Avery

Everything was on its ass. Last night I’d kissed Hayden Wolf, which I absolutely should not have done. And this morning when I’d gone ashore after breakfast, I couldn’t get hold of my dad. I was five seconds away from freaking out.

So far this charter I’d managed to get ashore at least every other day to call my dad. Today was important. Michael got a physical therapy report every month from his therapist and it was due yesterday. The report set out Michael’s progress and was required by the insurer, but it also lifted all our spirits. Despite Michael’s accident being so long ago, the fact that he was still making progress gave us all the drive to move forward and especially Michael. It kept his goal of walking again at the forefront of his mind. Michael had just started his additional therapy, which my forty percent pay raise was paying for, and even though it was unrealistic I was hoping it would have already made a difference and the report would reflect that.

“Avery, Avery, this is Neill. Mr. Wolf is looking for you.” My radio rang out from my waist and I sighed. Hayden still insisted on dealing with just me. August and Skylar weren’t complaining, and usually neither was I, but right then I wanted to focus on finding an excuse to go back on shore so I could call home again.

I hooked my hair into a ponytail and straightened my skirt, checking my reflection in the floor-length mirror on the back of the door. “This is Avery. I’ll be right there,” I said into my radio and I headed to the galley. Last night I’d forced myself back to my room. This morning I could still feel the press of Hayden’s thumbs over my hips, still feel his teeth against my neck, and I wondered how long the memories might last, how long I could keep remembering our kiss. I wanted to etch it into my brain as the most perfect one I’d ever had.

I’d tried to avoid his eyes as I served him breakfast this morning, and he had seemed amused at my embarrassment. But he wasn’t the one who’d risked everything for a kiss. And although I was sure my guilt was scorched into my forehead, no one had said anything. And why would they? The only one who’d been onboard last night was Captain Moss, and if he’d seen anything, I’d have a plane ticket in my hand and my suitcase packed already. No one else knew.

“Where is he?” I asked Neill as I got to the kitchen.

“Pacing in the dining room.” He lifted his chin to the galley entrance. “This isn’t fair to you. August and Skylar are perfectly capable of being at his beck and call. It puts too much pressure on you.”

Why was Neill acting as if Hayden was being unreasonable? We’d had guests who were much more demanding. “I don’t mind,” I said, heading out.

“Just be careful. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

I paused in the doorway, my heartbeat shifting up a level, and turned around. “What?”

Neill shrugged. “He’s clearly got a thing for you.”

I frowned and hoped it covered my blush. “He does not. He’s just intense about his privacy.”

Neill stopped slicing whatever it was on his chopping board and fixed me with his stare. “Look at you,” he said, glancing at me from head to toe in the way only a gay man could get away with without being a sleazeball. “Of course he’s got a thing for you.”

I opened my mouth to speak, not quite knowing what to say, but before I could respond he continued.

“Look, you know I think you’re an amazing stewardess and a kick-ass tequila drinker. You also know I can pick up on chemistry a thousand miles off. It’s my superpower.”

Had I been flirting without knowing it? Had Neill picked up on the fact that me staying on board last night had something to do with Hayden? “I don’t know what you mean. Hayden has only wanted to deal with me since he came on board—”

“I also know you’re a terrible liar, so I’d prefer you didn’t say anything.” My stomach crashed to my knees. If Neill had picked up on something between us, then who else had? “Don’t let him take advantage.”

“As if,” I replied, trying to shrug off his comments as alarm bells began to ring in my ears.

“Hayden’s good looking and charming. I get it,” he continued. “But ask yourself if he’s worth losing your career for. Worth you not being able to help your family. You have a lot at stake, Avery, and I really want you to be happy. Just be careful.”

“I have to go.” I waved my hand in the air and spun to exit the galley before the weight pressing on my chest stopped me from breathing. I didn’t want to have this discussion with Neill. Hayden might be a paying guest, but he hadn’t pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to. He could read me—he’d known I wanted him.

