THE ROOM SPINS around me as Esteban carries me inside. Everything is so foggy lately. Like I’m in a dream. And all I want to do is eat and fuck. As if I’m some animal.
“I’m hungry,” I whine when Esteban lays me on the mattress.
“Tomorrow,” he tells me and stumbles into the bathroom. When he emerges some time later, he’s clean from a shower but still looks drunk. He falls into the bed face first.
Even through my haze, I realize this is the first time he’s dropped his guard since he’s had me here at this San Diego safe house. My brain is garbled and confused. A part of me feels like this is important. That I should do something about it. But a bigger part of me wonders if he’ll notice if I sneak out to make a sandwich. My stomach growls as if to answer me.
Eventually, after what feels like hours, I decide to sneak out. The only goal in my head is food. I stumble through the darkness, now that all of the lights have been shut off, in a journey to the kitchen. I’m careful as I tiptoe into the kitchen. I’ll just sneak a banana or something and slip back into bed. Esteban will never know. As quietly as I can, I open the cupboards on a hunt for something quick and edible. I find the jar of peanut butter, which makes my stomach growl again. Quickly, I twist off the top and stick my finger inside to scoop out some. It tastes so good that I let out an embarrassing moan. I’m scooping out another heap with my fingers when I sense someone else’s presence.
Jerking my head toward the doorway, I’m shocked to see Ozzy standing there in nothing but his boxers. His hair is messy like he’s been sleeping. Now that I’m getting some food in my belly, I’m able to wade through some of the fog.
“I was hungry,” I murmur as I suck on my finger.
His eyes darken and he prowls forward. Old familiar feelings stir in my belly. So many times I imagined scenes where he’d find me naked and then claim me. Lust swims in his gaze. Desire for me.
Esteban would kill him for looking at me like that.
“He doesn’t let you wear clothes?” he questions, his voice husky as he steps closer.
I shake my head. “No.”
He sways on his feet and I remember how much tequila he drank earlier. When he grips my wrist, I let out a whimper. I watch with sadness as he draws my peanut-butter-covered fingers to his mouth. My stomach continues to growl, and yet, here he is sucking the precious food off my hand.
“You’re a natural seductress,” he tells me as he licks his lips. Then, his mouth sucks on two of my fingers at a time. My nipples harden and I hate that my body responds to him. Esteban made it very clear that my feelings for Oscar were over.
“I just want to eat,” I tell him.
He pushes my hand between my thighs and smears the creamy goodness still left on my fingers along the lips of my pussy. “So do I.”
I start to argue but then he’s on his knees. His mouth is on me, sucking off the peanut butter with vigor. I nearly drop the vat of peanut butter on his head. Stars glitter in my vision. My mind is still foggy, but I feel a niggling sensation creeping over me. Telling me this is wrong. That this will get me in a lot of trouble.
What if Esteban makes me go back to the metal box?
What if I starve again?
A tear snakes its way down my cheek, and I desperately shovel more peanut butter into my mouth. His tongue is on my clit, lapping at me as he licks away the food he smeared there. Small jolts of pleasure prickle through me here and there, but I mostly wish he would stop before everything blows up in our faces. I let out a groan when he urges my leg over his shoulder. His mouth cleans every single smudge of peanut butter off my pussy.
“You’re so hot,” he breathes against me.
I frown as I suck more peanut butter off my fingers. “Please stop.”
He presses a kiss to my clit before standing. His lips are quirked up into the mischievous smile I remember so well. It makes my heart squeeze from the memory of how I used to feel about him.
“Did you come?” he questions as he steals my jar from me.
I growl. “Give it back.”
“There she is. Guess the mollies or whatever the fuck he gave to you are fading. The bitch is waking up,” he says with relief.
My eyes are fixated on the jar of peanut butter. I can’t believe he stole it from me. I’m so damn hungry. Anger surges through me, and I attempt to take it back, but he holds it high over his head.
“While my tongue was between your legs, I came up with a plan. Tomorrow, we’re going to Colombia.”
I freeze and stare at him. “I’m staying with Esteban.”
He gives me back my peanut butter and then sets to wetting a cloth. I’m too focused on my only source of food to even notice that he cleans me up between my legs.
