Liam felt her body stiffen against him as his gut churned. What would Raine say? He could pretend it didn’t matter, that it was all history now and best left there if he—they—intended to move forward. But Hammer wasn’t going to rest until he got answers.
“Tell you what,” Liam suggested. “Let’s settle you in your bed where it’s warm and comfortable, then finish the conversation there.”
“No.” Hammer shook his head. “Liam, I’ve waited. A few days ago, I thought I’d never see her again. This is the time for honesty. Let her answer first.”
Then Hammer turned back to Raine, pinning her with a stare that demanded the unvarnished truth.
“I…” She sighed, bringing her hands up to cling to Hammer’s wrists as he held her face. “Oh, what does it matter now, Macen? I wasn’t pregnant, just late.”
“You know damn well it matters. I need your honesty. I need an answer,” he demanded, even as she tried to break his hold and hide. “Don’t hide from me. It’s another form of running away.”
Liam gritted his teeth, but Raine couldn’t be allowed to retreat—even if he didn’t want to hear the truth. “Answer him, Raine.”
Wrapped around her side, he felt her trembling, heard her hitch in a sobbing breath. Liam opened his mouth to calm her and defuse the tension.
“What do you want to hear, Macen? That I was devastated not to be pregnant? That I wanted to be the mother of your child? That something inside me had entertained the impractical hope that maybe I would carry the life you’d created inside me and have a part of you always?” Slow tears slid down her cheeks.
Hammer gripped her tighter. They locked stares. His eyes looked as glassy, as haunted, as hers.
“Goddamn it, I want the truth,” Macen insisted.
“Fine,” she wailed, her back straightening. “Of course I was disappointed. I love you. I’ve wanted you for so long that I don’t remember what it feels like not to want you.”
Each word hacked at Liam’s heart like a knife, slicing him to pieces. Fuck. You wanted honesty. You got it. Enjoy that bitter pill.
Raine swiped at her tears and bowed her head, dropping her voice to a whisper Liam had to lean in to hear. “But I wasn’t pregnant, so it’s all moot now. It would have been an impossible situation, anyway. Not carrying your child in my womb meant I could have a life with Liam, and…” She drew in a shaking breath. “And in the end, I was happier about that. Oh god, I’m sorry, Macen.”
Her face crumbled as she reached blindly for Hammer. He gathered her close and held her, rocking her gently.
“It wasn’t planned, I know. But I wanted that child with you so damn bad.” Hammer confirmed Liam’s greatest fear. “Christ, I kept picturing a daughter as beautiful as her mother.”
Raine laughed through her tears, clinging to Macen’s shoulders. “And I’d hoped for a boy, just like his father.”
The earth’s axis shifted beneath Liam. She’d wanted Hammer’s baby. But she’d wanted him more? Raine’s sorrow, along with the heartfelt confessions she and Hammer shared, told Liam that she wasn’t at peace. But damn it, he wasn’t, either.
There was no sense in trying to convince himself that his world hadn’t just blown up in his face, that his dreams of sharing a life with this woman, just the two of them, lay dying around him. A vise gripped his heart. He couldn’t bloody breathe as he swallowed the urge to roar out that any life growing in Raine’s womb would be his—and his alone.
But instead of erupting with the injustice of it all, he had to put on an act worthy of a goddamn Oscar and watch sobs shake Raine. He had to see Macen cradle her as they shared grief. And he couldn’t say a damn thing or he’d risk destroying her.
As they clung to one another, Liam felt fucking invisible. And that broke his heart more than anything.
He reached beneath Raine, lifting her gently so he could move back and stand apart.
She whirled on the table, bracing herself on the padded surface, and turned devastated eyes to him. “Don’t. Please… This is the biggest reason I never wanted to talk about how late my period was or whether I was pregnant. No matter what I said, someone would be hurt. You’ve done so much for me, sacrificed your feelings so I could break through my barriers. Whatever you believe, I do love you. And I knew the minute I opened my mouth, I could do more damage to you than we might ever recover from.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m just giving you some room, is all.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, hoping she wouldn’t notice his shaking fingers. He couldn’t even look at Hammer. “Of course you were disappointed. Why wouldn’t you be? I know you want children someday.”
