FEBRUARY 22, 2016
LIFE WAS NOTHING BUT A shift in the winds.
It was what I told myself as I pulled up to the gates of the resort I’d call home for the next three months. Oregon reminded me so much of where I grew up. The timbered fresh air. The heady wind filled with an energy that zapped through my veins. It was the culture. The people. The lust for change and opposition against the norm of a warring society. One fist gripped heavily onto the past, the other plunging through into the unknown.
I rolled the window down, the squealing resistance fussing at me just as a man came around the corner… completely nude.
I’d mentally prepared myself or, at least, I thought I had. I’d seen plenty of men naked. I’d even watched porn here and there… but nothing could prepare me for the jarring shock of seeing someone in everyday life, out in the open, bare for all to see.
He was like a god walking a runway, the only article of clothing a glittering purple scarf draped effortlessly around his neck. Though the silver in his hair hinted his age, his body was well-maintained as he sashayed toward me, clipboard in hand.
What in the hell have I gotten myself into? I dropped my gaze, skin hot as I pinched my nose, cursing at myself.
“Hello, and welcome to Bare Freedom Resorts. I’m Basil, the fabulous and wonderful activities director. And you are?” There was a sweet lull to his words, with a hint of knowing laughter.
I raised my head, forcing a smile that felt squeaky and uneven. “I’m Hartley Fernsby.” I plunged my hand over the window ledge, waiting for him to take it.
He assessed it for a moment, as if trying to gauge what to do with it, and then gave it the daintiest shake. “Hartley.” He made a small noise in his throat. “What an adorable name,” he said when our hands retreated from each other. He gave me a once over, plump lips perfectly pursed. “You look lost, sweetie.”
My eyebrows pinched together. The GPS app opened on my phone said I was where I was meant to be. And then I remembered I was fully clothed, and acting as awkward as a girl who’d stumbled into the boy’s locker room.
At the end of P.E.
“I’m sorry,” I said with an edge of nervous laughter, scratching my forehead. Relax, Hartley. It’s only a penis. “I’m filming with Taiga Productions. I know I’m a little late—”
His laughter was loud. Almost outrageous as he cut me off. It fluttered through the air, fast and quick, like a hummingbird’s wings. “I didn’t mean lost as you’re in the wrong place. I meant, you look lost.” My mouth dropped open, words already shuffling up my tongue, but before I could get them out, he finished, “But don’t you worry about a thing, honey. This,” he said, fanning his arms out grandly with a feminine air, “this is where people come to find themselves, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will leave this place with that look on your face gone forever.”
My forehead furrowed. He was an odd bird. A little too presumptive. But there was something about him I liked.
“And you want to hear some good news?”
“Sure?”
“Clothing is optional for your crew.” He turned slightly to point to a sign that read: Clothing not optional within this park.
I carried the heat from Florida in my cheeks. “Lucky me,” I said under my breath, beginning to question if I’d made the right decision by coming here.
Yes. You explore, Hartley. You live through the lens. You need adventure.
This is why you left…
“Here’s a map of our resort.” He passed it through the window, and then rested his elbows against the edge, leaning close. He smelled like freshly bloomed roses, and there was a beautiful hue of green sparkling eye shadow on his lids. I knew then he was my kind of person. His skin was like milk chocolate. Eyes a rich, coffee brown.
“Your crew has been given the back half of the resort where the cabins are stationed. They’re kept furthest away from our members. Comfort and privacy is our primary goal at this resort. The owner and most of our guests have agreed to be a part of this project with the stipulation that you stay away from the communal areas once filming is finished. Unless, of course, you want to join the nude community, at which you’re more than welcome to take part in our nightly activities.”
He winked a telling wink, and I couldn’t help the intrigue that peeked through the blinds in my mind. What stories would we discover within this resort?
“Thank you, Basil.” I relaxed into a smile. “I’ll keep you posted on that.”
He studied me for a moment. “You’re in safe hands now. Self-love and freedom from society’s restrictions… what more could you ask for?”
His grin widened, and he took a few steps back, his hand placed femininely on his hip. “Off you go then, lost girl.”
Lost girl, I thought. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could barely meet my own eyes.
Maybe I was lost.
The gates opened like warm arms waiting for a hug. I passed through, trying to follow the map Basil gave me. The grounds were winding, one-way roads that led through a drapery of trees that seemed to reach into the sky. In the center of the resort was the communal area. There was a large pool and indoor hot tub. A tennis court. An abandoned playground left behind from the previous campground owners. Even an outdoor fire pit that made my stomach twist as memories of sitting within Hudson’s arms tried to surface.