“Vee,” he tells me with a smile. “I have a plan to take back what belongs to our families. You’ll be a Rojas one day, so this should be important to you.”
A Rojas?
For so many years I wanted that…but with Oscar.
Now, I try to imagine being married to his brother.
My fantasies are jumbled and messy. Right now I don’t think I like them either way. A thundering in my head starts to form again as I try to work out my future.
I don’t want to believe it but I know, deep down, Esteban is drugging me and probably has been for some time.
That has to be why I’m so out of it. So animalistic.
The only thing that explains the headaches and confusion.
“Go to sleep. Tomorrow, we’re going to war. And you, Vee,” he says with a smile as he strokes my cheek, “are going to help us.”
“What is this place?” I question as I peer out a window that faces a pond. The dress that sticks to my body feels heavy and strange after months of not wearing anything. When I don’t get a response, I turn to regard Esteban.
His arms are crossed over his chest while he glares at me as if the dress disgusts him as well. But we traveled to Colombia, and I couldn’t exactly do it naked. I shiver under his gaze.
“Where are we?” I ask again, my voice softer this time. Now that the fog no longer confuses me and the headaches aren’t crushing me, I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’ve had a lot of time to remember.
He took me and my mother. Seeing the gun pressed against my mother’s temple was all the incentive I needed to willingly follow Esteban. Had I known I was subjecting myself to dark isolation for months in a metal box, I’d have run for the hills. Had I known he’d force his cock into me while I screamed in pain, I’d have put up a bigger fight. Had I known he’d make me watch my mother become addicted to heroin only to have to watch her die later, I’d have tried to kill him.
But I didn’t know. Deep down, I trusted him not to hurt me. I thought we had history. I’d assumed that because our fathers had been business partners and I visited the Rojas’s every summer, that Esteban would have a soft spot for me.
And yet he hurt me.
So many times.
He was the deliverer of pain, but then he’d follow it up with pleasure. All those nights in that dark box, he’d turned me into some sexually hungry animal that fed off of him. Now that my mind has cleared, I know he drugged me then too. I’d been too out of my head to understand it for what it was.
He. Drugged. Me.
Just like my mother.
Just like Brie.
My heart squeezes at the thought of my adopted sister and best friend, other than Oscar. When Daddy told me he was adopting her, I’d been elated. I thought he wanted me to have a friend being that I was home schooled and lonely. Later, I learned he adopted her to take my place as the betrothed to the Rojas family. At the time, I was embarrassed but having her in my life has outweighed all of that.
If she were here, my feisty friend would tell me what to do. She’d tell me to get away from Esteban—that he’s a monster. I bet she would even help me, too.
I swallow down the emotion in my throat. The last thing I need is for these two men to see me weak. I’ll have to figure out what to do on my own.
I’m a Berkley.
A badass bitch.
I just need to be a calculating bitch.
It takes everything inside of me to remain calm and not fly off the handle. I need to be smart. Going off on Esteban for everything he’s done seems like a dangerous move. And I still can’t argue the way he makes me feel when it’s just the two of us. That’s the most frustrating part of it all. Despite my eagerness to make him pay, I still can’t deny the way my pussy seems to flare to life around him. He truly did train my body. But he’ll never own my mind as long as I have anything to say about it.
“Papá’s safe house,” Ozzy answers as he strolls into the room. My nostrils flare when I see him. Of course he looks sexy as ever in his playboy Ozzy way, but it doesn’t excite me like it used to. Instead, irritation bubbles up inside me.
“So what’s the plan?” I question as I let my gaze dart back and forth between the two men who each have their own special grip on my heart.
“It’s better if you don’t know the plan,” Oscar says plainly.
I scowl at him and give Esteban a pleading look that sometimes works on him when he’s being soft. His gaze loses some of its hardness as he holds a hand out to me. My gut instinct tells me to demand they tell me what’s going on. To stomp my feet and scream at them both until I get my way. But the brain that had been locked away while Esteban kept me has begun to work full throttle again. And because of that, I go willingly to Esteban.
His arm snakes around my waist and he pulls me possessively against him. “I don’t like the plan.”
“Don’t tell her,” Ozzy warns.
The fire explodes inside of me, and I twist to glare at him. “Tell me the damn plan, asshole!”
