Chapter Fourteen
Mia
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
I agreed to go on a date with Jordan.
What was I thinking?
I wasn’t thinking. That’s the point. I was looking into his amazing eyes and saying yes before I knew what I was agreeing to.
It was my fault because there was all that talk of Beth’s date … I got confused and thought he was asking me out … and me being me, I blurted out what I was thinking, which I seem to do all the time around him, and before I knew it, he was asking, and I was saying yes.
I should back out.
I don’t want to, but I should. I don’t have the best track record when it comes to men. I’m not a winner picker.
But this is Jordan.
And I’m about eighty-five percent sure I can trust him. He’s given me no reason to not. And yes, I know Forbes came across as trustworthy in the beginning, but back then I was naïve and a fool.
I’m not that person anymore. I know the signs to look for, and I see none of them in Jordan.
There’s no over the top niceness, which is there in the beginning to hide the monster lying in wait. There’s no control in his personality. He is just who he is. If anything, Jordan has been really open and honest with me about his past.
If all he cared about is tricking me and getting me where he wants me – in his bed and under his control – that wouldn’t be the way. And men like that are not honest. Not right away, anyway.
Jordan’s fun. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel happiness in a way I’ve never known. I love being around him, and I think I deserve some fun; some happiness and laughter in my life.
And really, it is just one date. It’s not as if I’m marrying the guy.
I should just go out with him tonight and see how it goes. I’ve got absolutely nothing to lose, and we won’t be alone. Beth will be there with her date too.
It’ll be fine.
Taking a deep breath, I survey myself in the mirror.
I wasn’t sure what to wear. Jordan said I shouldn’t wear anything I’m too attached to as apparently it’s a paint party at the club tonight. I’ve never heard of that before, but it sounds fun, if not a little messy. But I’m all up for trying new things at the moment.
I’m not really a dancer, and I’m not attached to any of my clothes, so it’s not too difficult for me to choose what to wear. It’s a really warm evening, so I’ve decided to wear a white tank top and khaki linen pants. I’ve accessorized with a cute black and white bead necklace and matching bracelet that I picked up while shopping with Jordan yesterday.
I want to look as nice as possible, but I don’t have a lot to work with here. Not much can be done with my short hair, but the style has really grown on me and it looks cool.
I’ve applied some make-up – mascara, blusher and lip-gloss. I also used cover-up as there is still a trace of yellow bruising around my eye. No hiding the cut on my brow, but it’s healing nicely.
I’m just fastening the laces on my sneakers when there’s a knock at the door.
My date is here.
A swarm of fireflies takes flight in my stomach. I quickly finish off tying up my lace and get to my feet, taking deep breaths as I approach the door. I open it to a ‘more gorgeous than normal looking’ Jordan.
He’s only wearing a plain black t-shirt and distressed jeans. White sneakers on his feet. Simple, but oh so effective. Jordan makes anything look good.
I can see that he’s shaved as his stubble from earlier is gone. His dark hair is in its trademark style. My fingers itch to run through the silky strands.
I can smell his aftershave. Clean and fresh. He smells as gorgeous as he looks; exactly as a man should smell. I have to resist the urge to lean close and inhale.
He runs a hand through his shiny hair. “You look great—” He shakes his head. “—I mean, pretty. You look real pretty, Mia.”
I curl my fingers around the beads, holding them like a life support. “Thanks, you too. Not pretty – handsome. I mean you look handsome.” God, kill me now.
Jordan chuckles and leans his shoulder up against the door frame. “Are you ready to go? I told Beth we’d pick her up at eight, so we need to set off soon.”
“Sure. Let me just grab my things.”
I decide against taking a purse with me, so I put my room key, money and lip-gloss into my pocket while Jordan waits in the hall. I let the door lock behind me, then follow him out the hotel and to his car.
He opens the passenger door for me. No one has ever done that before, and I can’t help but smile at his gesture. I slip into the seat and watch as Jordan rounds the hood. The way his body moves with such confident ease … it’s so attractive on him. I wish I was that comfortable in my own skin.
He climbs in next to me.
There’s a quiet unease between us. I know I’m the cause of it because of my nerves at being on a date with him, but I’m really missing the ease we normally have between us. I do want to be on a date with Jordan, I just don’t like the pressure it’s putting on me … or the pressure I’m putting on myself.
He starts the engine and the radio fills the empty background, but the silence between us is still palpable.
“Are you okay?” His softly spoken words bring my face to him.
I wring my hands in my lap. “Just a little nervous, I guess.”
“About?”
“Being on a date.” I twist the beads around my finger. “I just … I haven’t…” I shake my head, struggling to find the right words to explain my feelings.
