Jack
TOUR BUSSES ARE an interesting, and very specific microcosm. They are equal parts hotel room, airplane cabin, locker room, and insane asylum. To travel in one for any amount of time requires a great deal of tolerance and understanding. If patience is not a virtue one possesses, then it helps to be certifiably insane, or out of your tree on drugs and alcohol. Since this tour was dry as a nun’s gusset, and I was by far not the world’s most patient man, I knew I was in for a bit of a rough haul.
“We’ve come a long way since Sally, haven’t we?” Rex asked. We stood facing our current home, a 2012 Barracuda touring coach, which was indeed a far sight better ride than our first band van.
“Yeah, but Sally had a better rear end.”
“You always were an ass man weren’t you, Jack?” Rex smiled. “You ready to get back on board this pirate ship?”
I gave him a salute. “Aye, aye, cap’n.”
I looked around for Hadley, but couldn’t spot her. We’d had a perfect day out on the water yesterday, and I’d had her in my bed for two nights in a row, so now that we were apart, I was missing her again. She was likely already on her bus, trying not to draw any attention to us, and as much as I wanted to see her, I was starting to share in her feeling that suspicious eyes were on us. In fact, two of those eyes were currently walking toward us.
“Good morning Daddy, Uncle Jack,” Lucy said, looking like she was ready to take on the world. Last night’s opening show was a huge success, and that was a major win for our new manager. We had done great business for ourselves and the venue, and more importantly, we showed the world that RatHound was back in full force.
“Hey, baby girl. Did you get enough rest last night?” Rex asked, kissing her cheek.
“Barely. I was so wired after the show. You guys were seriously amazing. I couldn’t be prouder of you. This tour is going to be better than I’d even hoped.”
Even though she looked a little tired, Lucy was beaming. I could tell she wasn’t just happy for us, but that she was truly happy with her life. She had obviously found something special with Bam, as well as her true calling as a manager, and I was thrilled to see her so content, and in her element. For the first time, I felt a pang for not being around more when she was growing up. It was hard for me to see my friends with their young families, when I never really got to start mine. I resolved to use this tour as an opportunity to spend more time with my niece, and tried to convince myself it wasn’t partly in an effort to spend more time publicly with Hadley.
“You looking for someone, Uncle Jack?” Lucy asked.
“Huh? No. Why?”
“Oh, it just looks like your eyes are peeled… like you’re lookin’ for someone.”
“Nope. I’m just taking it all in, ya know? It’s been a while since I’ve lived on a bus. This will be my first overnighter in a while.”
“Oh, okay.” She smiled just as her phone rang.
Saved by the bell.
Lucy answered. “Hey, Mama, what’s up? What? When? Is anything missing? What did Vic say? Yeah, he’s here. Do you want to talk to him?” She handed the phone to Rex.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Someone broke into the studio,” Lucy said.
“Into Fastback? When?”
“The night before we left.”
I felt my face heat up. That was the night Hadley and I snuck in after hours and fucked on the lobby sofa. I don’t know why I was worried. It’s not like anyone could know it was us who had “broken in.” There must have been a time entry in the alarm system’s log that stuck out to Vic and his eye for detail.
“They didn’t appear to steal anything, which means they were either some stalker level RatHound fans, or they got spooked off before they could steal anything.”
“Spooked off? By what, the studio attack dogs?” I tried laughing it off.
“I don’t know, maybe they saw the cameras or something.”
“Cameras?” The blood that had rushed to my head, now completely drained and I felt instantly sick.
“Yeah, luckily the studio has surveillance cameras all around the studio. I doubt they would have spotted them, though, they’re pretty concealed.”
Tell me about it.
Rex hung up and joined us. “Roxie has asked Vic to review the footage and email Lucy the video file right away. She doesn’t want to file a police report if it ends up being nothing. No sense in alerting the insurance company vampires if we don’t have to.”
This is it. Vic is going to watch the tapes, tell Lucy, Roxie, and Rex what he saw and this will have been the shortest tour in rock and roll history. At least they aren’t going call the cops yet.
Just then, I spotted Hadley walking toward the Roses for Anna bus.
“Alright, I’m gonna go get on board, I’ll see you two on the bus,” I said and began walking briskly. When I was almost at our bus, I checked over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t being watched by Rex and Lucy, and cut over to Hadley’s bus. I hung near the back and texted for her to come outside.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” she asked in a sexy whisper.
“We have a little problem. Actually, we have a big problem.”
Hadley stopped smiling and my heart sunk. “What kind of problem?” Her eyes were now set directly on me in a steely gaze.
“The kind of problem where there’s security video of us having sex in the studio lobby.”
“WHAT?”
“Shhhhh,” I hissed. “That’s not all.”
“Ohmigod, it gets worse?”
“Rex, Roxie, and Lucy are about to see it.”
* * *
Hadley
“I think I’m gonna throw up.”
“Just breathe, baby,” Jack said, in a soothing tone.