Hurt flashes in his eyes, but I don’t care. Oscar has given me the puppy dog eyes one too many times, and right now, I’m immune. Who knows? Maybe they’ll never work on me again.
“Roja,” Esteban murmurs as his lips find my neck. “The plan is fucking stupid.”
“So what’s plan B then?” I question as my eyes flutter closed. When he’s touching me, I lose all sense of reality. That smart little brain shuts off and lets my pussy call the shots.
“There is no plan B. It’s plan V,” Oscar grunts. “You’re the plan.”
I tug away to unlatch myself from Esteban’s dizzying kisses on my throat. “Care to explain?”
Esteban twists me in his arms so that we’re facing each other. His hand slides to my throat and he holds me gently. “Women are his weakness. We’ll use you to infiltrate his operation from the inside out. He has too many men to just attack. You’ll kill him and then, by the time his men are in chaos over what to do after that happens, we’ll have amassed our own men to take over.” He growls and anger gleams in his dark eyes. “He stole our childhood home. We want it back.”
I blink at him in confusion. “You want to send me straight to him? To flirt with him until his back is turned, and then what? Stab him in the back? I’ve never killed anyone before!” My chest heaves as I freak out. Are these two knuckleheads insane? They want me to invade this guy’s life and kill him just because they want their stupid house back? This is the worst idea ever.
“Not flirt,” Esteban snaps. “Fuck.”
White heat colors my vision as fury seeps its way into my bones. Anger is a safer emotion than the terror that barely hides behind it. “What?” My voice is shrill. “But I thought I was yours!”
The monster that sometimes presents itself in his eyes rages forward. “You. Are. Mine. And the moment we have our shit back, I’m going to marry you and put fucking babies inside of you. But first,” he snarls, his grip on my throat tightening. “First we fight. First we take.”
My hands fist at my sides, but I refuse to lose control right now. I’m not one hundred percent myself so I need to chill the hell out before I make the wrong move. If Daddy ever taught me anything, it was to always know my enemy. It was to outsmart them all. He was so smart and successful. I can do this.
“He’ll be suspicious. Won’t he figure out who my father is? Won’t he know I’m connected to you guys?” I hiss out my questions until Esteban releases my throat. I rub at my flesh and pin him with a fiery glare. “What if I don’t want to have sex with him? What if he hurts me?” My voice cracks. “I’m scared.” I will not cry. I will not whine. But a part of me is upset and furious. This thing with Esteban is wrong and fucked up, but it’s the only evil I know right now. He even said babies and marriage. So why do I once again just feel like a pawn in their game? A little girl in a room full of big bad wolves.
Oscar lets out a snide laugh. “You’re pretty good at shaking your tits when you want something. So shake your tits for Diego and kill him. Then you get what you so desperately want.” He motions for Esteban, but I don’t miss the flicker of jealousy in his eyes. At one time, I wanted to see that look so badly. Today it’s infuriating me.
“You want to be a Rojas? Well, then there are just certain things you must do,” Esteban snaps with a shrug. “This is one of them.”
I’m stung by his words. “But—”
His fingers crush into my jaw as he draws me closer. “No buts. You do this and we move on. You don’t fuck any other men ever again.”
Rage is blooming up inside of me. My head is clear—so fucking crystal clear—and I can see the big picture. How could I let myself get caught up in this man? He’s been toying with me since I was a child.
Emotion chokes me, but I refuse to cry. I wish Brie were here. The thought once again hits me like a sucker punch to my gut. She was a victim. I am a victim. Pain slices through my chest as realization sets in. She was never the villain.
The villain is right in front of me.
He presses a soft kiss to my lips, and I fight the urge to bite him.
“So tonight,” Oscar says with a growl, “we implement part one of the plan. Then, we deliver you right to his den.”
Terror fights its way up inside of me. What if this Diego is like their father? Camilo always scared me half to death. I’m headed for some crazy old man’s house to let him fuck me so I can kill him in his sleep. Fucking wonderful.
“But—” I start, but Esteban crams something into my mouth.
An acrid taste makes me gag, but he pushes the pill toward the back of my throat until I’m forced to swallow.
“This should make you more compliant,” Esteban says before he shoves me away from him.