“Hey…” He gently touches my chin with his finger.
I love the way his touch feels. I never thought it would be possible, and I’ll never tire of him touching me, but I just wish I knew how to tell him. How to express how he makes me feel … how I feel about him. I know I’m not what he’s used to, and I know I won’t ever be able to be like those women. I’m afraid I’m going to be a disappointment to him.
“… there is nothing to be nervous about. We’re just going out to have some fun, dance and get sprayed with paint.” He grins.
It’s impossible not to smile back.
“There you go.” He touches the corner of my smile with his thumb. And those damn fireflies start off in my stomach again, swooping and somersaulting. “Nothing will happen tonight that you don’t want, okay?” His gaze is warm on my skin.
I take a deep breath. “Okay.”
***
Beth seems nervous about her date. She has done nothing but talk about it from the moment we picked her up. She’s like a bundle of nervous energy, but honestly, I like it. I like her. And Beth’s nerves are making me feel a little more normal about my own.
I love the dynamic between Beth and Jordan. The way he never seems to get annoyed or irritated by her incessant chatter about her date with Toni. Forbes would never have let me talk that way, but then I guess Beth is Jordan’s friend, not his girlfriend.
I’ve wondered why they are nothing more than friends as Beth is really pretty and they get on so well, but I had my question answered after five minutes of Beth being in the car when she talked about Toni in the female sense. Turns out Beth is into girls.
A girl who went to my school was a lesbian. She was bullied incessantly because of it. I used to feel so terrible for her, but it wasn’t as if I could do anything to help her. I wish I could have, but I couldn’t even deal with my own problems, so I had no chance of helping anyone else. I wonder if Beth has suffered any hassle because of her sexual orientation. If she has, then I’m glad that Jordan is by her side because I can imagine him kicking the crap out of anyone who bullied her.
Jordan parks a few blocks over from the club and we start the short walk. The sidewalk is narrow, so Beth is in front, Jordan and I behind.
Because we’re so close, our hands keep brushing as we walk. Every time they touch, a jolt of heat flares up my arm. I’m desperate to hold his hand. We’ve held hands before, always Jordan holding mine, but that was before this, when we were just friends. Now things have changed, and it makes holding hands seem like such a bigger deal.
“Fuck it,” I hear him mutter, and the next thing I know he’s taking hold of my hand.
My heart takes flight, buzzing around my chest.
He leans down to my ear. “Is this okay?” His warm breath whispers over my skin.
Shivering, I turn my head resting my chin against my shoulder, I stare into his eyes. “It’s more than okay.”
He lifts my hand, bringing me close to his side, and brushes a kiss over my knuckles.
I can hardly take my eyes off him. He becomes more beautiful and more precious to me with each passing second, and it terrifies me.
He’s too good for someone like me. Forbes was right when he said I was nothing. I’m not meant for someone as good as Jordan.
The happiness I was feeling disappears. My stomach drops. I look ahead and find Beth looking over her shoulder at us, smiling.
Then she catches my eye, and her smile vanishes. I quickly look away, and paste on a fake smile, relieved when the club comes into view.
We follow Beth over to the doorman, and thanks to Toni putting us on the guest list, we don’t have to wait in the huge line.
I’ve only ever been in a club one time before. It was with Forbes and his rich douchey friends. That club was a bit nicer than this place, but I actually prefer this club. It looks how a club should look. All dark and grungy. Floor sticky from spilt drinks.
It feels real.
The bass is pumping loud, vibrating up through my feet, and I feel a tremor of excitement at being here; doing something out of my ordinary.
The club is packed; a sea of people. I notice most of the girls are dressed in fewer clothes than me, wearing shorts and cut-off t-shirts. I wish I could wear shorts as short as they are, but the scars on the back of my thighs prevent me from doing so as does my severe lack of confidence.
My good feeling instantly disappears, leaving me feeling dowdy and out of place, and wondering just why the hell Jordan is here with me. A sudden urge to leave so I can hide away and comfort eat myself until I’m sick compels me.
I curl my fingers into my hand, pressing my nails into my skin, trying to expel the urge.
As if hearing my pain, Jordan squeezes my hand. I glance up at him. “Hey, you okay?” he mouths over the music.
With a fake smile, I nod.
He looks at me for too long, suspicion curving his mouth. It feels like he’s trying to see deep inside me, and it makes me fidgety, so I look away.
He moves closer. I know he’s going to question me further. I feel his body press against my side, and my body goes to war with my mind. I want him close, yet I want him to go away.
I’m saved by Beth, when she comes bounding over.
“Toni’s coming out in ten, so let’s get a drink first, then we can go see her,” she yells over the music.