“But, I—”
“You don’t have to explain.” Liam forced himself to keep his voice even and calm. “Hammer is going to carry you to bed, love. Rest up for a bit. It’s been a big morning, and you were so brave. I’m proud of you, Raine.”
How bittersweet was it that she’d finally given him exactly the answer he’d sought two long weeks ago. And just as she’d feared, it had annihilated him.
“Stay with me,” she begged.
“I’ll be here. Go on with Hammer. He needs time with you. I think you need it, too. If you’re up for it, we’ll take a walk outside after lunch, maybe throw a snowball or two. But for now, get some rest. You’ve earned it.”
Raine gave him a sad, watery nod, then turned back to Hammer. The other man scooped her up in his arms and waited while Liam opened the door to the playroom. He followed them to her bedroom. Inside, Liam inched back the covers and watched in helpless fury as Hammer lay beside her and drew her into his arms again.
Liam bent to kiss her before leaving, but her tears and Hammer’s tender endearments began again. This time they were too much for his crumbling composure. Silently, he retreated and went in search of solitude to ease his torment.
#
As the day wore on, Liam fought the acid brewing in his gut. With a controlled smile firmly in place, he’d managed to scrape through lunch. Even Raine and Hammer had been subdued, so sitting back and letting Beck and Seth try to lighten the mood had been easy. Hammer hadn’t fucked Raine, so he could be grateful for that one small mercy. If Macen had, Liam would have heard it as he paced in his room next to hers.
After lunch, he’d survived the hike with Hammer and Raine in the newly fallen snow, giving them stilted smiles and monosyllables. Liam had hoped breathing in the frosty air would cool his simmering anger or that taking in winter’s beauty might ice his pain. But Hammer’s presence only added fuel to the slow burn inside him. He’d held her hand, knowing that his “pal” held the other. It added some nasty kindling to his blaze.
Dinner had been a complete misery. Raine looked positively stunning in something tiny, white, and lacy. Liam hadn’t chosen it, so he could only presume Hammer had. Of course, he’d absolutely loved being cut off at the balls about Raine’s attire. He snorted. Macen hadn’t noticed his mood or cared. To Raine’s credit, she’d sat in his lap through part of the meal and tried to soothe him with kisses. He’d accepted her affection, taking her sweet mouth time and again, and trying to smother his ire.
Since tucking Raine into bed an hour ago, the temperature of Liam’s fury had risen. Now seated on the great room’s sofa, begrudgingly engaged in another debriefing session, he struggled to keep the conflagration under control. But the fuse burned shorter and hotter with every minute he had to endure Hammer’s presence.
Tossing back a second shot of Scotch, he sighed, focusing on Beck and Seth. He appreciated all they’d done to help Raine. They’d devoted their time and understanding, with a collective goal to aid the girl in finding some peace. He and Hammer were supposed to be her ultimate choice of Dominants. At the moment, Liam felt more like a bloody fool.
When his glance settled on Hammer, who detailed Raine’s achievements for the day, Liam felt the anger that had been roasting all day—hell, for the last month—blaze into an inferno and spread like a flash fire through him. Undeniably proud that she’d exceeded their fiercest expectations once again, he should have been high-fiving Macen. But the fear that Raine would never be just his again wrapped a fist around his balls and squeezed tight. If he wanted to have her in his life, in his arms, or in his bed again, would he have to share her with Hammer? That worry axed him like a vicious blade, cutting him where he sat.
He clenched his fists as Hammer divulged Raine’s confession to the final question of the day—the powder keg his old pal had set ablaze, finally igniting Liam’s fury.
“That had to be damn hard to hear, man,” Seth sympathized. Concern lined his face.
All eyes turned expectantly toward Liam. The best he could do was nod and try not to spear Hammer with an accusing glare.
“Go ahead. You’ve been itching to say something about it all day. So get it off your chest and out in the open,” Hammer barked before emptying his glass of tequila in one gulp.
“What the fuck is there to say, Macen?”
“You tell me. You’re the one sitting by the fire, pouting like a bitch.”