I blink after him in confusion as he storms away, leaving me with Oscar. Jerking my head over my shoulder, I see him prowling forward. I’m about to lay into him when he rears his fist back and socks me in the eye.
I gape at him in horror and implore him with my stare as my trembling fingers touch my face that now screams in pain. Our eyes meet for a brief moment, and I search his gaze for guilt or sorrow or anything to indicate what just happened was an accident.
He clenches his jaw and his dark eyes are wild but regret swims just beneath the surface of his glare. I’m about to tearfully throw myself into his arms when he pulls his fist back again. The pain this time, as my best friend cracks me in the face, is overwhelming.
Make that my ex best friend.
The innocent boy I once knew has been slaughtered by this animal.
I crumple to the floor like a sack of potatoes and my world immediately fades to black.
I want to open my eyes but they feel too heavy. My mind is a cloud of darkness as I try and make sense of my surroundings. I can hear water running.
God, my face hurts. I groan and try to reach out for something to ground me. Whatever I’m touching is soft.
A bed.
I’m on a bed.
I crack an eye open and light streams in from the bathroom door that adjoins to the bedroom I’m in. Pipes squeak when someone turns off the shower. My limbs are heavy. Whatever they gave me is different than what I’ve had in the past.
I feel as though I’m paralyzed.
Panic skitters through me when a dark shadow fills the doorway.
Esteban.
He drops the towel that’s wrapped around his waist and saunters toward the bed. I attempt to roll away from him but my body refuses to move. Hell, I can barely keep my eyes open.
“You must not forget who you belong to,” he bites out as he fumbles around in the bedside drawer. He pulls out a condom and leaves the drawer sitting wide open. I can’t look away as he rips open the foil and rolls the rubber down his cock.
The bed dips as he joins me. I can’t move, so he manhandles my body so that my legs are spread wide open. My heart races so fast I think it’ll explode at any minute.
Please don’t.
My thoughts don’t leave my mouth. They stay locked up inside my head. I beg him with my eyes, but I’m ignored.
“Don’t worry,” he assures me. “I’ll lube you up so it doesn’t hurt.” He spits into his hand and then rubs his cock with it.
I want to close my eyes, but since they’re the only things apparently working right now, I simply stare at him. He grips his cock as he pushes into me. I can feel the pressure but that’s it. I’ve had sex with Esteban enough times to know that by the look of bliss on his face, he’s deep inside me.
Anger surges within me and I glare at him. He doesn’t notice.
Thrust after thrust, he takes what he wants, but I don’t enjoy it this time.
If I was confused before, I certainly am not now.
Esteban is evil. Always has been. To think I thought he actually loved me in some fucked up way. Stupid girl. Hate for this man claws at me from the inside out. I’m nothing but an object to shove his dick into.
One day, when I’m not immobile, I will figure out a way to make him pay for this.
“You’re mine,” he hisses. “Mine.”
Over and over again he reminds me of this as he fucks me.
I am nobody’s.
The closer he gets to orgasm, the angrier he seems to get. His palm finds my throat and he grips it so tight that the corners of my vision begin to darken. Nothing can be heard aside from his furious grunts and my ragged hisses of breath.
I black out completely.
When I come to, it’s because I hear Oscar shouting at Esteban in the other room.
“Where are you going?” Oscar demands.
“I need to take a fucking walk to clear my head,” Esteban snarls back.
The windows in the house rattle when he slams the door behind him. My heart is thundering in my chest and seems loud compared to the sudden silence. But then footsteps creak down the hallway. I can’t see him but I feel his presence.
Help me, Oscar.
He hit me. Right in the face. Twice. But I could almost forgive him for that if he’d get me out of this mess.
Why did you hit me, Oscar?
That question plays over and over again in my head.
“Oh, Vee,” he murmurs as he grabs something from the drawer. “We’ll have to make this quick.”
I want to ask him what he means, but then I hear his zipper go down and the familiar tear of a foil packet. I’m screaming inside for him to snap out of whatever shit he’s going through. This is not Oscar. This is not the boy I’ve chased after since I was five years old. He rounds the side of the bed and climbs on to join me. His brows are furled together in concentration as he pushes my knees apart.
