Chapter Fourteen
Audrey slammed the door and stomped up the stairs of the tower, not caring if she disturbed the birds. Adrenaline let her take the steps two at a time, and she was breathing hard by the time she reached the living room. Her heart throbbed in her chest, and her brain went fuzzy.
What the hell are you doing?
She’d gotten so lost in the moment, the passion, that she’d forgotten—Lilly needed her. And Corvin…
She froze as she pictured him here, sipping coffee in his chair. Reading to Smoke by the fire. Asleep in the bed as dawn snuck in through the windows. His powerful naked body in the shower. His smile flashing in the sunlight of the meadow.
She closed her eyes, willing the tears there to dry. One slipped out, and she scrubbed it away.
I am the last thing Corvin needs.
She couldn’t give him what he wanted. She had to get free of the Synod and save Lilly from Parkview. Even after that, she didn’t do deep relationships. She was too broken. She could never settle down, and she wanted to live her life as far away from the Synod as possible. But the Synod was who Corvin was. His birds, their traditions, it was all a part of him. He wouldn’t want to live in her world, and she couldn’t stay in his. Which meant every day she stayed would only make it harder for both of them.
She had to leave. Tonight. Now.
There was no time for more preparation. She just had to pack what she could, nab some supplies, and make a break for it. Head west—eventually she would hit the 101 and find a ride.
The trickiest part would be getting a good lead without Corvin following or trying to stop her or raising the alarm. It would be easier to sneak into the woods from the tower, where there were no eyes watching from the shadows. Except for the hundreds of birds, including Smoke, who would tattle as soon as she set foot out the door.
Nothing for it—she would have to incapacitate Corvin somehow. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she had no other choice. It would have to be quick and unexpected. She had no shot at physically overpowering him in a fight. Corvin was strong and knew how to handle himself. Her eyes scanned the room for something to use.
Bingo.
Corvin had a cabinet stocked with his different medicines. She found a vial of the sleeping draft she’d seen him administer to Honey her first few nights there. It was still half full. She uncorked it to take a sniff. It had a potent alcoholic scent, but that was easy enough to mask. She tucked it into the small pouch around her neck.
Okay, this can work.
Now she just needed a way to get him to drink the potion without arousing suspicion.
You’ll just have to arouse something else.
She’d never felt guilty about deploying her weapon of mass distraction before, but this was different. He might hate her after this.
Maybe that’s for the best.
It wasn’t like she would ever see him again. Not if things went according to plan. She ignored the way her body flashed hot and cold with that thought. Ignored the way her hands shook and her feet felt like they were stuck in cinder blocks. It was time to go, now, before her mixed-up emotions made her self-destruct and she took Corvin out with her. She set off for the fortress to gather the rest of her supplies.
When she returned, she heard Corvin in the kitchen but didn’t stop until she was safely in her room. She quietly packed her bag with everything to her name—most of which had been given to her—and the extra tools and supplies she’d pilfered from the pantry. When everything was ready, she picked up the crystal carafe of whiskey from the high queen’s office and took a long swig. It burned going down, but in a strong, earthy way that was fortifying.
She stripped off her clothes, tussled her hair, and wrapped a thin blanket around her shoulders. Then she stood in front of the door. Her feet wouldn’t budge, though there was no logical reason for her hesitation. This was a solid plan—the best chance she’d had and possibly the best she’d ever get. She’d already left Lilly with Dr. Banner for too long. She was doing Corvin a favor. But the knot in her chest would not ease. Another swig of whiskey and ten deep breaths later, she opened the door.
When she rounded the stairs to the main floor, Honey was snoozing quietly in her cage, and Smoke was nowhere to be seen. Corvin was cooking something that smelled delicious and tending to multiple pans on the stove. It was easy to sneak up right next to him while his attention was elsewhere.
He paused to take a sip from his open beer and glanced over at her. The bottle slipped from his hand and shattered in a frothy wave on the stone floor.