Hammer’s condescending remark, coupled with the patronizing brow, set Liam’s temper razing through the room. All the grievances he’d been swallowing since he’d first taken Raine for his own sat like bile in his throat, waiting to spew.
“You’re the bitch here, Hammer. But I’ve got to hand it to you. You almost succeeded,” he spat before raising his glass in a mock salute. “Aces to you.”
“Succeeded at what?” Hammer growled as he turned in his seat. Face-to-face, Liam could see confusion and anger narrowing Macen’s eyes.
“At totally fucking up Raine’s life,” Liam jeered. “It wasn’t enough that you stunted her emotional growth for years by locking her away in your ivory tower. You had to top it off by trying to impregnate her, you selfish prick.”
“What?” Hammer roared as he launched to his feet. “That’s not what happened and you damn well know it.”
“Okay. Everybody take a deep breath,” Seth instructed as he situated himself between them, trying in vain to keep them apart.
Slamming his glass on the table, Liam surged out of his chair. Eager to go toe-to-toe with the man he used to call his best friend, he set his shoulders and clenched his fists. “Are you enjoying making Raine your substitute for Juliet?”
“What the—” Hammer screeched. “You need to get your goddamn jealousy under control, Liam, and think about what you’re saying. If Raine had been pregnant with your child, she would have wanted it, too. You’re too smart to be this stupid, asshole.”
“Time out,” Seth bellowed, slashing an angry scowl first at Liam, then at Hammer.
“Jealousy? Look in a bloody mirror. The minute I showed the least bit of interest in Raine, you suddenly turned on me like a rabid dog.”
“Christ, here we go. You’re not really going to start whining about that again, are you?” Hammer snarled. “Damn it, I know what she said up there cut you deep. But you’re out of line, man. Way the fuck out of line. Deal with the shit Gwyneth put you through before you destroy yourself and any chance of happiness.”
“Don’t start psychoanalyzing me, you bastard, especially when you’ve done such a bloody fine job on yourself. You don’t know a damn thing about what I went through with Gwyneth. You were too busy banging subs a dime a dozen, so shut the fuck up.”
Hammer scowled. “I know you can’t stand that the fucking bitch cheated on you, but you’re not the first guy to find out his wife was unfaithful. Stop being a damn martyr because you’re about to screw up the best thing that’s ever happened in your life.”
“What? A fake friendship with a man who’s kept me in the dark about everyone and everything that ever mattered? Thanks, but no thanks, Hammer. You’ve shown me your true colors and they’re uglier than fuck.”
“I’m not talking about me, asswipe. I meant Raine. She loves you.”
“Oh, so you’re suddenly concerned about salvaging my relationship with Raine? This from the man who bragged just days ago that he’d get her back in bed. Isn’t that just your way?”
“And what’s your way, Liam? Ripping the collar from her throat and shoving her out the fucking door? You’re goddamn lucky we found her because I would have killed you if she’d left me for good.”
“Left you, is it? She’s mine!” Liam growled.
“Not now, dumbass.” Hammer smirked.
“That’s enough, you two,” Seth barked.
“Shut the fuck up,” Liam snarled at Seth before glancing over the man’s shoulder to pin his anger on Hammer once again. “You know, I tried hard to forgive you from keeping secrets from me. I even managed to feel sorry for you. After Thanksgiving, I’d hoped you’d gotten over your shit so we could finally put our differences to rest. But no. You buried the only worthwhile pieces of yourself with Juliet.”
“Stop!” Beck roared, sidling next to Seth. “Sit the fuck down, you two.”
“Butt out.” Hammer scowled at the other two Doms before he turned back to Liam. “You leave Juliet out of this.”
“How can I? You can’t let it go. Instead of dealing with your guilt, you’ve hurt me. You’ve hurt Raine. And you don’t give a bloody fuck.”
Liam couldn’t miss the flash of pain in Hammer’s eyes. Good! The bastard needed to feel how much it hurt to have his heart ripped from his damn chest—exactly the way Liam had.
“This is about your sorry ass. Don’t pin this on me. I thought you’d be a man about helping Raine grow. But obviously you’d rather shit in your diaper than pull your head out of your ass.” Hammer leveled him a glare of contempt.
