20
T R I B U L A T I O N S
Memories are like ripples.
They expand with time, moving further apart until they become another version of themselves.
A version where you and I never existed.
CHARLIE CALLED OUT TO ME, waving, when I heard someone shouting behind me.
I turned, trying to place the voice, and felt all the blood drain from my body as my eyes landed on what was happening.
Dean was on top of someone I couldn’t see, his back flexed beneath his cotton shirt, pushing off a few random guys trying to pull him off whoever he pounded his fists into. Hit after hit landed on their intended mark, and it felt like the world slowed to a stop in front of me.
A small crowd had gathered. The horrified looks on familiar faces. Parents shielding their children as they tried to get them around the scene without witnessing it. It was like the Dean I knew checked out and was replaced by a monster. Someone whose fists were like weapons and whose humanity didn’t fit. He was shouting at whoever he was hitting, telling the man to stay away from me. That he’d never let him hurt me.
No. I took off. “Dean, stop,” I yelled as my heart threatened to leap out of my throat, my veins filled with fright.
The moment he heard me call out to him, he froze, fist suspended in midair. It was then I realized who was underneath him—Matt. His head lolled from side to side, his face a bloody, unrecognizable mess.
I grabbed my stomach, shaking my head. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.
Dean leaned back on his knees, chest heaving up and down, and then stood. When he turned to me, the panic in his eyes was overwhelming. “Andy…”
“Why?” It was the only word I could form.
When his head hung, so did my heart.
Dean was looking at his hands in shock. They were covered in blood… in Matt’s blood. “I didn’t… He was saying all these awful…” Remorse filled his eyes. “Andy, I’m sorry.”
“Momma?” I heard Charlie say from somewhere behind me.
The adrenaline pumping through my body sent warning bells to my brain. I turned and rushed toward him, trying to keep him away from the scene.
One look past my shoulder, and I knew Josh had assessed everything that had happened. “Andy—”
“Honey, I need you to do something for me,” I said to Charlie, trying to keep him from looking past me.
“What’s wrong with Dean, Momma?” he asked, his eyebrows coming together as he tried to look past me.
I got into his line of vision, trying to smile. “I need you to go find Gramps and get on a ride. Any ride. He’ll probably be somewhere in the main tent with all his work friends.”
“But, Momma—”
“Please, Charlie,” I choked out, trying my best to keep it together. “Everything is fine, okay? Just… I need you to do what I say.”
He searched my eyes for a moment, and then nodded before disappearing into the small crowd. I took in the deepest breath I could, trying to collect myself as I stood and turned. Josh was talking to Dean, who had his eyes pinned to the ground. Two of the on-duty policemen were already pushing their way through the crowd, hands on the butt of their pistols, holsters unsnapped as Matt rolled to his side and spit blood.
“Dean?” I said as I walked over to him.
He looked at me, shame clouding his gaze. He opened his mouth to say something as one of the officers wrenched his arms back, putting him in cuffs, and then jostled him around to the back of the stand, away from the gawking crowd.
As soon as they rounded the corner, I started forward, but I came to an abrupt halt when Josh caught my shoulders in a firm grip and said, “No, Andy. You’ll only make it worse.”
I let him turn me then. Together, we watched the other officer help Matt into a sitting position while a third officer ushered the onlookers away.
That was all Dean needed… more whispers.
I scanned the growing crowd for our parents and spotted my dad in the main tent, deep in conversation with Mr. Thurston and what I assumed was a client.
I didn’t want to think about what Dean’s father would do when he found out.
Matt was covering his eye while he threw accusation after accusation at Dean. He insisted Dean attacked him, unprovoked. Told one of the officers he was just trying to talk to Dean about Charlie when Dean snapped and lost his mind. I glanced over at Josh, thinking back to the night eight years ago when he’d called me to tell me Dean had been arrested for assault on another student. No one could believe it, but Dean never denied the charges. The case was settled outside of court after my father stepped in. Dean was excused of the charges, but it was never revealed why the incident had happened.
I knew in my gut there had to be a reason back then, just like there had to be a reason right now. Dean was good to his marrow. He wouldn’t hurt a fly without reason. But what would it mean for his future? What would it mean for my case?
The police car rolled past, slowing to a stop, leaving Dean to the mercy of onlookers. Our eyes connected as the officer stepped out of the running car and made his way over to the other officers surrounding Matt.
Your eyes are two tornadoes I can’t find my footing within.
I made a move to intercept the officer and tell him it wasn’t necessary to arrest Dean, that he was a good man, but Josh snagged me by the arm again.
