jason flapping because he had tried to pick up some broken glass and half-slashed his wrist in the attempt. Charlotte had transferred her attentions to him to try and stop the blood and Gemma had taken over trying to stop Regina hyperventilating; but she pushed Gemma rudely away because she didn’t want to calm down, she wanted to scream then cry then tell everyone again how small her husband’s penis was, how much of an arsehole he was and how much she hated him, all on a continuous loop. Lew tried to stop her drinking more wine and received a string of abuse for it. After half an hour he was tired and bored by Regina’s floorshow and so was mightily relieved when the wind dropped behind her vitriolic sails because she had exhausted herself. Charlotte decided to stay with Regina in the hope of preventing her destroying their house and doing things she might regret like cut holes in everything of Patrick’s that had a crotch; although knowing Regina, she wouldn’t regret that at all. Charlotte insisted that Lew go home, especially as he was so obviously in the Patrick camp, so Lew rang a taxi home and shared it with Jason and Gemma. It would be a bit of a round-the-houses trip because they lived at opposite ends of town, but taxis were thin on the ground at that time on a Saturday night. Gemma looked beat. It hadn’t been a pleasant evening for any of them, but Lew thought she’d had a particularly rough deal.
When the taxi arrived, Lew presumed that Jason would have got into the back to be with his wife, but instead he hopped into the front seat and started talking to the driver about something car-related. Cars and money and the spending of it was all he seemed to have in his conversational repertoire at the moment.
‘Bet you wished you’d stayed in and watched a film,’ Lew said, nudging Gemma’s arm.
‘Oh God, I need a piss,’ said Jason loudly, to the driver. ‘Can you stop for a minute?’
The driver pulled around the corner so that Jason could race out and empty his bladder behind a row of hedges.
Gemma leaned close to Lew to impart her next words. ‘Do you want me to let you into a secret, Lew? I’ve never really liked Regina. I’m almost glad this evening happened because it’s given me the excuse not to see her again.’
Lew smiled. ‘Want to know a secret – me too.’
‘She looks down on me,’ confided Gemma. ‘I couldn’t give a toss about handbags and I don’t know a Vivienne Westwood from a Clint Eastwood. I was only ever of any interest because I’m Jason’s plus one. Another man for her to flirt with.’
‘Well I hope you don’t think that’s how we see you,’ he said.
‘Of course not,’ tutted Gemma. ‘I liked Patrick though. Even if he did have a habit of talking to my chest.’ She chuckled. ‘I hope he does find some happiness with Marlene.’
‘So do I,’ said Lew. And he did.
There was a moment’s silence, then Gemma giggled. ‘Swinging eh? Who’d have thought?’ She gave him a poke in the rib. ‘Fancy it, Lew? Let’s do swapsies.’
Lew chuckled. ‘Anytime, Gem.’
Gemma blew out her cheeks. ‘I wouldn’t wish Jason on my worst enemy at the moment, never mind my best friend.’
In all the years Lew had known Gemma, he had never heard her say anything derogatory about her husband so something was obviously on her mind. And as she hadn’t drunk any alcohol, it couldn’t be blamed for easing the passage of her concerns into the open air.
‘What’s up, lovely?’
Gemma’s head was bowed. ‘He’s changed, Lew. He snaps at me all the time, I don’t feel good enough for him any more.’
‘Don’t talk rot,’ Lew stepped in.
‘And he’s gone all metrosexual. He doesn’t buy his underpants from Asda any more. Forty-five quid for two pairs of Calvin Kleins. And his toiletry shelf is bigger than mine.’
‘He’s taking some pride in himself, Gem, that’s all,’ said Lew. ‘Nothing wrong with that.’
But Gemma wasn’t listening. ‘And . . . it’s like he wants to outdo everyone all of a sudden. He was never like that when we had no money but now he’s obsessed with being the best wage-earner, having the flashiest car. He’s even looking around for another house. We could never afford one as big as Patrick’s but he wants one bigger than yours and those were his actual words.’
