Chapter 1
CHARLI
Sixteen years old
IT IS MY SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY. Not that I feel like celebrating. My parents were taken from me only a few months ago.
Why?
How?
All I want are answers.
I will never get them.
The drunk driver that killed my parents gets to live. Mom
My parents were good people. They never spoke ill of anyone and they never caused trouble. Yet…they’re gone. They’ll never be back.
I sit on my bed with my arms wrapped around a teddy bear Eli bought after it happened. It is grey, fluffy and so cuddly. I sleep with my teddy every night. I named him Marshal—it’s not very original, but the bear just looks like a Marshal. The name is wellsuited.
I dread going downstairs. My Nana put together a birthday party for me. I told her I didn’t want one, but she insisted. I will only turn sixteen once. Nana is convinced I need to celebrate. I decide I’ll go so it makes her happy. My friends will be here but they really don’t know what to say to me about my parents’ death. I know it is hard for them when they awkwardly tell me they’re sorry. The hugs that come after are even more uncomfortable, but it helps. A little.
I never dreamt the last conversation I would ever have with Mom would be about what she wanted to order for dinner before her date with Dad. My parents went out on date night once a week. Dad told me it was their grown-up time.
Mom was gorgeous. I hope I look like her when I finish growing up. My father was my hero, but aren’t all Dads heroes to their little girls?
Now, all I have of them are memories and photos to look back
on. Fragments of how happy we once were. Memories of ghosts.
Jensen has been partying most nights. It is now a usual thing
for my older brother. He and his friends are always getting in
trouble, especially when they go out to drink. Jensen parties more
these days. Worse, he snaps at me all the time to get out of his
room when I need him. I’ve stopped trying to get close to him. I
don’t even know if he has remembered my birthday party.
I have feelings for Eli, the same guy who gave me the teddy
bear. He is sweet. He always winks at me. I know he is there for
me if I need to talk to someone instead of my brother. Well, okay.
I think I have more than just feelings for Eli.
I’m convinced I’m in love with him.
I know he doesn’t have the best home life, so I’ve never said
anything to him about it. He never speaks of his awful step-dad.
Neither did my parents when they were still alive. They had acted
like they didn’t know, so maybe they had no clue what really
happened.
I get off my bed when I hear people arriving. I have to be
polite, and smile. Nana might get upset if I don’t look like I’m
enjoying every minute of the party.
It can’t hurt, right?
Maybe I’ll surprise myself and enjoy it.
The first person I run into downstairs is Eli. I’m giddy that
he came, but does he want to be here? Or was he forced to come,
like Jensen? Speaking of my big brother, he’s pouting in the corner
of the living room because Nana has taken his car keys.
“Hey Charli, you look beautiful,” Eli says.
His dimples from his megawatt smile drive me crazy.
“Thank you,” I say.
He eyes my simple blue dress I chose for the party. My cheeks
turn hot. Seriously? Thank you? That’s all I can come up with?
Geez, Charli, really intelligent!
“Thanks for inviting me. Here, I got you this.”
He holds out a present for me.
I smile and take it from him. Our fingers brush against each
other and my entire body ignites.
If he feels anything, he doesn’t show it.
Eli is the only guy that seems to do that to me. I know I
shouldn’t have feelings for him. I know we can never be together.
I mean, I’m a kid. What does Eli want with a stupid kid? He has
known me for most of my life. He used to laugh at me when he
caught me dancing or singing to my favorite boy bands. But he
always clapped, like I had put on a show, and it made me ecstatic.
It makes me like him more.
His smirk makes me think he feels it too, but he wouldn’t say
anything. He’s a good guy. He’s always nice to me and makes me
feel special.
I start to unwrap the present he brought me, eager to see
what it is.
Inside are copies of The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks and Me
Before You by Jojo Moyes.
I release a giggle.
“They’re some of your favorites, right?” he asks stepping
closer to me. He smells like sweat and sunshine.
