Chapter Twelve
“’Tis a nasty wound. I can stitch it up, aye, but I cannot promise he will survive.” The words of the healer, Maggie, repeated in her ears for three days. Alastar had not awoken. The wound had not hit any major organs which was the only reason for his survival thus far, but he only just barely held on to life. His skin was sticky with sweat and pale from blood loss. His pulse was weak and his breathing was shallow. Maggie had come a few times per day to check on Alastar and change his dressings when needed, but other than that, Aislin had been left alone with her husband as people came and went to visit, drop off food, and offer support.
Word had spread quite quickly that she was with child, which only added to the feeling of complete helplessness and the sympathetic looks from visitors. Women came by with piles of swaddling blankets and wee gowns, but she could barely nod or smile her thanks. Nothing seemed real, certainly not her marriage anymore. Nay, in her mind, it was already over. She hoped dearly he would recover with all haste, then she would leave and move back to her mother’s house. With the support of her parents, Treasa, and Eoin, she would raise this child alone.
When they had arrived back to their home three days ago, Elwynna had been stitched up, given a bath and a hot meal, but by the next day when she was showing clear signs of improvement, Aislin sent her away. The lass had tried to kindly talk to her and, though Aislin could find no flaw in the lass’s manners, it only angered her more. She was this perfect woman with perfect hair and perfect skin and a perfect mouth full of perfectly white teeth, and when her eyes settled on Alastar’s prone body with shimmering unshed tears, that had been enough to make Aislin cast her out. There was no room in this home for two women who loved the same man. Elwynna could have him as soon as he was well and Aislin would walk away, never looking back, but right now, she had to do her cursed wifely duty and tend to her bastard of a husband. After all, if he perished, her child would have no father.
All her will to function had left her body. The babe sucked all her energy away and heartbreak took away all her strength. She could not bring herself to hunt, and she saw no reason to continue to learn to cook or sew if she was simply going to move back in with her mother. With all the food and garments the tuath had been dropping off for her, she had no reason to even move. So, she had not.
Aside from using what little strength she had left to drag her bed back across the room, so it was no longer pushed next to Alastar’s, she simply lay in bed with the curtains drawn, feeling her babe quicken now and then as she rubbed her belly. The sounds of the fire popping filled their small round house. She slept away much of the day, often waking only when someone knocked at the door. Everyone mistook her listlessness as fear for her husband’s life. While that was partially accurate, nobody knew the entire truth. She was heartbroken in a way nobody could understand.
A knock came at the door and she sighed. “Enter,” she hollered. She wanted to remain kind and grateful for the help of her people, but every hour another person came by and it really was tiresome. The dark curtains around her bed had been a blessing, enveloping her in her own private darkness while others quietly visited and left her to her grief. Until now.
The curtains flew open and she blinked as light infiltrated her space. “I will not allow you to do this, Lin.” Jeoffrey reached down and pulled her to a sitting position. “You do not fool me. Mayhap everyone else, but not me.” She growled and scowled. He only scoffed and scratched his head awkwardly.
“Elwynna fairs well. She is staying with Maggie and Àdhamh. ‘Twas easier for Maggie to tend her that way, and Elwynna now has a companion.”
Aislin jumped off her bed and curled her hands into tight fists. “I do not give a rat’s arse where that husband-stealing bitch is staying! She needs a companion? Why? Is she not leaving as soon as she is well?”
Jeoffrey shrank back and covered his face. Smart man. He did have a feisty wee wife. Mayhap Clarice had done well to teach him that a flinch of fear was healthy for a man now and then. “So, I was correct. ‘Tis Elwynna that has you so distraught.”
“You think?” she growled in response.
“Aislin,” he sighed and patted the bed. If he expected her to sit next to him and allow herself to be placated, he deserved a swift kick to the bollocks. Now everyone was on Elwynna’s side? Protecting her feelings?
“Och, so she can just show up with her sweet smile and perfect manners, everything that I am not, and simply become more beloved of my own people than I am? More beloved to even my own husband?”
“Lin, you are talking nonsense. I am not certain what happened that day or what you think you saw, but—”
“Get out of my house. Now,” she said in a low threatening voice, pointing toward the door. “You come to my house and defend that wee bitch and your cursed best mate… but you know nothing!” she roared.
“I know he is madly in love with you.”
That made her cackle like a madwoman. Had she lost her mind at some point? Mayhap so. Her face still hurt from the cut across her cheek, but it had begun to scab over nicely. Unfortunately it began to pull and crack open again when she spoke too frequently. “He loves Elwynna,” she said with a shake of her head.
