LAUREN

 

The next night Derek appeared at work. He pulled me aside and apologised, saying it was difficult for him knowing how much he had hurt me and also knowing there was no way he could ever make up for it. Gabe walked past and glared at us talking in the storeroom. He looked much like I did the day before. Red, tired eyes, glazed from too much alcohol and not enough sleep. For the rest of the night he wouldn’t meet my eye. In fact, he barely acknowledged me at all. 

* * *

Thursday night Derek took me to the movies again and afterwards, he walked me to the door. Only this time, when he leaned in for a kiss, it wasn’t a chaste peck on the cheek. He crushed his mouth against mine and held me against the door, pawing at my breast. “How long are you going to make me wait?” he breathed roughly in my ear.

I pushed him away. “It hasn’t even been two weeks, Derek.”

“It’s been months,” he moaned.

I couldn’t understand why he kept saying things like that. All it did was remind me of why it had been a few months. It never seemed to occur to him though.

“I miss you,” he whispered, stepping closer and bringing his mouth to my neck, gently peppering it with kisses.

I willed myself not to think about Gabe kissing the same spot but it was hard not to. The difference in the way I felt was poles apart, but I reminded myself it was only because Gabe was daring and tempting and forbidden. Had I been with him for as long as I was with Derek, my body’s response would have been different. Still, I couldn’t get him out of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, it was his face I saw. The way he smiled and how one side of his mouth twitched higher than the other. The gleam in his eyes. The feel of his skin under my fingers.

I shook my head to clear the thoughts. “Not tonight, Derek. It’s just too soon.”

Derek stopped his attempt at seducing me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a warm embrace. “I’m so sorry, babe. I should have never put you through what I did, especially after…” He looked at me and stopped talking.

Tears welled in my eyes, and I pulled back from him, trying to brush them away.

“It was never my intention to hurt you. You believe me, don’t you?”

I sniffed the tears away. “I just need to take things slowly, Derek. I’m still trying to come to terms with everything in my head.”

“But you know I love you? You believe me when I say it, don’t you?”

I was torn. Part of me wished to yell and scream at him but the other part just simply couldn’t be bothered. And that was the part that scared me. The part that just wanted to forget the hurt, forget the last few months and just go back to the way things were before. It would be so tempting to run into Derek’s arms, fall into bed and forget all the pain of the last few months. But I knew it would still be there. I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to go over the horrid details out loud. I just needed to process them within myself and come to terms with them in my own way.

Derek sighed deeply when I didn’t answer. “What about the weekend?”

“What about it?” I asked, suddenly feeling tired and worn and ready to be done with this conversation. I wanted to crawl into bed. Alone. I couldn’t help smiling inwardly at that. Wasn’t it typical? For nights, I had longed to share the bed with Derek again, and now, faced with the chance, all I wanted was to be alone.

“Could I stay the weekend? I’d bring an overnight bag and we could just give things a go. See how it feels to be properly together again. A sleepover. And I wouldn’t pressure you into anything you didn’t want to do.” On seeing my hesitation, Derek kept talking, “I know you want to wait, to give things time, but I don’t know what we are waiting for. Tracey is gone. She is out of my life for good. I swear. You took my ring back. Why not give it everything we’ve got? What have we got to lose?”

I told Derek I would think about it. I knew I should just say yes. Everyone would be happy if I said yes. Mother, Peta, Shrek. But a certain man with blond hair tucked behind his ears kept appearing in my thoughts. It didn’t seem fair to Derek if I was still plagued with thoughts of him. Still, there was a part of me that knew Gabe would just stay there unless I did say yes to Derek.

* * *

Peta sighed, put her hands on her hips and looked around the café. “You would think it was a week night or something.”

The café was unusually quiet for a Friday night. It was just Peta and I left, as she had sent Jordan home early. It may have had something to do with the fact that Gabe had requested the night off. There were a few groups of girls that walked in and promptly left again when they saw he wasn’t on. The clock seemed to tick louder than usual and I was having a difficult time blocking out the noise in the silence of the café.

“Guess we may as well start cleaning now,” Peta said. “We’ll leave the coffee machine until last.” There was a moment of silence as I stood and glared at the clock. “You alright?” Peta asked. “You’ve been awfully quiet the past couple of days.”

“I think we should take down the clock, or remove its batteries or something,” I muttered.

Peta just raised her eyebrows.

“It’s too loud,” I insisted.

She folded her arms and leaned against the counter.

I sighed and slumped my shoulders. “Fine,” I groaned. “Derek wants to stay the weekend.”

“And?” Peta asked.

“And I’m not sure if I want him to.”

She looked surprised and pulled herself up to sit on the counter. “I’m going to clean it later, anyway,” she said, brushing aside my look of feigned shock. “Have you not, you know.” She pumped her fists together and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

I shook my head. “Not yet.”

“Hmmm,” Peta said.

“Hmmm, what?”

She held up her hand innocently. “Nothing, just hmmm. And why do you think that is, Miss Greer? Or, is it Mrs Lees again? I noticed the ring.”

