Avery

“All crew. All crew, this is the captain. Meeting in the galley immediately.” The anticipated announcement echoed out from my waistband as August and I folded towels in the laundry room. It was Captain Moss’s call to the post-charter meeting where the captain brought up any concerns he had about our performance as a team and then distributed the tips.

Hayden had left the charter yesterday, the day after our argument in his office over the photos. I hadn’t seen him again. I couldn’t bring myself to leave my room while he was still on board. I didn’t want to be reminded of the anger in his voice or the mistrust in his glance. Skylar had found me crying and told me to stay in bed. She didn’t ask any questions and I hadn’t argued with her. Even I wasn’t able to paint a professional smile over my broken heart. I needed to piece myself back together and now Hayden was gone, it might be possible.

“I really hope this tip is decent. Ten percent at least. I know we didn’t have a whole lot to do, but eight weeks is a long time to have a shitty tip.” August’s words came in and out of focus for me. I was exhausted. Emotionally, physically—every kind of tired.

We made our way through the narrow corridor to the galley, and I slid into the banquette, the last to sit for the all-crew meeting. Now that Hayden’s charter had finished, the energy on board had ratcheted up and everyone’s voice was a little louder, their smiles a little wider. On the other hand, I felt as if I was coming out of a fog. I knew the people around me, but still felt as if there was a wall between us, that we were in different worlds.

“Beers?” Neill asked, opening the fridge. Charter was officially over if we were drinking.

“Yeah, I’ll take one,” I said. Alcohol couldn’t make me feel worse.

“Are you sure you should?” Skylar asked. “Is your stomach better?”

I hadn’t been there to see Hayden off the boat. It was the first time I’d ever not said goodbye to a departing guest, but I just couldn’t bear it. My professional mask had crumbled, and I wasn’t sure I would have been able to hold it together. I was angry that he thought I’d betrayed him, but ashamed by the fact I’d taken the phone and card, that I hadn’t told him and possibly avoided everything that had come after. My heart ached at the thought of never seeing him again, but my head told me things ending this way would probably be easier—there were no what-ifs or what-could-have-beens.

Since our first kiss, I’d tried hard not to think about what would happen when Hayden left the yacht. Although he’d told me he wanted things to continue between us after he left, I knew the logistics, as he’d put it, were difficult. He was based in London with commitments and a business to run, and my job made a long-distance relationship almost impossible. Any time I had off I spent in Sacramento. As much as I might wish it were otherwise, the likelihood of Hayden and I existing outside this yacht was almost none, even before he’d accused me of being a corporate spy.

But now none of that was even a fantasy. He thought I’d betrayed him and through his assumptions and accusations, I knew he’d betrayed me.

I’d risked my career for him. I’d put my brother’s care at risk for him. And yet he’d turned on me in an instant. He’d made up his mind about those photographs before he’d even asked me about them, and then assumed I was lying.

Captain Moss entered the kitchen and all eyes gravitated toward the ten brown envelopes he held in his hands. I should care more than I did. The tips I earned this season were all allocated to my brother’s health insurance premiums. I knew that whatever was in that envelope, it wouldn’t be enough to cover the additional expenses.

“No real issues on this trip,” Captain Moss said as he sat down. “But we’ve not been tested. This was a very easy charter for everyone apart from Avery. You feeling better?” he asked me.

I nodded. “Yeah. It must have been something I ate,” I said, flashing my best fake grin at Neill. “I threw up, but feel fine now.”

“Cheeky,” Neill said.

“You worked hard,” Captain Moss said, lifting his chin in my direction.

Guilt unfurled in my stomach. If he only knew what had been going on between Hayden and me. I’d betrayed too many people for someone who wasn’t worth it.

“You’re a good girl, Avery.” From anyone else, a statement like that might have been condescending, but at that moment it was exactly what I needed to hear. I wanted to be a good person. I needed to be a good girl, because if I wasn’t, why hadn’t I just taken the money and helped my family?

“You should have plenty of energy for our next guests who arrive next week.” He dealt out the envelopes to each of the nine crew members. “We want to keep the bar high. We got a fifteen percent tip. Anything less for this next one will be a disappointment.”