She jumped back, expecting him to spring into motion, but he stood still, staring at her slack-jawed. That flame in his eyes flickered like a lighthouse in the distance, making her achingly aware of every inch of her exposed skin.
She swiped any self-consciousness away, let the blanket slide off her shoulder—baring a good portion of one breast—and fixed a sultry smile on her face. “That’s alcohol abuse. But I’ve got you covered.” She held up the carafe.
He didn’t answer, just stood frozen to the spot, not even blinking.
She had a moment to second-guess herself, wondering if maybe this wouldn’t actually work. What if he turned her down again out of some archaic sense of propriety? But she rolled with the act, winked, and sidled next to him to retrieve two glasses from the cupboard.
Corvin sucked in a heavy breath, as if coming up for air after a deep plunge, then rubbed a hand over his mouth. She glanced down and saw from the strain behind the zipper of his black jeans that so far, phase one of her plan was going well.
“What are you doing?”
She smirked as she poured. “Me? I’m pouring us some whiskey. But you are burning our dinner.”
“Fuck.” He spun back to the stove. Black smoke billowed as he rearranged pans, spilling oil onto the burner. “Shit!”
Audrey hoped she could turn his fluster around, or this would be the shortest seduction in history.
Though her hands were still shaking and her stomach was winding into a tight ball, she fastened down her feelings with all of her might. If he got the slightest ping of guilt from her, the jig would be up. The nerves were real, so she focused on those, and on the attraction that had been brewing inside her for weeks. Heated dreams. She’d already imagined a hundred scenarios ending with her and Corvin in bed together.
With most of the meal salvaged—it did smell amazing—Corvin tossed his towel in the sink and looked her right in the eyes, studiously ignoring her semi-naked state.
“What is this?”
She handed him the glass, and he took it, never breaking their eye contact. She shoved her mounting desperation and the pounding fear of rejection to the farthest, darkest corner of her mind and smiled. “Don’t you recognize a seduction when you see one?”
His gaze did a slow perusal downwards, as if he couldn’t help himself, and that flicker of heat said he knew exactly what the look did to her.
He tossed his drink back and slammed the glass down on the counter. “I don’t want to play any more games.”
Her smile wilted. “It’s not a game. It’s an apology.”
“For what?”
“For earlier. For ruining the moment and blaming it on you. I’ve been waiting since I first got here for you to make a move, and when you finally do, I cut and run.” She tucked more of the blanket around her and shrugged innocently. “I’m screwed up. I’m not used to anyone actually caring about my feelings. So, I’m sorry.” She took a step closer, until she could feel the heat pouring off his body, and glanced at him through her lashes. “I thought we could pick up where we left off.”
When he finally touched her, it was with aching tenderness. It was hard not to flinch—not because it didn’t feel good, but because she didn’t deserve it.
You don’t deserve him.
One of his arms wrapped around her waist, cradling her against his body. He reached up to sweep a piece of hair from her face and gazed into her eyes as his thumb gently traced her cheeks, then her lips.
A tornado of nerves clenched in her stomach. Everything in her body was torn between the strength of her desire for this man and how wrong it felt to betray him. She’d always done whatever it took to take care of Number One. She’d never felt bad about any of it. But she couldn’t keep the tremble out of her voice. “What are you thinking?”
He gazed into her eyes, probing. She was pretty sure he couldn’t read her thoughts, but she closed them anyway and gently bit his finger, then slowly sucked it into her mouth. His grip on her tightened, and she felt a pulse against her that caused an answering heat between her legs. “I’m thinking…you are the most beautiful and unexpected gift the Fates have ever bestowed upon me.”
A thrill of something much hotter than fear ricocheted in her chest at his words. It left a million tiny burn marks on her heart that would never heal. She couldn’t catch her breath enough to speak. She stepped closer and slid her arms around him to hide her stricken expression while she gathered up the courage to go through with her plan.
