Avery

I had a mammoth decision to make and for the first time in a long time I didn’t know what to do. My heart had been thudding through my chest all morning. We were just off the coast of Bermuda and Captain Moss had pulled up the anchor to take our guests back to shore. This was it. The charter was almost over, and that meant I owed Hayden Wolf a phone call.

His dog-eared, ragged business card was under my pillow, which was where I’d kept it since he’d given it to me. Each night, I’d take it out, turn it over in my hand and ask myself whether I should call.

Because I wanted to. I really wanted to.

He believed me, and I’d long forgiven him for questioning my loyalty and character.

And I loved him. I truly loved him. And he said he loved me.

So it was simple, right? I should just call him.

The problem was, I’d hurt so much during these months since he’d left the yacht. The pain had been raw and visceral but I was beginning to heal. Sort of. At least, I had accepted a future without him. Then he showed up five days ago, while I was trying to plan a future that didn’t include him. Things had been made easier because I knew he hated me. And because he clearly hadn’t shared the deep, fundamental feelings I had for him. I wouldn’t have assumed the worst of him and called him a liar. The imbalance in our feelings made it easier to see the future without him.

“Can we get you anything else?” I asked the six guests still seated at lunch.

“I think we’re good,” Brad said, glancing at his watch. “We need to pack.”

There were only a few minutes of this charter left, and the ticking of the clock was booming in my ears.

“I think August has done that for you, while you’ve been at lunch,” I replied.

His wife patted his hand. “It’s all handled.”

That’s what they’d paid for, and that’s what we’d done. It had been a good charter. The guests had been friendly and fun without being too much of either. As the kickoff to what may well be my last season, I couldn’t complain.

Skylar and I cleared the table and tidied away the kitchen while the deck crew docked the yacht and then hauled all the luggage up from the bedrooms. The last half an hour was always busy, but it was also when the crew wore their biggest smiles.

“I can’t wait to get wasted tonight,” August said as she shut the dishwasher with her hip. “It’s still so hard to get used to pouring champagne for other people when you can’t drink it yourself. Where are we going?”

I shrugged and looked at the other crewmembers gathering in the galley, ready to say goodbye to the guests.

“Can we start drinking right away? Like before tonight? As soon as they’re gone?” August asked.

“It’s going to be a very long season if you need to drink that bad already,” I replied. “But as long as Captain Moss says we’re on free time until tomorrow, then you’re good.”

“I just want to make a martini and get to drink it myself, you know what I mean?” August asked.

I knew exactly what she meant. My dad was right. We spent so much time looking after others that along the way, I’d forgotten what I wanted. What I liked. What I loved. The only interruption on my horizon of other people’s needs and wants had been Hayden. He’d been mine. Just for me.

I’d told him I’d call him whatever my decision was and although I had all these fears, all these reasons why Hayden and I couldn’t be together, I wanted him to change my mind. I wanted him to be mine again.

The next hour passed in a blur. We said goodbye to the guests, we had the tips meeting and we were dismissed for a full twenty-four hours. That was a lot of time to drink.

“Whoop,” August called as Captain Moss left the galley. “Freedom and a stack of dollar bills.” She waved a white envelope with her tip in it. “It’s good to be alive. Can we crack open the beers?”

Crew began to crowd around the fridge and I took the opportunity to slide out of the banquette. “I have to go make a call,” I whispered to Skylar.

She slid an arm around my waist. “Be careful. Remember you are an incredible woman who sees only the best in others.” I’d told Skylar about my conversation with Hayden. She was skeptical about him flying to Miami, about his protestations of love. And I understood that. I’d forgiven him but that didn’t mean I could accept him back in my heart.

“I don’t know where we’ll end up, but I figure I’ll listen to what he has to say.” The fact was, even if we could put everything about Cannon in our past, which I believed was possible, the practicalities of dating someone like Hayden were impossible. But I wanted to hear him out in a way that he’d never really listened to me when I told him I wasn’t Cannon’s spy.

“You deserve to be happy,” she said.

I kissed her on the cheek and then, without anyone noticing, I dipped out of the galley.

I didn’t even change. I just grabbed my bag and Hayden’s number and headed off the yacht. All I could think about was the way he held me so tightly and protectively. The way he looked at me when I was talking as if I were saying the most interesting thing he’d ever heard, the whisper of his lips against my skin, his reluctant smile. I just wished it had meant as much to him as it had to me.

I gathered speed, wanting to find a quiet place to call as soon as I could. As I got to the end of the jetty, I scanned the marina, trying to think about where I might go.

“Looking for someone?”

I spun around and came face-to-face with Hayden Wolf.