Chapter Sixteen
Mia
If a moment could be held in time forever, kept there to revisit and cherished, then mine would be last night.
I would box the memory, tie it tight with a ribbon, and keep it safe for always. Keep it there to open whenever I need to be reminded of a moment of wonderful.
I know for most girls, going on a date with a guy, being taken to a nightclub and sprayed with neon paint, might not be their idea of an evening to cherish.
But for me, it is.
Because it was my night. Jordan made everything about me. Focused on me. Cared if I was happy, and if I was having a good time.
Me.
It was like complete freedom while with another person.
I could dance how I wanted to dance. Talk to whomever I wanted to. Kiss who I wanted to kiss…
Jordan.
There was no fear. No control. No anger.
Just happiness.
I have never experienced anything like it, but I want to again…
And again…
And again…
It was like the best slice of freedom cake, topped with whipped cream and sprinkles.
And Jordan was the sprinkles.
We stayed at the club, wrapped up in each other. When the night was over, and it was time to leave, Jordan and I went back to the hotel together in his car, and Beth got a ride home from Toni.
He was perfect. It was perfect. And when he walked me to my door, he kissed me goodnight, the sweetest kiss of all. Then he went to his room.
I showered the paint off best I could, and fell into bed in a cloud of contentedness.
Now, I’m lying in bed, wide awake at the butt crack of dawn, unable to go back to sleep. I’m counting the seconds until I can see Jordan again while recounting every moment of last night—barring the bumping into one of Jordan’s previous conquests. I cringe when I think of what she said, and I cringe even worse when I think of what I said to her.
When I hear a knock at my door, I almost leap out of bed in my excitement, not remembering until I’m opening the door that I’m still in my pajamas. I probably look a complete state. I’ve never really been that concerned with how I look, until him. I only ever dressed and looked nice because it was expected of me by Oliver and Forbes
“Morning.” His voice is low and husky. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
God, he looks gorgeous, even at this early hour.
“No. I’ve been awake a while. Couldn’t sleep.”
“Me either. I’ve had this girl on my mind all night.”
“Anyone I know?” I hold back a smile.
Dozer comes into view at Jordan’s side, all puppy dog eyes at me. Pushing past Jordan, he comes to me.
“Hey, buddy.” I kneel down to stroke him.
“You might know her,” Jordan says, answering my question. “Blonde hair, blue eyes … beautiful. We went out on a date last night as it happens.”
He just called me beautiful.
Beautiful.
Composing myself, I look up at Jordan. “Really?” I say, playing along. “So how was the date?”
“Well, that’s the thing…” He crouches down, stroking Dozer who’s positioned between us. His fingertips touch mine. Heat flashes up my arm careening straight for my heart.
“The date was amazing, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her … or her gorgeous mouth ever since…” He leans over Dozer. Close to me. I suck in a breath. “And the thing is, I really need to kiss her again.”
Baboom! The sound of my heart … so loud, I’m sure he must hear it.
“I think she needs you to kiss her too,” I breathe.
“You do?” He swipes his lower lip with his tongue.
My insides coil. “Mmm,” I murmur.
I close my eyes as he brings his mouth to mine, more than ready to taste him and feel the explosion his kiss creates inside me.
It’s only when I part my lips against his that I remember I haven’t brushed my teeth.
“Wait,” I say against his mouth, pressing my hand to his chest. “I haven’t brushed my teeth.”
“Shh.” His hand goes to the back of my head … holding me … kissing me deeper. Apparently he has no issue with my morning breath. I should, but I really don’t want to stop kissing him right now.
All thought is lost when he runs his tongue along my lower lip, then slips it into my mouth. I curl my fingers into his shirt.
His kisses are drugging. I could live a contented life being as high as a kite on him all day long.
He gets as close to me as he can with a hundred and sixty pound dog laid on the floor between us, and takes my face in both his hands, taking full control of the kiss. It’s at this exact point that I feel things change between us.
Deepen.