My ring shone brightly and I twisted it around my finger. It was a pretty ring, not your usual engagement style. It was rose gold, set with rubies. It was Derek’s grandmother’s and meant a lot to his family.

“I thought having him back is what you wanted?” she said when I didn’t reply.

“It was. It is.” It was hard to explain how I was feeling. I loved Derek, I really did, despite everything he had done. It would be so easy to simply fall back into the way things were before, but there was that constant nagging in my mind, reminding me of what he had done. Who he had done. And then there was Gabe. Despite my efforts, I couldn’t shake him from my mind even though I knew it was foolishness. “I’m just really confused.”

Peta slipped off the counter and wrapped her arms around me. “It’s okay,” she said. “You’re allowed to take your time. You’re allowed to make him wait. You’re allowed to refuse, if you want. You just make sure you do what you want to do and not listen to what anyone else wants.” She pulled back and held me at arm’s length. “I will always be on your side, no matter what. Okay?”

I smiled. “Okay.”

“Much better.” Peta straightened her apron. “Looks like we’ve got customers.” She nodded to where a group of drunken young people were staring in the window. My heart leapt into my throat when I saw one of them was Gabe with his arm wrapped around Haleigh, the bikini-clad girl from the beach. Drew’s ex.

Gabe pressed his forehead against the glass. “You still open?” he yelled.

“Not for the likes of you, Gabe Thornton.” Peta laughed. “And take your sticky head off my clean windows!”

Gabe jerked his head off the window and stumbled backwards so Drew had to steady both him and Haleigh.

“Oh great,” Peta said, shaking her head. “He’s off his face. This should be interesting.”

Gabe and his entourage spilled through the door. “Hey buddy,” he said, looking over at me. “Having a good night?” I ignored him and turned away. Gabe clapped and rubbed his hands together. “What shall we have, people? My shout.”

Peta keyed the orders and I began making the drinks. Gabe stood, his arm slung around Haleigh, watching me. “Not too hot, remember,” he said, leaning over the counter. “I don’t want a burned tongue. I’ve got to put it to good use later.” He drew Haleigh close to him and kissed her. I stared at the milk frothing about the jug and tried not to let the jealousy that rose from the pit of my stomach show on my expression. He was playing games that I didn’t want to play. “I’ll bring them over,” I said, without looking up.

“Sorry.” Drew stood in front of me. “I tried to stop him coming here, but there’s no reasoning with him when he gets like this.”

I shrugged and plastered on a smile. “It’s none of my concern.”

Drew’s expression told me he knew otherwise.

“But how do you feel about it all?” I nodded to where Haleigh was sitting on Gabe’s knee.

“Over it.” He shrugged. “Gabe’s rather persistent when he wants something, even if his methods are a little off.”

I just raised an eyebrow and finished making the orders. I wasn’t sure if he was referring to Haleigh or me. Drew helped to take the drinks over to the table. Haleigh was still on Gabe’s knee, which he jiggled violently, causing her over-exposed breasts to wobble. She wrapped her arm around his neck and looked up at me, blinking not so innocently.

“You alright there, buddy? Gabe asked. “You look almost pissed off. Is something bothering you?”

I smiled tightly. “No, nothing at all.”

Dumping the remaining drinks on the table, I walked out to the storeroom. I needed to get away. I needed to breathe. I knew what he was doing, but I was annoyed that despite that knowledge, I was still insanely jealous. I wanted to walk out there and slap that girl. I also wanted to sit on Gabe’s lap and devour him, even though he was acting impossibly stupid and immature.

“Everything okay in here?” Gabe said as he poked his head around the corner and leaned on the doorway.

“Fine.” I grabbed a bag of coffee beans and held them up. “I just needed more beans.”

“At the end of a shift?” Gabe grinned wickedly and stepped further into the doorway, blocking my exit.

“Yes, at the end of a shift.” I pushed against him. “Move, Gabe.”

Even though he was stumbling before, now he stood tall and solid, without a hint of drunkenness apart from the glaze to his eyes. I pushed against his chest but it didn’t move him an inch. I’d never been considered a small girl, but standing there, trapped by him, I felt a little helpless. It grew hot and I became overwhelmed, feeling confined, yet exposed.

“Move, Gabe,” I said again, this time more gently. “Please.”

He slid out of the way and I felt his gaze burn into me as I walked back out into the café.

“Everything okay back there?” Peta asked when I reappeared.

“He’s drunk,” I replied.

“No kidding.”

Gabe sauntered back to the table and Haleigh walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist before snaking them up his chest. Gabe’s eyes never left mine, and even when I tried to look away, I couldn’t. He grabbed at Haleigh’s arm and pulled her around to face him, lowering his head and kissing her deeply, watching for my reaction.

I felt sick.

“Yuck,” Peta said beside me. “That’s not an image I wanted to be burned in my mind. And just think.” She patted my leg. “That could have been you.” She laughed and I did my best to laugh too. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my phone and texted Derek.

 

Me: See you tonight.