I redirected my thoughts to the fact that everyone was nude. Women casually strolled side by side, talking. Men played basketball and tennis. It was different seeing such normalized activities done bare-fleshed. At first, it was dicks swinging and balls slapping and boobs swaying. But once I moved past the initial shock, there was a certain beauty to it. A sort of truth I thought a lot of us sought but never found.
I noticed RVs tucked within groupings of tall pine trees, and as I moved further away from the communal area, the lots grew sparser and more secluded. Old cabins popped up like popcorn kernels among more spruce and firs. They blended in within the trees, and I imagined the wood used to build them were from the timber the park was rich with.
I parked when I reached cabin twenty-two. You got this, Hartley, I told myself when I noticed some of the crew grouped around someone I couldn’t see. Their heads were bent, peering at the screen of a camera.
When I got out and shut the door, the small group turned in my direction. Some squinted, as if trying to discern who I was. Others turned back to what they were looking at. But one… the one I couldn’t see in the middle… he parted through the group of people and headed toward me.
I didn’t know if I should meet him halfway or wait, because he was near jogging toward me, so I stood awkwardly, peering at the rotting leaves on the ground.
When he stopped in front of me, there was a slight shock in his gaze. I noted he had eyes like a forest, dark and vast with specks of gold, like sunlight shining through leaves. There was a wildness to them, like they’d seen a thing or two. Like the sturdy trunk of a tree swallowing secrets whole, never letting them go. His sandy-colored hair was an unruly mess that hung over his eyes, shielding them like leaves on a branch. A broad nose and sturdy lips, softening the strength of his jawline. He was lean, but muscular, skin kissed with bronze.
But there was something else about him I couldn’t put my finger on, a familiarity in his eyes I didn’t understand…
“I… uh… I’m Hartley Fernsby,” I said, sticking out my hand and jutting my chin to give the allusion I had my shit together.
His eyes brightened with recognition as he took my hand in his. “James Taiga.” His hands weren’t like Hudson’s. They didn’t have the thick calluses I’d come to love. They didn’t make my skin come alive.
Stop it. Don’t compare, I told myself.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” he asked, sticking his hands in his back pockets. “It was about four years ago. During the launch party for Starry-Eyed Productions. I was that weird guy you bumped into near the woods when you tried to escape the madness inside Stan’s mansion.”
My mouth fell open. “Oh my God!” I said, hugging him. “Of course. I remember your face now.” He’d been so kind. I remember we spent all night talking, until my friend found me and pulled me back inside.
“We didn’t exchange names or numbers,” he said as he hugged me back. “It’s something to this day I regret. Had I known who you were, I would have tried hiring you sooner.”
I pulled back. He was nice from what I remembered, but the wounds were fresh and I wasn’t in the mood to fancy him.
Maybe he noticed, because his stance shifted, the air lightening around us. “So.” He clapped his hands together. “How was the drive?”
I forced smile. “Long.”
Truth be told, I was exhausted. I only stopped a few times to sleep, and didn’t let myself sleep longer than five hours at a time. I told myself it was because I wanted to be prompt. Not because I was scared if I didn’t get there soon enough, I’d turn around.
“I can only imagine. Driving all the way from Florida… the company would have paid for your flight.”
“I hate flying,” I admitted.
He chuckled. It was a light and airy sound, not like Hudson’s marrow-deep sound that woke something inside me.
“Come on,” James said. “Let me introduce you to the crew.” He had a warm smile. The kind that made me feel like everything was going to be okay. “I was showing the crew some clips I took during my hike this morning,” he continued as we fell in step beside each other. “This place is magnificent. An unspoiled, hidden gem.”
Nature shots were the biggest pull of Taiga Productions. He had an eye for capturing nature in a way I’d never witnessed before.
“From the little I’ve seen so far, I’d have to say I agree.”
“Everyone, this is Hartley… the final piece to our puzzle and your new lead editor,” he said as soon as we were within earshot. He moved like he couldn’t sit still. I imagined him rocking or swaying or fiddling with something when he was in his idle moments.
I did a small wave as they said hello.
“I’m Sarah,” a young, redheaded woman said, offering her hand. She wore black shorts with a burgundy flannel shirt tied around her waist. A white crop top, and a ton of facial piercings.
I was jealous. Only my nose was pierced. I never found the time to get more.
“James assigned me and Matt to work under you.” She pointed to a guy with jet-black hair hiding near the backside of a cabin, smoking a cigarette. He was dressed in all black with jeans that hugged his thighs and a T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
My kind of people.