Shit, as if I didn’t have enough to worry about not being able to speak to my dad, now Neill was talking about my chemistry with Hayden. If Neill could sense something then I needed to be more careful with how I interacted with Hayden before anyone else came to the same conclusion. And I definitely shouldn’t be kissing him or watching sunsets with him.

“Hayden,” I said when I almost bumped into him as I reached the dining room.

“I need you to collect something for me,” he said. His words were clipped and his jaw tight. What had happened since breakfast?

I exhaled and nodded. “Okay. That’s not a problem.” I could call my dad again on shore. We were moored off Marina di Andora, a small port in Northern Italy. From what I’d heard from the crew, there wasn’t much going on ashore but at least there was a pay phone.

“Where do you need me to go?”

He went to speak and then paused as he scanned my face. I looked away, unnerved by his ability to read me. I didn’t want him to see how much last night had affected me. How much I wanted him to slide his arms around me and pull me against him. He blinked and then cleared his throat.

“There’s a yacht supplies shop on Via St Michael. If you could pick up something from there, my person will find you.”

I was used to doing all sorts of things for clients, and fetching and carrying wasn’t unusual, except I was more accustomed to finding the nearest Gucci dealer and bringing back half a dozen bathing suits for clients or a specialty liquor store for some exclusive alcohol. Brown envelopes or boxes of documents weren’t the normal pickup. “Okay.”

“It’s just the latest versions of the legal documents. This draft will be crucial. I’ll be able to tell a lot about how easy it will be to conclude this deal.”

I took a step back from him. “No problem.”

He reached out and pressed his hand against my forearm. “Thank you.”

I froze, trying not to react to his touch, trying to block out the way his fingers felt on my skin.

He released me. “Can you go straight away?”

“Sure.”

Neill said he wanted me to be happy, but the only time I’d been truly, butterflies-in-the-stomach, grin-I-couldn’t-control happy on this charter was when I’d been with Hayden. Distance, even for a little while, was what I needed. Distance from the bad decisions I’d made last night. Distance from those damn butterflies and the pull in my chest every time I set eyes on Hayden Wolf.

* * *

I dialed again and then checked my watch. Where were they? Despite the expense I’d tried my dad’s cell and Michael’s but still nothing. I glanced back toward the tender, knowing I should get back.

Hayden was desperate for whatever was in the envelope I’d collected from the woman in the yacht supplies shop. It had been the same girl who had given me the envelope in Saint Tropez. She must be following him down the coast. I just wasn’t going to go back to the yacht without having spoken to my dad. It could be another two days before I got to speak to him again.

Our house voicemail clicked on and I hung up. I’d already left three messages. I dove into my tote and pulled out my address book. Luckily for me, I still used the small, pink address book I’d been given on my eighth birthday for all my important phone numbers and hadn’t had to rely on the numbers in my cell that I didn’t have. I’d call my aunt. She lived three blocks away, and I could get her to go around to check on my dad and Michael.

With the receiver tucked under my chin, I held my address book open with one hand while I punched in the numbers.

It felt like an hour and a half passed before the line finally connected. It rang and rang. Nothing. It was Sunday. They should be reading the paper and Michael should be on his Xbox. There was no reason for people not to be answering the phone.

Concern morphed into panic. What if something was wrong? What if Michael had collapsed or been told he’d never walk again and everyone was too upset to pick up?

Still the phone just rang and rang.

I flipped over the page in my address book and found my aunt’s cell number.

I hung up and dialed again. She always had her phone on her.

My heart boomed in my chest. I was getting stressed out for nothing, I told myself as I waited for an answer. Maybe they’d gone grocery shopping or to get gas.

My knees almost collapsed when my aunt answered.

“Hello?” I said.

“Avery?” she answered.

“Can you hear me?” I yelled into the phone. Please, don’t let the line fail.

“Yes, Avery. Don’t panic. Are you okay?” My aunt was a lot like my father—calm through the stormiest seas—but I knew her well enough to know that if she was telling me not to panic, then I had good reason to do the opposite.

“I’m fine. Why aren’t I panicking?” I held my breath, not wanting to make a sound so she wouldn’t have to repeat herself.

