Epilogue
Mia
“So what happened to us going out for dinner?” I trace patterns on Jordan’s bare chest.
“You happened. I was just innocently coming out of the bathroom after my shower, all clean and ready to get dressed, and there you were standing by our bed, wearing your new sexy underwear, looking smoking hot, and of course I got hard because … well, it was you. In underwear. Then we had some seriously fuckin’ awesome sex, babe, and now I’m in post coital bliss with my girl, and moving just isn’t an option.”
Laughing, I tilt my head up to him, offering my mouth.
He captures it in a delicious kiss which send shivers right down to my toes.
“See, and that’s why moving isn’t an option because I intend on doing this with you for the rest of the night.”
“Works for me.” I smile, stretching my arms up.
Jordan slides his fingers around my neck, playing with the locket around it.
The locket was Anna’s. Jordan gave it to me a few months ago.
After I came back, Jordan and I spent time getting reacquainted with one another. Then we spent a lot of time talking through the issues that were sitting between us.
I was no longer in the place where I saw the betrayal of my mother when I looked at him.
But the fact was still there.
She had left me behind and raised him.
When Jordan told me everything about her situation with Oliver, it didn’t make things better, but it gave me a semblance of understanding.
It’s taken me a long time to process my feelings about my mother, but I’m almost there.
Pain of the past never goes away, you just find a way to deal with it. And the future … all the promise it holds … that’s what keeps you moving forward, and out of the darkness.
Jordan. He’s my future. My promise. My light.
He keeps me sane. He keeps me safe.
When I struggle to breathe, he gives me the air I need.
Some days are hard. Some days when my mind blackens and all I want to do is hide away and eat and purge. He’s right there with me.
I’ll always be recovering from bulimia.
But now those days when I feel the urge for control and the need to hurt my body are few and far between. I can’t even remember the last time I felt that way.
I’m still seeing a therapist. When I left the center, my doctor there referred me to a therapist here in Durango – Dr. Peterson. She has been really great and has helped me work on all my issues.
I still have a long way to go when it comes to dealing with the life I lived with Oliver and Forbes, and the mental scars it left me with, but I’m getting there.
And I still have Danni. We talk regularly on the phone, and she came to visit a few months ago. She stayed for a week, which was awesome. It was great to have some time with her as I’d really missed her. Jordan took us out on a Jeep tour to the canyon. Beth and Toni came along as well. It was a really great day.
Beth and Toni are still dating. It’s getting pretty serious from what Beth says, and she told me the other day that Toni and her have been discussing moving in together.
I’m so happy for her. Beth is amazing, and we’ve grown close. It’s great to have a female friend here, especially one as fun and cool as Beth is.
She takes me out shopping and to the beauty salon. All things friends are supposed to do, but I was never allowed. It’s novel for me, even now. I don’t think I’ll ever take being able to do these things for granted.
I’ll never take my freedom for granted.
And being in the good place that I am now, settled into my new life … I think that was why Jordan felt I was ready to have my mother’s locket. He was confident it wouldn’t push me back a step. He was feeling my peace. And he was right. I can’t say it was easy to see the locket which Jim had kept of Annabelle’s.
It had hidden inside of it, a tiny picture of baby me.
Even though it pained me to see, it also gave me a sense of peace in some way to know that in her own way she had always been thinking of me.
Would I ever do what she did? No.
But it’s easier to judge when you’re on the receiving end of the hurt. And I know too well what it’s like to be with a controlling, abusive man.
I know what it was like to live with Oliver.
I sold my apartment in Boston and all the furniture in it. I never went back. Jordan handled it all for me. And I moved into the hotel with Jordan and Jim, and of course Dozer. Too soon, probably, but I spent a long time living unhappily. Jordan is my happy, so I was grabbing it with both hands.
I invested some of Oliver’s money into the hotel. Both Jim and Jordan protested – Jordan the loudest. He was having none of it at first, but it was also my mother’s hotel, and now my home.
I want it to succeed.
So after a few well timed seductions, I got my own way. Jordan finds it hard to say no to me.
The hotel is doing amazingly well. Jordan really got the business moving. The website and links he built have helped immensely. Also, he set up a business deal with Wade, and they tied the jeeps tours into the hotel. People can stay at the hotel, and the tours go from here. Using some of the money I put in, Jordan had a garage built to store the jeeps.
