5. When it was him and me all summer
Early Summer
Vinny
I didn’t expect much from Tommy’s promise that we’d be together nonstop throughout the summer, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised. Not completely blown away, but he’s definitely trying.
“Eat it fast or it’s gonna melt all over your hand,” I tell him, passing him the cone.
We’ve made a habit of meeting almost every day after work at The Wynne Creamery for ice cream cones. I always order strawberry. Tommy’s never gotten the same flavor twice.
“And dark chocolate Oreo ice cream will stain your work shirt, for sure.” Aunt Sheila would know he had a late afternoon snack, which she has long considered to be a crime against dinner. Another one of her restrictive rules. But Tommy always meets me here anyway and indulges.
“Have you ever seen me eat ice cream slowly?” he asks and takes a huge bite off the top. “Mmmm.”
His lips, chocolatey brown and speckled with Jimmies, invite me to kiss him. But I don’t. First of all, we’re in Wynne and the fact that he’s mine and I’m his has not been publicly established in this town. Second, we haven’t done that since the day we went to the beach in Wilmot and sucked face in the frigid lake. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps and not because the lake was so cold.
But since we started our summer jobs—Tommy as a fitness trainer at the Wynne Rec Center and me as a counselor at the Kids Go Crazy 4 Soccer Camp at the middle school—we’ve met for ice cream in the afternoon almost every time we both work the dayshift. We’ve done other things together too. We’ve gone for two hikes on Stonedam Mountain trails, hit the bowling alley three times, and gone fishing once, but that was a complete joke. Neither of us could cope with worming the hook, let alone detaching the poor fish’s lip from it. And once in a while he works at the rec center at night when I go to lift. So we hang out then too.
But plenty of his time is unaccounted for. And by that I mean, on the many nights he and I don’t get together, he doesn’t tell me what he’s up to, and I don’t ask. And everybody knows “don’t ask, don’t tell” is not a winning strategy. We avoid the topic of Jenna Moore like it’s our religion. I don’t want to know how much time he spends with her. And he doesn’t want me to know.
I never see Tommy at church anymore, because our family has switched from the Life in Christ Worship Center downtown to the Christians Unite Church over in Magnolia. The change was unexpected but came as a huge relief. One Sunday morning, Mom informed Dee and me that she’d been meeting with the pastor at a new church once a week since early May. And then she told us we’d be attending services there in an hour, so please go make ourselves presentable. Dad hadn’t seemed surprised by this news; he’d just nodded like changing religious institutions was no big deal. We’ve gone to services in Magnolia three times now, so I guess we belong to a new church.
“How’s your family doing, Vinny?” Sometimes I wonder if he can read my mind.
“They miss you, if that’s what you’re asking.”
A droplet of melted chocolate ice cream dribbles down his chin. I reach across the picnic table and wipe it away with my thumb and then lick it off. His eyes get wide before he says, “I miss the hell out of them too.”
I’m not gonna beg him to stop by my house, if that’s what he expects. Instead of saying something stupid, I concentrate on sucking on a tiny frozen strawberry sticking out of the side of my ice cream.
“Do your folks know?”
“Know what?” I’m not sure if he means know about us or know about Aunt Sheila knowing about us.
“You’re gonna make me spell it out, aren’t you?” He tosses the empty cone into the metal trash bin. The bin is about fifteen feet from where we sit, but it still swishes nicely. “Do they know why Mom won’t let us hang out together?”
“We talked about it… a little bit.”
“And?” Tommy’s skin suddenly seems pale, even gray.
“Mom told me that Aunt Sheila wasn’t comfortable with how close we were—you know, how we didn’t want to date girls, and only hung out together.”
“Your mother told you that?”
“Yeah, and it’s true. So why’re you shocked?”
“Mom’s the one who tried to split us up and she never told me that much.”
“She didn’t need to—we both know how she feels.” I’ll never forget Aunt Sheila’s grim expression when she caught us hugging on prom night.
“Does Aunt Gina know how…we feel about each other?”
I shrug. “Maybe. She didn’t come right out and say, ‘Love is love, Vin,’ but she told me that she and Dad will love me no matter what. And that no religion was going to dictate who her kids should be with.”
“Sounds like she has a clue.”
I nod. “Mom’s pretty cool. We belong to a new open-minded church now, too. I think Mom spent some serious time with the pastor before we joined. Asking questions.”
