Noah
I watched Teagan storm into her house and slam her front door, knowing full well I couldn’t go inside my house tonight. JD showing up outside the hotel meant I needed to steer clear of the house until he calmed down.
Hell, I'd taken a risk even coming back to the street, but there was no way I wasn’t dropping Teagan home after what had happened between us in the elevator.
I sent a text to Low, asking if it was okay to crash at his place as I sat in my car staring up at Teagan's house until her bedroom light came on. And then I had to clench my eyes shut and force myself to stop imagining what she was doing up there…
A virgin…
I hadn’t been expecting that – hadn’t even realized it until afterwards when I saw her thighs. I'd never been with a virgin before and that knowledge did nothing to stem the confusing emotions raging inside of me.
Dammit, I screwed up big time by taking that job from Gonzalez. George was going to make me pay for it and that was fine. I had no problem paying for my mistakes, but I fucking knew in my heart that the stakes had changed.
Tonight had changed everything and I'd unintentionally managed to put the one person who meant something to me in danger…
Reluctantly cranking the engine of my car I reversed out of Teagan's driveway and decided to drive the familiar route eastwards – the one I both craved and dreaded – to the Haven-Bay Clinic while I waited for Low to reply.
As I sat in the visiting room of the Haven-Bay rehabilitation center my mind kept drifting back to Teagan and what she'd said to me...
"Why do I get the feeling that you need someone to fight for you as ferociously as you fight for those men?"
God, those words caused me to shudder and I dropped my head with a sigh. Teagan didn’t know how right she was…
"Hello Noah."
My entire frame stiffened from the sound of her voice.
Exhaling slowly I stood and faced the frail blonde woman standing in the doorway – the woman who was partially responsible for my train wreck of a life.
"Hello mom."
"What are you doing here?" my mother asked me as she looked around the room. Her gaze landed on my face and she looked through me with indifference…there was no love or even fondness in her eyes and that hurt like something fierce. "Where's George?"
"Fuck George," I snapped, feeling infuriated beyond belief. It was a fucking disgrace that I had to ask his permission to see my own mother, but then again it was her fault the bastard had so much power over us. "I needed to see you," I told her in as calm a tone as I could muster. "We need to talk."
Her brown eyes were wide and cautious as she pushed the rim of her glasses higher on her nose – a nervous trait – and slowly moved further into the room. "Why didn’t you write me?" she asked as she lowered herself onto the brown leather couch opposite me. "You know I don’t like seeing you."
You would think after eighteen years of hearing shit like this I would be immune to her lack of feeling towards me, but no it still stung like a bitch.
"There's a lot of things I don’t like doing either, mom, but I do them for you," I shot back tightly as I studied her emotionless expression. "And what I want to talk to you about isn’t something I wanna write in a fucking letter."
My mother's dark eyes flared with resentment. "You grow more like your brother each day," she spat, wrapping her arms around her knees. "That dirty mouth." She scratched at her the back of hands and I noticed her nails weren’t taped up tonight. "I should wash your mouth out with soap."
"I'm eighteen now, Mom, not eight so I'd like to see you try," I replied dryly. "And please don’t start with the brother shit again. It's getting really old."
I didn’t have a brother. I didn’t have sister either for that matter. I was my parent's only child, but when my mother got angry she would always accuse me of being the reincarnation of my phantom brother.
"I don’t want you here," she snarled.
"And I don’t want to clear up yours and dad's mess for the rest of my life," I snapped, chest heaving. "I can't do it anymore, mom," I choked out. "I need out."
"You can't," she screeched, eyes wild with panic. "You have to do this…"
"Look at me," I countered in an even tone. I gestured to my bloodied and bruised face. "Is this the life you want for me…" I paused and forced myself to get a grip before finishing. "I'm gonna die if I don’t get out soon, mom."
Images of Teagan flooded me and I flinched. I didn’t want this life anymore. I wanted a fucking shot at a future like everyone else. I wanted to be able to take that girl to the movies and not fear every second of it… I wanted her to know me, the real me, and I wanted the absolute fucking guarantee that spending time with me wouldn’t put her in danger. I had to get out of this…
"You're just like him," Mom snarled. "He used me for my body – same as you."
Clutching her forehead with her hands, mom began to shake her head rapidly, digging her nails roughly into the skin covering her forehead. "Toxic. Another one of his spawn growing inside of me…tainting me…"
"Mom, stop," I begged as I stood up quickly and moved towards her.
Dropping onto my knees in front of her I gently pried her fingers away from her face. "Please don’t do that," I managed to choke out, the pain of watching her hurt herself as cutting as ever. "Please."
It hurt to see her in this state considering before she'd had me she'd once had a stable life and a good career. But something had happened to my mother, something more than her illness... I blamed my dad for introducing her to drugs, but it was more than that. She was so secretive, so lost… and I couldn’t figure it out…
"The things I've done, Noah," she rambled as I held her hands in mine. Tears streamed from her eyes, trickling down her cheeks and I couldn’t stop myself from pulling her onto my lap. "The things I'm responsible for…because of him – because of you."
"Shh," I coaxed, wrapping my arms around my mother's frail body. "It's okay. You're safe."
"You can't stop, Noah," she cried. "There's no way out..."
"Kelsie, what are you doing out of bed?" A soothing female voice asked from behind me and my mother froze in my arms.
"Do as you're told," she hissed into my ear. "Don’t let what happened to him happen to me – you let him die…"
My mother's words impaled me and I staggered backwards, landing on my ass. "Mom, that wasn’t my fault," I whispered.
"Come on, sweetie," the nurse coaxed, helping my mother off the couch before turning to me. "You need to leave, Mr. Messina," she ordered as she shuffled my mother towards the door. "Your mother is having a bad day. She had a visitor earlier today and she's been agitated ever since."
I bet.
I needed to leave this place, but I knew in my heart I was as trapped as her… "Okay," I muttered, climbing to my feet. "I'll talk to you soon, Mom," I told her, but it was too late.
My mother was gone.
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