“We’re at the hospital. It’s your dad.”

I stumbled backward, almost dropping the receiver. “What happened?”

Hayden

What was taking her so long? I stuffed my hands into my pockets as I paced the main deck.

“Skylar,” I called just as she was heading back through the sliding doors after silently collecting my empty glass from beside my lounger.

She turned, a huge smile on her face. “Can I get you another? Or a snack, maybe?”

She was probably shocked I’d even spoken to her. Avery had done her best to be the only member of her team I had anything to do with, which was exactly what I’d wanted. Maybe I’d asked too much of her.

“Do you have a pair of binoculars?” I wanted to see if they were on their way back. Perhaps the tender had engine trouble and Eric was trying to fix it.

“Certainly. I’ll just get them for you.”

I scanned the shoreline, trying to see where the tender had docked, but it was just too far away. I wanted my documents and the fact I couldn’t just open my email and have them appear was driving me nuts. This was my future that was taking so long to arrive.

“Here you are,” Skylar said as she returned and placed two pairs of binoculars on the side table, one larger than the other. “They focus automatically, but let me know if you need any help.”

“Thank you. And actually, you could get me a glass of water, please.”

Her grin grew wide as if I’d just promoted her. Maybe I had. Avery was working around the clock. Perhaps it was time I let Skylar take some of the burden. Avery waiting on me didn’t seem right after last night.

I took out the binoculars, focused on the marina and caught sight of the tender with Eric at the helm. I jerked the binoculars up and Avery Walker filled the frame. She was wearing her yacht uniform, her bronzed legs shown off by her mid-thigh khaki skirt, her hair in a ponytail and large sunglasses that made her look like a movie star. Eric reached out to help Avery onto the boat. As they touched, a shot of jealousy seared through me. Did he have a crush on her? Of course he had a crush on her. The woman was a goddess—elegant, poised, wise and kind—not to mention the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. Had they kissed? Had he held her like I had last night?

She’d disappeared after our kiss like Cinderella fleeing before the clock struck midnight. I was so used to being in control with the women I was with, I couldn’t recall a time when I’d felt abandoned. Maybe it was because Avery and I hadn’t fucked, because neither of us had gotten release, but I knew it was more than that. I got the distinct impression I’d never be able to get enough of Avery Walker. She was equal parts tough and vulnerable. Loyal and trusting, hardworking and driven. I couldn’t remember admiring someone as much as I did her.

Avery sat at the front of the tender, facing me and away from Eric. Ridiculously, a sense of satisfaction circled in my gut. Was she looking for me like I was looking for her?

She pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head and covered her face with her hands. Was she shielding herself from the wind? No, it was as if she were crying. Surely not. I lowered the binoculars, trying to think of reasons she might be upset. Had someone seen us on the yacht and disciplined her? She’d said that guests were strictly off-limits for crew. Had something happened while she’d been ashore? Had she been mugged? No, I’d seen her bring her tote back on the boat.

I picked up the binoculars. She wiped under her eyes with the back of her hands, then slipped her glasses back on. She took a deep breath, smiled and then turned back to face Eric. She’d thought she was having a private moment. And I’d intruded on that when I had no right to. I’d been spying on her, invading her privacy, but now I had to know what was wrong. I was constantly asking too much of Avery. Had she felt pressured last night into kissing me? Was she upset because of what she’d done or was it something else entirely? I set the binoculars down.

“Shall I just set this on the table for you?” Skylar asked as she appeared with my glass of tap water on a tray.

“No, I’ll take it,” I said, reaching for the glass. “I’m going down to my office. Can you ask Avery to come and find me as soon as she gets back? It’s urgent.”

She smiled and almost did a little curtsey. I would have chuckled if I hadn’t been so concerned about why Avery was upset. “Certainly. No problem,” she replied.

I headed back downstairs to my office to wait for Avery. She’d be back in less than five minutes, but it wasn’t quick enough. I heard the deck crew tying up the tender and I had to stop myself from bellowing upstairs for her to get a move on. Christ, I was an impatient, unreasonable bastard.