Jordan steps back giving me space. I almost exhale in relief. I can feel his eyes burning into me, but I can’t bring myself to meet his stare.
Smiling at Beth, I say, “Sure. Sounds good.”
Beth leads the way to the bar. Jordan is close behind me. When we reach the bar, I stand beside Beth. Jordan comes up behind, hands either side of me, placing them on the bar and caging me in.
My body is fully aware of how close he is and wants him closer. My hands are itching to reach back and pull him to me.
“Drinks are on me, so what do you both want?” Beth says.
“I’ll get the drinks,” Jordan’s deep voice comes between us.
Beth’s eyes flicker to him. “No way! Deal was that I’d buy your drinks tonight for coming with me.”
“Deal’s off. Now tell me what you want?” There’s an air of authority in his voice, which I surprisingly like. It has my skin tingling, and other parts of me.
Beth, seemingly unaffected by him, says, “Fine. I’m not gonna argue with you. Saves me a few dollars. I’ll have a whiskey and soda – make it a Fireball.”
“Mia … what do you want?” he speaks in my ear, his voice deep and breathy. It makes my toes curl.
I feel like he’s not asking me about choice of drinks right now. And I know exactly what I want – him.
I turn my head, only to find my mouth now dangerously close to his. And by dangerously, I mean dangerous because of my insistent need to kiss him right now. If that’s going to happen tonight, then here at the bar is most definitely not the place.
My eyes meet his, just in time to see them darken. He feels it too … wants this … me.
My body goes into overdrive.
Quickly gathering myself, I say, “Beer. Bottled. Please.” And I face forward.
Casting a sideways glance, I see Beth smiling happily at us. I’m kind of getting the feeling she likes me with Jordan.
Jordan’s hands come from around me. He moves to the side and leans up against the bar to get served. I feel a tap my shoulder, and turn to a smiling Beth. She moves back a little away from Jordan, so I follow.
“How are you finding Durango?” she asks.
I smile, thinking of Jordan—the one thing that I really like about this town. “I like it.”
“Yeah, it’s not so bad. But when you’ve lived here your whole life, like I have, it becomes a bit boring.”
I get that, knowing how it felt to be trapped in Boston my whole life.
“You’ve never been anyway else?” I ask.
“Sure, I’ve been away on vacation, but nowhere exciting. I’d love to go to traveling.”
“You should.”
“Jordan’s been traveling.”
“Yeah, he told me. South East Asia, right?”
Beth looks a little surprised at my knowing this, which quickly morphs into a smile.
Before I get a chance to consider her reaction, a high-pitched female voice grabs my attention. Mainly, because she’s screeching Jordan’s name.
I turn to see a very pretty bartender with long dark hair and legs even longer. She seemingly knows Jordan very well if the look on her face is anything to go by as she leans over the bar and throws her arms around his neck.
My stomach tightens into a knot of jealous ire. Stupid, I know, but still there nonetheless.
He awkwardly pats her back, then quickly pulls her arms from around him. She grabs hold of his forearm, keeping him with her, but I watch him remove her hand. She leans in and says something. He shakes his head, which she clearly doesn’t like if the pissed off look on her face is any indication.
She stares at him for a long moment, then without another word turns away and starts making our drinks.
Jordan turns in our direction. I quickly look away so he doesn’t see I’m watching.
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Beth says close to my ear. “All women behave like that around him.”
“Yeah, but more so the ones he’s already slept with.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I clamp my mouth shut.
I can’t believe I just said that.
Beth will, without doubt, be aware of Jordan’s past when it comes to women, but it’s not my place to pass comment.
She lifts her eyebrow. “He has been talking to you. I’m glad, but surprised he told you that stuff. Still, I’ll take it as a good sign considering you’re here on a date with him. You must really like him.” Then she smiles wide. “And he must really like you.”
I can’t say her words don’t affect me because they do. I want Jordan to like me.
“What makes you think that?” I ask.
“Because he’s never been that honest with a girl before. Hell, he’s never been on an actual date before. And if he’s telling you all his shit up front, then you must really mean something to him. He must think a lot of you. He wants you to know the truth, and that’s a big step for him.”
I honestly don’t know what to say, so I say nothing.
“Look, I don’t know how long you’re here for, Mia, and I know Jordan might come off as being a bad ass, but he’s not. Not really. When he cares about someone, he cares about them with everything. And he takes, losing someone he cares about, badly.”
“His mom?”
“Holy crap! He told you about his mom? Shit, he does like you.” She grins and wraps an arm around my waist. The contact surprises me and locks every muscle in my body. It does every time a new person touches me. “Just don’t break his heart now that he’s finally got it working, please.” She laughs lightly.
My insides coil. “I don’t think I have the power to do that.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised,” she says, lowering her voice.