Okay, maybe I made that last part up. I don’t think anyone
has ever gotten close enough to the Sun to know what it smells
like… Unless they want to be turned into a crispy critter. I think
Eli is sexy. Crispy fried Eli… Not so sexy.
“Yes, thank you! I love these.”
He knows what I love to read! My heart does a silly little
flutter thing that makes me want to kiss him.
“I mean, I hope you don’t have them and I’m just giving you
extra copies?” he says, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck.
“I saw them, and knew you liked the romance stuff, so—”
I shake my head at his adorable rambling.
“It’s okay, Eli! I haven’t gotten a copy of these yet.”
I give him the biggest smile I can. What I won’t tell him is I
have already read them at school, but just hadn’t bought the books
for myself yet.
“Alright, let’s go, sweetie. Everyone is out the back waiting,”
my Nana says, interrupting us.
Eli holds out his hand for me. He must know this day will be
tough on me. I hold his hand as tight as I can. The smile on his
face is as charming as ever. He often does this when he can see
I’m not coping. Just having that contact with him makes me feel
light as a feather.
Eli makes my heart beat so fast that my head spins out of
control, making me dizzy. I stop just before he starts walking with
me. Eli captures my gaze with his.
“You got this,” he says, grinning.
I nod knowing he’s right as long as he’s beside me, I can do
this. Eli doesn’t realize how much this means to me. His being
here—it’s the most precious thing he can ever give me.
Well… other than himself.
Of course, a girl can only dream.
We walk outside and everyone cheers.
They sing happy birthday to me. Eli joins in, dragging my
brother with him, and smiles. I stare up at Eli, infatuated with
how his presence just eases me. He truly makes everything seem
better, even if it’s just for a little while.
After I open my presents and cut the cake—red velvet, my
favourite—I go to my room for some privacy. I grab The Notebook
open it.
I’m so deep in to my book from Eli, I don’t hear the door open.
I only notice him when he cleared his throat.
“Hey,” Eli says.
I look up from the book and gave him a smile.
“Have you had a good birthday?” He asks.
I nod with a smile and lay my book down on my lap. I pat the
edge of my bed and invite Eli to sit.
“I actually did, I mean it still sucked big time, but it was nice.
Thank you for my books. I love them,” I say.
He smirks and winks at me. He always does that. I never see
him wink or smile at other girls.
He lays down and stares at the ceiling thoughtfully. Then he
places his hands beneath his head. I see a slip of his skin because
his shirt starts riding up. It sends tingles through my body. Eli is
very handsome and he knows it; he uses it to his advantage all the
time to get the girls to flirt with him. His body is incredible. Every
inch of him is filled with sculpted muscles, His jeans teased that
magical “V” that leads to a promise I will never see.
I release a soft breath as I take in the sight of his stomach. I
have seen him without his shirt on countless times before, but it
still heats my skin whenever I catch a glimpse. He has gotten
tattoos now that covered his side, shoulders, and his back. He got
his first one at eighteen. After that, he just keeps adding to his
skin. I admire them now when he has his shirt off.
“Well I’m glad it wasn’t as shitty as you thought it would be.”
He turns his head to glance at me. I tear my eyes away from his
stomach and catch him smirking again. He knows I was ogling
him.
Really Smooth, Charli.
I speak to Eli for what seemed like hours until he tells me he
must leave. He and the guys are heading to a different party
because Jensen weaselled his way back into Nana’s good graces.
My heart catches. I know Eli will pick someone up there. It’s what
Jensen, Eli, and their other friends do at parties. They’re all
players—whichever women they chose to sleep with that night
just become another notch in the bedpost. So, since I know that,
why is my heart falling in love with Eli? He is the one guy I
shouldn’t have feelings for.
Am I stupid to have those feelings?
I know Eli will never feel the same, but some part of me—
even if it was the smallest part—hopes that maybe someday he
will.