“Girl, you got it bad.”
Mia shook herself out of her trance and looked at her assistant. Gabby stood framed in her office, a huge stack of folders in her hands. Impatience radiated from her in waves. “I’m sorry? What do you need?”
Gabby sighed, walking in to drop in the chair opposite her desk. “I’ve called your name three times. I need the approval on the new media campaign for the mommy blogger. Plus, Tanya’s scheduling a press release about the sex tape, and you need to be by her side with the Cover Girl people. Did you get a dress from Rent the Runway for the gala this Saturday?”
“What?” Dammit, she’d been planning to try and sneak upstate for the night. “Which one is that?”
“Jonathan’s being honored for his work with Saint Jude’s Hospital, remember?”
No, but she’d pretend. “Right. I’m on it.”
“No, you’re not. I’m worried. It’s like you’re only half here, with your head in the clouds back on that horse farm you were supposed to hate. Tell me again how hot he is.”
Mia laughed, lowering her face into her hands with defeat. “Really, really hot.”
“How many times did you do it in one night?”
“Five. But I had even more orgasms.”
“I am so signing up for a horse farm on my next vacation,” Gabby said with a sigh.
Mia shook her head, trying desperately to stop thinking about her time with Ethan. One full month had already passed, and she was so busy she barely had time to breathe, yet every spare second, his face drifted in her mind. With the election only a month away, every free moment was spent on Jonathan’s social media campaigns, appearances, spinning solid press, and keeping him in the spotlight so voters were consistently reminded to vote. She’d managed to sneak in a visit with Ethan one brief weekend and a short lunch when they both drove halfway to save on time.
They’d spent the two hours holding hands, talking nonstop, and trying to pretend things were fine apart. On the drive back, she got stuck in horrific city traffic and was late for her next meeting. It had almost affected her ability to sign a new client, but she’d rallied and now safely held the career of a long-term basketball athlete who’d been arrested for drunken behavior in her hands. As a mentor to young kids, the incident had killed him in the press. Mia needed to piece it back together again. Normally, it was a challenge she thrived on, reminding herself once again of the importance of her job and giving people a valuable second chance.
Except lately, she just wasn’t that happy.
She missed dinner with Ophelia and Harper and Chloe. She missed the smell of the barn and Wheezy’s howls and Hei Hei’s crazed affection. She missed the stark beauty of the mountains and the quiet of the woods and the scents of musk and earth and sunshine. She missed the way the air reached deep into her lungs when she breathed and how she’d finally begun sleeping through the night. Her damn insomnia was back with a vengeance now that Ethan wasn’t in her bed. And she missed him so much, it was like a physical ache throbbing in her gut.
Usually, her job gave her a thrill like nothing else. She lived on adrenaline and hunting new clients. She adored social engagements and being in the spotlight. But lately, there was an emptiness inside her she couldn’t seem to fill with work, no matter how much she tried.
“I’m sorry, Gabby,” she said quietly. “I’m trying. It’s just hard getting readjusted.”
Her friend gazed at her with sympathy. “I get it. I’m on your side, and I’ll help as much as I can. Maybe once the election is over, you’ll have more time to see each other. Why can’t he come down here more often?”
“It won’t help if I’m running from event to event and can’t give him any time. He’s not really comfortable in the city, either.”
“What are you guys going to do?”
Mia shrugged. “Nothing for now. Work it out. Take time when we can.”
“Phone sex?”
Mia shooed her out of the office. “I am not discussing it, Gabby. I already gave you way too much info.”
Gabby laughed, dropping a fat folder on her desk. “Fine. If you don’t want to share the dirt, you can contact Reese Donovan, who’s been trying to hire you to clean up his reputation.”
“Ugh, no way, I only take on clients who deserve a fair break. He’s scum.”
“Exactly. I’m not up to another round with him.”
Mia assessed her assistant, then sighed in surrender. “Fine. Yes to phone sex.”
Gabby lifted a brow. “Webcam?”
“Once.”
“Orgasms?”
“Three. In half an hour.”
Gabby shuddered. “That’s just too delicious. Fine, I’ll deal with Reese the pond scum.” She grabbed the file back and flounced out of her office.
Mia laughed and got back to work.
Ethan dragged in a lungful of air and knocked on the door. He’d only been in Manhattan a few hours, and already his nerves were wrangling. From the clogged city streets and beeping cars, to the confines of his monkey suit and tight, shiny shoes, he realized how far from this world he’d strayed. A year ago, he’d been king of the cocktail party and Hollywood scene. Now, he was counting the hours till he was back in his jeans and working with Phoenix.
He heard a few low mutters before he spotted her eye behind the peephole. The screech of delight and scramble to unlock the door affirmed he’d made the right choice to surprise her by accompanying her to the gala.
“Oh my God, Ethan!” She jumped into his arms without pause, and he caught her tight against him. The tension in his muscles relaxed, and the warmth of her body reminded him the evening would all be worth it to please her. “What are you doing here?”