“Take off your rose-colored glasses, Macen. Did you honestly think the three of us were going to set up house and live happily ever after just because you had a boner to do it ten years ago? Hate to burst your bubble, mate. But when we leave here, Raine will be mine again,” he blustered, knowing he had no way to make that hope a reality.
“Over my dead body,” Hammer fumed.
“For fuck’s sake. Shut. Up,” Beck howled as he glanced toward the stairs.
Liam turned.
There stood Raine. Dressed in jeans and a dark sweater, she clutched her suitcase as tears streamed down her face.
“Fuck,” Hammer groaned in regret.
Swiping a careless hand across her cheeks, Raine burned them both with a stare steeped in pain. She took Liam’s knees out from under him. His heart clutched, and a wave of dread tingled through his limbs.
As he and Hammer both started toward her, Raine pinned them with a scathing glare, shaking her head and halting them in their tracks. Liam longed to scoop her into his arms, hold her tight, and tell her he was sorry for breaking his vow.
As she descended the stairs, she gave off a near-palpable blast of arctic air that rattled his bones. He could almost feel her reconstructing her walls, building them tight and impenetrable. His guts seized. All the progress they’d made was now destroyed because he and Hammer hadn’t kept a lid on their shit.
“I agreed to do this with you both under one condition,” she spit out through clenched teeth. “Just one!”
The agony in her voice slammed Liam with guilt.
Hammer tried to take another step closer. “Raine, listen. We—”
“Shut up!” she snapped as she seared him with a fierce scowl. “Don’t you dare come near me.”
For once, Hammer was stunned silent.
“I let you both bring me here so I could try and fix myself, to finally have a fucking happy life. And I’d almost been convinced that my dreams would come true. But Liam just admitted that you two can’t share me. How naïve I was to think you could.” Raine’s voice cracked on a gut-wrenching sob. “Even knowing that it didn’t work with Juliet, I fooled myself into believing it would be different with me—that we were different. I bought into the fantasy.” She looked at Beck. “Didn’t you tell me to grow up earlier? You couldn’t have been more right.”
Liam shook his head. No. No. “It can work, love, if—”
“Don’t you talk to me, either,” Raine choked. “I appreciate all the ways you both helped me. But I thought that today’s task about honesty would run both ways. I see now it was a stunt. While I was ripping my heart open, you two were beating your chests over which of you got to slide into my panties again. Whatever. I thought you two were everything I ever wanted. But I finally understand that you’re both so fucking broken, I’m not sure you’ll ever be what I need.”
“Bullshit!” Hammer growled.
Raine’s words utterly demolished Liam. Her truth about the baby earlier today hadn’t cut his soul as wide open as her words now. Even walking in on Gwyneth’s adulterous ménage hadn’t charred him this completely. He had to make this up to Raine. But first, he had to force her to hear his apology and pray she accepted it.
“Wait a minute, Raine,” Seth interjected as he moved alongside Liam.
She shook her head. “There’s no point. I can do a lot of things, Seth. But I can’t continue to love two men who don’t love me enough to keep one promise.”
“That’s not fair, precious,” Hammer implored, his voice broken.
Liam turned to stare at the man. Macen looked pasty and shaken. He’d never seen Hammer so afraid.
“Don’t start, Macen.” She wagged a finger at him. “You don’t know the first thing about fair.”
“Raine…” Liam started, not sure what to say—what he could say—to make her listen.
She shook her head, looking right through him and Hammer as if they weren’t there, and held back a sob as she turned to Beck.
“Forgive me, love. I’m sorry for everything.” The inevitable loss threatened to crush Liam.
“Get me off this fucking mountain,” she choked. “Now.”
“No!” Hammer barked, leveling a frantic gaze at the tattooed Dom.
“Raine,” Beck soothed as he wedged between Hammer and Liam before closing in next to her. “Let’s talk about this for a minute.”
“I’m done.” He’d never seen more resolution on her face.
“You promised you wouldn’t run away again,” Hammer reminded her.