“Questions about same sex relationships?”
“She never said that specifically, but our new church in Magnolia is open to anyone. And I mean to everyone. It’s called the Christians Unite Church. Anything goes there, as long as you love your neighbor.” There’s a rainbow flag flying off the front of the building, so Mom didn’t really need to interrogate the pastor.
“That sounds too good to be true.”
“Maybe. I don’t know yet. I’m not exactly out.” I’m not exactly sure I’m gay. But I am sure I want to be with Tommy.
“Hey, I was thinking… could I maybe come over tonight? I’d love to say hi to Dee and your parents.”
It’s likely that Dee would refuse to talk to Tommy. His family’s cut-and-run act hurt her almost as much as it hurt me. And watching Mom mope around as she suffers the loss of yet another family hasn’t been easy to witness. “Yeah, that would be great. What time are you thinking?”
“How about… nine?”
“That’s kinda late.” It hits me that Tommy’s going to act like he’s heading to bed and then sneak out to see me. We actually have turned into Romeo and Juliet. But then, beggars like me can’t be choosers, so I don’t complain. “But it’ll work. So, see ya tonight.”
“I’ll be counting the minutes.” He winks and heads to his bike.
I’ll be counting the seconds.
◆◆◆
At dinner, when I tell the family that Tommy’s going to come over to say hi, Dee announces that she has an early babysitting job in the morning and has to go to bed before he arrives. And that’s before I even tell her what time he’s coming. She doesn’t forgive the Steckers for bailing on us the way they did. Mom and Dad exchange worried glances but manage to smile and say that there’s ice cream bars in the garage freezer. They don’t know that Tommy and me already ate ice cream together today. But they do know that they need to worry about me when it comes to how attached I am to my ex-cousin.
Tommy doesn’t show up at my front door until nine thirty. “I was starting to wonder if you were gonna show up,” I say instead of hello.
“Well, I’m here, so it’s cool.” He offers no excuse for his tardiness.
“Mom and Dad are in the kitchen making lunches for tomorrow.”
“Let’s go say hello.” He walks past me down the hallway. I follow along.
“Hi… uh, Aunt Gina, Uncle Paul.”
Mom smiles, but still looks kind of sad. She sucks at hiding her feelings. “Oh, hello, Tommy.” She comes around the breakfast bar and hugs him. “It’s so nice to see you.”
Tommy surprises me by holding onto her, even as she pulls away.
Next, Dad steps around the bar. “How’s your summer going, Tom? Vince tells me you’re working at the Wynne Rec Center.”
Tommy reluctantly releases Mom from his embrace and shakes Dad’s hand. “Summer’s going fine. I get a lot of hours at the rec center, so it’s cool.”
“Super. And how’s the family?” Dad steps up to the awkwardness plate, probably to spare Mom from feeling compelled to do it.
“They’re good too. MJ and Dave are doing internships at Dad’s law firm.”
“Are they liking it?”
“MJ does. Dave is chomping at the bit. He can’t stand being inside all day.”
Mom sniffs a couple of times and we all check for tears, but thankfully there are none. “Well, we’re going to turn in early tonight. Help yourselves to ice cream and soda, boys.” She turns her back to us and puts the lunch bags in the fridge.
“Sure, Mom.”
“Good night. And… it’s seriously great to be here tonight.” Tommy’s entire face turns pink. He’s usually more composed than this. I’m genuinely surprised that he’s so flustered.
“You are always welcome here, Tom. Always.” Dad winks at him. “Good night.”
We watch them shuffle toward the stairs.
“What do ya say we go see what’s on TV?” There’s no reason for me to be nervous, but I am.
“Sounds like a plan.” Tommy leaves the kitchen abruptly. I grab a couple of cans of root beer from the fridge.
When I get to the family room, he’s sprawled on the couch. “Make yourself comfortable,” I say with a smirk and hand him a can.
“Don’t mind if I do.” He matches my smirk with one of his own. But better.
I drop to the floor in front of the couch and sit by his feet. “It’s weird having you here.”
“Maybe it’s been longer than it should have been, but that’s water under the bridge. We’re here together now.”
I nod and pop open my can. “Here’s the remote. Find something to watch.”
Tommy flicks through the channels. “How’s this?”