“Shut your stupid face, and don’t call me baby,” I whisper-yelled. The hotel coffee was not nearly strong enough for this level of fuckery so early in the day, and he was not going to charm his way out of this one.
“Babe, it’s—”
“Wait, I really think I am gonna throw up.” Luckily, I had walked past the piles of bacon, eggs and cinnamon rolls at this morning’s breakfast buffet, instead opting for my usual yogurt and granola. I say fortunately, because that’s all Jack had to clean off his snakeskin boots after I hurled directly on them.
“Ohmigod, Jack, I’m so sorry,” I cried, mortified at what I’d just done.
“I deserve that,” Jack said.
Holy shit, the man was charming even when I was puking on him.
“Here.” Jack pulled a blue bandana from his inside pocket and handed it to me.
I bent down to clean the mess from his boots, but he grabbed my arm and laughed.
“What are you doing, you lunatic?” he demanded. “That’s for your beautiful face, not my boots.”
“Omigod I think I’m in shock. This can’t be happening. There can’t be a sex tape. There can’t be a sex tape. Jack, there absolutely cannot be a sex tape.”
“Look, I get it, this is bad and super embarrassing, but we’re adults and——”
“No, I don’t think you do get it.” I snapped, still obsessively wiping my face.
“You… uh… missed a spot,” Jack said, grinning.
“This is not funny. You’ve practically lived off the grid for the past century, so you don’t know what Bam has gone through.”
“What?”
“Do you know who Melody Morgan is?” I asked.
“Rex mentioned her once I think. She’s a singer, right?”
“Yes, a very popular pop singer. She’s beautiful… on the outside at least… and she and Bam used to date. They had a very public relationship, followed by a very public breakup, in which a sex tape was involved.”
“Oh, shit!”
“Oh, shit indeed,” I ground out. “If Lucy, Bam, or the Haddon family see that tape, I’m not only fired, they’re going to hate me!”
“Hate you? Why in the word would they hate you? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Except make web cam porn with my employer, after hours at the workplace, after their family had already endured a humiliating sex scandal,” I hissed.
“Well, when you put it that way,” he smiled wide.
“Jack, it’s not funny. I—”
“Wait a minute! Maybe I can get a hold of Vic and somehow head them off at the pass,” Jack said, pulling out his cell phone.
“What are you going to say to him?”
“I dunno, I’ll think on my feet. Pretty sure I can handle a little mental sparing with Vic.”
After a few tense moments, Vic answered and I leaned close to Jack’s phone.
“Hey Jack, I figured you’d be calling,” Vic answered in his usual monotone drone. “I found the footage of the intruders and figured you’d want to identify the perps before the others saw this. I’ve isolated the pertinent video files, and stored the only copies on a thumb drive, which will remain locked in my safe until you retrieve it. I’ll let Lucy know about the false alarm and that I’ve fixed the glitch in the security software. I’ll also text you the address where you can send the four leather tour jackets, full access passes to the Seattle show, and go ahead and chuck in a few Roses for Anna T-Shirts as well. Thanks.”
We stood in stunned silence unable to determine whether we should laugh or cry.
“I should get back on the bus,” I finally said.
“Yeah, uh, me too. After I clean the puke off my boots… and die of a heart attack.”
I took several deep breaths, trying not to hyperventilate as I walked back to the bus. God! Today had started out so beautifully. I’d come downstairs to check everyone out, discovered Jack had paid for my room (one more night in Paris was back on the table), and even managed to get a discount for a future stay. I felt like I was rockin’ my job and my life and felt like a million bucks.
Funny how the potential scandal of a sexual escapade could bring all of that crashing down.
* * *
Jack
That was way too close. Apparently Big Brother didn’t even have to be forced upon us. We’d installed it ourselves in the name of security. Now an enterprising engineer (that’s on my payroll) can blackmail me for fucking on the couch.
I dragged my hands down my face. We were actually damn lucky Vic was doing us a solid by protecting me and Hadley’s privacy. His way of doing it showed ultra class, in that it allowed me to save face and avoid dancing around the subject with him. I’d always appreciated his directness, but now I realized it was invaluable.
“Who’s turn is it to DJ?” Robbie shouted.
Robbie had always served as the band’s “Cruise Director” while on tour, earning him the nickname Julie. Julie would serve drinks, make introductions, plan late night mayhem, and was largely responsible for most of the hotel damage we’d paid for over the years.
“I’ll take first shift.” I needed a distraction from this morning’s events and music seemed like just the trick. I rifled through several binders of CDs and chose an album from the criminally underrated King’s X. I knew the entire bus would be onboard and that the volume would be cranked the entire time. I could avoid talking to anyone and get lost in my thoughts. As the opening of “Dogman” slammed through the bus’s sound system, its passengers collectively grunted and nodded in approval. We had the great fortune to tour with King’s X in the 90’s and could never understand why they weren’t the biggest band on the planet. In fact, almost every musician or music lover I knew felt the exact same way.
My phone buzzed. It was a text from Hadley.