Don’t ask me why or how, they just do, and I know he feels it too because of the look on his face when he parts his mouth from mine on a gasp, eyes staring deep into mine.
I know, in this moment, there’s an unbreakable connection between us. Something tying us together, irrevocably, and no matter what, I’ll never be without him.
“Hi,” I whisper.
“Hi.” He smiles.
Dozer lifts his head between us, nudging Jordan back from me a little.
I chuckle, and stroke Dozer, giving him the attention he wants.
“So, where was I before you distracted me?” He grins, still looking as dazed as I feel.
“You were telling me about the awesome date you had last night.”
“Right, yeah. Well, it was so awesome that I was hoping she’d go on another date with me today.”
“You always could ask her.”
“What do you think she’d say?”
“Hmm…” I press my lips together in thought. “I’m thinking that she’d definitely say yes.”
He smiles wide. “Good, ’cause I’ve got an awesome day planned for her.” He leans across and gives me another quick kiss, pulling back far too quickly, leaving me wanting more.
“You’re going to want to wash your hair again.” He twists a piece of my hair round his finger.
“What? Why?” I touch my hair where his hand is and feel the strands of crunch. Damn paint.
“Blue, and a bit of pink.” He leans over, examining. “It’s a good look on you.”
“I’ll stick with my natural color, thanks.”
Chuckling, he gets to his feet. I follow.
“Shower. Then get your cute ass dressed ASAP so we can head out. Need an early start for where we’re going.”
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“You’ll see when we get there. Come on, Dozer. Leave Mia to get ready. I’ve got some sausages with your name on.”
Dozer’s ears prick up at the mention of sausages. For a dog with a cast on his leg, he sure does move quickly.
“Tossed aside for sausages,” I croon. “And I thought we had something special, Dozer.”
“Just so you know…” Jordan leans his shoulder against the door frame. “I would never toss you aside for some sausage.” The glint in his eye is unmistakable.
I flush bright red all the way down to my toes.
Grinning, he turns and starts off walking down the hall. “Oh, and make sure to wear comfortable shoes. And bring something warm, just in case.” He calls to me.
“Will do.” I close the door behind me, catching hold of my happiness and hugging my arms tight around it.
One thing I’m starting to realize with Jordan is that moments of wonderful aren’t a rarity. It seems I might just have more than one great memory with him to keep, and I’m thinking my arms and heart are going to be full of them.
***
Dressed in jeans, t-shirt and sneakers, and carrying a hooded sweatshirt with me just in case, I’m in Jordan’s car, heading to town with him. He still won’t tell me where we’re going, but I get a pretty good idea of what we’re going to be doing when he pulls up outside, White Rock Jeep Tours.
“You’re taking me out on a jeep tour?” I’ve never done anything like that before.
“Yeah. Is that okay?”
“More than okay.” I run my fingers into the back of his silky hair.
“I do tours for Wade, the owner, mainly in high season,” he tells me. “Though, not as much this summer with Dad being away. You’re safe with me. I’m an official tour guide.” He grins. “Thought I’d take you up to La Plata Canyon. It’s amazing there, and one of my favorite places to go. Aside from the canyon itself, there are some amazing lakes, rivers and waterfalls. Tons of wildlife … and I remember you saying how much you like animals.”
I used to think animals were much kinder than people. Until I met Jordan, that is.
“What kind of animals?” I get a frisson of excitement at the thought.
He takes hold of my hand, moving it from his hair, and kisses my knuckles. “Deer, elk, marmots, juncos. You can usually spot some hawks and eagles. And if we’re real lucky, we might even see a mountain lion or a bear.”
My eyes widen. “Lions and bears. Sounds cool.” I tug on my lower lip. “But if they come too close, we’ll drive away as quickly as possible from them, right?”
He laughs, and places his hand on my thigh, squeezing gently. “Right.”
He doesn’t seem to notice how my whole body freezes, which is a good thing. The freeze is a mixture of surprise, fear, but mostly want. I want Jordan’s hands on me.
“Come on, let’s get moving.”
I get out of the car and follow him over to the shop, tying my sweatshirt around my waist as I walk.
