His inhale was shaky, the muscles of his jaw clenching tightly before words left his sealed lips.
“Aideen, you remember my grandfather.” Julian’s eyes flicked to mine before he reached for my wrist, pulling my hand against his side. I remember him talking shit like a damn bastard while you creeps thought I was asleep last week. Jesus. Buddha. Mary and Judas.
“It’s a pleasure to see you, Senator.” My smile widened with contempt and irritation. Oh, I remember him. The disdain expressed through his graying eyes was enough to shatter confidence, but for each sliver that broke from my nerves was a restored piece from the squeeze of Julian’s hand around my own.
“What are you doing here?” Julian murmured. “Strange occasion for a family reunion, don’t you think?” Grandpa Fuckoy glanced at his shadow, nodding at two men standing along the steps, their expressions rigidly sober. My eyes hesitantly wandered to Julian’s, hoping for any sort of feedback. On second thought, let’s get the hell out of here. Please. Now. I’m not really one for family reunions.
“You should know better than to have a lover’s quarrel on the steps of a church during a funeral,” he scolded us, his wrinkled mouth oozing revulsion. “I’m here because, as you’ll soon learn in the Senate, my dear boy, it’s best to keep a close eye on those whom we cannot trust.” The patriarch’s gaze flew to mine, the detached and dampened fire attempting to remind me once more of my place. I’m right where Julian wants me. His side is my place. Isn’t it? I need a drink. Julian read my mind and snaked his arm around my back, securing me to him with his palm spread against my hip. In my place.
“I received a message from Edward Regan that many of the curious sort would be attending the funeral of a Daly boy. Said Daly boy is also cousin to the Young family. Now, I feel it is my duty as a representative of this great city to pay my condolences to families who suffer such an enormous loss. Especially families so…important to you.”
“You’re checking on me?” Julian growled through clenched teeth. I felt the anger hum through his body, wiggling through my own skin in uncomfortable radiant waves.
“I simply want to be sure a show is not displayed.” He looked at me once more before locking eyes with Julian. “I’ve only doubted you twice in your life, Julian Patrick. Let’s not make it a third time, shall we?” This is why I love families. Unconditional love and support. What the hell? I nervously swallowed, reaching for Julian’s right arm that clung to my hip and clenching it with both of my arms.
“If you’re…” I spoke so quickly, I hadn’t time to prevent my thoughts from vomiting out of my mouth. “If you’re referring to me, Senator, as one or both of the reasons for doubting Julian, then I can assure you you’re quite mistaken. No matter what path you think you’ve chosen for him, his soul is independent from your ideals. With all due respect, you should be proud of the man he is. You should be thankful it isn’t him lying in that church, that you can actually have this argument with him right now. Life is far too precious.”
“Said the orphan,” his grandfather snarled at me, moving one step higher to stand at my side. His mouth widened into a venomous smile while he watched me. Don’t react. If Julian can smell fear, this fucker created fear. Don’t react. Think of coffee. You love coffee.
“If you don’t want to make a scene, I’d suggest saving your speech on the errors of my ways for a more private time, Grandfather. Meanwhile, we were just leaving. We paid our respects.” Still adhered to him, my arms snaked around his right arm, Julian tugged our bodies down the cement steps. His pace was quick, stiffly purposeful.
“Julian.” I couldn’t keep my breath while struggling to keep his pace. He’s going to kill me. No, he isn’t. Stop. Shit. Crap. What did I just do? He abruptly stopped, throwing our bodies against the brick façade of a building tucked into an alley. His hold released and I watched, transfixed and frightened, while his head tipped back against the bricks and his hands adhered to his face.
“Say something,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around my body while the chill overtook me. And the uncontrollable tremble of nerves that pulsed through me, replacing my blood with adrenaline.
“Your fucking mouth,” he groaned, the sound slowly turning into a deep, throaty laugh as his hands roughly latched around my face. I was violently squished between Julian’s heated body and the cold brick façade, my body numbing in the sandwich. Holding my head in his grasp, Julian’s body crashed against me, an impossible task with our bodies already adhered and panting against each other.
“My mouth?” I couldn’t help but allow my eyes to wander to his lips, mesmerized by the way his bright teeth poked through when he barely smiled, his lips twitching into a devilishly beautiful grin.
“Your mouth.” His forehead pressed into mine. “I warned you it would get you into trouble.”
“What about yours? Not wanting to make a scene. More secrets. Private phone calls to your brother. Let’s talk about your mouth, Molloy.”
“Gladly.” His lips lowered to mine, taunting my bottom lip with the gentle tug of his teeth. “It has never wanted yours more.”