I lift my eyes to see a smiling, but curious Jordan walking toward us, hands laden with our drinks.
He hands me my beer.
“Thanks.” I smile. His eyes hold mine for a moment before moving to Beth.
“You wanna go see Toni now?” He hands Beth her drink.
“You know what?” Her eyes dart to me, then back to Jordan, a smile creeping across her face. “I’m good. I got this with Toni.”
Jordan’s brow creases in confusion. “You sure?”
“I’m sure,” she says, walking backwards and away from us into the crowd. “You two go have fun.” Before turning away, she gives me a conspiratory wink.
Subtle much? I have to hold back a laugh.
“If you need me, call my cell,” Jordan calls after her.
Beth waves a hand in acknowledgement before disappearing into the crowd.
Jordan turns to me. “So … it’s just you and me.”
Shivers and a whole bunch of nerves swarm me. “It is.”
“You wanna try and find somewhere to sit?”
“Sure.”
I follow Jordan upstairs where he says it’ll be quieter and we’ll be more likely to find a seat. He’s right. We find an empty sofa overlooking the dance floor below.
I sit down first. Jordan sits beside me. My nerves have ratcheted up a couple of thousand notches now because it’s just him and me. No Beth as a buffer. I can’t think of a single thing to say to him, so I cover it up by continuously sipping on my drink and pretending to be fascinated by all the people in the club.
“You’re still nervous.” His hand comes up, pulling mine from my mouth. I was playing with my lip without even realizing.
Jordan slides his fingers through mine, holding my hand. My stomach scatters.
I turn my face to him, not realizing how close he is, bringing me almost nose to nose with him. My cheeks heat. I shuffle across the sofa, putting myself up against the arm rest, and I don’t deny the nerves. There’s no point. Not when he can read me so well.
“Is it me who’s making you nervous? Something I’m doing, or just the whole being on a date with me thing?”
I turn my body to him. My knees touch his thigh. “It’s not you. It’s just being on a date. I’ve only dated one guy before, and that didn’t work out so well for me.” Without thought, I touch the healing cut on my brow.
His eyes follow my hand, and they stayed trained on the remnant of my relationship with Forbes long after I’ve moved my hand away.
His face is impassive, but I know his mind is working. I can see it in his eyes. I’m wondering if all I’ve done is remind him of the mess I came from … the mess I am … what Forbes did to me … that I carry too much baggage. Have I turned him off me?
“I’m canceling our date,” he says.
What?
Panic starts to crawl up my throat.
“Jordan, look, I’m sorry if I…”
“Don’t be sorry. And you really do say that way too much. We need to work on that.”
I clutch the beads around my neck, needing something to hold onto. “Do you want me to leave?”
His eyes widen with discontent. “What? No fuckin’ way do I want you to leave. What I want is for you to relax and enjoy yourself with me tonight, so all I’m doing by canceling our date is taking it out of the equation. If it happens to turn into a date later, then awesome. If it doesn’t, then I might be a little disappointed…” He grins to let me know he’s teasing. “There isn’t any pressure here. I like you – a lot. I think that’s pretty obvious. But I want you to want to be here with me in the same way as I do you. If you’re not quite there yet, then that’s okay. I’ll wait until you are. However long it takes.”
Is he real? I almost want to pinch him to make sure.
He likes me. A lot.
I’m washed aglow with the most amazing sensation – I’ve never felt anything like it. My heart starts to beat faster than I knew possible without causing a heart attack.
I know I’m staring at him, but I can’t stop. All I can see is him, and I forget why I was nervous in the first place. Why I built this whole date up in my mind.
The music quietens to a dull throb. The world shutting out, fading to just us…
Him.
Then all thought is lost, and I just follow what my body is telling me to do.
I press my hand to the side of Jordan’s face, absorbing the heat and strength of him. I lean in to press my lips to his cheek. He moves as I do, and my lips graze the corner of his. Heat scores through me, branding me his.
I withdraw, shocked but wanting more. I moisten my suddenly parched lips. A lick leaves me with the addictive taste of him. His aftershave, the soda he’s drinking … just everything that embodies him.
Jordan’s eyes flare with something I’m sure of. I’m sure because I’m feeling it too.
Lust. Desire. Want. And something more. Something deeper.
He slides his fingers into my hair, cupping the back of my head, he rests his forehead against mine.
“I feel the same as you do,” I say, my mouth so close to his that if I moved an inch we’d be kissing. “I want to be here with you … more than anything.”
He releases a contented breath. It soothes me.
“Should I take it our date’s back on?” His voice sounds deliciously husky and incredibly sexy, sending shivers tumbling through me.
“It was never off.” I smile.