When I finally heard her footsteps on the stairs I took a seat and watched the door, willing it to open.

Avery knocked, then entered when I called for her. I had to clear my throat. I hadn’t imagined it. Her eyes were puffy and red. She’d definitely been crying. I shot to my feet. “Avery.” I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to navigate this situation. This was a woman I wanted to strip naked and kiss head to toe then fuck through to next week, but she was also a woman I didn’t want to see cry. I wanted to make it better for her, whatever was wrong. Before I had the chance to question my own instincts, I’d moved around my desk and pressed the door closed with my palm, locking it with my other hand.

“Sit.”

“Please, I need to go.” Her voice quivered as she set the thick envelope of papers on my desk. “I have a lot to do.”

“Sit,” I repeated, and she relented, sinking into the chair, her limbs heavy and her eyes sad. I leaned against the desk, our legs almost touching. “What is it?”

“I have to organize lunch,” she said. “Then—”

“Please don’t make me repeat myself. Why are you upset?”

She took in a deep, jagged breath and shook her head. “It’s nothing.”

I didn’t reply but I wasn’t going to be fobbed off. She was going to tell me what was wrong and then I was going to fix it.

She wrung her hands and avoided my gaze, but I stayed silent, despite the way my muscles twitched, desperate for action. I wanted her to talk to me.

Eventually she spoke. “My father was taken to the emergency room last night.”

Shit. I clenched my hands, wanting to reach out and touch her, but after last night, I didn’t know where we stood, what I should do. I just knew that I wanted to do something—anything—to soothe her pain.

“He’s okay. They thought it might be a heart attack, but apparently it wasn’t. They’re doing tests.” She glanced up at me, her face filled with sadness, and I hated myself for not being able to fix it immediately. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay, but I couldn’t make this better for her. Wealth and power meant nothing in a situation like this. “Jesus, I’m sorry. Do you need to leave?”

She exhaled. “God, my father would never forgive me. He’s . . . a proud man. Would hate for me to make a fuss.” She shook her head. “He only accepts the money I send for Michael’s sake. No doubt he’s making the nurses’ lives hell at this precise moment.”

It wasn’t enough information. Did her dad have a heart condition already?

“My aunt is staying with my brother.”

Where was her mum? I didn’t ask in case she got more upset. Thinking back, Avery hadn’t mentioned her at all.

She pressed her palm against her forehead, as if trying to cool herself, and I found myself wanting to be that momentary relief for her. “I should have seen this coming. He’s getting older and it’s too much for him to be working and looking after my brother. But trying to get either of them to accept a caregiver when my dad’s at home is impossible. My dad says he doesn’t like strangers in his house when he’s there.”

I reached for her, my need to provide her with comfort overwhelming, but she recoiled and stood, shaking her head. “Don’t,” she said sharply and then looked away as if her own tone had shocked her.

“We can’t. We never should have in the first place.” Her voice started to falter again. “I’ll have to insist my dad accepts more help.” Her gaze flitted about the room as if she were going through her options, making a plan. “We’ll need more money. Maybe even a full-time nurse.”

She looked me straight in the eye. “My job is more important than ever. I should never have—last night—I just can’t.”

A dull ache looped in my stomach. It was unfamiliar. I couldn’t remember a time when a woman had evoked that feeling in me, as if I was missing out on something by not having her close, by not knowing her.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be,” I said. “But I would never allow you to lose your job over me, you know that?” I was careful not to touch her, despite how much I wanted to. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, but more than that, I didn’t want to have to suffer her rejection again.

“It’s not up to you.” She glanced at her feet. “It’s Captain Moss’s decision. And in any case, gossip runs riot in this industry. An affair between a crew member and a charter guest would get out and I’d never find another position.” She paused. “It’s not that I don’t . . . There’s just too much at stake.” Her eyes welled with tears. “I feel like I’m being punished. Last night—I should have never. And now my dad and I’m thousands of miles away, with no way to contact them. I’m not going to find out the test results until God knows when. I just wish I could be there.”

