The tantalizing aromas of Thanksgiving dinner made Hammer’s mouth water as he entered the dungeon, now transformed into a makeshift dining area, complete with buffet tables, draped in turkey-themed cloths. He cast a nod to the club members seated at the long table as several submissives carried in platters of food, adding them to the already bountiful spread.
Raine set a heaping bowl of mashed potatoes down and headed back to the kitchen. Hammer’s focus naturally slid to her ass as she scurried away. Had she taken his advice yesterday morning and opened up to Liam?
The Irish prick sidled up to him. “Stop staring at Raine or I might change my bloody mind about you living another day.”
Hammer turned to scowl at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Raine started her period this morning.”
Liam’s declaration slapped Hammer. He froze, rolled the words around in his head. Finally, the meaning of those words dawned on him. They seized his guts, sucked his veins dry, stabbed his heart. His faint but stupid hope of sharing a life with her died.
Goddamn it, he’d wanted Raine to be pregnant.
Without a word, he stormed away from Liam toward the privacy of the liquor storage room. Slamming the door behind him, Hammer took refuge in the small, shadowy space. He leaned against the steel-framed racks of booze, dragged in a jagged breath, and closed his eyes.
What if Raine had been pregnant? Would he have hauled her to a Justice of the Peace for an unfulfilling five-minute ceremony? Then what? Watch her pine for Liam? Worry that she’d come to regard their marriage as a mistake? Hammer roughed a hand down his face. Would he have shoved his inner beast deep into the recesses of his soul and ignored the clawing hunger to make her his slave until it drove him insane?
“Fuck.”
Maybe. But that didn’t stop his slew of regrets. Visions of a precious little girl with raven hair and big blue eyes, just like her mommy’s, raced through his brain. She’d be inquisitive, headstrong, and need his protection. He could almost hear her sweet giggles as he slung her on his back for pony rides or see her yawn as he tucked her into her frilly pink bed and kissed her little button nose good-night.
Or would they have had a boy? Hammer blinked against the sting burning his eyes as he pictured a little imp with Raine’s eyes and a mischievous smile. He and his son would have played ball in a lush green yard and rolled around in autumn leaves. The boy would have sneaked frogs and worms into the house to scare his beautiful mother with a grin.
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Hammer heard the little voices calling in his head.
None of that would happen now.
Grief sat on his chest like an elephant.
Hammer pounded his fist against the wall. Until this moment, he hadn’t let himself acknowledge how much he yearned to be a father, a role model, a defender. And how much he wanted all that with Raine.
With a few words, Liam had managed to dash all those hopes.
Hammer believed things happened for a reason. And he knew what that was: Raine deserved better than him. He’d had years to claim her, but he hadn’t tackled his fears and seized the opportunity. Now he could only man up and stop dreaming about what would never be.
With a curse, he jerked three bottles of wine off their rack, turned on his heel, and braced himself to see relief in Raine’s eyes.
As he entered the dungeon again, she carried the turkey, all sliced and steaming, to the table. Her black dress showed a hint of cleavage and bared thighs he remembered locking around him as they rocked together in pursuit of pleasure. God, would he ever look at her and not crave the chance to make her his own?
Hammer looked Raine’s way. Her red-rimmed eyes stood out in her pale face. She’d been crying. Not in the last ten minutes or her nose would be red, too. But recently. Their stares locked for a moment. Her chin trembled. Those blue eyes looked so tormented with...what?
Before he could decide, she jerked away with a frown and set the turkey on the table. Then she pasted on an overly bright smile. “Come on, everyone. Time to eat.”
As everyone took their seats, Hammer pulled out Raine’s usual chair, directly to his right, for her. With her sitting close, they might be able to talk discreetly. Instead, Liam led her to the opposite end of the table and helped her into a chair, widening the divide between them more.
Hammer’s stomach took a nosedive. A volatile mix of anger and pain skewered him.
He should be thankful for a thriving business, food aplenty, as well as the good friends he had and the good times they shared. Right now, he could only focus on what he didn’t have: Raine, the chance to have a family with her, or even any of her goddamn warmth in his life.
To his left, his friend and Shadows’ resident sadist, Beck, nudged him. “Everyone is staring at you, man. Stop looking at Raine like she’s dessert, make a quick speech, and let everyone dig in.”
Quickly, Hammer raised his glass, thanking his extended family for coming to share this day with him because he treasured each and every one of them, blah, blah, blah. He was running on autopilot, probably reciting the same speech, more or less, that he had for the past eight years. In the back of his head, he kept wondering why he hadn’t changed his ways and snapped Raine up when he’d had the chance. If he would have put the past behind him, he could have had a new life with her. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
As the guests all raised their glasses to him, he watched Liam cup Raine’s cheek. She sent his old pal a shaky smile, then downed most of her wine in two swallows. Hammer didn’t like how pale she looked. And he would kill to know what she was thinking.