He will never look at you like that again.
He rested his cheek atop her head. “You’re trembling.”
“I’m hungry and a little cold,” she lied.
His smile was whimsical as he kissed her on the side of the mouth. “Then let’s eat.”
Corvin cleaned up the broken bottle fragments as she set the small table in the sitting area for them and tried to get a handle on the tumult of emotions tripping up her breathing.
As he was bent over gathering the broken bottle, she uncapped the vial and emptied it into his glass. She made a big show of refilling both glasses and tiptoeing over to their table for two, though Corvin seemed more fixated on her legs and other bits peeking out of the flimsy blanket.
“I hope you like paella.”
“I don’t know what that is, but my mouth is watering.”
“Well, then I hope you like shellfish, because that’s what’s in it, mostly.”
She shrugged, then reflexively pulled the blanket back up over her shoulder.
Corvin set a steaming pan of food on the table between their place settings with a flourish and turned to her with that gorgeous, disarming smile in full effect. The one that made her feel like she was made of cloud and a faint breeze would blow her away. He was normally so serious, it felt like these moments were a rare gift. Suddenly, she’d lost her appetite.
He paused to regard her thoughtfully before taking his seat, then reached out to tug the blanket back down. “Better.”
He leaned in close, the feathers in his hair tickling her neck. His breath was hot against her ear as he kissed her exposed shoulder, then whispered, “This will be the most torturous meal I’ve ever eaten.”
Me too. For a completely different reason.
When they’d made a good dent in the delicious seafood stew, Corvin reached for the whiskey she’d poured. “I had a bottle of wine to go with this meal, but—”
“Wine is better!” she almost shouted, scooting the glass out of his reach. “I mean…I’d love some wine. Where is it?” She hopped from her seat to move to the kitchen, and he snagged her by the arm. Though the heat between them had been banked while they ate and made small talk, it roared to life again with that single touch.
“I was going to say that I don’t have the patience for wine.” Before she could respond, he swept her into his arms and strode purposefully to the bedroom.
The air was chilly as he unwrapped her from the blanket. Slowly. Like a gift he wanted to savor. That ache in her chest came back with a vengeance, but she stuffed it down. She hadn’t planned on letting things go this far, but now that they had, there was no turning back.
She didn’t want to turn back.
Just take this moment.
Couldn’t she? Was it so wrong to want something special to take with her? To remember? Yes. Yes, it was. Wrong and selfish and she didn’t care—she was doing it anyway.
Everywhere that Corvin revealed, he kissed and caressed, chasing away her goose bumps with the warmth of his hands and breath. Until she was laying fully naked on the bed, with him kneeling beside her. He sat back and shook his head.
“What’s wrong?” She reached for the covers.
He stopped her. “Nothing. I just don’t know where to begin. And I don’t think I’ll last long.” He ruffled his hair. “It’s ah…been a while for me.”
She sat up on her elbows and smiled at the way his gaze was riveted to her breasts as they moved.
“You can start by taking off your clothes. This is feeling a little one-sided.”
He laughed and pulled off his shirt in one smooth motion. It was her turn to stare as he peeled away his jeans.
She’d seen him fully aroused before—the image was permanently etched into her fantasies—but this time the sight was coupled with the knowledge that she would soon be covered by that chiseled chest, wrap her legs around those muscular thighs, and feel his impressive length moving deep inside of her. Her body responded in the most elemental way—heat and moisture culminating until she felt like there should be steam billowing from her skin.
She sat up, and Corvin froze as she matched the slow perusal he’d given her with her own fingers and tongue. It didn’t take long for her to find the spots that made him moan. She loved every sound he made, and his whispered encouragement only added to her excitement.
She took him in her mouth, but only made a few languid strokes before he toppled her onto the bed and dove at her mouth with hungry kisses.
“You drive me crazy,” he said, nibbling at her neck. “Want you so much.”