“Don’t,” he warned in my ear.
“What about Dad? He should be here, Josh. He could help.”
“I’ll find him and make sure Charlie is distracted, okay?”
He tried to pull me into a hug, but my heart was pounding too hard and my blood was humming in my ears as an ambulance arrived. A paramedic appeared, jogging over to where Matt was and then bending in front of him. Her mouth moved as she rattled off questions I couldn’t hear. He found my eyes as the lady opened her bag and pulled out what she needed to temporarily patch him up. When he flickered a smirk, I knew.
He did it on purpose.
The policeman detaining Dean in his car surveyed the scene. After a few moments, he walked over to one of the officers and said, “Looks like you have it from here. I’ll take Thurston down to the station and get him booked.”
My skin tingled all over as my stomach turned on itself. No… they can’t take him…
“I knew it,” I heard someone say. “That Thurston is a monster.”
“Angry,” someone else said. “Did you see how he laid into that guy? I didn’t think he was going to stop. He should be locked away for good.”
Another lady across the way shook her head as her eyes followed the departing squad car.
The world was shrinking around me, breaking into a million pieces I couldn’t make sense of anymore. We were just laughing. Just finding each other. In a blink, everything changed.
It… it couldn’t be real.
“Ma’am, were you a witness?” one of the male officers asked, stepping in front of me, cutting off my view.
“What?” I felt like I was about to hurl.
“I asked if you were a witness. If not, I’m going to need you to leave the area,” the officer continued. I glanced at his badge. Officer Heckerman.
“She’s my girlfriend,” Matt croaked through bloodstained teeth.
Everything inside me stilled at his words as my head whipped in his direction.
“No, I’m not,” I said, voice trembling in anger.
Officer Heckerman looked between us, forehead creased.
Matt tried to shrug me off with a laugh, but ended up wincing from the pain. “We’re at odds,” he said through clenched teeth as the paramedic put a butterfly bandage over a cut on his lip. When the woman reached back into her box of first aid supplies, Matt found Heckerman’s eyes. “Women. You know how it is.”
Heckerman chuckled, and I contemplated kicking him in the balls.
“Rick, do you want to finish getting your statement back at the station? I need to patch up a couple more of these wounds, and then he should be good to go.” The paramedic looked back to Matt. “Unless, of course, you think you need more medical assistance. We will transport you to the hospital if so.”
My stomach twisted over itself.
He looked at me, knowing he had me under his power. All I could hear was my dad’s voice in the back of my head telling me not to screw up. Telling me this incident would set us back in court.
“I think I can manage,” he said, keeping his eye on mine. “I’ll just make my statement, and then my girlfriend can drive me home.”
My body shook as a shiver crawled up my spine.
“Ma’am?” Heckerman called to me, ushering me on.
I felt a wave of anger roll through me. I wanted to attack Matt with the only weapon I had, my words, but I was too scared. I’d break down if I did, and I couldn’t afford to. Not when the ball was in Matt’s court.
I watched as the paramedic cleaned up the rest of the small wounds on his face, and then gave him an icepack for his side. A part of me wanted to yank it all away from him. It was wrong to think, but I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to feel the same physical pain he was putting me through.
“Can I get a minute with her?” Matt asked as the paramedic finished packing up. The paramedic agreed and headed over to Heckerman, giving an accounting of the wounds.
As soon as we were alone, Matt turned to me. “You think you can just take Charlie out of state and not answer my calls? What did you think was going to happen, Andrea? I was just going to sit back and cheer you on while you fucked around?”
Anger overrode fear as fire spread through my veins. “Who the hell do you think you are? What I do with my life is none of your damn business. This is my time with Charlie, and I can spend it how I damn well please.”
Heckerman looked over at me as my voice raised, so I sucked in a deep breath. I couldn’t let Matt affect me like this. I wouldn’t let him.
I leaned in, wearing every bit of my distaste for him. “At some point, you’re going to respect that, Matt, because this…” I said, holding my hands out, “this is never going to happen again, do you understand me? You’re not even supposed to be here. Weren’t you served?”
He flinched back. “Served?”
“Yes. With the restraining order.” Strength flowed into my spine, straightening my shoulders.
A slow, menacing smile spread on his face, catching me off guard. It was the kind of grin that lived inside nightmares. The kind reserved especially for monsters.
“You… you need to leave or I’ll bring it to their attention that you are violating the order,” I continued, trying not to succumb to his games. “I’m done here.”
I turned to leave as he said, “They’re saying I can press charges against your boyfriend. I can place you at the scene as romantically involved… something my lawyer would love to know about.”