“You’re going to talk to me about broken promises?” she challenged. “Your turn to choke on disappointment. Can we go, Beck?”
Glancing over his shoulder, the tattooed Dom grimaced in apology to both Liam and Hammer before wrapping an arm around her waist. “Come on, princess.”
Helpless and wrought with contrition, Liam watched as Beck led her toward the door. Hammer took a step forward, then stopped.
“Fuck.” Macen scrubbed a hand down his face. “This can’t be happening. Precious…”
Liam strode toward her. “Stop, love. Let’s talk—”
She opened the door and didn’t turn back.
“Wait!” Hammer screamed at the top of his lungs. “Don’t leave. I love you!”
She froze, dead in her tracks.
The entire room stood still.
Slowly, Raine turned, focused solely on Macen as her chin trembled. A mournful sob escaped her lips. Beck seemed to support her dissolving frame.
Liam gaped at Hammer in stunned silence. And what he saw made his eyes burn. Macen’s face was etched in pain while he watched helplessly as the woman they both loved stood ready to walk out the door. She’d wrenched Hammer’s heart open. A trail of tears wet his harsh cheeks.
Raine’s face twisted as her brows drew together. “Goddamn you, Macen. You wait until I’m ready to leave to tell me? Or are you just saying anything to make me stay?” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I wish this had turned out differently.”
Raine stormed out, slamming the door with a thunderous boom.
“I’ll do what I can for you, dumb fucks, but I’m not making any promises.” Beck sighed in disgust before he opened the door and followed Raine out into the night.
#
Hammer closed his eyes and palmed the tears from his cheeks. The second Raine walked out, she’d shredded his heart. For years, he’d wanted to declare his love. He’d never imagined that she’d believe his admission had been a disingenuous ploy and reject him. He might not have been the best at showing her how he felt, but he knew what love meant because of her. For Raine, he’d always cared and been concerned in a way he hadn’t for anyone else.
But you haven’t always put her needs first.
“Fuuccckkk!” Liam roared. “She’s gone again. Bloody hell!”
“Calm down, you two. Let’s talk,” Seth ordered with a scowl.
“I think we’ve said more than enough, don’t you?” Liam mocked.
“What’s talking going to solve?” Hammer sounded at the end of his rope. “In case you missed it, she left us.”
Seth just shook his head. “So you’re going to stand there like whipped puppies and take it? Beck will reason with her, but if you want her back, we need to iron this out.”
Liam scoffed. “I don’t see how.”
“You two are friends, remember?” Seth arched a brow. “Friends fight, like you just did. Now it’s time to move on.”
Hammer narrowed his eyes. “Are you fucking blind?”
“No, but you two are. Raine needs time to cool down. Then Beck will bring her back, and you clowns need to be ready when she gets here. You have an hour, maybe two, to lick your wounds and practice groveling. With your egos, neither one of you have a minute to waste.”
“I doubt that’s enough time to patch everything up,” Liam muttered. “I’m not sure a decade would be.”
Hammer saw the accusation in Liam’s eyes, and it pissed him off all over again. “Probably not. If you’d just get over your jealousy—”
“You’re blaming me for Raine leaving? I was fine until you started baiting me. If you’d kept your bloody mouth shut, we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess.”
“Oh, you’ve got some big fucking balls. In case you didn’t notice, we both had to hear some goddamn hard truths today. Imagine my surprise to discover that you were sucking face with Raine when I told you to keep your hands off her. But then we both know the real reason you hooked up with her in the first place, don’t we?” Hammer could feel his blood pressure rising.
“Because you weren’t giving her what she needed,” Liam tossed back.
“Because you wanted to yank my chain.” Hammer shoved a finger in his face.
“For the record, I was trying to help someone I cared about, you bloody wanker.”
“Yeah, so you could see if I’d get jealous. And if not, well, why not just get in her pants? After that, do you think I enjoyed hearing her tell you that she loved you? That was a Hallmark moment I could have lived without.”
Liam rolled his eyes. “Oh, I’ve had a bloody party listening to her tell you she loves you for the last month! All that time, I’ve had to hear your insufferable whining about how I stole her from you.”