“Every princess needs a date to the ball,” he teased.
She blinked furiously, pure emotion filling her gorgeous whiskey eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered. “But you didn’t have to do this.”
He tipped her chin up and smiled. “Yes, I did.” He kissed her long and slow and deep, until his head spun like one of those old cartoons when a character got slugged and saw little birdies. He lifted his head and pushed her gently away from him. “Let me look at you.”
She was gorgeous, dressed in a clingy gold gown that showed off just enough cleavage and hugged every curve—his dick was hard in an instant. That thick, honey-blonde hair was pinned up, emphasizing the graceful curve of her neck. Her shoes were wicked stilettos clustered with gold sparkles. He imagined her naked except for those shoes and smothered a groan. “Sweetheart, you’re killing me. How am I supposed to keep my hands off you?”
“You don’t.” Her gaze swept his black tuxedo, and pure lust shot at him in waves. “Because I’m not keeping my hands off you, horse man.”
At that moment, the discomfort of his clothes was completely worth it. The sheer pleasure in her gaze as she took him in made him want to roar and beat his chest like an ape. “Keep looking at me like that, and we’re going to be real late,” he warned.
Her wicked smile knocked him to his knees. “We can’t be late, but we can leave early,” she drawled.
“Done. The limo’s outside. Let’s get this over with.”
Her laughter warmed him as she grabbed her sparkly gold purse and wrap. He escorted her into the sleek vanilla limousine, where a bouquet of red-and-ivory roses waited for her, along with champagne. She quirked a brow and sipped the bubbly brew. “Oh, you’re smooth. Was there ever a woman who could resist you?”
He drank his champagne and tried to keep his gaze off the lean length of naked leg the slit in her dress revealed. “Yes. You.”
“Yet here I am.”
He snagged her hand and entwined his fingers with hers. “And every damn day I’m going to make sure you don’t regret giving in.”
Her features softened. “Ethan.”
“Yeah?”
“We’re going to leave really, really early.”
He grinned. “I know. Now drink your champagne.”
The ride to the New York Public Library was way too short. Ethan would’ve been happy spending the evening riding around in the limo with her, drinking champagne, stretching her out on the cool leather seats, and bringing her to orgasm with his mouth.
Instead, they pulled up to the red carpet, and the driver opened the door.
Flashbulbs exploded in his face. The roar of the crowd surrounded him, and microphones were shoved close, a mingling of voices peppering endless questions. Ethan concentrated on Mia, tucking her arm under his elbow and guiding her up the steps. She smiled and nodded, laughed and answered questions with a witty air that told him she was comfortable in front of cameras and enjoyed being in the public eye.
Ethan managed to keep a grim smile on his face and focused on getting one foot in front of the other. Sweat coated his skin. The fabric of his expensive tuxedo squeezed him like a vise. The noise came in a huge rush of waves, at first dim, then growing to massive proportions of sound that wrung his ears and rattled his foundation.
Ah, shit.
It was happening.
They stopped midway to the entrance to stand in line. He dimly recognized a few celebrities and politicians, impeccably dressed and chatting nonstop in an effort to get a handle on who was most important, and who they should get their pictures taken with. A siren screamed and flashed past them; another flashbulb went off, and suddenly Ethan froze, held in the throes of a massive panic attack that drove him to drop halfway to his knees.
Mia’s face faded in and out, but it was her voice he clung to as she repeated his name and angled her body to block his, guiding him firmly away from the crowd. He leaned against the giant column and fought the crippling fear chopping away at his sanity.
He looked up, frantic, and gazed straight into amber eyes.
“Breathe, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
He ripped at his tie and fought for air. Dragged in a breath. Again. Then again. Her hands clasped his, her gaze calm and controlled as she breathed with him, encouraging him to slowly take in more air.
It took a while for his lungs to accept the air and his heart to stop thundering and the sweat to dry on his skin. As he gathered more control, straightening up and coming back to reality, she smiled at him. A beautiful, loving, sweet smile that punched through his chest and squeezed his heart.
“Better?”
He managed a nod. Shame filled him. She deserved so much better than this. Than him. Than all his fucking issues.
“Don’t you dare,” she whispered fiercely, poking at his chest. “Don’t you even think it, Ethan Bishop, or I’ll . . . I’ll . . . beat the crap out of you!”
That brought a grin to his face. God, she was magnificent. How had he ever managed without her? “Then I won’t.”
“Good. I have an idea. How about we blow this lame party and go back home, where you can show me all the dirty, filthy things you want to do to me?”
And right then and there, Ethan fell in love with her all over again.
Shoving back the fear, he shook his head. “Not a chance. I want to see you in action here. Plus, the crab cakes at these functions are really good.”
A frown creased her brow. “They suck and you know it. I’d rather get naked.”
He reached out and cupped her cheeks. Careful not to mess up her lipstick, he drifted a whisper-soft kiss over her lips. “Thank you, but I want to go in. I’m okay now.”