I stopped.
“You had to see what everyone else did. He’s a psycho, Andrea. All the lights went out and nobody was home. Is that the kind of men you’re bringing around our son? What if it was Charlie and not me? I don’t think your judgment can be trusted anymore. Maybe I should file a counter-order against you in order to protect Charlie from your little boyfriend.”
My entire body vibrated as I stalked up to him, finger pointed in his face. “Dean would never touch Charlie, and I don’t know where you get off calling everyone else a psycho while excluding yourself from that list, because the only psycho I see is sitting right in front of me.”
He flinched back, smile wiped clean from his face.
“I’m serious, Matt. I’m done taking your shit,” I said, heart thundering in my ears. “You’ve gone too far. You stalk me at my home? You threaten me here? You’re out of your mind if you think I’m going to continue putting up with your shit. That’s why we’re going back to court, and that’s why I’m going to win this time.”
I sensed the shift in him before I saw it. Before his eyes went dark and his features hardened. I’d struck one nerve too many.
“I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way then. Hopefully the charges won’t affect his little editing career.” He didn’t have to say anything more. The tone in his voice strangled the words caught in my throat.
My whole body deflated, pride replaced with despair. The whisper I exhaled was soul-crushingly weary. “What do you want from me, Matt?”
The corner of his mouth twitched in satisfaction, and my stomach turned. “I want you to tell your father and his lawyers to back off. I know they went digging into my personal life, so I did a little digging myself. Did you know the last guy your boyfriend did this to ended up with a broken jaw? They had to wire it shut. Sounds to me like your boy toy has a temperament problem. I doubt they’ll go easy on him this time.”
My ears began to ring. All of this… he’d wanted to provoke Dean. He needed something to hang over my head. If he pressed charges…
“Go get your father. I want to hear you tell him he needs to back off,” Matt said, his words pushing me into a corner.
I pushed back. There was no way in hell I was going to let him win again, but I had to be smart. I had to protect Dean, because Matt would go to any length to use him just to get to me.
“If I bring my father over here, it’ll be your ass in the back of that cop car. Not Dean,” I said, hoping he could hear every inch of hatred in my voice. “Keeping him out of this is me doing you a favor because we both know damn well he won’t hesitate to notify one of these sheriffs about the restraining order.” I moved in like a lioness in the grass, ready to put an end to it once and for all. Maybe I wouldn’t get exactly what I wanted—he was still Charlie’s father, after all—but I’d get what I could. “Now, this is the last time I’m going to say it, Matt. We’re done, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner we can focus on making Charlie’s childhood the best it can be. You need to stop thinking you own me, because you don’t.”
I sucked in a deep breath and leaned close, eyes boring into his. Lowering my voice to a lethal tone, I struck to kill.
“This is how it’s going to go, because we both have an equal amount of leverage on the other. After you tell the cops you don’t want to press charges, I want you to leave, peacefully and without a fuss. If you keep up your end of the deal, I’ll speak to my father about removing the restraining order against you. No one goes to jail, no one gets a restraining order against them, including Dean, and Charlie doesn’t have to lose his father.”
A flicker of fear flashed in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by fury. “Fine.”
A small smirk rounded the corner of my lip.
I turned, about to walk away, when he said, “I just love old bookstores. What was that one in town called? A Thousand Lives?”
I stopped in my tracks. He had been there that day.
He’d been… he’d been following me.
His eyes were shadowed under his glare. “I’ll keep my end of the deal, but I don’t want him around my son. Do you understand? A piece of paper can’t keep me from what is mine. You want to test that theory, go ahead and try.”
The threat in his words shook me to the core. There was nothing but endless black in his eyes. I’d seen him that day in town, lurking on the corner, which meant he followed us. Had observed us when we’d thought we were alone.
Oh, God, how much had he witnessed?
“Do you understand me?” he asked, expertly turning the tables on me. Putting me right back in the place he wouldn’t let me free from. Once again under his control.
He meant it. He wouldn’t stop.
I nodded. I had to protect Dean and Charlie.
“I’ll be watching, Andy. You know I will. Keep him away from Charlie or we’ll find ourselves right back where we started today.”
I didn’t make it five steps away from Matt when I heard him tell Heckerman he didn’t want to press charges. The tears I’d held back… that I had been choking on… streamed a path down my cheeks. I didn’t know why I’d thought I could be happy. Why I thought the world was giving me a break.
Dean was like the perfect sunset.
A brief whirlwind of colors as fleeting as every passing minute.
He could never truly be mine.
Not while my past nipped at my heels.