“Shit. I finally get the courage to tell her I love her, do I get sweet kisses and cuddles? No, she thinks I’m fucking lying.”
“What the fuck did you expect? You wait until she’s running out the goddamn door. Face it, Macen. You’re an idiot. Why didn’t you tell her in the bedroom this morning when you had her alone? That’s when she needed to hear it. And she might have let you fuck her, too.”
“You’re right. I was an idiot. Silly me for trying to honor our pact. So much for our strong, coordinated effort. Remember, she wasn’t supposed to be yours or mine? Or did you have a secret agenda in mind all along?”
“You’ve lost the plot, mate.” Liam shook his head in disgust.
“Jesus, you two.” Seth sighed as he opened the door. “Let’s get this out of the way before we go any further. You have five minutes outside to beat the fuck out of each other. Get it out of your system. When you come back, your heads up north better be ready to take charge.”
“With pleasure.” Liam stomped toward the door, shucking his jacket, tie, and shirt before tossing them onto the chair. “Are you coming, old man? Or are you afraid?”
With a glare Liam’s way, Hammer stood and tore off everything he wore above the waist, unceremoniously dumping them onto the same chair, then he barreled toward the door. He stopped as he passed by Seth. “You’re buying me a new pair of Louis Vuitton loafers, asshole.”
The other man just laughed as he slipped on his coat.
Stepping off the porch, Hammer sunk to his shins in the thick snow. He suddenly realized he should have told Seth that he’d need to replace his Armani trousers, too.
Liam hopped in the snow, his breath making clouds in the frigid air, fists pumping like a boxer’s. Hammer wanted to laugh, but the rancor glowing in O’Neill’s eyes told him this wouldn’t be a polite spar.
Before Hammer could get his footing in the slick, fine powder, Liam bounced in close and caught Macen’s jaw with a right hook. His head snapped back. A low growl tore from his throat.
“It’s on, asswipe,” Hammer bellowed.
Crouching low, he slammed a shoulder into Liam’s midsection. A grunt exploded from Liam’s throat, filling Hammer with satisfaction and sending the two men tumbling to the frigid snow.
Liam hissed as the frozen precipitation hit his bare back. Hammer snarled and straddled O’Neill’s chest, then hauled back a fist.
From the stoop, Seth stood wrapped in a woolen coat, rocking back on his heels and shaking his head.
Hammer ignored him and watched as Liam struggled to sit up. He launched his fist straight at Liam’s nose, making contact with a satisfying crunch. Blood sprayed in a perfect arc, landing on the Irishman’s chest and chin.
“You ready to give up yet?” Hammer baited.
“Concede to you, you fucking bastard?” the other man scoffed. “In your dreams.”
They panted heavily, and Liam struggled to push Macen off, then gave up with a curse. Instead, the man wiped at his nose, then reared back and punched him in the stomach. The air left Hammer’s lungs in a rush, and he felt faintly nauseous—and not for anything would he admit it.
“What are you doing, O’Neill? Trying to tickle me?” Hammer taunted before connecting another shot to Liam’s cheek.
“Get the hell off me. Christ, I can’t breathe with your weight on my gut,” Liam grunted as he twisted his body and heaved upright, unseating Hammer and tossing him onto his back. Rising to his knees, Liam hovered over him and plowed his fist into Macen’s nose. Pain exploded in his skull.
Hammer managed to grit his teeth and hold it together, even as blood ran into his mouth. “Stop hitting me with your purse.”
“You fight like a fucking girl. Planning to scratch me next?” Liam goaded before driving his fist into Hammer’s gut.
Macen groaned but managed to give Liam a mighty shove and send him tumbling.
Sprawled out in the snow side by side, the two men panted as they stared up into the twinkling night sky. The freezing temperature cooled his temper. Hammer realized he didn’t want to kill Liam, simply vent the years of pent-up fury once and for all. His nose hurt. His stomach felt sore. He spit out a mouthful of blood. His only consolation was that he didn’t think Liam had fared any better.
“Had enough of me kicking your ass, gramps?” Liam quipped.
“Fuck off,” Hammer turned to scowl at his friend.