“Dude, you really have to stop staring at Raine,” Beck warned in a low voice. “Liam is going to take your head off if he catches you. What the hell is your problem?”
“Raine’s not pregnant,” Hammer hissed.
“You should be happy, then.”
“Do I look happy?” He flashed a seething look Beck’s way, then stared down the length of the table at her again.
Had she been crying in relief that she’d started her period? Or disappointment that his child wouldn’t grow there? Hammer wasn’t sure when—or if—he’d ever find out.
Without looking away, Hammer filled his fork with food and slid the contents in his mouth. He had no doubt everything was delicious as always, but he couldn’t taste a thing.
One of the newer Dommes, Mistress Hillary, complimented Raine’s cooking. The girl smiled stiffly and murmured her thanks. When the exchange was over, Raine’s brows drew together. She rubbed at a spot between her eyes. Hammer studied her pained expression. Damn it, of course she was hurting. He knew the symptoms. He’d seen them dozens of times. And from the blithe look on Liam’s face, he didn’t have a clue. Raine obviously wasn’t letting her Dom in on her problem.
Clenching his jaw, he tossed his napkin on the table and stormed over to her, leaning down to whisper in her ear. “Let me get your medicine. You need to take it and lie down.”
Raine shook her head in refusal. “Later.”
Stubborn little brat.
Gritting his teeth, Hammer marched down the hall. Her stare raked his back. Once in his quarters, he rummaged through his bathroom cabinet and picked through his toiletries until he found Raine’s medication.
Frustrated with her and wishing like hell that she was his to punish, he stalked back to the feast and slammed the bottle of pain killers on the table in front of her.
Liam raised his head, scowling as he picked up the bottle and read the label. “What the hell are these pills for?”
Hammer ignored Liam and stared down at Raine with a raised brow. “Do you want to tell him or shall I, precious?”
Anger flashed in Liam’s eyes as he studied Raine. “Tell me what?”
She lowered her guilty gaze. “Hammer, I planned to take one and explain everything to Liam after dinner,” she said in a low whisper. “Please sit down. I’ll handle it. Everyone is staring.”
They were, and Hammer didn’t give a shit. He resisted the urge to shake her. Did Liam have any idea how badly she deserved to be taken over a knee and thoroughly spanked? He stomped back to his chair, then eased down and glared at her. She raised her chin and still didn’t take a fucking pill. In fact, she whispered furiously to Liam and ignored the bottle, pushing food around on her plate. More color seeped from her face as the pain obviously grew worse.
Why was the stubborn minx refusing to help herself?
Jaw tight, Liam set the bottle aside and pinned Raine with an expression that promised confrontation after dinner. Hammer approved. If she wasn’t going to take care of herself, and he couldn’t, someone had to.
After the awkward meal, Raine served dessert and coffee. She was moving slowly, but thankfully the other subs helped. After a blessedly brief chat, most everyone agreed to follow Beck to his place for beer and football. The rest of the members headed home, leaving him alone with Liam and Raine.
The second the door shut behind the last of the dinner guests, Liam turned on her, grinding his jaw and gritting his teeth. “Are you in pain?”
“It’s not that bad,” Raine tried to assure him. “I’ll—”
“Are you in pain, yes or no?” All hint of nice had disappeared.
She dropped her gaze. “Yes.”
“Then take the damn pill.”
“I will.” She sent him an imploring stare. “Liam, don’t be angry. It’s just a headache. I’ll be fine.”
“Just a headache?” Hammer scoffed. “Yeah, and I’m Godzilla.”
He stared at her in disbelief. He hadn’t seen her this shut down in years. Before this week, she’d been making strides with Liam. Little ones, but…progress. What the hell was going on inside her head now?
“Yes, that’s all.” Then she turned a pleading stare on Liam. “As soon as I do the dishes, I promise to be a good girl, pop a pill, and go to bed.”
“No,” Liam snarled. “You’ll take the fucking pill now, sub. I’m waiting.”
Hammer had never heard Liam speak to her so harshly. But she needed it.
Raine looked like she wanted to argue, but a jolt of pain hit her again. She winced, then silently opened the bottle and swallowed down a pill.
“Good.” Liam nodded. “Now I’ll clean up the mess. You go to bed. We’ll talk about this later. And Raine, there will be consequences.”
What little color had been in her face drained away.
As raw as it chaffed Hammer to see her under another’s care, the time had come to share a bit of insight with his ex-friend. Someone needed to clue Liam in, and if she was too bottled up or independent to do it, he would. After all, Raine’s welfare wasn’t a point of contention. Which one of them got to fuck her was. But the girl’s health was by far more important than this pissing match.