“You are wrong, Lin.”
“I heard him tell her so, Jeoff. He said it straight to her face. She said she loved him and he said, ‘I love you too, Elwynna.’ I heard him.” She crossed her arms and sat down hard on the bed, causing Jeoff to bounce with the force.
“I cannot believe such a thing,” he responded softly. “You heard incorrectly.”
“I did not. And, I am certain she was about to kiss him just before Daniel stabbed him in the back. I did not imagine a thing, Jeoff. Alastar betrayed me and when he is healed, I am leaving him.”
Jeoffrey’s eyes grew wide as he absorbed all that she had told him. “But, your child will have—”
“He will have me and his father, just not together.” She shook her head and gripped her abdomen. “He does not even know he is to be a father.”
Jeoffrey nodded slowly. “I assumed as much. Had he known, I would have known. He will be very happy when he finds out, Lin.”
“I know,” she agreed.
“I do not know what to say about what you saw and heard.”
“Then say nothing, Jeoff. He does not deserve your defense of him.”
Jeoffrey looked as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. Standing up, he ran a hand nervously through his dark hair and looked over at his best mate lying still across the room in his bed. “He is my brother, Lin. I cannot lose him.”
“You won’t,” she said softly. She would lose him, had already lost him, but Jeoffrey would always have him.
“I may. I’ve seen men die of lesser wounds.” He walked slowly over to Alastar and sat down on a stool by the bed.
“He will not die, Jeoff. I won’t allow it,” she urged.
She saw him nod from across the room but did not dare move closer. She had not gotten close to Alastar once since his injury. It would hurt too much to stare down at the man who had fully awakened her to the joy of love and making love. She would remember all those nights he held her close, whispering sweet words in her ear, making her laugh with his clever wit, or melting her heart with his charming smile. He had fully infiltrated her every defense. She knew, even then, it was a mistake, but she had allowed it anyway. Nay, that was not true. There was no allowing of anything. She never stood a chance against him.
Apparently, Alastar knew how to make the lassies fall in love with him and once they did, the lassies could not undo the spell. Elwynna was evidence of that. She loved him just as desperately as Aislin did, but he had chosen Elwynna.
Mayhap it was her stubborn streak or her need to control her own life. Elwynna seemed soft-spoken and amenable, exactly what most men wanted. No doubt Alastar would find her willing spirit refreshing after dealing with Aislin’s fiery spirit all these moons. Nay, she could not look at him. Just like the deep wound on his chest, her love was a gaping wound and any wrong move would tear it wide open all over again. With a stifled sob, she turned around and walked slowly back to her bed, pulling the curtains back around herself to give Jeoffrey privacy with Alastar. As for Aislin, the only way to escape her pathetic existence was to sleep, and she welcomed every moment of it.
***
His eyes fluttered open and the pain gripping him from the inside out caused him to bellow loudly, disturbing the otherwise peaceful quiet surrounding him. Where was he? What had happened? The last thing he remembered, he was in the forest with Elwynna. She had been hurt and distraught. She had appeared in the middle of the battle like an apparition from his past and just when he had thought she was just that, she had been struck inadvertently by the blade of one of her own tribesmen. She screamed from the pain and had begun to fall before he rushed forward to catch her.
He needed to get her away from danger and seek answers. Why had she come? And why would her father, Mal Mac Rochride, allow her to come along to battle in the first place, let alone wander aimlessly? None of it had made sense and it still did not in the haze of his pain-addled mind. She had said she heard he was here, and that she wished to speak with him. Who would have told her such a thing?
He had been holding her in his arms, desperate to seek help for her wounds when he saw… Aislin. Shite. Aislin had seen him holding Elwynna in his arms. What else had she seen? Oh, gods nay… what had she heard? An unexpected searing pain had shot through his chest, causing him to drop Elwynna and go black. He remembered nothing after that.
Cracking an eye lid open, he tried to look around, but his temples throbbed and even the dim flicker from the low-burning hearth made his head scream with pain as his eyes adjusted to the light. How long had he had his eyes closed? He tried to sit up and bellowed again. By the gods! Was he on fire? What was causing that awful pain? It was the same pain he had felt before he blacked out in the forest, and it threatened to take him under again.
“Lin?” he groaned. Where was Aislin? He turned his head and only saw his bed. Hers had been removed from his side. Turning his head the other way, he confirmed that it was not on the other side of him, either. “Lin?”