Blood still seeped from his nose, but Liam grinned at him like a loon. In that moment, he prayed his friend only wanted to blow off steam, too. They’d taken their argument—hell, themselves—far too seriously.
This was what they should have done after Juliet’s suicide. Yell. Fight. Get fucking drunk. And cry. Macen had done all that alone and resented Liam for it. He knew now that his old friend would have happily joined him, if he’d only asked.
“I can go again. Just give me a minute. I need to catch my breath,” Hammer groaned.
A hint of smugness resounded in Liam’s low laughter until he palmed his jaw and cursed.
“Time’s up, ladies. Let’s go back inside. We can sit by the fire, hold hands, and sing Kumbaya,” Seth called from the front porch.
“Fucker,” Hammer muttered.
“I think we should beat his ass next,” Liam murmured conspiratorially.
Both men cracked a knowing grin. As if they’d read one another’s minds, they raised their right arms and flipped Seth off, laughing. It felt good.
Liam stumbled to his feet and held out his hand to Hammer. “Come on, you old fart. Let me help you up.”
“Who are you calling old? If our mommy over there on the porch—” Hammer thumbed in Seth’s direction “—had given us five more minutes, I’d have kicked your ass.”
Liam dropped his hand. “Yeah? Who’s on their feet first?” He grinned. “Or should I just let you drag your own half-dead carcass up alone.”
“Hey, I didn’t say I was turning down your help.” As Liam held out his hand again, Hammer laughed and latched on, rising to his feet.
Seth waited for them on the porch with a sour expression. “You two look like you fell face first into a meat grinder. When Raine comes back, she won’t like looking at either of you.”
“We’ll turn off the lights. She doesn’t need to see us, anyway. Just feel.” Hammer smirked.
“Or Beck and I could just take her off your hands,” Seth teased.
“You wanna die?” Hammer asked.
Liam suggested something anatomically impossible as they marched inside, grabbed their dry clothes, then hurried to the fireplace.
The heat felt good on Hammer’s stinging skin. Using his shirt to wipe away the blood that dripped from his nose, he eyed Liam. Would they be able to salvage their friendship and love Raine together? He wasn’t sure, but Raine blurting out her fantasy—her hope—had sharpened his. He wanted her. But he wanted her with Liam, with the best friend who’d tried to stand by him through thick and thin. Hammer might not always agree with Liam’s choices, but he knew the man never had less than good intentions. It was a place to start.
Seth joined them a minute later, tossing towels at both of them before he refilled their glasses with liquor.
“First things first, we need to discuss whether you can continue guiding Raine together or if you need to call it quits.”
“I’m not giving up,” Hammer growled.
Liam didn’t answer.
Seth swiveled a gaze in O’Neill’s direction. “You?”
Pain tore across Liam’s face. “I’m giving serious thought to chucking the whole fucking nightmare. It’s like a train wreck that keeps rolling over the same broken rails. Every damn time I think we’re getting on track, something causes it to derail again. I’m bloody tired of it.”
The desolation in Liam’s voice felt like a kick in the gut. Hammer wiped more blood from his nose on his shirt, silently staring as the drops expanded on the silk in a starburst of crimson. “Look, if it’s about the conversation today...”
“It’s not just her pregnancy scare.” Liam glanced up. His expression was unreadable, which worried Hammer even more. “That was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I honestly didn’t think you cared whether she’d be pregnant or not. I know now, what with Juliet and all, that it’s a touchy subject for you. But you never wanted children in all the years I’ve known you. So I’d decided to adopt the kid and raise it as my own, if it came to that. I had a whole fucking fairy tale all laid out in my head. What a joke!”
Liam sank wearily into the chair next to Macen and mopped the blood from his face with his towel. Hammer hurt just seeing his pain.
“Think of me what you fucking like, but I want you to take her and be happy,” Liam murmured, defeated. “I’ll go back to New York. I won’t stand in your way.”
“You can’t do that! You’ll crush her,” Hammer insisted. “Remember? She loves you. There’s no way you can tell me that you haven’t seen how much she’s grown because of what we’ve done these past two days.”