I felt more certain about my decision. “It’s nice to meet you, Sarah.”
Her grin was sweet. “Matt and I arrived this morning. We did a tour of the cutting lab. James has pulled out all the stops for this project.” She leaned closer, raising her eyebrows. “I think he’s trying to impress you.”
I felt my face squish together. “Me? Why?”
She snorted. “You’re the Hartley Fernsby. Everyone knows you’re the next Dede Allen. You’re making waves in the editing industry with your use of modern and old Hollywood techniques. If there was anyone I’d want to be running this editing marathon with… it’s you.”
My cheeks burned. “I’m not that big of a deal.” The compliment felt baggy against my skin. It didn’t fit how I saw myself.
Her eyebrows rose. “If you say so.”
“Hartley,” James called as the few gathered around him began to dissipate.
“Excuse me,” I said to Sarah.
“Once you’re settled, I’d like to invite you to my cabin so we can go over the storyline I have fleshed out,” James said. “I want to ensure we don’t waste a single second of our time here. The budget is tight with this project.”
It was every editor’s job to work with the directors and producers to make sure the footage matched the goal of the story. And at times, to elevate the story. I waited for my nerves to kick in, but they never did. I was ready.
“We’ve turned cabin twenty-three into your cutting lab, so you can work on-site. Luckily, the park has their own tower, so Wi-Fi isn’t an issue.”
“Awesome,” I said, my mood shifting by the second.
“I think we’ve hit the jackpot with this project,” James said, his bright eyes finding mine. “The beauty of nature coinciding with the beauty of the human spirit in its most raw form…” He shook his head. He spoke with such passion, his voice lifting with inspiration that tugged at the artist deep inside me.
“What drove you to pursue this idea?” I asked, feeling a hunger stirring. I was ready to work. Ready to put my mind on something other than the miles I’d put between Florida and me. My stomach was a boiling mess of emotions I wasn’t ready to process. I had to keep my head in the game.
It was what I was best at.
“The unspoken dormancy in our society,” he said. “I mean, what’s the common image you see on someone’s computer background? Landscape images from some faraway place. And why do you think that is? Because we weren’t born to be sedentary. We weren’t meant to sit in a chair in front of a screen while life passes us by. This…” he said, squatting down, digging his hands into the earth. “This is what life is about. Touching. Loving. Experiencing nature. They’ve found a way to tap into that here, and I want to capture it.”
He had a point.
He pointed to my bus. “Do you need help with your bags?”
“Sure.”
Once I opened the back, James peered inside and said, “Wow. Did you draw these?”
“Sometimes pictures aren’t enough.” I reached for a suitcase. A weird protectiveness took over. I wanted to shield them from him.
He was examining them all, his mouth open in wonder. “The Empire State. The Eiffel Tower.” He looked to the left and pointed. “Are those Indians?”
I nodded, hurrying to grab what I needed so I could shut the doors. “I did my thesis on their outlook of nature versus ours.”
He skimmed his fingers over the drawings, tracing the tall blades of grass they stood within. “This is… Wow, Hartley.”
The only person who had ever reacted like that was Hudson. We’d spent an entire afternoon making love beneath my drawings, and then talking about all the places I’d been. I wanted to protect them from this new stranger admiring them. Wanted them to remain frozen with Hudson.
My heart cracked a little.
“I’m going to take these,” I said, pushing him to move. “I only need that crate, and I should be good to go.” I pointed to the crate holding my must-haves for editing. My headphones, guide books, DVDs of my favorite films, my lucky mouse, and tablet.
“The essentials,” he said, sounding impressed. He grabbed the crate, and I hurriedly shut the door before heading toward the cabin I’d call home.
After opening the door, I stepped through and stopped. There were three beds packed inside the small space with only a tiny table wedged between each. The shiplap walls were a blushing shade of pink. Two of the three beds already had suitcases on top of them.
“Oh yeah… we all have to room together,” James said as he came up behind me. “With having to turn a few of the cabins into our studio and editing space, the space became limited. You don’t mind, right?”
“No,” I said quickly, even though my heart was thudding hard in my ears. I wasn’t ready to room with people. I never had been good at sharing personal space. Especially not within such close quarters. But I wouldn’t let them see that.
“Good. So… does eight sound good? I’ll order in pizza. We can spend the night getting to know each other and cramming in as much storyline rework as we can.”
“Sounds perfect,” I said, letting life move for me.
Because at the moment, I didn’t have it in me to do it for myself.