He heard shuffling from the other side of the room and then his wife sat down on a stool next to him silently.
“Lin, is that you?”
She nodded. “Aye. You were injured, Alastar. Be careful. Here, drink this.”
She put a foul-smelling liquid to his lips and he batted it away. “I want nay poppy juice. I cannot stand the stuff.”
“’Twill not be as bad as your chest wound.” She tried to make him drink it again and he shook his head.
She gave up with a shrug and put the mug back down on the floor by his bed, then folded her hands in her lap. She gave up much too easily. That was not the Aislin he knew. His Aislin would holler at him until he gave in and drank the disgusting juice. His Aislin would kiss him and ask him how he was feeling. This Aislin showed only an adequate amount of concern for perhaps a stranger, but certainly not the concern of a wife. Mayhap his injury was not as bad as it felt.
“How long have I been in bed?” he asked and reached for her folded hands. She moved her hands away and his fell limply on her leg. She moved her hand away? Something was terribly wrong.
“For a sennight. You were stabbed through the chest with a sword by Daniel. I killed him, but not in time. We thought you would not make it.” There. There was a quiver in her voice. She tried to hide it, but he heard it. The question was why would his loving wife pretend to feel complacent toward him? She was not one prone to tears, but certainly the near death of her husband should provoke more emotion?
Then it hit him. She must have seen and heard all that had happened between him and Elwynna. She must think him the worst of men. It was a wonder she had not finished him off herself. He should be cursing Daniel for trying to cut him down but all he could do was curse himself for the bastard she must believe him to be.
“Lin, I love you.” She flinched at his words and batted his hand off her lap before standing swiftly, stepping away from his side.
“I… I will go fetch Maggie to let her know you are awake. She can check your bandages.”
She began to back away and he grabbed her wrist. “Lin. Can you show me nay concern?”
She frowned deeply and jerked her wrist from his grip. “I have been showing you concern for the past sennight, Alastar. Mayhap you would not have been struck in the back by Daniel if you had not been busy stabbing me in the back with that… that… lass.” Her words were soft. Too soft. She should be screaming at him and pummeling him., not whispering and walking away.
“How is Elwynna?” he asked, and knew in that moment what a terrible question it was to ask her, of all people. He should have waited to discreetly ask Maggie. Hurt flashed in her eyes and she looked away from him, holding her stomach as if she would be ill.
“She is well, or so I gather. Forgive me for not going out of my way to check on her these past seven days.”
The pain in his chest gripped at him again and he groaned. Curse Daniel Mac Simon and his depraved soul.
“Thank you for taking care of me, Lin.” She pursed her lips and squinted her eyes, clearly pondering if she should speak or not, then decided against whatever words she was going to say.
“I will get Maggie.” She spun on her heels and Alastar took in the sight of his wife. How he loved her. She must be angry about Elwynna’s sudden appearance and the affection she must have seen between the two of them, but if she had heard all he said to the lass, she would know he had told her he loved his wife. So, why was Aislin so angry? He would have to wear her down and get answers. She had clearly withdrawn from him and he knew Aislin well enough to know that he was in a load of trouble with her. But, he knew how to make her see reason, eventually. He would get her to open up again.
The fire crackled and popped in the center of the room. Now that his eyes were adjusted and Aislin had left, he took the time to scan what parts of his home he could see without having to move much. Wicker baskets surrounded the large stone slab used to prepare food. Their low table was surrounded by the usual cushions for sitting and a few wooden benches lined the lime-washed walls. All looked as it should, except… he squinted through the smoky haze. Across the room on the other side of the hearth, he saw Aislin’s bed with its four tall posts and drawn back curtains. She had moved her bed away from his? He had been injured, mayhap dying, and she actually moved further away from him?
His head spun, and his stomach clenched. What in the world had happened to his wife? What did she believe she saw that would make her pull away so completely from him? Then his eyes caught on something piled upon the wooden chest on the floor near her bed. It was a pile of wool blankets of varying colors, though muted by the dim light of the hearth. They were neatly folded and had some other garments draped across them. His eyes were failing him as he closed and reopened them in an effort to focus. It appeared to be a pile of wee garments. Wee sleeping garments, specifically.
Why? Where had they all come from and who had made them? And for what purpose? Alastar knew that Aislin’s cousins, Leannan and Alyson, were with child again, as was Treasa. Mayhap she had been busy during his recovery creating wee gowns for the babes. He scoffed at that. Aislin, though her skills had improved vastly over the last several moons, was not able to create so many fine garments in such a short amount of time.