I glance at the television. Tommy found a baseball game. “Works for me.”
I lean back and suck down my soda. Tommy does the same.
Except for the ball game and some loud root beer burps, it’s quiet in the room. Calm. And peaceful in a way it hasn’t been for a long time. I get up and turn off the light over Tommy’s head. “You don’t need this shining in your eyes.”
As I turn to go back to my spot on the floor, he grabs my wrist and pulls me down on the couch beside him. “I fucking missed being here.”
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out—I realize in time that if I say what I’m thinking, I run the risk of scaring him away.
“I’ve wanted to get you alone since we were at the beach before graduation.” His voice is gruff.
That’s quite a confession. “Uh-huh.” Too bad I’m tongue-tied.
“Waiting for a moment like this… I swear, it’s what’s kept me going.”
Next thing I know his hands are gripping my shoulders and he’s staring into my eyes. “I hear ya…” is all I’m willing to say. I’m afraid to let the very lame cat out of the bag: I live for our after-work ice cream dates.
“Kiss me, Vin. Like you did at the beach.”
He doesn’t have to ask me twice. I dive down and seal my mouth over his, hoping he sucked in a deep breath when he saw me coming, because I don’t plan to stop kissing him until he makes me. Last I saw of his lips, they were stiff and smirking, but not anymore. Now they’re molded to mine. His tongue pokes just over the edge of my bottom teeth, and again, I don’t require a formal invitation; I’m soon buried deep in his mouth.
And then I’m on top of him—I honestly don’t remember climbing here, but at some point, I must have. As I suck on the tip of his tongue, his stiff dick presses into my thigh through our nylon shorts. I shift enough so that my dick is directly on top of his, and I start to grind.
It feels so good to relieve the pressure that I groan “oh, man… oh, man” probably a hundred times. Maybe more. Finally, I brace myself with one hand on the edge of the couch and the other on his hip and go to town.
Tommy’s slower to start, but soon he’s grinding and moaning just like me.
After a few minutes, our kissing subsides and is replaced by feverish promises. “Never gonna let you go, Tommy…”
“Don’t want you to.”
“You’re mine.”
“Yeah… all yours, dude…”
And even though we’re humping each other like rabbits, I’m still surprised when I come in my shorts. But not too shocked to keep grinding until Tommy stiffens and lets go with a loud sigh.
What do you say to your best pal after you humped him until you both shot?
Since I have no clue, I jump to my feet and bolt to the kitchen. I return to the family room with a roll of paper towels under my arm. Tommy is sitting on the edge of the couch looking as shell-shocked as I feel.
I rip off a couple of towels and hand him the roll. “Uh… here you go.”
“Thanks.”
We do the best we can to clean the messes in our pants, and I snatch up the trash. “I’m just gonna go toss this.”
Once again, I head to the kitchen and stuff the dirty paper towels into the bottom of the trash can. When I turn around, Tommy’s in the doorway of the kitchen. “I’m cool with what we did in there.” He nods toward the family room.
I wonder if he means he isn’t worried that he’s now officially condemned to spend an eternity in hell for committing a homosexual act. It’s a sin at his church, but it’s apparently cool at mine. “Like, you aren’t worried about God?”
“Shit—God is the least of my worries.”
I’m not sure what he means, but I don’t ask him to clarify. I just stare at him, glad for the dark room because I can feel warmth spreading across my cheeks.
“It’s gonna be like this… you know, me and you… all summer. Doing whatever we feel like, and not thinking too hard about it.” He steps up to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders.
I stick my nose into his hair. It smells sweet, like honey and almond. “What if I want to think about it?”
I wait for him to say something. Anything. Finally, he says, “You keep me going, Vinny.” It’s a clear subject change.
My fingers are in his hair, twirling the blond curls. I nod.
“I’ve got to head home.”
“I’ll drive you.” My fingers curve around the back of his head and I pull it to my shoulder.
“No need. I took my bike.”
Next, I slide my arms around his waist. And just like I wanted to do on prom night, I start to sway. Not to a romantic ballad, but to the dull sounds of baseball in the next room. He moves with me, and it’s too perfect for words. I let my hands explore his back. The muscles there are tight, so I rub them until they loosen. My fingertips dip into the divot in his lower back, just above his butt, and again a surge of need runs through my veins. We slow dance until a commercial about dog food startles us into coming apart.