I try to meet his gaze, but he won’t look at me. Instead, his focus is on his cock. More pressure within me. Some feeling is coming back. I know I’ll be sore after this.
Please stop.
Nobody hears me.
Nobody fucking hears me.
He grabs the front of my dress and yanks it down to free one of my breasts. His mouth latches on to it. I can’t feel it but I can hear the slurping sounds as he sucks on my flesh. A hard thrust slides me farther up the bed and a loud bang resounds.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
With each brutal thrust, my head slams against the headboard. Since some of my feeling is coming back, a thundering inside my skull begins to take hold. My vision blurs from being jarred by the repeated hits.
“Fuck,” he murmurs, his eyes are wide, black and unfamiliar as an animal takes over. “I knew you’d feel fucking amazing.”
I check out.
I can’t stare at someone who I thought I loved while they rape me as if I’m nothing more than a toy to be used and abused. Our history. Our friendship. Our bond. Gone in an instant.
Despite my numb state, the fire within me is beginning to roar. It intensifies with each breath I take.
I’m going to kill them.
Both of them.
“Yes,” he grunts, his movement jerky and out of control. “Fuck yes!”
I glare at him. Our eyes eventually meet. Guilt flashes in his dark brown orbs.
“Vee…” he trails off and clenches his jaw.
“Y-You—” My voice is but a whisper but at least it’s working. I start to try to scream but his palm slaps over my mouth.
“Shhh,” he hisses, his thrusting harder than before. Conflict is written all over his face but the animal bucking into me seems to win. “Shhhh.”
I send him the nastiest hate-filled stare I can muster, but he’s once again not making eye contact. Beads of sweat form on his forehead as he concentrates on his brutality. I guess keeping the Oscar I thought I knew so well buried while this thing takes over is hard work. He lets out a grunt and his body stiffens. Then, as if his pants are on fire, he yanks out of me and lets go of my mouth. He all but runs to the bathroom, and soon the toilet flushes. When he reemerges, his clothes have been righted and he’s running a nervous hand through his hair.
“Y-You…” I whisper out, the accusation thick in the one word.
He shoves his hand into his pocket and quickly retrieves a pill. Then, he’s striding over to me. The pill is pushed past my tongue and he forces it down my throat.
“Sleep now, Vee.” His eyes darken as he leans forward and kisses my forehead. “This was all a dream.”
I close my eyes because I can’t look at him any longer. He’s killed something that could have been beautiful. With this one single act, he’s poured a lifetime of love down the drain.
This wasn’t a dream.
It was a nightmare.
And when I wake up from it, I will make him pay.
Everything is blurry and confusing.
I can tell I’m in a car by the way it bounces along gravel and the sound of the engine loud in my ears. When I go to move my hands, I attempt to cry out upon noticing they’re bound behind me. Tape covers my mouth, preventing me from making much noise. I’m hurting badly. Every muscle in my body aches. Bruises. Cuts. Hell, I may even have a broken rib judging from the way one side of me feels as though I’m on fire.
The plan.
Diego wouldn’t be suspicious because they had this plan. Drop me off on the enemy’s doorstep bloodied, raped, and beaten. Deliver me as a broken pawn that the cartel king can use to his advantage.
I’ve never hurt so much in my life. What concerns me most is the ache between my legs. Did they fuck me more while I was unconscious?
Tears should be falling yet they don’t.
I’m fucking pissed.
My thoughts dissipate when the vehicle stops. Soon, the trunk opens, and Esteban appears in front of me. He grabs my elbow and hefts me out. His eyes are positively manic. There’s no reaching the man who sometimes showed me some degree of humanity. The monster has been unleashed.
“Kill him and then you can come back home to me,” he snarls against my ear as he roughly cups me between my legs. “Don’t worry, I fucked you one last time so you’d stink of me when you meet that motherfucker.”
I jerk my head to meet his gaze. The movement causes the dark night to spin around me due to whatever drugs he forced upon me. But when it slows back down and I lock onto his monstrous eyes, I send him a message of my own.
I’ll kill him and then I’ll come back to kill you too.
He must receive my message loud and clear because he fucking head butts me.
Can this night get any worse?
I’m thinking about how the night has only just begun when my world once again fades to black…