Jordan pushes the door open, and a bell announces our arrival. He lets me through first. A big man with grey hair, is behind the counter, reading a newspaper.
He looks up. “Jordan my boy, how you doing?”
“Good,” Jordan says, walking over to him.
They do that manly handshake thing that men do.
“Wade, this is my friend Mia.” He introduces me.
Wade’s smiling eyes move to me. I know he spots the remnant of my black eye and cut brow.
“Hey Mia, nice to meet you. You been in a fight there, little lady?” He hints at my face.
I instantly freeze, then relax into shutdown, face impassive, the lie flowing easily from my lips. “I had an interesting conversation with a flight of stairs after too many beers.”
Wade chuckles. “Yeah, had a few of those myself. Let me just get the keys for your jeep.” He pats Jordan’s arm and disappears into the back.
I can feel Jordan’s eyes on me. I know what he’s thinking. He’s wondering how I can lie so effectively, so easily, without a second thought.
It comes from years of practice.
Finally, I risk a glance at him. The look he’s wearing is more confusion, showing in his puckered brow, and sadness in his eyes.
“Sorry about Wade asking … you know,” he says quietly. “He doesn’t mean any harm. He’s just a straight forward kind of guy.”
“It’s fine.” I smile, shrugging it off. It’s easy to do because the shutdown on my emotions is still in place.
Leaning down close, Jordan brings his face to mine. “Pretend to the rest of the world, Mia. I understand your need to do that.” Lifting his hand, he runs his thumb over my lips. “But don’t pretend with me.”
I’m shocked to the core by him. All I can do is nod.
He cups my cheek and presses his lips to my forehead, pulling me close to his chest, saying the rest without words.
Every part of me is attuned to him in this moment.
I hear Wade clear his throat. Jordan and I part quickly.
Wade chuckles. “Here you go.” He hands Jordan the keys. “I’m lending you mine, didn’t think you’d want one of the eight seaters with just the two of you.”
“You’re sure?” Jordan checks.
Wade nods. “Take her, have fun. She’s parked up back. When you’re done, just put her back there. If I’m not here, put the keys through the mailbox.”
“Will do. And thanks again for this, Wade, I really appreciate it.” Jordan reaches over and shakes his hand.
“Anytime, son. Have a good time. Say hi to your dad for me. How is he? Haven’t seen him around lately.”
“He’s good, away at the moment. My grandpa had an operation, so he’s there taking care of him for few weeks.”
“Let him know I was asking about him,” Wade says.
“Will do, thanks.”
“Bye,” I say, following Jordan to the door. “It was nice to meet you, Wade.”
“You too, little lady.”
The instant we’re out of the shop, I ask Jordan, “How’s your grandpa doing?”
Jordan looks at me with warmth in his eyes. “He’s getting back to his old self. I called Dad yesterday and spoke to Grandpa on the phone. He was giving me grief, winding me up, so I know he’s getting better.” He smiles fondly.
“I’m sorry I haven’t asked before now. My head just gets a little filled up at times.”
“I get it.” He touches my shoulder. “Now wait here, I just need to grab something from the car.”
I watch him jog over to his car, then pop the trunk and pull out a cooler bag.
“Food for later,” he clarifies when he reaches me.
“Did you make a picnic, Jordan Matthews?”
For the first time ever, I see a blush in his cheeks. “I might have,” he mumbles and sets off walking.
Smiling, and feeling a little … glowy, I fall into step beside him and thread my arm through his. “Thank you. I’ve never had a picnic before.”
His look is one of surprise. “Never as in – never?”
“Never.” I affirm.
He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Well, I’m really glad I’m taking your picnic virginity because I make a fuckin’ excellent picnic.”
I laugh, glad he can’t see my face right now as it’s gone somewhere close to resembling sunburnt red.
“That so?” I try to sound casual, but it doesn’t work. “Well, I have nothing to compare it against, so I’ll have to take your word.”
“Oh, take my word. I am the best.”