I don’t look at him. I can’t. The moment is way too intimate.
“I had a great night, Vinny. I’ll see you at the ice cream parlor after work tomorrow.”
I’m like a bobblehead doll, nodding and nodding as he walks out of the room.
◆◆◆
For the next few days we make do with ice cream visits. I don’t ask questions about why our relationship seems to center around frozen desserts; I somehow know it’s all Tommy can make happen. Each time we stand in line at the window I have to fight the urge to hold his hand. What I really want is to pull him against me, but I know that isn’t going to happen in this town. Today, though, I have news. I can’t even wait until he pulls his bike into the Wynne Creamery parking lot to tell him—I drive to the rec center to meet him before he leaves work, figuring I can throw his bike in the back of the wagon.
I pull into the Wynne Rec Center’s crumbling parking lot, back into a spot in the far corner, and fix my eyes on the door. Tommy’s bike is still locked on the rack, so he hasn’t left yet.
It takes a few minutes for him to come out, and when he does, he isn’t alone. Jenna, her dazzling blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail and wearing black Spandex shorts and a crop top that reads “Work it, girl,” strolls out beside him. Her arm is hooked into his, and she’s laughing. He is too.
Until he spots me in the Volvo. He stops laughing immediately and stares at the ground. He can’t even force a smile, but he manages to stay on his feet. If I were leaning on the car, my knees would surely have buckled. My butt would be on the pavement by now.
After taking a few seconds to collect himself, Tommy hugs Jenna. As she walks away, he calls out to her. She laughs once more but doesn’t stop. He waves as she drives away in what Ellen told me was her high school graduation gift, a sporty red Mazda sedan.
My better judgment instructs me to get the heck out of here. To pull out of the parking lot with a screech and not look back. But I ignore my intuition. I sit in the car, my distraught face made of stone, and wait for him to approach… to deliver whatever line he thinks I’ll buy.
But the sad truth is, I’m not shocked to find them together. I know exactly who he’s been with on all the nights he’s not with me. Just because I don’t accuse him of cheating on me doesn’t mean I’m stupid and haven’t put two and two together.
Tommy has recovered and is, once again, a cool customer. He unlocks his bike, hops on, and rides to the car slowly. He’s in no hurry, or he wants me to think this. “Hey, Vin.”
I pull my elbow in from the where it rests on the open window and adjust my sunglasses. And I nod, unable to greet him in any other way.
He sucks in a gulp of air and confesses. “Okay… maybe I’m still seeing Jenna, but it—”
“It doesn’t mean anything, right?” I finish his excuse. I’m more than ready to do this, seeing as I’ve heard this song and dance a few times, already.
“It doesn’t.”
I pull off my sunglasses and tuck them under the visor but stare straight ahead. My short- term goal is to show him that there are no tears in my eyes. “So why are you still with her?”
“Can I get in the car?”
I hate it when he answers my question with another one. “I guess so.”
Tommy pushes his bike to the back of the car and pops open the hatch. He stuffs it in, slams the door shut, and then climbs in the passenger seat.
We both stare out the windshield until he breaks the silence. “Vinny, it’s like this… I’m kinda torn.”
I never knew simple words could cut so deep. I turn to face him, no longer sure I can hold back tears. “You’re torn between me and her?”
“Fuck, no.” Tommy grabs my knee and squeezes so hard it hurts. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Well?”
He sighs long and loud, and then he does it again. I’m ridiculously glad to see he’s struggling with an explanation. “I’m torn between being who I am and making my folks… you know, happy with me.”
I get that, but... “It’s not just about you, though. My feelings are involved… and Jenna’s too.”
“Yeah.” He shifts so he’s facing me too. “Ever hear of a beard?”
“A what?”
“Jenna’s like, my beard. She’s my cover. So my parents don’t figure it out… about me and you.”
“That’s lame.”
“Maybe so… and I’m not proud of it. But it’s working, isn’t it? Mom isn’t onto us.” He grabs my shoulders and shakes me, just hard enough to get my attention. “Remember, Vin, you’re mine. And in case you’re wondering, you are the only one I get physical with. Jenna and me… we just go to movies and church shit together—that’s where it begins and ends. It’s you and me in every way that counts.”