She angled her hips so that he fit perfectly into their cradle, and Corvin groaned as he slipped against her entrance. “Gods, you’re so wet.”
He did it again and again, making her gasp. He teased her nipples with that wicked, wicked mouth as he drove her to the edge of insanity with the teasing strokes of his swollen head over her clit. She was aching for him.
“Inside,” she breathed. “Need to feel you.”
As if he’d only been waiting for her to ask, the next slide of his body drove him deep into her molten core, and they both cried out in unison. Corvin stilled, breathing hard above her. She stroked her hands up his sides and down the long, lean muscles of his back.
Audrey gasped, feeling the ever-present awareness of how fleeting this was. How every moment together was that much closer to their last. It made her feel desperate.
“I want to see you come, Audrey.”
All she could do was nod as he started to move deep and slow, as if mapping every inch of her from the inside. She could feel the restraint in his muscles as he tried to focus on her pleasure, and it felt as if they were in a race against his control. It was the idea of him losing that control, losing himself in her, that brought her so, so close. She wanted to hold back, to imprint this moment into her memory—the salt of his sweat, the heat of his skin, those twin flames flaring in the endless pools of his eyes as he coaxed her into the most mind-shattering orgasm of her life.
“Corvin!” She bucked and writhed underneath him. He stilled, allowing her to move against him in the perfect rhythm as the pulses of pleasure ebbed away.
As soon as her heartbeat calmed, he drove deeper than ever before, making her cry out. Each thrust made her muscles clench around him, extending her pleasure until it was almost too much and she was begging him to stop and keep going at the same time.
She dug her nails into his shoulders as he picked up the tempo, groaning into her neck. She could only hold on and hum her encouragement as he went harder and faster and finally with complete abandon. And though on the outside all was chaos and fire and passion, inside a feeling of utter peacefulness overcame her.
She’d never felt wanted. Needed. And somehow, his need made her vulnerable. It was jarring. Tears sprang to her eyes, and though she was afraid he would see the anguish in her face, she couldn’t look away.
At the last second, he pulled out and sat up. She wanted to cry out for the loss, but was too captivated by the fierce look in his eyes as he finished above her.
Heat. Possession. Hope.
He collapsed beside her. Mingled joy and guilt swamped Audrey, making it hard to take a full breath.
This was a mistake.
She’d been so stupid. It would have been better to wonder for the rest of her life than to carry the knowledge of what could be between her and Corvin. She’d imagined it a hundred ways, and nothing could have prepared her for how it was in real life. Now she would never escape it. She felt as if she’d been branded on a soul-deep level. Grief at having to give it up, greed for more, and bitter desperation tangled themselves into the war that was her feelings. The only thing she could hang onto was anger. She was so fucking pissed at herself for falling into this mess.
Corvin rolled closer and kissed her shoulder, but she slid carefully off the bed and padded into the shower. She was still in a daze when he joined her, wrapping his body around hers and gliding his hands up her arms, over her chest, and down her belly. He gently helped her rinse away the evidence of their lovemaking. She sighed, leaning her head against his chest and blinking away her tears into the steady stream of water.
“Thank you.” Her voice was hoarse.
A low male chuckle answered her. “If you had any idea how good I feel right now, you would know how ridiculous that sounds.” His mouth latched onto her neck, and his hands slipped lower, teasing the swollen, sensitive lips of her opening.
“I mean for not finishing…you know, inside of me.”
“Oh.” His touches slowed. “I wanted to, but we hadn’t discussed it, so I played it safe.”
She was amazed he’d had enough brain power to think about that. She’d been riding completely on instinct. Being around him had a way of frying her circuitry. Here she’d been plotting an escape, and the next thing she knew they were sharing a romantic dinner for two and tumbling into bed.
Worst of all, despite the cost to both of them, she couldn’t bring herself to regret a second of it.