His eyes drifted over to the loom that was much closer to him. He could clearly see the multicolored threads pulled across the wooden slats of the loom, and draped across the top was yet another, less intricate wee sleeping garment, clearly meant for a babe. That had clearly been made by his wife. He could tell by the crooked stitching. He smiled and thought about how much she had changed during their marriage.
She was still the same feisty woman he fell instantly and irrevocably in love with a year ago when he first arrived at Ériu, but she had grown so much since then. She had opened her heart to him and tried her best to advance her skills around their home. She must have made that gown for Treasa and Eoin’s unborn babe, he decided. She had a kind heart and he loved her will to create a gown, even when she knew it would not look perfect. But to him, it was perfect because she made it.
The door opened with a quiet groan and the fire flickered. He could see it was the middle of the night, for no light streamed in through the open door as Maggie tiptoed inside, Àdhamh trailing behind her, then Aislin.
“How do you feel, Alastar?” Maggie asked as she put a hand to his forehead to check for a fever. She nodded and smiled, clearly happy to feel his cool skin.
“I feel like someone gutted me,” he groaned. He tried to laugh but it hurt too much, so he stifled himself.
“Someone did gut you, mate. That Bastard Daniel, but he is dead at the hands of your wife,” Àdhamh nodded with a smile. “’Tis good to see you awake, man. The others will be most pleased. We have all been worried.”
Alastar looked behind Àdhamh and noticed his wife was no longer standing there. She had moved over to her bed and sat there quietly with her hands in her lap and her head down. Red waves of hair formed a curtain around her face, preventing him from reading her features. Not that he would be able to do so from this distance in the dim light.
He cleared his throat and looked back at Àdhamh. “Was that attack from Mal Mac Rochride?”
“Aye. ‘Twas. Elwynna claims her father had been planning an attack for some time. Daniel reappeared at his camp several moons ago—”
“After running off like a coward,” Alastar spat.
“Aye. He arrived and gave up all Tuathal’s secrets. Apparently, he also told Elwynna that you were here. She wanted to come and warn you, but did not make it in before the battle began. That’s how she became injured. She believes it was all part of Daniel’s plan. He knew she would seek you out and distract you. Daniel had said there was a secret way in. He was to make sure it was clear and then go back to Mal, but he came across you in the forest with Elwynna, and decided to seek his revenge first.”
“And he never made it back to the others,” Alastar growled.
“Nay. Once he did not arrive, they retreated. Without knowledge of another way in, their attack was destined to fail. They only raided from the front as a distraction. He ruined their plan with his need for revenge, and with his need to distract you with Elwynna’s presence.”
“Aye, well it worked. I was distracted. When I saw her running through the battle, when I saw the blade slice her side, it was all I could do to drag her away to safety far away from the battle.”
“Maggie has been tending her. She is healing well, but still must stay in bed for a while. She wishes to stay, Alastar.”
Those words stopped any response Alastar was ready to give. The lass wanted to stay at Ráth Mór? “She is Mal’s daughter, but she is innocent. I do know this. She has never been one to be deceitful. What does our king say to this?”
Àdhamh shrugged. “He says to ask you about her character. She claims to be sickened by her father and while he has never laid a hand on her, he does not prevent his men from doing so. Her father believes it is ‘good for morale’ to allow her to be used by his men.”
Alastar snarled at that thought. What sort of man allowed other men to use his daughter? Aye, she deserved better. Looking over at her bed, he saw that Aislin’s head was still down, but he knew she heard all being said. He would speak with her later. Sending Elwynna back to Mal was not an option, not when they had the ability to keep her safe. “Aye. I will vouch for her. She is a good lass and does not deserve such treatment. Nay woman does, but especially not one as kind and caring as Elwynna.”
Àdhamh nodded in agreement. “I believe the same. I have only known her a sennight, yet I can see she has a pure heart.”
“Aye, that she does.”
“I will let Tuathal know,” Àdhamh said.
“Let me change your dressing, Alastar,” Maggie said quietly as she stepped forward and pushed his wool blanket down to his hips. Looking down, he could see the large patch of blood on the linen bandage around his chest. Most of the blood was brown and dry but it appeared that fresh blood was still slowly oozing out.