“It’s not ‘just a headache,’” he told Liam. “She’s suffering from a migraine. I’ve taken her to several specialists over the years. Each said these episodes are hormone related. Every month, she gets a migraine early in her cycle. When they start, you’ll need to make her stop what she’s doing and give her a pill, then put her to bed. The medication she should have taken when I brought the bottle will knock her out. She needs that and about ten hours of sleep in a dark, quiet room to recover.”
Raine sighed wearily. “Macen, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain.” She turned to Liam, her gaze pleading. “Can we talk about this privately?”
That expression tore at Hammer because he remembered when she used to look at him for forgiveness and approval.
“No. I’ll talk in front of him, Raine. He knows more about you than I suspect you’ll ever allow me, so there’s not much point in doing this in private, is there?”
“Just…hear me out. I was feeling all right until right before I served the food, so I thought I could make it through dinner and finish playing hostess before the pain hit. But it got bad really quickly. I didn’t want to announce my problem to everyone or hold up the meal.” She sent Hammer a quick glare. “So don’t make it sound like I intentionally withheld information from Liam.” She reached for the other man. “I’m sorry if it seemed like I was keeping you in the dark. I wasn’t, I swear.”
Liam raised a skeptical brow. “That’s a lovely speech, but I’m not convinced you would have explained if Hammer hadn’t forced your hand. I doubt you’ll ever let me know the real you.”
His voice iced over with a cold rage Hammer had never heard.
Raine gaped at him, the fear and heartbreak naked on her face. “That’s not true.”
Liam sighed. “I wake up each day wondering when I’ll step into the next pile of shit because you’ve either forgotten, decided I didn’t need to know, or simply hadn’t bothered to forewarn me. How do you expect me to care for you, love—and I do love you—if you won’t share?”
Hammer’s knees nearly went out from under him. For the last month, he’d been imagining that Liam would knock on his door someday, Raine in tow, and wash his hands of the girl because of her stubborn, wary ways. But hearing Liam talk so openly about the love he felt for her, and knowing that Raine thought she needed him…Hammer feared that day wouldn’t be coming anytime soon.
“You say you care about me and want my dominance,” Liam went on. “Yet you don’t trust me enough to communicate something as basic as your health. That’s sub 101, and you know it. I’m deeply disappointed, Raine.” Liam turned away as her eyes spilled over with tears. “Hammer, thank you for informing me about my sub’s problems. I’ll take it from here and ask you to mind your own fucking business from now on.”
Hammer bristled. Liam wanted him to mind his own business? Never going to happen where Raine was concerned, especially now that he knew she had walled herself off nearly to the point of suffocation. He had to get more involved, not less.
Suddenly, Raine blinked rapidly, swallowing hard, swaying on her feet. Hammer inhaled a sharp breath. Fuck, he knew the signs…
Surveying the disheveled dinner table, he lunged to retrieve an empty bowl that had previously held green beans. As he raced back to her, Raine slapped one hand on her stomach, then doubled over with a cry and fell to her knees.
“Liam,” Hammer shouted, trying to shove the bowl under her face. “She’s going to be sick.”
Raine pushed the bowl away, squinting against the light streaming through the open windows. Pain wracked her face. “I’ll be fine.”
“Bullshit,” Hammer growled, then addressed Liam. “She waited too long. It’s about to get bad.”
Worry stamped Liam’s face as he lifted Raine into his arms and strode from the room with her. After Hammer snagged her pills off the table, he pushed past Liam and jogged backward to keep the bowl under Raine’s face, just in case.
“Take her to the bathroom,” he called out as Liam kicked open the door to their room.
Raine winced and turned her face from him. “Get that bowl away. I smell green beans.”
Hammer didn’t budge.
Once inside the bathroom, Liam eased Raine to her feet. She shoved the man out, then slammed the door, locking it between them.
Hammer gaped, itching to shake Liam and demand that he knock Raine’s door—and her fucking walls—completely down. Another part of him felt sorry for the poor bastard. Liam had done everything right as a Dom to reach her. Now, he just looked stunned. No, flattened. The man didn’t know how to help Raine. And fucking aliens would invade before the proud girl ever asked for what she needed.
As anger soared, Hammer pounded at the portal. “Open the goddamn door, Raine!”
#
Seth was right; this was just like a fucking soap opera. Nothing that had happened during these last few hellish days made a lick of sense. The only good thing had been Raine starting to bleed. But his relief hadn’t lasted long before her silent tears had cut him to the quick.