‘Oh,’ said Lew. That didn’t sound like the Jason he knew. ‘Maybe he’s nest-building, Gem. Maybe he wants to give the baby the best he can when he comes. Or she.’
Gemma humphed. ‘Well look out for the shepherds and wise men because I think you have to have sex to have babies, unless I’ve got that wrong.’
The taxi driver in the front started fiddling with the radio buttons and whistling, embarrassed.
‘I lied when I said we were at it like rabbits, in case you haven’t guessed. Twice in three months. It’s even crossed my mind that he’s—’
She cut off her words as Jason threw open the car door, loudly declared, ‘That’s better,’ and the taxi set off again.
‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said all that,’ Gemma said after a while.
‘Oh don’t be silly, Gem. I’ll have forgotten by the morning anyway,’ said Lew, though he wouldn’t have.
‘Who does the maintenance for your taxis?’ Jason asked the driver and they began a discussion about MOTs.
‘The other reason I don’t like Regina is that she’s taken my friend away from me,’ Gemma said for Lew’s ears only. ‘I barely see Charlotte now. I can’t remember the last time we went for a coffee.’
Lew winced inside. Should he tell Gemma why his wife was avoiding her?
‘I rang Charlotte a couple of weeks ago, you know, Lew,’ Gemma went on. ‘I needed to buy an outfit so I thought we could go shopping in Leeds and have lunch and a catch-up but she said she had to stay in all day and wait for something to be delivered for you. So I nipped to Meadowhall by myself because it was nearer and she was there, with Regina, having lunch in House of Fraser. I never told her I saw her, but it really hurt me, Lew.’
She looked hurt too; her brown eyes were shiny with gathering tears. ‘It would be nice to have my friend back. I miss her. God, listen to me, I sound like a thirteen-year-old kid.’
‘No, you don’t.’ He should tell Gemma. ‘I totally understand.’
‘When it’s Charlotte’s birthday next month, I’d like to invite you around for a meal. Just the four of us. Unless you’re taking her to Firenze or somewhere else.’
‘That sounds lovely,’ said Lew, and it did. It hadn’t been just the four of them for ages and their foursomes had always been so much more preferable to the sixsomes.
‘I’ll really push the boat out and I’ll make a fabulous cake. And I’ll put decorations up and everything. Like the thirteen-year-old kid I am.’ She smiled, but it looked sad rather than happy. ‘I don’t know if I’ve done anything to upset Charlotte, but if I have, I’ll make sure that her birthday puts us on a new footing.’
Lew really did have to tell her.
‘Gemma, love, look . . .’ God, where to start. ‘Charlotte should have told you this . . . she’s finding it difficult at the moment . . . with you and Jason talking about having a baby. She doesn’t want to say anything and spoil it for you, but that’s probably why she’s keeping her distance from you. It’s just stirred things up for her a bit. She’ll come round, and please don’t tell her I told you because she’d be horrified to think she’d upset you.’
Gemma didn’t react except to give the slightest nod of her head. It flagged up as odd that she didn’t say anything, but the whole evening had been bonkers. Then the car swung into her and Jason’s estate and the moment was forgotten.
Lew felt wired when he got into his own house. He poured a small neat bourbon and drank it in the silence of his vast, empty kitchen letting his mind drain itself of the awful night. He shouldn’t have left Charlotte there, he thought. He texted to see if she was okay and she replied that he was not to worry and she was perfectly fine and parked on one of the two giant sofas in the lounge reading this month’s Cosmo. Regina was on the other snoring her head off.
As his eyes shuttered down to sleep, the last image in Lew’s mind was Patrick’s face, skin smoothed, eyes bright; even his beard looked glossier for his having been amputated from his gangrenous marriage. Even if Marlene didn’t welcome him back with open arms, Lew knew that he and Regina were finished for good.