Maggie gently unwrapped the bandage. “I have sewn up the wounds on both sides of you, Alastar. If you have not come down with a fever yet, I believe you are safe. But you must tell Aislin immediately if you feel feverish, dizzy, clammy, or have shivers. Do you understand?” He nodded and gritted his teeth as she removed the last of the soiled linen. The stitch marks were jagged and angry, yet no signs of infection were visible. She gently rolled him slightly to his side to check his back and then nodded with a smile. “You are healing nicely, but you must remain in bed, lying down. If you attempt to get up, you will tear open your wound. Allow Aislin to care for you.”
He nodded and looked over to Aislin’s bed to see if she was still listening. His heart dropped when he saw that her bed was empty. She had left. He knew hearing him speak about Elwynna must upset her, but he could not send the poor lass back to her father, and Alastar had hoped Aislin would understand such a thing. Had he not shown her that his love was strong enough? Mayhap hers was the love not strong enough, for she had just up and left him alone and had refused to even look at him or accept his touch. Despair and hopelessness consumed his mind. He just needed to be alone. Nay, he needed his wife, but until she came back and they could speak, he wished to be alone.
“My thanks for all your help, Maggie. I am feeling tired and would like to rest my eyes.” Maggie’s gaze landed on the empty bed and she frowned, understanding his sudden change of mood.
“I will be back on the morrow. Get some rest.” With that, Maggie and Àdhamh left his home, leaving him to wallow in his pain and confusion.
***
Aislin walked slowly back to her mother’s house. Listening to Alastar talk so sweetly of the woman he had openly professed his love to was too much for her already battered soul to bear. Did the man have no heart? How could he speak about Elwynna right in front of her? How could he so easily agree to allow her to stay? She scoffed and kicked at a loose rock on the trail. Of course, he wished her to stay. That way he could be with her. What did he believe was going to happen? If he thought for even a moment that she would allow Elwynna to move in as his concubine, he was a fool and an arse. He had to know she would never permit it. Perhaps he meant to end this marriage and continue his life with Elwynna, now that she was back. After all, they had never spoken their final marriage vow. A handfast was easily ended.
He had claimed to not love Elwynna when speaking to her about his past, but the truth was in his eyes when he held her in his arms and tucked her hair behind her ear. It was in his cursed words when those same sentiments he dared to speak to her had escaped his lips. He had told Elwynna he loved her. She heard it and there was no going back from that. He must remember none of it, or he must believe she had never seen or heard it. How long would he pretend it had never happened? Until she forced him to admit it? Nay, she would not force him to speak the truth to her. She already knew. He had jumped at the chance to keep Elwynna at Ráth Mór. That was that. Aislin would tend his needs until he was well and then move in with her mother again, where she would raise their child.
He still had no idea he was going to be a father. She had been so excited to tell him that night, but now, telling him felt akin to some form of torture. How would she tell Alastar he would be a father, and what would he say? Would he see the babe as an obstacle keeping him away from being with Elwynna? Or worse, would he decide to stay with her now simply to do the honorable thing? Well, his honor disappeared the moment he held Elwynna and confessed his love. And he could take his blasted false honor and shove it up his— “Ouch!”
Her body crashed down to the ground and she braced herself with her hands just before her face ended up in the hard dirt beneath her. Rolling onto her backside, she tucked her knees up and noticed she had scraped them both. Blood dripped from her knee caps. Next to her left boot was a rock that raised from the ground only a few inches, but apparently enough to cause her to trip and plummet to the ground. With a curse, she stood up and wiped the loose gravel off her hands and backside. What did she care? Her wounds could never hurt as much as those to her heart.
Her mother’s house came into view and the smell of her herb garden filled Aislin’s nose with the scents so familiar to her. Soothing mint, savory rosemary, and tangy garlic reached her nostrils, making her stomach lurch with hunger. So many people had brought them food and yet, she had not touched any of it earlier that day. Her babe needed nutrients.
She knocked twice and pushed the door open. “Mama?” It was late into the night and she suspected nobody would be awake, but she saw two figures sitting in front of the hearth and stepped closer. The sight before her made her heart ache in a way she had never ever known it could and her legs almost gave way completely.
Treasa was sitting on a cushion in front of the fire with one breast exposed while sweet wee Neassa suckled at her, gulping down her meal. Eoin sat behind Treasa with his legs and arms wrapped around her waist as he stared over her shoulder, watching with pure love and reverence while his wife nursed their child.
It was such a tender moment, one that she felt devastated to have interrupted. Devastated that she would never feel such love radiating off her husband while she nursed their babe someday, for his love also belonged to another. And even if he chose to stay with her for the child, her pride could never allow that. She would never ever have a moment such as this one and that sudden realization made a painful sob choke in her throat. Just before she could quietly turn and leave the house, Treasa looked up at her and smiled.