Julian’s tongue danced along my bottom lip, replacing the delicious pierce of his teeth. I let my eyes close, allowing myself five seconds to pretend we lived in a secure vacuum, free from harm and threat, free from his family, and free from not knowing the past. I wanted to know it desperately. My soul craved the history, knowing it would lead me to a future I must have wanted, but I needed to know more from the fractured scenes of my dreams.
His fingertips pressed into the back of my head, knotting into my hair while his tongue continued to demand from me its missing pieces.
“Babby,” he whispered into my mouth, his breath warm and laced with the sweetness of wine from dinner, “please look at me.” My arms were squished so tightly between us that I struggled to pull them from my body, placing my palms against his chest while my eyes lifted to his. His gaze was vivid, a gorgeous window into his soul. It screamed at me, demanding we erase complacency, fighting for my mind to recall and assemble in order to save his soul.
“Why are you so lost, Julian?” Back and forth, I studied his darkened pupils and silvers of gray shimmering amongst the blue.
“I’m not,” he sighed. “I’m not lost anymore, Aideen. I found you. You’re back.”
“Am I?” My eyes drifted from his, staring at the buttons of his coat and imagining the sound that heavy wool fabric would make falling to the floor when I tore it from him. Hey, now. Aideen, it’s been a while, but slow down. No. Never.
“Look into my eyes,” he demanded, the cold blue oceans narrowing against my gaze, yielding all thoughts. “Look at me. See into me.”
“What do you want, Julian?” I studied the intrepid nature of his soul, buried deep within the lines of cobalt and sapphire.
“Look into my eyes and tell me what you see, what you know. What do you see, Aideen?”
“I see a lost past,” I whispered, the words slipping from my lips dangerously fast. He slowly blinked, his expression softening while his eyes opened once more.
“I see you,” he replied, his knuckles grazing my left cheek. “I see the future.” A future.
“I don’t remember months ago, Julian. I can’t build a future without memories to instill a foundation. You don’t get that. I can’t even see beyond tomorrow, and those memories haven’t been formed yet.”
“Kiss me.”
My eyes widened. “You’re so fucking bossy.”
“Kiss,” he grinned, “me.” Rolling my eyes, because I didn’t know how to not ruin moments of significance, I lifted onto my tip-toes and kissed Julian’s cheek. The soft stubble along his jaw tickled my lips, causing my tongue to slowly moisten and savor the sweetness of his scratch.
“Let me do that.” His lick along my bottom lip was soft and gentle. Julian’s thumb tugged against my chin once he pulled away, and my swollen lip found refuge between my teeth. I struggled to savor that feeling, desperately hoping to keep the memory. I hadn’t realized the depth of the sigh leaving my body until my face was nuzzling against his chest, warmed by the wool of his coat.
“We’re missing the mass,” I whispered. “I need you to start answering questions, Julian. None of this babby, puzzle, limerick shit. Please.”
“Whatever you say, darling.” His right hand pressed against my shoulder blades, hopefully devouring the memory as urgently as I had. His arms reluctantly fell from my body, reaching for my hands that were tightly pressed between us, and tugged me along with him to the corner of the building. I watched his face contort with thought, scheming the next ten steps to keep us safe. He studied the sidewalk, observing Liam’s white Mercedes idling along the curb. Its exhaust puffed from the tailpipe like a seductive reminder that even its gasoline cost more than the average salary.
“Why did you call Liam?” I urged, receiving Julian’s gentle expression in response. His right hand lifted to my face, a smile briefly falling upon his lips before he kissed my forehead.
“As much as I often want to strangle my baby brother and dump his body in the Mystic River, never looking back,” Julian’s eyes wandered my face while he paused, “he’s loyal. He and I have been working tirelessly, and while I’ve almost dumped my own body in the Mystic because of our time together, we’re getting somewhere.”
“Working? Like…killing people?”
“No.” He laughed, shaking his head as the soft chuckle rumbled from his lips. “Not quite. Planning to, though…Anyway, come on.” Planning to? So…I’m thrilled we’re honest and blunt now? But. Yikes. I felt it like the pain of a delayed migraine, already sensing the change in air around me. Taking Julian’s hand, following his guidance toward Liam’s waiting car, was the end of me as much as it was the beginning. Without words, void of explanation, my soul knew the life I could remember was about to change forever. At Julian’s side, my mind finally admitted what my heart had so hopelessly attempted to remind it, that I made a deal with the devil and, damn, he was delicious.
“Bird.” Liam turned to greet me from the driver’s seat once Julian opened the rear door. It was curter than his usual pleasantries, lacking ticklish and obnoxious flirtation. Julian’s hip shyly nudged my bottom, silently prompting me to enter the car. I hadn’t been inside Liam’s car since he picked up Julian and me from the theatre, another evening and horrific event for which there weren’t answers. Shit, I don’t even know what questions to ask. Once I settled in the rear, behind the driver’s seat, Julian closed the door and climbed into the front passenger seat.