My heart skips a few beats at his declaration, and then it starts to pound. The sound is loud in my ears; I wonder if Tommy can hear. It crosses my mind that I’m having a heart attack and I’m about to kick the bucket in the driver’s seat of my hand-me-down Volvo in the rec center parking lot, but it’s more likely that this is the sound a heart makes when it’s breaking.
“Can you just try to be cool with this situation?” Tommy pleads.
I shake my head because I’m not cool with sharing him. “You don’t love her?”
“Hell, no.”
I should be more concerned about Jenna’s feelings, and I know it. Nonetheless, the wave of relief that washes over me is overwhelming. “I don’t know if I can do this…” I utter, but it’s a lie. I can do it because I’ve been doing it… I’ve been sharing Tommy with Jenna all summer. In truth, nothing has changed between us since yesterday. The only difference is that what I’ve long suspected about Jenna and Tommy has been confirmed. “My parents are going away overnight—tomorrow night. They’re taking Dee to music camp in New York City,” I blurt out.
I don’t formally invite him to join me, but Tommy isn’t stupid either. “I want to stay with you… at your house… in your room.”
In my bed…
“That’ll never happen. Your parents keep track of you like it’s their job.” It kind of is their job, though.
“I’ll figure it out. I can make it work. I mean it.”
Tommy pulls me against him. It feels so good I can’t help but hold on.
“Tomorrow night, it’s gonna be you and me.”
I nod, probably too eagerly. Tommy’s a cheater and I’m right here beside him.
◆◆◆
He’s as good as his word.
Tommy somehow makes it work, and we’re alone at the breakfast bar in my kitchen, chowing down on pepperoni pizza.
“So how did you manage to get away from home for a whole night?” I ask between bites.
Tommy grabs another slice. “It doesn’t matter. I’m here, right?”
I’m still curious, but I don’t push it. Maybe I don’t want to know the specifics of the lie he told his parents. “Right.”
“I don’t think we should do anything out in public, though. Someone could see me and...”
“And that would suck because you’re cheating on your girlfriend… with me.” My voice sounds sour when I finish his sentence.
“That’s not the only reason why.” Tommy stands and pushes the bar stool back. “I don’t want to leave here, anyway. We never get to be alone.” He looks directly into my eyes.
It’s one of those meaningful glances that has a message hidden in it. I hope it means that he wants to spend the whole night alone with me—touching me—because that’s what I want to do with him.
“Finish that slice.” He closes the pizza box and picks up the paper plates. “Let’s take our root beer to your bedroom.”
A thrill of shivers bolts up my spine and I nod a couple times, as usual, way too eager. Looks like I’m easy. In five minutes flat, all signs of our private pizza party are wiped away and I’m following him up the stairs. Tommy knows I’m trailing behind him; he never glances back to check.
◆◆◆
We’ve been stretched out beside each other on this bed, shoulders pressed together, countless times before right now, but it feels different. Tonight has a different kind of meaning. Tommy is risking it all to be here, and we both know it. This alone gives tonight importance. And I’m like a freaking puppy, waiting breathlessly for any small show of his attention… of his affection.
He reaches across his belly and grabs my arm. “This is all I want, you know.”
I’m not sure I buy his claim; if I were really his choice he’d give up everything to be with me. All he’s doing is taking a one-night risk.
“You don’t believe me.”
I’m not a liar. I hide my feelings, but I don’t lie about them. So I don’t deny his accusation.
“I’m not going to bullshit you, Vinny. I want this thing with you, but I’m torn. Not because of Jenna, but because I’m about ninety-five per cent sure my parents would disown me if they knew.”
“Knew what?”
“If they knew that… I’m gay.”
It’s the first time either of us have classified the nature what’s going on with us. Unfortunately, he’s got it wrong. “I’m not so sure I’m gay, Tommy.”
“Then what the fuck are we doing in bed together?”
I sit up and lean against the headboard. “It’s not like this with all guys… I mean, I don’t feel attracted to, like, the whole soccer team. It’s just you.” I force myself to look at him. His eyes are wide; he’s paying attention to my every word. “You know?”