“I’ve seen it,” Liam admitted. “But—”
“But nothing.” Hammer shook his head. “Raine needs us both. She loves us both. I think what’s got you so fucked up inside is the reality that nothing you or I can do will change that. Am I right?”
Liam sighed. “I had it in my head—in my heart—that she was going to be mine.”
“We both did, but there’s something you need to think about. If you walk away, I’m left with a woman who can only give me half her heart. The other half belongs to you. I couldn’t spend my life knowing I’d never be able to make her whole.”
“I’m not trying to leave you with half a woman, Macen. But I don’t see—”
“Then open your eyes. Raine is the one we’ve always needed,” Hammer insisted. “We not only have the chance to fix her, but us. You know it as well as I do. Goddamn it, surely you can feel it somewhere in there, just like I can.” Liam still didn’t say anything, and Hammer wanted to shake him. “Could you imagine never touching her again? Ever?”
Liam’s face twisted up as he tried to hold back. “No. I love her too much to leave her half empty.”
“Then don’t.”
After a long silence, Liam drew in a deep breath. “It could be worse, I suppose. I’ll have to be grateful that she didn’t fall in love with a complete asshole like Beck.”
Hammer couldn’t help but grin as he sighed in relief. Even Liam cracked a wry smile.
“I want you to know that earlier today, I didn’t just pull that question out of my ass. It had been rolling around in my head for days. I had to know if she would have been happy if she’d been pregnant.” Hammer scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Didn’t you want to know?”
“I was too afraid I wouldn’t like the answer,” Liam confessed.
“What if you’d gotten her pregnant? Would you have asked then?”
Liam reared back. “Of course. I’d want to know if she would be all right…” He sighed, giving Hammer a little grin. “You sly bastard.”
“You see, I had to know, not for an ego stroke. For her. And she gave us the honesty we asked for. She’s blown me away with how far she’s come.” Hammer couldn’t conceal his pride.
“That she has. But today came with a price I hadn’t expected.”
“We couldn’t shy away from hearing the truth, no matter how it stung. We just weren’t fully prepared for the fallout,” Hammer mused. “I seriously thought about taking Raine aside and asking her feelings about being pregnant. But in my head, you and I were in this together. No matter what she felt, it affected us both.”
“I understand why you wanted me there. Honestly, I do” Liam nodded. “But it caught me off guard and stabbed deep.”
“Not my intent, man. Hell, the two weeks I was counting the days of her cycle, I didn’t know if I was scared or happy with the possibility of being a father. It wasn’t until Thanksgiving, when fate decided for me, that I realized I wanted a family. And if anyone was going to be the mother of my children, I wanted it to be Raine.”
Liam gaped at him as if he were an alien. “Bloody hell, I never thought I’d hear the words family and father out of your mouth.”
Hammer shrugged and grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, well…the first time I have to change a dirty diaper, I’ll probably be singing a completely different tune. But hopefully you’ll be there to help me out.” Hammer held Liam’s gaze.
He wanted his friend back on board. Even if the train had a bad track record, Macen knew he’d never be able to make the journey with Raine half as meaningful without Liam.
“I vote we leave the dirty nappies to the wee one’s mum.” Liam grinned.
“Fuck yeah,” Hammer breathed out, then stood. “She needs us, man. Together. Through thick and thin. And I have a sneaking suspicion that we’re going to need each other even more. The girl’s a fucking handful.” Hammer sobered quickly. “I just hope we can get her back.”
They sat in silence for a long minute as Hammer wondered if he’d ever be able to prove to Raine that his words of love were sincere. He’d simply have to wait until Beck cooled her down and brought her back to find out. For now, one bridge was on the mend, and it relieved the hell out of him.
Macen stood and wrapped Liam in a brotherly hug, grateful to have another chance at a new beginning with his old friend. Liam slapped him on the back in return.
“We’ll just have to convince Raine that we’re her best options.” Liam chuckled.
“And grovel,” Seth piped up. “You two will be kissing ass till the next millennium.”
Hammer laughed. “God, I hope you’re right.”
Seth applauded like the sarcastic ass he was, then bowed. Straightening, he dusted off his palms. “My work here is done. Now let’s have another drink.”