Jordan really is gifted with the art of flirting. His innuendos have me blushing like a teenager, and my body firing up like a porn star.
We walk around the back of the shop where I see a big red jeep waiting for us. It’s covered in dirt but looks totally cool. My excitement ramps up a couple of thousand notches.
Jordan opens my door, then helps me in as it’s so high off the ground and I’m seriously vertically challenged.
My waist and hips are still burning from the feel of his hands as he climbs in the driver’s seat. He puts the cooler on the backseat.
“Buckle up, babe. I’m about to take you on the ride of your life.” Grinning, he starts the engine, revving it loudly.
Babe.
He called me babe.
I know it’s totally stupid, but I can’t keep the smile from my face at his term of endearment.
Recovering before he notices that I’m acting like a complete girl, I laugh. “You’re a total nerd, you know that?”
He looks mock-offended. “Hey! I’m cool, and you know it.”
I roll my eyes, shaking my head.
“Come on, say it … you know you want to. Just let the words out … ‘Oh, Jordan. You’re so cool and so awesome.’ There’s no need to be embarrassed to speak the truth, babe.” He gives a cocky grin.
I let out a laugh. “I like how you’re adding to it. I’ll give you that you play cool and drive an awesome car, but underneath it all is a nerd trying to bust out.”
Throwing his head back, he laughs loud. It’s deep and manly. And wonderful.
“Wounded here.” He dramatically presses his hand to his heart. “Here I was thinking I had you learned to my awesome ways. Guess I’m just going to have to wow you with my amazing tour guide abilities.”
“Said like a true nerd.” I grin.
***
We chat with ease while Jordan drives us out to La Plata Canyon.
When we reach the canyon, I’m blown away. I’ve never seen anything like it before. We don’t have these kind of places in Boston, and it warms my heart to Colorado. I can see why my mother returned here to live.
My mother.
I haven’t thought about her in days. Not because I’d forgotten, but because Jordan has become the focus of my thoughts. When I think of my mother, and how she abandoned me, it makes things hurt. I don’t want to hurt. I just want to feel all the wonderful things that I feel when I’m with him.
I know I can’t avoid it forever. Finding my mother is what brought me here. But for today, I choose not to think about it.
“This is Lake Creek we’re crossing over,” Jordan says as he drives us over a wooden bridge. I peer out my window to look below at the water. Pretty.
“And that’s La Plata Peak.” Jordan points to mountain covered with scatterings of snow. “It’s a great place to hike up.”
“Looks beautiful,” I murmur.
“We can hike up there one day if you’d like? I’d take you today, but we haven’t got the right equipment with us.”
A promise of more time with Jordan? Um, yes, please!
“I’d like that.” I smile.
The drive through the canyon is amazing. Jordan stops often to point out certain things to me. He knows this place so well, and he sounds so enthralling when he’s telling me about the canyons history.
We stop and get out of the jeep to go look at Jordan’s favorite lake. It’s deep in the canyon and the peaks around it are snow-capped. The water is the bluest of blues that I’ve ever seen, and right in the middle of the lake is a raised rock formation.
I close my eyes and imagine what it would be like to sit out there on that rock, the water all around me.
Complete solitude. Freedom.
Peace. Just peace.
I wonder if the pain in my heart and the haunt in my head would just disappear, and I would finally be free of everything.
Jordan comes up behind and wraps his arms around my waist. His heat surrounds me. I feel safe in his arms.
“Tell me about your travels,” I murmur, content.
“What do you want to know?”
“Where you’ve been.”
He snuggles his face into the crook of my neck. “I’ve been to the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand.”
“Wow. That’s a lot of places.”
“Hmm. My buddies and I wanted to see the world, so we figured we’d start with South East Asia. Backpacking, working as we went, fitting in as much as we could – we stayed in a lot of dives.” He chuckles. “But I didn’t care, I just wanted to see the world.” He eases out a breath. It’s hot on my skin, flowing through me, setting my stomach to tumult. “We were about to head off to India … when I got the news about my mom.”