The crew gasped as they peered into their bulging envelopes. It was at the top end of what tips normally were, and because charters were usually shorter, none of us were used to having so much money handed to us at once.

“No room for complacency,” Moss continued. “Go have fun tonight, but tomorrow I want every one of you up on deck at ten sharp. We’ve got to get this boat looking like it’s brand new. No excuses.” Captain Moss stood and headed back to the wheelhouse, leaving the rest of the crew to make plans for the evening. Why plans were necessary, I wasn’t sure. We always did the same thing—drink as much as possible, dance and find someone to make out with.

But making out with anyone wasn’t in the cards for me, and a new charter was the last thing I needed. The idea of seeing other people where Hayden and I had shared so much seemed wrong. Even though things had ended badly, I didn’t want to erase it. I just wanted the pain of not having him to drift away. I wasn’t sure that would ever happen, but I knew new guests wouldn’t help. Neither would vodka.

“Wanna come and help me pick out an outfit for tonight?” Skylar asked.

I shrugged and followed her out of the kitchen. “That pink dress you showed me the other day would be nice,” I said, trying to act as if my world hadn’t turned upside down and inside out.

I followed her into her small cabin that she shared with August and she shut the door behind us. “Are you okay?” she asked. “You don’t look okay.”

“I’m fine,” I said, taking a seat on August’s bed, dipping my head so I didn’t knock my head on Skylar’s bunk.

“So, what happened with you and Hayden? Are you going to see each other again?”

I hadn’t expected her question. We’d not discussed me and Hayden since our conversation in the laundry room. “No, of course not.”

“Of course not?” She squinted at me as she hitched up her leg and sat on August’s bed. “You must have been in love with him. Why wouldn’t you want to see him again?”

Her statement hit me like a punch to the gut. “In love with him?” I clutched at my stomach, trying to find my breath, disorientated and dizzy. “Why would you think I was in love with him?” It couldn’t be true, could it? I couldn’t have fallen in love with a man who thought I was capable of betraying him for money, someone who clearly didn’t know me at all.

My limp body and my aching heart suggested otherwise.

“Avery, you’re not that kind of girl. You wouldn’t have risked everything you’ve worked so hard for just to get laid by a pretty face.” She sighed, and a grin curled at the edges of her mouth. “Although he did have a mighty pretty face. And a gorgeous ass. And I swear, one time the breeze lifted his shirt and I got a look at—”

She stopped as I fixed her with a glare.

“I’m just saying that to have put all that on the line, he must have meant a great deal to you.”

I swallowed. I couldn’t love him, could I? I couldn’t love a person who’d treated me so cruelly. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Why was everything so fucking unfair? I didn’t want to be in love with a man who’d left me so easily. But of course she was right. Of course I loved him. Or a version of him at least. I loved the way he seemed to want to peel back my layers and know my deepest, darkest thoughts, the way he was so driven and determined that sometimes he’d forget the time of day and the day of the week but still kept the perspective that his brother had a job far more worthy. I loved the man who was the best man I’d ever known. I would never have risked everything for anything less. But it didn’t matter what he’d meant to me. He’d hurt me. Despite what he thought, he was the one who’d betrayed me. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry. “He’s gone now. It doesn’t matter.”

“You should totally call him. You swapped numbers, right?”

I shook my head. “We had a huge fight. It’s done.”

“Tell me what happened.” Skylar pulled me into a hug and I let her. I needed someone to show me they cared in that moment.

I explained Hayden’s accusations to Skylar, and explained what really happened. Talking about it was like putting a period at the end of the relationship. I could no longer pretend to myself that things were different, that what he’d accused me of had just been some big mistake and that he’d be back soon, begging my forgiveness. It was done.

I’d never felt that irresistible pull that I had toward Hayden for anyone else. I couldn’t imagine I ever would again. No one would be able to pin me to the spot with just a look, rile me up to the point of almost coming with just a kiss. No man would ever make me feel as if it was an honor for me to share the weight of my responsibility with him. Even just talking to Hayden about my family had helped lift the burden slightly.

People like Hayden Wolf came around once in a lifetime. Things might have been different if I’d never taken that phone and business card. Maybe then, we might have found a miraculous way through the distance and contradictory lives and lifestyles, but the chance for miracles was over.

Now I had to focus on what I should have always put first—my family.