“Put on your fucking seatbelts,” I growled to both of them, noticing their utter lack of safety. Who am I kidding? These two would probably shoot whatever danger approached and they’d somehow still survive.
“Bossy little bird,” Liam sang while switching gears and pulling from the curb. His car was stealthily quiet driving along Oliver Street, carrying us away from yet another mystery. Just ask, babblette.
“Now that I know what I’m not meant to know, but I already knew before I couldn’t remember things I knew and know, can we talk about it?” I inquired quietly, playing with my latched seatbelt. I heard Julian’s body shift in his seat, turning to look at me with an expression of utter confusion.
“What?”
“Now that I know what I’m not meant to know…for fuck’s sake, you’re in the fucking mob. Right?”
“Hmm,” Liam hummed, winking at me in the rear-view mirror while stopped at a red light. Julian reached across the console, his fingers sliding under my hand. Julian’s palm was warm, tickling my skin with his gentle touch.
He smiled. “You know more than you think you know. You remember more than you know.”
“You’re perfect for each other,” Liam mused. “You two and your damn riddles.”
“We’re…we’re not…” My lips quivered as I glanced out the window, avoiding Julian’s eyes, hoping he wouldn’t see my heart’s torment and confusion as it dribbled out from my eyelids. He continued to hold my hand, squeezing once before he turned back toward the front of the car. His muscular shoulder stretched out of joint to keep his grasp around my hand, but he didn’t flinch and refused to move.
“I spoke with our grandfather,” Julian changed the subject, his wizardly ways softening the buffer of my hesitation. “Any thoughts on why he really showed up to Elliott Daly’s funeral? He’s spying on me, us, and talking with Regan about attending the mass.”
“Regan.” Liam’s face quickly turned to Julian, their mirroring eyes exchanging a curious glance before Liam’s focus returned on the road. “Now, what would that man want with the Daly family?”
“Maybe it isn’t the Dalys he’s after.” I shrugged, biting my tongue in anticipation of their reply.
Our surroundings came into focus as Liam’s car stopped outside of Julian’s building, announcing our arrival with the silenced engine. Liam and Julian stepped from the car as I unfastened my seatbelt, slowly preparing myself to reenter the home I hadn’t seen since they killed Elliott. Elliott. The person I was meant to be mourning at a mass while I instead sat in the cocoon of Liam’s backseat, with he and Julian whispering to each other. How fucking romantic. My door opened, quickly gaining my attention. Whoa. The nerves. Chill.
“Aideen.” Julian squatted in the space created by the open door, his coat touching the curb while his right hand grasped the side of the car. The sound of his palm padding against the exterior made me curious as to what that lonely palm could damage, just what exactly that skin could destroy. Then I thought of the way he always held my face, the softness of that exact hand, the tenderness and authority that wove within his skin. Me. He can destroy me with that palm. The thought of his touch was beginning to unravel my seams while I shivered in response to the incoming gust of evening air that pillowed in while I waited for Julian to speak.
“Will you come upstairs?” His eyes burned, glowing radiantly with trepidation. “I know that’s an enormous request of you. Perhaps I inquired too quickly as to whether or not you’d like to stay with me. I just can’t lose you again.”
He’d never sounded so nervous, so fragile, desperate. I could only look at him, watching the murderer, the criminal, the beautiful man who saved me and fought to find me, while he now uncertainly waited for my response. It was a lot for him to ask that I move in with him. It was an enormous request, an arrogant demand, after not contacting me for a week. But our dinner tonight. It was real. It is real.
The wounds I couldn’t remember, those were also his heartache. It wasn’t simply a problem for me to avoid, but whatever happened to bring us together and pull us apart happened to us. It still is happening to us.
I couldn’t deny Julian the request of following him upstairs. I don’t want to. I’m a part of this now—now; I have been a part of this for months. His gaze was unflinching, piercing me with hopeful cerulean. I clutched his right wrist, using it as an anchor to pull myself from the car. It took him a minute to realize I wasn’t attempting to wriggle onto his lap before he stood up and placed his hands on his waist. Those palms. Those destructive, strong, and containing pieces of his gentle flesh that could ruin and assemble me with one simple stroke. My gaze wandered along the length of his coat, stopping at the darkening circles of navy that towered above me.
“This,” I whispered, stepping on my tip-toes to meet his height, “isn’t an answer.” His thumbs lightly pressed into my stomach, warming the ticklish skin just above my hips with his mindless pressure. While on the balls of my feet, inches from meeting his nose, I pecked his cheek, my face pleasantly tingling from his neglected stubble. Julian’s lips pressed against my forehead with the same lightness that I adhered to his cheek before those dangerous palms hastily heaved my hips against him.
“This,” his whisper mocked with delight, bending once more to kiss my forehead, “is just the beginning.”