Tommy grabs me by the shoulders, his fingers curved like hooks, and he drags me down on top of him. “I’m totally gay, dude. And it’s you. Talk about a double whammy…”
I don’t require any begging or pleading to move this thing forward. I need closeness with him so bad that I dive in like Tommy’s my dessert, a rare treat that after tonight I may never again have a chance to indulge in again. I cover his lips with mine, mold my body to his, and Tommy melts into me. I don’t even give him a chance to suck in a breath before I’m opening his mouth with my tongue. He tastes spicy, like pepperoni, and amazing, like Tommy.
When he reaches up and grasps the sides of my face, I shake my head and he lets go. I’m the one devouring him. I’m taking what I need, taking what is mine… in a way I know Jenna would never do. And I want his hands to stay still. I want him to let me do this. Maybe it will prove something to me, if not to him.
So I don’t hesitate in refusing him the chance to morph this make-out session into something sweet and gentle. And mutual… although it truly is. I’m all about showing him who he belongs to—and if I can’t do it by just being me, I’ll do it with my body. Tommy doesn’t resist as I push his head back with my palm and stick my face into the stubbly hollow of his neck. I want to mark him so badly— my lips and tongue tingle with the need—but I don’t. He trusts me to keep this secret of ours. A hickey on his neck would satisfy my need to claim him but would certainly reveal our secret. Jenna, Tommy’s “beard,” would surely know she hadn’t left the mark.
I nibble and lick his neck and jaw, and soon shift my attention to the inside of his ear. When he groans it sounds like surrender, which was just what I was hoping for. “I want to…” I almost ask if I can take his clothes off, but I stop myself before the words come out. I’m showing him what I want and need. I’m letting him see who I am and what he is to me. He can say no, and I’ll stop. Tommy knows this.
Before I give it too much thought, I’ve already slid off him and started unbuttoning his shirt. My hands are hungry for the touch of his skin. No… my hands are greedy. As soon as his shirt falls open, I slide my greedy hands onto his chest and find his nipples. I squeeze each of them between two fingers until I hear another groan. I wonder if Jenna has ever touched him like this. I’m almost certain she hasn’t. I squeeze again.
My exploration of his body has just begun. And I’m not satisfied with a couple of needy groans, I want to hear him cry out with pleasure. “I’ve never…” I start to confess my newbie status with sexual activity. I’ve never given anyone but myself this kind of pleasure before, but I change my mind. Tommy also knows this.
“I haven’t either…” he utters, understanding what I was about to reveal. And it’s as if he gave me an unexpected gift. And I know that in this way, he’s mine… all mine.
I push his shirt off his shoulders and he helps by pulling each arm from its sleeve. When his shirt falls off my bed to the floor and he glances up at me, aware of his near nudity, it hits me hard: Tommy is beautiful. Before I go any further, I study him. His chest is lean and muscled, dusted lightly with white-blond hair. His expression, usually cool and collected, is open and eager. He looks as needy as I feel. Being here in bed, with him gazing at me this way, is what my dreams have been made of since middle school. Tonight I’m living them.
“You’d look good in nothing but a friendship bracelet,” I say. I’m not exactly Shakespeare, but I’m always honest. Before he has a chance to reply, I make my move. For a second, nervousness has me fumbling with the button of his khaki shorts, but when he doesn’t push me away, I grow bold. He’s unbuttoned and unzipped in a split second. I don’t wait to push down his shorts. I can’t wait. My greedy hand slides beneath the waistband of his boxers, and I wrap my fingers around his dick. This time we both groan.
Tommy isn’t satisfied with all the clothes I wear. Mid-groan he reaches down and starts tugging on my T-shirt. I tear it off and get quickly back to business.
“I want to do somethin’ to you.” I’m surprised at the confidence ringing out in my voice. I sound much surer of myself than I feel.
“Do it.” He doesn’t ask me what it is, and I’m glad. Explanations are harder than actions.
I pull off his shorts and boxers together, push his legs apart, and climb between them. I can’t make myself look at his face right now, even though I desperately want to see his expression. What’s happening here is just too unreal. Eye contact may cause the moment to fizzle into awkwardness, and I’m not going to let that happen.
I bend in half and am faced with his stiff dick. This is a moment of reckoning; before I go for it I’m hit with a significant question.
Am I gay? Because if I’m not, this is a peculiar position to have put myself in.
The thing is, it doesn’t matter if I’m gay or bi or whatever, which sounds messed-up, but actually isn’t. Because this is Tommy—my everything for as long as I can remember. I want to take him into my mouth. I want to taste him. I want to make him squirm when he feels my tongue circling and sliding on him. I want to blow his mind.