It’s really helped things. I’m so proud of him.
I’m proud of me too.
I left Harvard, but I haven’t left behind medicine completely. I’m just moving in a different direction. I’ve enrolled in Veterinary school to start this term. I’m hoping Dozer will let me practice my examining and bandaging skills on him. I’m sure he will; he’s pretty soft on me as I am him, much to Jordan’s annoyance.
But school is a little way off starting as it’s summer break, and today is a year to the day since Jordan and I first met.
We were supposed to be going out to dinner, but that’s off the menu now.
I have a gift for him that I can’t wait any longer to give to him.
I start to get out of bed, but Jordan catches my hand. “Where you going, babe?”
“I thought as we weren’t going to dinner now … you might want your gift?”
His eyes light up. “Well if you’re giving me mine, then I guess it’s only fair you get yours.”
My heart does a somersault in my chest. He got me a gift! Not that I thought he wouldn’t. I’ve just never received a gift in this context before – not one where there’s no pain before it.
Going to my closet, I get out the envelope containing Jordan’s gift. I put a lot of thought and effort into his gift. I think he’ll like it … I think … I’m not sure.
Shit, I’m so nervous! I’ve never given anyone a gift like this before.
I meet him back on the bed. We sit facing each other. I keep the envelope containing Jordan’s present behind my back.
“Who’s going first?” he asks, looking excited, like a little kid on his birthday.
I’m excited too. Trembling with it.
“We could open together. Or you first. Or me,” I say.
He raises his eyebrow.
“What? I’m just excited!”
“Not together,” he says. “’Cause I want to see the look on your face when you open mine.”
“Okay. You go first.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
My nervous, trembling hand brings the envelope around to give to him.
His eyes meet mine, a puzzled look in them. Then he takes it from me, and tears the envelope open. Hand in, he pulls the papers out.
I watch his eyes reading over it, then widening as he takes the details in.
His eyes lift to mine. Awe and love in them. It squeezes my heart. “Did you really do this?”
I nod. “Not on my own though, the agent helped me … is it too much?”
His eyes go down to the papers, then lift back to mine. Now they’re glistening, and I can feel my own welling up. “No … it’s just … fuckin’ amazing, babe … I can’t believe you did this.”
I tug on my lip. “I was thinking of what to get you, and I remembered how you sounded that day when you said you’d never go traveling again. The sadness in your voice. I didn’t want that to be the case. I know how much you love traveling … seeing the world, so I thought I’d finish off the trip you started with your friends.”
The gift I bought Jordan was the rest of the trip he never got to finish when Anna got sick.
I bought a three week vacation, leaving in a week, taking us to India, then Nepal, onto Hong Kong, then Shanghai, and ending in Japan.
It’s a gift for me too as I’ve never travelled before. And who better to break that virginity with than Jordan?
His face breaks into a grin. “Looks like we’re on the same page with our gifts.”
“What do you mean?”
He pulls out an envelope, similar to mine from behind his back. “Open it.” He smiles, handing it to me.
I tear the envelope open, and pull out the contents.
Holy shit!
“A trip to Paris at Christmas!” I yell, then cover my mouth with my hand.
He chuckles. “I knew you’d never left the country before, and I’ve never been to Europe, so I thought we could go over for Christmas. Looks like we’re gonna accrue some serious air miles this year.” He grins.
I launch myself at him, kissing him deeply. He takes us down to the bed, rolling me underneath him.
His hand slides down my thigh, cupping my butt, covering my scars, holding me. “Love you, babe.”
“I love you too.”
I came here to Colorado, looking for my mother, trying so hard to escape my past. Trying to find a purpose, a reason to live.
I might not have found my mother in the way I’d first hoped, but instead I found so much more.
I found something I’ve never before had—never dreamed I would have … a real family.
Jordan, Jim, Beth and Dozer.
But best of all … I got love.
Not love under fear or condition. Not love that comes with a price. I got real, honest to god love in all its purest forms.
Family love. Friend love. Unconditional love. And the best love of all…
Jordan.
He gave me the one thing he’s never given to anyone before.
He gave me his heart, and his trust.
And in return, I gave him the same right back.
The End