“I’m so sorry, Jordan.” I wrap my arms around his, holding him. “Do you ever think you’ll travel again?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
He moves his nose up my neck, inhaling. It does crazy things to my body. “You smell so fuckin’ good. Like vanilla.”
I know he’s evading, but it’s hard to care in this moment. Tingles run south, and I can feel my panties getting damp. “I use vanilla body wash.” My voice sounds breathy. Not like me at all.
He breathes me in again. “It smells amazing.” His hand frees, smoothing down the flat of my stomach, and he hooks a finger into my belt loop, pulling me against him.
I can feel him against my back, and my body starts to react, instantly lighting up … wanting to feel more of him … feel more of this.
“I love this lake,” he says close to my ear, his breath tickling and arousing me. “It reminds me of the caldera I saw at Mount Rinjani.”
“Where’s that?” asks the totally unworldly me.
“Indonesia.” Placing a hand on my cheek, he turns my face to him. “You have the exact same eye color as the water there.”
My mouth dries. “I do?”
“Hmm.” His gaze moves to my mouth. My tongue darts out to moisten my suddenly dry lips.
His eyes flare. “Are you hungry?” he asks.
I’m not entirely sure that we’re talking about food right now. “I’m hungry,” I say in a voice that doesn’t sound like mine. It’s all breathy and sexy.
Without another word, Jordan crushes his mouth to mine, his tongue instantly in my mouth. I turn in his arms. He pulls me hard against him.
I like the way it makes me feel. Protected. Wanted. He makes me feel sexy and desirable. Everything I’ve never before felt.
Our kiss quickly turns heated and desperate. I wind my fingers into his hair, pulling it, keeping him with me. He must like it because the sound he makes in my mouth is more than encouraging. He cups my behind and lifts me off my feet. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his waist. I don’t even realize we’ve moved until I feel my back press up against the jeep.
His kiss is urgent, mirroring my own. I’m shocked by my reaction to him … how much I want him, but I’m confused—confused by the lust that is urging my body to pull him closer, yet the fear telling me to push him away.
Would he stop if I did? Do I want him to stop?
No.
Not yet.
“God, Mia,” he says against my mouth. His hand moves up my side, cupping my breast over my t-shirt. The instant he touches me, my nipple hardens. I moan against his mouth.
His hand is moving under my t-shirt, lifting it, and his fingers are running inside the cup of my bra, and I’m thinking yes … god, yes! He pulls down my bra, taking my bare breast in his warm, rough hand, running his thumb over the hardened peak…
I want him so much…
Then I feel him harden against me. His erection pressing against my girl parts…
And a flash of Forbes, pinning me to that wall, trying to rape me, takes away everything with it.
“I’m going to fuck some sense into you. You need teaching a lesson.”
Jordan’s hand suddenly becomes Forbes’ hand. And there’s no pleasure. Just fear. Pure unadulterated fear.
And panic.
I’m panicking. My muscles locking with the fear controlling me.
I’m going to be sick.
“Stop. Please, stop.” I’m breathless, pushing at his hand.
I need him off me, now.
Jordan removes his hand from my t-shirt instantly, putting it onto the truck above my head. “Jesus, I’m sorry. Mia, are you okay?” He searches my face. “Tell me you’re okay? Shit, I moved too quick. I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.” He’s shaking his head.
“It’s okay, I just … I wanted…” I can hardly catch my breath. “I think … I just … I can’t. Not right now. I’m so sorry.”
“Mia, no…” He rests his forehead against mine. “You don’t have to explain. You never have to explain to me. And don’t ever be sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry. I just got lost in you for a moment there, but it won’t ever happen again.” His tone is vehement, full of promise. “From now on, I follow your lead. We go as slow, or as fast as you want.”
The sound of his voice, his words, calm me – soothe me like nothing I’ve ever known.
“Okay,” I breathe.
It takes me a moment to gather myself, but when I do, I take his face in my hands. “You’re the best person I’ve ever known, Jordan.”
He stares into my eyes for a long moment. “Ditto, babe. Ditto.”