I do my best to make this happen. And from the squeaky noises he makes as I massage every inch of his length with my tongue, I think it’s working.
“Jesus, Vinny!” The words come out on a gasp. He runs his hands through my hair. “This feels fucking unbelievable…” His fingernails drag against my scalp. “I wanna hold off… but I just don’t think I…”
His voice sounds different than ever before, deep and gritty. And I’m like a different guy too. There’s nothing shy or tentative about me; it’s like I’m eating him alive. Devouring him, so he’ll always be part of me. When he’s about to come, he tries to push me off, but I suck harder because I’m going to be the one to take everything Tommy has to give. I want it all.
He stiffens and thrusts. I gag a little because he goes so deep, but I start swallowing when he shoots. “Oh, God…” His dick is lodged too deep in my throat for me to taste him, and I’m a little disappointed. I wanted to learn his flavor, which seems crazy, but it’s true.
When he relaxes onto my bed, I pull my lips from him. And I wait, wondering what comes next. I’m as horny as I’ve ever been in my entire life, but I have no expectations. Tonight isn’t about me getting off. It’s about showing Tommy who he belongs to.
“That was no doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He shivers.
I let my head fall sideways on his belly before I smile.
“I want to show you how it feels.”
“I don’t need you to do that to me,” I say. It isn’t exactly a protest—it’s just a plain fact. I accomplished what I wanted. And I think I really did blow his mind.
“Well, too fucking bad.” Tommy starts to pull my basketball shorts down. I bat his hands away and finish the job. And finally, our gazes collide. He still looks as open and eager as before. I hope I don’t look too lecherous.
“Before you do it, let me rub on you.” I can’t resist. We’re naked in bed together for the first time ever, and I need to feel his body against mine. I lower myself on top of him, and the sensation of skin on skin is sort of life-changing. We fit together perfectly. I knew we would, but now I have ironclad proof. I think about God, just for a second, and I know that something this perfect can’t be sinful. I move against him, aware that my dick is poking pretty brutally into his leg. He lifts his thigh to encourage me; I don’t think he minds my raging hard on one bit.
“Climb up me,” he urges, and I’m not sure what he means.
He pushes and pulls me so that I’m crawling up his body, my dick dragging against his waist, and then his chest, and soon I’m straddling his face. “I can’t do this to you—not like this.” I can’t thrust into his mouth like I’m having sex.
“I want you to.” His hands grip my ass and he draws me in.
“But I’ll choke you.”
“No, you won’t.”
He licks my tip and I can’t hold back. I push into his mouth as slowly as I can. My dick is welcomed by Tommy’s eager tongue. The sensation isn’t something I can describe in words. But knowing it’s my Tommy taking me in, sucking so hard, is almost too much. “I’ll be careful.” I don’t know why I say this, especially because as soon as the words come out I start thrusting for real. I just don’t want to ever do anything to hurt him. And I want to always respect him.
Tommy’s groaning again, in a very good way. I think he likes my enthusiasm. He lets go of one of my butt cheeks and starts moving beneath me. I glance back to see him stroking himself. It turns me on even more, and I go to town. I don’t thrust too deep, but I go fast. It doesn’t take long and we’re both coming. He lets me fill up his mouth and swallows it down. I hear him gulp, and I wish I could come some more just to hear that sound again. Maybe it’s a warped thought, but I can’t change how I feel. And even after we’re done I’m slow to pull out of him.
I feel so close to Tommy, and not just because of the blowjobs. It’s like we gave each other some kind of promise. It’s probably stupid, but I think he really is mine now, and I know I’m his.
And the night keeps getting better, although I don’t know how this can be possible after what we just did. I guess it’s just the closeness. We’re relaxed together like we haven’t been since we were kids and things weren’t so complicated. Holding Tommy is even better than getting busy with him. I like the way he’s sprawled on my chest, his weight a welcome burden. I can’t get enough of his hair in my face—I’d know its sweet scent anywhere, even if I was kidnapped and blindfolded in the trunk of a car. And he’s spending time with me—not rushed and worried about how many minutes he has left, but never-checking-his-phone, lazy time, with no expectations except to explore each other’s skin with our still-greedy hands.