We need to talk
So much for relaxing and getting lost in my thoughts. I may not be the wisest man in the world, but I’d been around long enough to know it’s never a good thing when a woman says we need to talk.
About what? I replied.
You know about what. That was way too close this morning. We have to stop sneaking around.
Are you suggesting we go public?
No. Let’s talk face-to-face when we stop next.
If you want to talk about how to be more careful, I’m all ears. If you want to talk about ending things between us, I’m afraid I’m not available for such a meeting.
I’m serious. We can’t keep doing this. People are going to get hurt.
I frowned. By people you mean you?
That’s not fair, Jack. This isn’t just about me, or even you. Both of our bands are entwined in all this mess as well.
Are you saying you and I are a mess?
Jack, there isn’t even a “you and I.”
Ouch. Look, I know that you and I joke around about being fuck buddies, but I hope you know that’s not how I feel about you.
I can’t talk about this right now. We’ll meet face-to-face as soon as possible.
With that, my phone went silent. I also barely made a sound for the next four hours. I sat there trying to figure out how to convince Hadley to continue to risk her career, along with relationships with her family and best friend, in order to continue our secret screw fest. I knew she was right, but that didn’t matter. There was no way I could let Hadley go. No way in hell.
We pulled into a Denny’s in Grants Pass, Oregon for lunch. Across the street was a giant statue of the “Grants Pass Caveman,” and all the band and crew members from each bus were gathering around for a group photo. I tried to position myself next to Hadley, but she moved to the other side of the group and stood between Bam and his drum tech, Ray. She refused to make eye contact with me and casually avoided me as our group made its way into the restaurant.
“We need as many tables and booths as you can spare, please,” Lucy cheerfully informed Jeff, the day manager.
I saw Ray grab a booth in the far corner and motion to Hadley. She sat next to him and my blood began to boil. I was sitting with Rex, Roxie, and Lucy at a four-seat table across the room. My eyes were fixed on Hadley, or more specifically at her and the dead-man-walking sitting next to her.
“And for you, sir?” our waiter asked, bringing my focus back to the table.
“Coffee, black, thanks.”
“You’re a man of many words today, Uncle Jack,” Lucy teased.
“Yeah, probably just a bit tired after last night,” I said.
“Didn’t you sleep well?”
“I was a little wired, so not so much.”
I glanced back at Hadley, who was now laughing hysterically at something that little roadie cheese dick was saying to her. What the fuck did this little weasel think he was doing? Hadley’s Roses’ manager and he’s the band’s drum tech. She was out of his league, and reach, in every possible way but he’s clearly coming on hard and she didn’t appear to be stopping him.
She laughed again, and I saw Ray’s hand touch hers. I stood straight up. “If you guy’s will excuse me, I’m gonna go wash my hands,” I said, and started walking towards Hadley’s table.
Hadley caught my eye and stood, heading to the bathroom.
“Hey, Jack,” Ray said, stopping me in my tracks.
“Hey, man.”
“Great show.”
“Thanks.”
Ray grinned. “I gotta talk to Teddy and find out how he gets that beefy snare drum sound on Stephen’s Song.”
“It’s called tuning,” I ground out. “Excuse me, yeah? Gotta hit the head.”
“Oh, yeah. Sure.”
I walked toward the bathrooms and arrived just as Hadley walked out of the ladies.
“Anyone in there?” I asked.
“No.”
I pushed her gently back inside and up against the wall, kissing her for all she was worth. She gripped my waist and kissed me back.
“This is all gonna be okay, Hadley,” I whispered.
She sagged against me. “We need to be more careful.”
“And we will.” I pulled her closer. “Vic took care of the video problem and we’ll just make sure we are a little more covert.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Like this, baby.”
She smiled. “Me too.”
“Your stomach feelin’ better?”
“Much. I ate some saltines on the bus.”
I stroked her cheek. “Good. I’m gonna miss you tonight.”
“Me too.” She sighed. “And I don’t think the hotel in Ashland has adjoining rooms.”
“I’ll come to you. You just tell me where and I’ll figure out when.”
She smiled, dropping her head to my chest. “Okay, honey.”
“You need to stay away from Ray.”
“I’m finding that harder and harder to do.”
“You need me to take care of it?”
“No, I’ll do it.” She met my eyes. “I should get back out there.”
“One more second.”
She grinned and kissed me again, and then stepped into the hallway, gave me the all-clear, and I walked into the men’s room.
* * *
Hadley
I headed back out into the dining room, and rushed past the table Ray was currently sitting at with a few of the other roadies. His back was to me, so he didn’t see me coming, which meant I made it to Bam and Lucy’s table without incident.
I sat down and had just enough time to look the menu over before the waitress arrived to take our order.
Jack walked by a few seconds later and I gave him a quick smile, hoping that everything I felt was said in my slight facial expression. He stopped and talked with us for a few minutes, then headed back to his table, but I didn’t miss his hand brushing my arm gently as he passed.
I couldn’t wait for tomorrow night when I’d sleep beside him again. It really couldn’t come soon enough.