“Lin? What brings you here so late? Is Alastar all right?” she asked quietly so as not to disturb a very relaxed Neassa.
Eoin looked up at her with concern. “What is wrong, Lin?” He must have seen the tears suddenly running down her cheeks and she hurried to wipe them away. They looked so content and at ease. She could not burden them with all that was wrong. Swallowing hard, she shook her head and tried to look brave, but her face began to crumple again.
“Sit, Lin. Sit,” Treasa said patting the cushion next to her. Aislin did as Treasa asked, for mayhap the very first time in her life, then stared silently into the fire.
“Is Alastar all right?” Eoin asked again.
She nodded. “He awoke tonight. He will survive. Maggie was with him. I needed to leave.”
“Why?” Eoin asked incredulously. She supposed it did seem strange for her to leave her husband just as he awoke from a life-threatening wound. “You are bleeding,” he added as he suddenly saw her knees.
“Aye. I tripped.”
“Why did you leave Alastar, Lin?”
She swallowed hard again and took a deep breath. “Once he is recovered, I will be moving home.”
“What?” Treasa said a bit more loudly than she had meant to, and she began rocking Neassa back to sleep. “What happened? You were both so happy. And the babe…”
“He does not yet know about the babe, Treasa. I was going to tell him that night before his injury. Now, it all seems rather worthless.”
Eoin scrunched his nose up and frowned. “How can it be worthless? What nonsense is this? He needs to know he is to be a father.”
Aislin rolled her eyes and scowled at him. “I am not a fool, Eoin. I know he must know. I only mean that it will not matter what he wants because I am moving home.”
Treasa and Eoin looked at each other silently.
“He is in love with another woman, Eoin.”
“Nay!” Her brother stood up from his cushion and balled his fists. “Who? I have not seen him show an interest in any other lass in this tuath.”
“Because she is not from this tuath,” Aislin added with a quirked brow. “She was his love when they were younger, back when he was a warrior for Elim.”
“Elwynna?” Treasa gasped, putting it all together. Aislin flinched at the sound of that woman’s name and nodded.
“You must be mistaken, Lin. Tis not possible. He loves you,” Eoin insisted, though his jaw was clenched tightly.
“Is it not possible to love two women?” Aislin asked. “I believe that to be the case, Eoin, and I am not willing to share.”
“How could you think such a thing, Lin? I do not believe it.” Treasa shook her head and slowly stuck a curved finger between her breast and Neassa’s mouth. The babe had fallen asleep at the breast and a trail of milk dribbled from her lips. The babe’s mouth detached with a pop and Treasa sighed as she was finally freed of her feeding duties.
Aislin sighed and told them the story of Alastar’s past. She did not mean to betray his confidence about his deceased family, but there was no way of sharing with them the role Elwynna had played in his life without that knowledge. She had been an important part of his life, of his healing process. She had loved him and expected marriage, which frightened him off. Mayhap now he was older and ready for that commitment, and he preferred to start a life with her.
“He said he never loved her, Eoin. During the battle, I was almost struck in the face with an arrow after I saved you. It scared me more than I can say. I almost died, and along with me, my child. I felt so selfish for being there, wondering how poor Alastar would feel if I perished while carrying his child. I decided to leave the battle, so I wandered into the forest. That’s when I heard them. She was wounded and crying in pain. He was holding her against him…” her voice trailed off. Reliving it hurt too much. The images coming back to her were too raw.
“The way he held her, tucked her hair behind her ear, gripping her to him with despair. She had her hands on his cheeks.” She shook her head and pursed her lips. “He lowered her to the floor of the forest and hovered over her. That’s when I heard them speak. She told him she loved him… and he said it back.”
“Nay!” Eoin growled. “You heard wrong.”
“I did not. He said, ‘I love you too, Elwynna.’ ‘Twas clear as day to me, Eoin. He said it. I heard it. Then he told her it was good to see her face. I cannot stop seeing it. Hearing it. He stood up and carried her so tenderly in his arms. That’s when Daniel came up behind him in a cloak. He struck faster than I could. Alastar saw me then, just before he blacked out. He said my name, so I know he saw me. Mayhap he does not remember seeing me, but I saw him.”