Liam shut his eyes. The bloody Thanksgiving feast had been a special hell all its own. He’d been unable to be thankful for a fucking thing. Just when he’d assumed the rage festering inside him couldn’t get any worse, Hammer had proven again that he knew Raine intimately, in every sense of the word. It was a blow far more effective than any punch Hammer could have thrown. Liam was all too aware that, though he learned something new about her every day, it was never enough.
Did Raine need him at all? Would she ever?
Furious and wrung dry, he stared at the bathroom door. Never had the temptation to walk away from someone equaled his determination to stay and see it through to the bitter end.
The time had come to force this intolerable situation to a head. His conversation with Seth circled through his brain again. And Hammer pounding on the bathroom door, demanding Raine let him in so he could care for her… Liam shook his head. Hammer didn’t want him here, either. It was the final bloody straw.
“Go away,” Raine protested weakly from behind the door.
“In your dreams. Open the door,” Hammer yelled.
She didn’t budge.
“Open the fucking door, Raine, or I’m busting it down!” Hammer pounded on the wooden slab again.
Liam shoved Hammer aside. “I’ll take care of her. She’s my responsibility. Bugger off.”
Hammer flipped him an incredulous stare. “Do you know how to take care of her when she’s sick like this? Do you know what she needs?”
“Stop screaming.” Her frail voice cracked with pain. “You’re making it hurt worse.”
Then Raine’s retching came, a terrible choking hurl. The sounds of her suffering breached the door. Once, twice, she emptied her stomach. Liam closed his eyes. He felt so bloody helpless.
Hammer growled, then shoved his left shoulder into the portal.
The wood creaked, but held tight—until Liam pushed him aside and kicked at the handle with all his might. The lock gave way and the door opened, flooding the dark room with light.
Raine knelt on the floor totally naked, one hand braced on the porcelain commode. The other held back her raven mane. Her dress was a puddle on the floor. As Liam rushed in, she turned and winced, squeezing her eyes shut.
“Love?”
She turned to sag limply against the nearby wall, her knees curling to her chest. Even in the dim light, she squinted, looking spent and pale and defeated. “The light. Hurts.”
The sight of her cut him to the bone. He ran to the blinds and yanked on the cord, muting the afternoon beams filtering through the window. But he had no fucking idea what to do next.
Hammer skidded to his knees at her side, stroking her hair. “Precious, are you feeling better?”
She nodded weakly. “Bed.”
“Of course.” Hammer’s tone sounded almost like he spoke to a beloved child.
Ignoring her nakedness, he flushed the toilet, grabbed a glass of water and a cold cloth, then set them on the basin before he helped her to her feet.
Liam stared. How could he protest? Raine needed care, and he didn’t know how to give it to her. All he could do was watch and absorb the never-ending nightmare.
Hammer wiped her face gently and instructed her to rinse her mouth. She did it slowly, her eyes half closed. Carefully, Hammer gathered Raine’s long hair in a gentle grip, searched around for a band, then secured it inexpertly away from her face.
Why hadn’t he bloody thought of that?
Then Raine’s strength seemed to give out. As she melted against him, Hammer scooped her up and took his woman to the bed they shared. Liam raged at the sheer injustice of the moment. Though Hammer was helping her, it chafed.
It would be easy to turn and walk through the door, leave the two of them to sort everything out and catch that red-eye to New York Seth had suggested. Had that been just yesterday? But the Dominant inside Liam roared, as did his heart. Mine!
“That’s enough, Hammer. She can thank you for your care and consideration once she’s well. I’ve no doubt she will. But I’ll see to her from here. Anything I don’t know, I’ll figure out. Once she’s settled, I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”
He didn’t raise his voice, but the hard tone brooked no argument as he tore off his shirt and toed off his shoes.
Hammer gave an angry jerk of his head. “Fine. Raine needs another pill since she threw up the one she took earlier.” He fished out the bottle, set one tablet on the nightstand, and pocketed the rest.
Liam glared. “What if she needs more?”
“Then come find me. I’ll start cleaning the dishes.” Hammer walked out before Liam could object.
Unfuckingbelievable.
After retrieving another glass of water, Liam climbed on the bed and drew the blankets over her naked body. Curling up beside her, he drew her into the circle of his arms. Holding her close now felt so bittersweet.
“Take another pill, lass.” He lifted the glass of water to her white lips and held her head up so she could swallow.
Pain had carved itself into her features. Raine could be so strong that he’d never imagined seeing her this weak.
Bloody hell…
“There, love,” he crooned. “Can I get anything else for you?”
“No.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “Thank you. Will you hold me?”
“Of course. Rest now.”
Raine seemed to use the last of her energy to blink up at him. “I’m sorry…about everything.”
Yes, he was, too.