She seemed to sense the need for him to prove he could conquer his fear and slowly nodded. “We’re only staying an hour. Tops.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
She squeezed his hand, and they rejoined the line, which was now moving through the elaborate doors. The charity fund-raiser and gala was for Saint Jude’s Hospital and boasted the crème de la crème of New York. The inside of the library had been transformed into a dream ball. Candles and white lights highlighted the gorgeous gleaming floors, and fat bouquets of flowers were held in Roman vases. Linen-covered tables supported a massive array of foods, and tuxedoed service staff brought around platters of appetizers. Dazzling gowns in blinding colors filled the space as tightly knit groups chattered away while a full string quartet filled the high ceilings with soaring melodies.
They grabbed cocktails and found Jonathan immediately. Ethan noted the man lit up when he gazed at Mia and seemed genuinely happy to see him again. He pumped his hand with enthusiasm. “Mia, you look stunning. Ethan, so nice of you to join us. Chloe’s missed you.”
“I miss her. How is she doing at NYU?”
The man lifted his hands. “She’s been giving it a fair shot, but I can tell she’s unhappy. I’ve noticed a difference in her since she’s been back. A new maturity. I think it was the summer she spent with you.”
Ethan smiled. “Good to know. As I’ve said, I’d welcome her back anytime.”
Lake’s eyes took on a mischievous look as he glanced at Mia. “Ah, why do I feel like you’ll be leaving the farm quite soon?”
A trickle of unease spilled through him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I field more and more calls about my PR representative, so I think Mia’s client base will soon explode. The two of you will do well here in Manhattan. Let me know if you need help finding an apartment; I have a few priceless contacts. Mia, can I just steal you away for a few moments?”
She looked over, and Ethan smiled. “Go ahead. I’ll mingle.”
He watched Mia drift into the dazzling crowd and headed toward the bar to find a quiet corner. As he sipped his second scotch, he surveyed the room, taking in the scene before him.
Already his nerves were tingling in warning. The heat pressed down on him, and he grit his teeth and held on. He could do this for the woman he loved. It was just an hour—maybe two, tops. This was her world, and she deserved to enjoy her time in the spotlight. When Lake got elected, everything would change for her. She’d be the hottest PR company in the city, and Lake was right. There was no way she could run a thriving business on an upstate horse farm. Eventually, something would break.
When she rejoined him, they worked the room. He hated every second of surface conversation and glossy images and the nonstop cycle of meet, greet, and move on. He despised the fake laughs, the roving gazes of certain men when they looked at Mia, and the assessing stares that tried to figure out if he was worth conversing with. When they finally left and headed back to her apartment, his fingers shook slightly, and he had to shove them in his pockets to hide it from her. And when he made love to her, over and over, a desperation leaked into every touch and kiss bestowed on her skin. Eventually a decision had to be made—a decision he didn’t know if he could handle.
Mia’s world no longer belonged to him. But the bigger question remained. Could he live in it? Could he force himself to move to the city and learn to function in a world he no longer fit in? And if he couldn’t, would he be able to handle the possibility of losing her?
She stirred in his arms, interrupting his thoughts. “You’re troubled.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I just came three times. I’m too stupidly happy to be troubled.”
“Lie.” Her fingers drifted over the crease in his brow. “I know it’s been hard having a relationship long distance. But once Jonathan is elected, I can clear my schedule more. Spend time at the farm. We can trade weekends.”
The niggling worry in his gut grew to a dull, spreading ache. It sounded logical, but the truth of what was going to happen needed to be faced. “Sweetheart, once Lake is elected, your client list is going to double. This is everything you’ve worked for. You may end up being even busier.”
“So I’ll hire more people.” She propped herself on her elbow and tilted her chin up in that familiar stubborn way he loved so damn much. “I’ll work at the farm and be careful about what type of clients I choose. This can work.”
He smiled with a touch of sadness. “Your life is here, baby. And I’m so proud of you and what you’ve built. You shouldn’t have to back off for anyone, especially me. But I can’t help but keep wondering if I can be in this world any longer.” He forced himself to say the words. “Something broke inside me, and being in the city brings it all back. I’m afraid I may not be able to give you what you need.”
“All I need is you,” she said fiercely. “Are you trying to tell me something, Ethan? Do you want to break up?”
He rolled over, pressing her deep into the mattress, pinning her wrists beside her head. “I love you, and I’m not giving up on us. But I need to face the truth with my limitations. I’m not going to be the man who holds you back and makes you regret what you could’ve done.”
“The only thing I’d regret is not having you by my side.”
He cursed under his breath. “You’re so damn pigheaded.”
“Then shut up and kiss me.”
And he did. He pushed them both to the edge and over, her sweet cries echoing in the air as she shattered around him. Afterward, she slept in his arms. Ethan spent the night staring into the darkness until the sun broke free, wondering what the hell he was going to do.
Eventually, he’d have to make a choice.
And he didn’t know if love would be enough for either of them.