Balling her fists, all the memories made rage boil in her blood and she wanted to roar but did not for wee Neassa, and Treasa’s breast’s, sake. “I cannot even look at him. This past sennight has been a cursed nightmare. Everyone knows about my babe and has been bringing us food and garments. I did not look at him once while he slept. I could not. It hurt too much. Then, when he awoke, he had the nerve to say he loved me… to say those same words that he just said to another woman. He makes me sick. So sick!” she wailed and covered her face with her hands. “I hate him.”
“I will kill him,” Eoin growled lowly. “He is dead.”
“Nay. Just leave it be, Eoin. He was always meant to be with her and now he can be. I never wanted a husband anyway. You know that. Besides, when Àdhamh came to visit tonight, he told Alastar that Elwynna wished to stay here at Ráth Mór.”
Treasa scoffed. “Och. Of course, she does. She wishes to have your husband for her own. Do not allow her that power, Lin.”
“I will not fight for a husband who would not choose me. I have more pride than that. Alastar told Àdhamh he would vouch for her character to Tuathal, so she can stay. He called her innocent and all manner of sweet things right in front of me! Apparently, her father allowed his warriors to misuse her. I understand why she wishes to stay and would never chase her back to such a life, but Alastar was very quick to keep her here. So, as I said. When he is recovered, I am leaving him and moving home.”
Wiping away her tears, Eoin bent over and kissed her forehead, then sat on a cushion next to her. She placed her head in his lap and he stroked her hair while she silently cried.
“I did this,” he murmured.
“What?” she sniffled.
“I made you marry him. I forced this match when I saw him with his hands all over you that day. This is all my fault.”
“Nay, Eoin. I wanted the handfast. It kept the other lads away, and it kept Mama and Papa off me about marriage. I told Alastar from the first day that I never planned to stay with him, but eventually, he wore me down. I fell in love with him. And, now I carry his child. I cannot regret that. I will leave him, but I will have my child.”
“This is just not right,” her brother said soothingly. “I should have known he was not right for you the moment he made that wager.”
Aislin froze, her heart stopping in her chest as she propped herself up on an elbow to look at her brother. “Wager? What wager?”
Shame contorted Eoin’s face as he looked down at her. “Och, Lin. Men say and do all manner of foolish things when surrounded by their companions. I thought he was simply being his usually playful self. He already wanted you, that much was certain. I did not see how the wager could bring you any harm—”
“Eoin!” she whispered her warning through clenched teeth, desperate for answers yet afraid to wake up Neassa. “Tell me what wager you speak of. Now,” she added with deadly calm.
With a sigh and a swipe through his ruffled blond hair, he shrugged. “He wagered Àdhamh that he could get you to marry him within one moon’s time. His payment was to be Àdhamh’s fine dagger. If he lost, Àdhamh was to choose Alastar’s next bedmate. I warned him immediately not to make wagers about my sister, but I truly believed his intentions were honorable. He meant to wed you regardless of the wager. The dagger was just a bonus,” he shrugged again awkwardly.
“Do you mean this dagger?” Pulling the dagger from the leather straps of the boot around her calf, she held it up for Eoin to inspect, its sharp blade and intricately engraved handle gleaming in the fire light. Silently, Eoin nodded and frowned.
“That bastard. It was all for a wager! I was all a wager. He just wanted this blasted dagger and me in his bed! And worse, he did not care who Àdhamh chose for him to bed next!” Her stomach churned with disgust. She should have known that a man who would lick a woman’s breasts in public would bed any lassie tossed his way. She had simply been a game. She was the chase.
“Then why would he give you the dagger, if he wanted it so badly?” Eoin asked. “’Twas you he wanted.”
She snorted and put the dagger back into her boot. “Aye, he had the dagger, but not me. Och. I am a fool.” Her heart plummeted, and her stomach roiled. She had been a complete imbecile to fall for his tricks. She would not bed him, so he gifted her a hound, a dagger, and some blasted targets. It had worked. A few gifts and sweet words, and she spread her legs for him like a whore. Apparently, he was willing to lose the dagger if it meant he could have his way with her.
“I do not understand what you mean, Lin. How did he not have you if you were already his when he gave you that dagger?”
“Eoin… do you really wish to hear the answer to that? Nay… I assure you. You do not.” Picking up her head, she rubbed her stinging eyes and sighed as she got back up on her feet. Her knees ached from her fall, but she stretched her legs and hid her pain. “I must go.” Eoin stood up and gave her a strong hug. He did not speak, but he did not need to. She knew he and Treasa would be here for her.
