Ethan

“So,” Owen said as he concentrated on the road. “You doing okay?”

Ethan looked at his brother, surprised he was asking. Owen liked to discuss his feelings even less than Ethan did. Their inability to deal with the fall out of their mother’s death and father’s abandonment had created a divide between them, making it hard for Ethan to know how to answer Owen’s question.

If he said he was fine, that would be the end of the discussion. But Ethan didn’t want it to end. He craved a way to connect with his brother the way they used to. But he feared if he said too much it would push Owen away.

Ethan decided to tread lightly. “I’ve actually felt a little better than I expected to feel today.”

Owen gave him a tight smile. “Good. Me too.”

“Good,” Ethan replied, kicking himself for being so bad at this.

He found himself wishing Chloe were sitting next to him. It was surprisingly easy to open up when she was around. Ethan was about to say that he was glad Owen dragged him up here for the holidays when Owen spoke again.

“I want to ask you something, E.”

Ethan tried to read the tension in his brother’s expression. “Okay.”

“I want to ask Margot to move in with me next semester.”

Ethan blinked waiting for more. “That’s not a question.”

Owen exhaled his frustration. “I guess I’m asking if you’d be okay with that?”

“Are you asking if she can live with us or are you asking me to move out?”

Owen took his eyes off the road. “I’d never ask you to move out, E. You’re my brother.”

Those words slammed into Ethan’s heart, splintering the thick layer of scar tissue that sealed it off from the world.

‘You’re my brother.’

‘I’d never ask you to move out.’

Owen’s words circled around Ethan’s heart until his chest felt so tight he couldn’t breathe.

Sensing Ethan’s stress, Owen eased the massive plow truck into a snow-covered parking lot and put it in park. “Ethan,” he said. “Look at me.”

He couldn’t. If he did he’d lose it. His conversations with Chloe the past few days had left his emotions too close to the surface and now his brother was pulling at the the last remaining thread holding him together.

“Ethan, I know I’m no good at this,” Owen continued. “I know I’m no substitute for Mom or even Dad, but I really do try.” He rubbed his hand over his mouth as he blew out an exasperated breath. “I’m trying to tell you that I care, E. I’m here for you. I know I haven’t done the best job of it in the past. I guess I just wasn’t any good at dealing with my emotions myself, so I didn’t know how to help you with yours, but Margot has changed all of that. She just makes everything easier.” He sighed. “I don’t even know how, but she does. She makes me want to be a better person. And I need to start being a better brother.”

Ethan met Owen’s eyes and for the first time, he felt he truly knew what his older brother meant. Because Ethan felt it, too—with Chloe. She was like a piece of him that he’d never known he was missing. And it was crazy that they’d only just met because he had such a strong attachment to her. He just wanted to hold her close and never let go. So of course Ethan understood Owen wanting to do the same with Margot.

Owen sighed heavily. “Look, I know Margot isn’t your favorite person in the world, but I was hoping after this weekend you might see that living with her could be fun.”

Ethan laughed. “That’s one word for it.” His affection for Chloe did make Margot more tolerable but Ethan didn’t think he’d ever say living with Margot would be his idea of fun.

Owen’s mouth twisted into a smile. “I know she’s a little chipper for your taste.”

“Chipper? She makes a chipmunk look like a lazy, lump of depression.”

Owen laughed, shaking his head. “I swear, if we could find a way to bottle her energy we’d be millionaires.”

“We are millionaires,” Ethan teased.

Owen’s eyes turned serious again. “I thought you didn’t want to touch any of Mom’s money?”

“I don’t.”

Owen was quiet for a minute. “She left it to us, E. Adopted or not, we were her kids. That’s all that should matter.”

Ethan nodded, his stomach knotting at the mention of their trust fund. Their grandmother had fought hard to make sure that their father didn’t get his hands on it, but even after winning that court battle, Ethan had wanted nothing to do with his mother’s fortune. He didn’t feel it was rightfully his. Maybe their father was right. Maybe they didn’t deserve it more than he did. They weren’t really her children by blood. A piece of paper from the state didn’t change that.

The only reason Ethan hadn’t just given it all away to his mother’s charity was because the trust was in Owen’s name as well. And Owen stubbornly said he wouldn’t take the money if Ethan didn’t.

Currently, they only lived off the interest, using it to pay tuition, room and board. Was this why Owen was bringing it up? Did he want to use the money to get them a bigger apartment so Margot could move in?

“If you want to live with Margot, I want you to,” Ethan finally said.

Owen studied him quietly. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“And what about you?”

“What about me?” Ethan asked.

“I want you to live with us, if you’re okay with that. If not, I won’t ask Margot to move in.” Owen smirked a little. “I don’t even know if she’ll say yes. She seems pretty happy at the sorority house.”

Ethan laughed. “She’ll say yes.”

“You think?”

“Of course. She’s disgustingly in love with you.”

Owen got a dopey grin on his face. “God, I hope so.”

“You love her, huh?”

Owen nodded. “Like I never imagined. I’d propose tomorrow if we weren’t so young.”

Ethan smiled. He liked seeing his brother this happy. Owen always looked happy, but usually Ethan was watching that happiness from the outside, looking in. Now, he felt like Owen was allowing him to be a part of his joy. Or maybe Ethan was the one finally allowing himself to be a part of it. “I’m glad she makes you happy. I think you should ask her to move in. But I think we’ll need a bigger place.”

Owen nodded. “Done.” His grin was so wide it made Ethan smile.

Owen squeezed his shoulder. “Thank you, brother.”

“You’re welcome, brother.”

“We’re gonna be okay, ya know?”

Ethan nodded and for the first time, he started to believe it was true.