Corvin’s teasing caress became more insistent, and soon she was swept up with him again, writhing back and forth between the pressure of his hand in front and his hardness behind her. The room filled with fog, and her world narrowed down to the slickness of their skin, the memory of watching him groan out her name in this very spot, the tenacity of his clever fingers as they found just the right spot, pressure, and rhythm.
“You came so good for me,” he rumbled. “So hot and wet. So good, baby. Even better than I imagined.”
She whimpered as she started to come again on his fingers. He removed them, and she panicked for a single heartbeat, until his hot length was stretching and filling her from behind.
She gasped in surprised pleasure. He held her together as she broke apart around him, barely able to stand on her shaky legs. Then he positioned her forearms against the wall and grabbed her hips to thrust so deep she cried out. He pounded into her over and over. There was a new urgency to it, as if he couldn’t be deep enough, close enough.
Her tears fell freely under the rawness of his desire. This was so good, and he would never know.
He came against her back, leaning over her and resting his head on her shoulder as he caught his breath.
A new kind of panic took hold of her, not wanting him to sense her sadness. She held her breath, swallowing the tears down. Then she felt dizzy—the steamy air was too close.
“Hey,” Corvin said gently, turning her around to face him. His dark hair was plastered to his face and neck, and his eyes were serious. “Are you okay? Was I too rough?”
She forced out a laugh, edgy and frantic. “I’m good. I mean…that was nice.”
One side of his mouth quirked. “Just nice? You seemed to enjoy it pretty thoroughly.”
She finished rinsing off and stepped out, taking a slow, calming breath as she wrapped herself in a towel. “Fine, if you must know, on a scale of one to ten, that was a fifteen.”
He followed her into the living room, tying a towel around his hips. Water still clung to his naked chest as he relaxed into his favorite chair, and she had to give herself a mental shake to keep from licking the beads from his skin. Instead she kept her hands busy building a fire in the stove.
“I’ll look forward to breaking my own record, then. I can do that, you know.” He snapped his fingers, and the pile of kindling she’d stacked burst into steady flames. “Come here.”
She pulled her towel tighter and perched on the arm of his chair.
“I hope you know I’m going to want to do that again,” he said, rubbing her arm. “Soon. And often.”
She twisted her lips into what she hoped passed as a smile as she handed him his whisky glass. “Then I’ll just have to drink you under the table so I can get some sleep.”
He studied the bottle on the side table, turning it so the crystal etchings caught the firelight, then frowned. “By the way, where did you get this?”
She shrugged. “What’s it matter?”
“This is my mother’s, from her private collection.”
“And?”
“She has it shipped from a Zyne distillery in Ireland. It’s very expensive.”
Audrey reached for her glass, sniffed it, and made a face. “Smells like alcohol to me.”
“Why did you take this one, then? There were plenty of bottles in the pantry. Easier to get to, and less likely to bear consequences.”
She shrugged. “I like to give the middle finger to the authorities whenever I can.”
He lifted his glass in a mock toast. “You like to play with fire.”
“Sometimes.” She clinked their glasses together. “Though I have to admit, your mother scares me a little.”
“You would be foolish if she didn’t.” He paused to sniff, the glass hovering so close to his lips.
Her throat went dry, and nervous heat flooded her body, making her sweat. Could he smell the potion? What if he caught her?
Would that be a totally bad thing?
She watched those soft lips that had just caressed every part of her body, and had to fight the urge to knock the glass from his hand.
Corvin closed his eyes and hummed his approval of the aroma. “If I’d realized what I was drinking earlier, I would have taken my time enjoying it. I’ve always thought about nabbing one of these. To giving the middle finger.” He smiled and raised his glass in another salute, then took a large sip.
She watched in frozen horror as the smile slipped from his face, replaced by a quizzical expression. Then he slumped back in the chair and looked up at her with eyes gone glassy.
“Audrey…” His eyelids drooped, and his head fell back. “What have you done?”
She let the tears she’d been holding back finally break loose as she caressed his face one last time. “What I had to. Just like always.”