Silently she left their home and walked back, allowing the cool summer breeze to wrap around her soothingly. Nothing could take away the ache in her chest, but at least she could enjoy the outdoors as she always had before. The moon was high and full, casting a blue hue all around the world. It was long past midnight and the sun would be up soon.
Opening their door silently, she breathed easy when she saw him lying still in bed with his eyes closed. She had no will to speak to him just now, or ever again, after all she had learned. How dare he wager with his companions that he could wed her. He made a fool of her and worst of all, she allowed it. She never meant anything to him. Alastar was exactly who she had thought he was before, a man with a ready smile who was willing to do aught to get what he wanted.
“Where did you go, Lin?” His eyes did not open, but he was clearly awake.
“Home,” she mumbled and poked the fire with an iron rod, bending over to add a log to feed the flames.
“This is your home,” he replied calmly.
She wanted to tell him it would not be her home for much longer, but doing so would start a long conversation she was not ready to have. She just wanted sleep.
“My mother’s home,” she corrected to appease him as she grabbed the hem of her loose wool dress and slipped it over her head.
“Something is wrong.”
“Nay.” She did not wish to speak, and she wished he would stop.
“Will you come sit by me?”
She huffed loudly. She wanted to tell him that she never wanted to even look at him again, but again, to do so would require a longer conversation. Slipping her night dress over her head, she walked over to him slowly and sat down on the stool by his side. “I am very tired, Alastar. I need sleep. What do you want? Would you like your dagger back? After all, you did earn it by winning the wager.”
His eyes grew wide and he clenched his jaw. Again, he reached for her hand and again she pulled away. “I want the woman I love to speak to me, to show any sign of care for me.”
That did it. Her blood was boiling with pent up rage and hurt. “Which one?” she forced through clenched teeth.
“Excuse me?” His brow furrowed in confusion.
“You want the woman you love? Which woman? I hear there is more than one.”
She saw his throat bob as he swallowed, and his hand pulled away from her. In that moment, she knew it was true. He knew she had heard him say those words to Elwynna in the forest. “Anything else, husband?”
“Lin, I do not know what you believe you saw or heard that day, but I can explain—”
“Explain?” she roared as she stood quickly from her stool, causing it to topple over. “I heard you tell another woman you loved her while you held her in your arms. There is nothing for you to explain, Alastar!” She stepped away and began to pace, debating on whether to hold in her rage for another day, or let it all out now that it was so ready to spill over.
Her emotions made the decision for her. “And now I learn that I was nothing more than a wager to you! My happiness in exchange for a dagger. And then, as some sick mind game, you gifted me the very dagger you earned by dishonoring me! And what if you had lost? You had nay care for who you would have had to bed? I hate you Alastar Mac Murray! You can have Elwynna and your dagger for all I care!” Bending over, she yanked the blade from her boots and forcefully drove it into one of his bed’s posts.
“I trusted you with my heart and you crushed it. I should have listened to Daniel when he warned me about you! He was a bastard but not nearly as much as you are!”
He flinched, and she continued her tirade. “You lied to me! You told me you never told her you loved her! And yet, you did! Right before my eyes! I am such a fool for ever believing a man such as yourself could actually love one woman! I will not share you and I will not make you decide! Once you have healed, I am leaving! You can have her for all I care, you selfish arse!”
“Lin… listen to me.”
She put up a hand to stifle him. “Answer one question. Aye or nay. And do not lie to me. Did you tell Elwynna that you love her?”
“There was more to that conver—”
“Aye… or nay?”
“Aye.”
She stumbled backward, tripping on the very stool she had just knocked over. It was as if he struck her across the face. Of course, he had said it. She heard the words come from his filthy lips. And yet, he so easily admitted it. Nothing in her life could have hurt more.
“We are done.”
“Lin…”
“Done!” she roared as she walked back over to her bed and yanked the curtains around herself for privacy. She did not want him to see the pain he was causing her. How could he say there was more to that conversation? She knew there were pieces she missed due to the sounds of battle in the distance, wind, and his lowered voice, but she heard words that could not be explained away or unsaid. Rolling over, she tucked her knees up to her chin as much as she could without crushing her belly. She hated him. Loathed him. Silent tears streamed down her face and shook her body. Even if he had said those words to Elwynna out of pity or sympathy for her injury, there was no excuse for them. This was how he left a trail of broken hearts, by being careless with his words and making selfish wagers. Her eyes burned, and she squeezed them shut, waiting for sleep to carry her away, though it would not come. She hated her husband.