“But you can call, every hour if you need to, surely. The captain doesn’t ration the phone, right?”

“We don’t have access to the satellite phone. The calls are too expensive.”

I stood and rounded my desk. “Then use mine. In fact, stay in here today. And you be on the phone the entire time if you need to.” Thoughts of the legal documents she’d brought with her had faded with her desperation. She was driving chaos into my priorities.

She looked up at me. “Really?”

“Of course.” I hated to see her upset and I could easily work in any of the countless other rooms on the yacht.

She shook her head. “I shouldn’t use your phone. I think it would be frowned upon. I mean, I really shouldn’t have told you all this. It’s unprofessional.” She pushed her shoulders back, but her eyes still glistened with tears.

“Avery Walker, I will be offended if you don’t use this phone.” I checked my watch. “I’ll need to use it at three fifteen New York time, once I’ve read these documents. So make the most of it.”

She shook her head.

“Avery, I am a paying guest. I thought guests always got what they wanted?”

She paused and exhaled. “Thank you,” she said, her voice quivering. “You’re a very nice man.” I winced at how formal and awkward that sounded and as if she agreed, she frowned. “And a very good kisser. I just—”

I shook my head and tried to bite back my grin. “Shhh. You don’t have to feel bad. My heart is intact.” I dipped, trying to catch her eye, and she nodded, reaching out to place her palm on my shoulder.

I smoothed my hand across her back. “Sit down. Call your aunt.” I guided her around my desk so she could take a seat in my chair.

“I need to keep busy,” she said. “But I don’t want everyone asking me why I’m upset.”

“So stay here. Tell people you’re helping me with filing if they ask.”

“I can’t believe I’m having a meltdown on a guest.”

My stomach pinched at her referring to me as a guest. “Being away from your family when they’re vulnerable is tough,” I said. “I understand.”

Talking about personal stuff wasn’t something I did often. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spoken to anyone about anything other than business. I’d talk a little to the women I slept with but only enough to get them into bed and never anything personal. I found that the ultimate seduction technique was to listen. Or at least pretend to.

I leaned on the desk beside her. “I told you that my brother was in the special forces. During his deployments, it was . . .” I swallowed, remembering the time he went missing for three days in Afghanistan. “It was difficult. Not knowing what’s going on is the worst part. But your father’s doctors have ruled out a heart attack—that’s good news. I’m sure you’ll feel better when the test results come back and you know what you’re dealing with.” I swept my thumb under one eye and then the other. “Save your tears until you have more information.” It was what I’d said to my mother when we heard Landon was missing.

In the days Landon had been unaccounted for, anger, not fear, had been my primary emotion. Anger at the armed forces. Anger at his decision to enlist. Anger at my inability to do anything. My mother’s tears had represented a lack of hope, so I’d channeled my fear into anger.

“Do you want me to call the hospital to see if I can speed things up?” I asked.

“No, but thank you. My aunt is a lioness. She’ll be all over those physicians, riding their asses. But I appreciate it.”

I stood and headed out to leave her in peace. “If there’s anything I can do, just say it.”

She gasped. “No, I’m meant to be doing things for you. I just—”

“Avery,” I said, warning her as she put her hands on the arms of the chair as if she were about to stand. “Stay there. I’ve already had Skylar bring me some water.”

“You did?”

“Yes, I’ve been too demanding of you—”

“I don’t mind.” Her eyes went wide—open and honest—her professional veneer long since gone. “I like to be busy.”

“Stay there. I’m a grown man and I can fend for myself with the rest of the crew on board running around after me.”

She surrendered and sat back. Even if I couldn’t mend everything that was broken, at least I was able to provide her with a way of contacting home.

This was Avery Walker—all emotion and kindness. It was a raw, more honest version of the yacht stewardess. They were both beautiful, but I preferred this girl a lot more. This was the woman I’d held, kissed and was still desperate to devour. But now she was also the woman I wanted to cloak from sadness and protect from pain.