---

Choosing what to wear had been a mission. Antonia had come over to help her and had even loaned her a pair of sparkly shoes; Jenny was hoping they would distract people from her large backside. The only part of her outfit she was happy with was her bag; it was small and contained nothing but money, keys and mobile. If she could only shake off this feeling that she had forgotten something.

As the cab drew up outside Chequers, her butterflies got worse. This was madness. She had spent half her life in this place for the last five years. What was she worried about? She paid the cab driver, sucked in her stomach and walked inside.

‘Jenny. You came.’ Lucy made no effort to hide her disappointment, which helped to cheer Jenny a little. Lucy led the way to a small table at the back of the bar where three blonde women were sitting drinking cocktails. ‘This is Mia, Tia and Pia.’ Okay, so those aren’t their names, but they might as well be. They look like backing singers from the Barbie Band. ‘They’re my “crew”.’ Lucy made inverted commas signs with her fingers.

Jenny didn’t appreciate her mocking tone.

‘It’s so great to meet you!’ said Tia. Or was that Mia? ‘How is your baby? I think babies are so cute!’ The others murmured agreement.

‘Er, yes. He’s great, thanks. He just turned four months.’

‘It must be lovely being at home all week,’ said Pia (Mia?) wistfully. ‘I’d love not having to get up to an alarm clock every morning.’

‘Yeah, would be good, wouldn’t it?’ Jenny was bored of this already. ‘Unfortunately, though, babies are very similar to alarm clocks. Except you don’t choose what time to set them and they don’t have a snooze button.’

‘Still, all that time to do what you want. You could start a hobby. Like…’ Lucy waved her hand around, pretending to try to think of something. ‘Like writing a blog.’

Jenny narrowed her eyes. She wasn’t going to give Lucy the benefit of a scathing comment. Even if she could think of one. ‘No time for hobbies. Babies take up a lot of time.’

‘Really?’ Lucy looked as if she didn’t believe her. ‘But doesn’t it… sorry, I mean “he”, just lie there most of the time?’

The other three women looked at Jenny expectantly. Suddenly, she had a yearning for the couch at home. ‘Sorry. I just need to go to the toilet. I’ll be right back.’

---

The toilet door deadened the noise from the bar. When did they decide to make the music in this place so loud? Jenny checked her mobile for messages from Dan and sent an ‘Everything okay?’ text. Being here felt wrong. Why had she come? Was she going to challenge Lucy to an arm wrestle for her job? Maybe she should just have a couple of drinks, show her face around a bit and then slink off early. Leave them wanting more.

On her way back from the toilet, she was accosted by Frank. Frank was the owner of Chequers and the campest straight man you could hope to meet. His eyes flicked her up and down her in the time it took most people to blink. ‘Jenny! So fab to see you! I heard you were ill or something?’

Jenny kissed him on both cheeks. ‘No, I just had a baby.’

‘Oh.’ His expression suggested illness would have been preferable. ‘Well, you're here now. What can I get you? Mojito?’

‘Thanks, Frank. But I need to start slowly. It's been a while. Maybe a white wine spritzer?’

Frank grimaced. ‘This is not the sixth-form disco, sweetheart. I'll bring you something over. Are you sitting with the lovely Lucy?’ 

When Jenny got back to the ‘lovely Lucy’, she found the girls surrounded by a group of men. Her heart sank. She already felt like a maiden aunt at a wedding, and being forced to chat to lads on the pull was only going to make the night worse. Lucy wriggled out from the group and pulled Jenny to one side. At least three of the men watched her go.

‘Mark has been asking after you. Wanted to know if you were coming back to Flair,’ she shouted above the music.

Jenny was surprised he even cared. She’d filed his business card in the recycling bin as soon as she’d got back from the advertising event. ‘Really? See a lot of him, do you?’

Lucy smirked. ‘Depends what you mean by seeing a lot.’ That was a mental picture Jenny could have lived without.

Lucy sipped her drink and looked out over the dance floor. ‘I’m surprised you came tonight, actually. Eva warned me that you might cry off.’

Jenny was affronted. ‘Did she? Why?’

Lucy shrugged. ‘People change once they have babies. She said you wouldn’t party like you used to.’

‘That’s ridiculous! She couldn’t be more wrong. I couldn’t wait to get out tonight,’ Jenny shouted back, waving her fists either side of her head to symbolise her readiness to boogie. She felt an awakening rush of adrenalin. How dare Eva assume she’d changed? ‘It’s so good to be back doing what I love to do.’ Just at that moment, Frank appeared carrying something creamy but deadly. She snatched it from him and took a huge gulp. ‘Let’s get this party started!’

---

It wasn’t long before she was praying for the night to be over. The dance floor was a tragedy. Cramming her feet into Antonia’s six-inch heels had been a really bad idea. Her feet still hadn’t gone back to their pre-pregnancy size and she would be walking like a newborn calf in the morning. She couldn’t avoid her reflection in one of the many mirrors, either. When had she started dancing like her mother?

And why had she drunk those awful drinks? Tomorrow was going to be hard. Nappy changing with a hangover? Horrific. But she knew why she’d drunk them. Because she hadn’t wanted to admit to Lucy that Eva had been right.

Still on the dance floor, Lucy was enjoying the attention of a good-looking man in a rather shiny suit, so, once she had briefly caught her eye, Jenny made the internationally recognised sign for a telephone call with her thumb and little finger, and slipped outside.

It took Dan seven rings to answer and, when he did, he sounded sleepy. ‘Hello?’

‘Hi, it's me. Just checking everything is okay.’

‘Yes, fine. We were just dozing in front of Storage Wars.’

‘Did he have his milk at eight o’clock?’

‘Yep. Guzzled the lot.’

‘Did you wind him?’

‘Yes. He did a burp suitably loud for a boys’ night.’

‘And he's now asleep?’ 

‘We both were until you called. Are you having a good time?’

‘Yes, it’s great,’ she lied. ‘So good to be out and about. But I can come home if you're feeling tired?’

‘No, I’m fine. Now you’ve woken me up I might go and make something to eat.’

‘Well, shall I come home and watch Henry so you can eat in peace? Or I could pick you up some takeaway?’

‘I’m only going to have a sandwich. I can easily eat that, even if he wakes up.’ Dan paused. ‘Hang on, are you looking for an excuse to leave?’

‘No! No, of course not. I can't wait to get back on the dance floor. I'll leave you to it. See you later.’ 

When she got back to the table, there were two psychedelic shots waiting for her. ‘You're playing catch up – get those two down you!’ shouted Lucy.

Jenny took one look at the bile green and electric blue liquids in front of her and made a decision. ‘I'm so sorry. Dan just isn't coping and I could hear Henry screaming down the phone. I have to go.’

---

Outside, Jenny had to fight her way through a sea of fake tan and sparkles, tottering girls with their arms threaded together and men punching each other on the shoulder and laughing. At least the queue at the taxi rank was short; most people weren’t going home this side of midnight. Her feet ached, her head buzzed and she just wanted to be home. Home with Henry and Dan. Having a cuddle. And tea. She really wanted tea.

If her toes hadn’t been so sore, she would have kicked herself. Why had she said she would come out with Lucy? There was probably a smug text on its way to Eva right now, saying Jenny was a lightweight and had gone home early. That she couldn’t cut it any more.

Maybe Lucy was right.

Jenny was almost at the front of the taxi queue when she noticed a familiar, slim figure walking towards her, slightly unsteady on its feet. It took her a moment to recognise who it was because the figure was wearing a fitted black dress rather than her trademark floaty top and jeans. And because she was crying.

‘Naomi? Is that you? Are you okay?’ 

Naomi looked up, gave a grimacing smile and then started to cry harder. ‘No, I'm not okay. I've just had a huge row with John and left him in a bar down there. I tried to call Gail, but she turns her ringer off in the evening so that work can’t disturb her time with Jake.’ She started to rummage in her bag for a tissue. ‘It was supposed to be a romantic night. It was supposed to be just us. It was awful. Just awful.’ She started to sob again.

Jenny put an arm around her. ‘Come with me. I can drop you home and you can tell me all about it.’ They were at the front of the queue. Jenny gave the cab driver Naomi’s address and nudged her inside.

‘Why did we even bother going out tonight?’ Naomi sobbed. ‘We started rowing before we’d even left the house. His bloody interfering mother!’

‘What happened? Did she change Daisy’s clothes again?’ Jenny could just imagine how that might have gone down.

‘She’s babysitting for us tonight, which—’ Naomi held her hands up in front of her swaying body ‘—I am grateful for. She said we should have some time together as a couple. I was almost feeling guilty for the things I’ve said about her, and then she had to ruin it all by bringing about ten jars of baby food with her.’

‘Right.’ Jenny began to piece together why Naomi was so upset. ‘And that was bad because…’

‘Because we are not giving Daisy anything until she’s six months old. And even then I won’t be feeding her stupid pap from a jar. I don’t CARE that she thinks Daisy is hungry. I couldn’t give a CHUFF that she weaned John at four months. She needs to STOP STICKING HER BLOODY BIG FAT NOSE IN!’

Jenny had never seen Naomi this angry. ‘Could you not just take the jars and throw them away when she’s gone?’

‘NO!’ roared Naomi, loud enough for the cab driver to glance back at them in his rear-view mirror. ‘That’s what John says. Always trying to keep the peace. Never telling her to leave us alone to do it our way. If we don’t tell her to stop, where is it going to end? I just know she’s going to be one of those grandmothers who is always bringing sweets and junk food. Well, not for my baby, she isn’t.’

Jenny had fond memories of her own grandmother’s sweet tin, but she didn’t think she should mention that. ‘At least you got a romantic night out, though?’ Naomi’s reaction quickly told her that this redirection hadn’t had the desired effect.

‘Ha! Romantic night out? Just the two of us? That’s what I thought, too.’ She hiccupped loudly. ‘Except when we got there, the place was full of John’s bloody friends.’

‘Oh. Did he know they were going to be there?’

‘He says not, but I have my doubts. That silly bloody cow he went to bloody Peru with was there looking like a bloody catwalk model. John made a pretence of sitting somewhere on our own, but of course they wouldn’t let us. And then off they went, stories from their younger days. What fun they all used to have. What a shame they hardly saw John any more. Blah, blah, bloody blah.’ Jenny wondered if Naomi was breaking some record for the most bloodys in one breath. ‘And they treat me like I’m the woman who bloody ruined everything.’

Jenny had often expressed concern that Dan never bothered to stay in touch with his friends, but she could see the up-side to it now. ‘Maybe John didn’t realise—’

‘So I told him!’ Naomi cut her off. ‘I told him that I had nearly got an abortion when I found out I was pregnant and I asked him if he wished I had.’

Jenny was speechless. For the next few moments, she just focused on the raised eyebrows in the cab driver’s rear-view mirror.