I could only shake my head and look away to hide my blush. There was no response for his threat. A month prior to latching myself around a forearm that sent my mind to the naughtiest of places, I would have killed him in my mind for speaking to me like that.
“Don’t hide from me.” His tone was jovial. “I want to see you while you blush because you remember how much you care about me.”
“Oh?” I looked at him, my eyes wide with shock at his arrogance, receiving a widening smile that exploded everything standing around us. Time stopped. Cars disappeared. Liam was gone. It was just Julian and me, lost with his grin and our hearts.
“How long are we going to be here?” I questioned, stepping away from the car while he shut the door. “I’m not really comfortable with this, Julian.”
“With being back here or being with me?”
I stopped, my feet locked in the middle of the street while cars honked and struggled to avoid us. Is he purposely being a moron void of all sense, or is he truly this insecure? The only way I would find out which Julian I currently held was to inquire, and naturally add a profanity because he loved my mouth. And I really know no better. Kidding.
“You’re not fucking serious right now, are you?”
Even with Liam waiting at the lobby door and cars buzzing past us while Julian’s arms snaked around my waist, he patiently gazed down at me. “This is all new terrain for me, for us. I mean…are we…in the car, Liam’s joke. What…”
I groaned, wiggling free from his hold and marching toward the building with the cuff of his coat in my hand. I heard him laughing behind me, the slow, deliberate sound that flowed into my ears like a sweet aphrodisiac. Liam watched us, humored as I struggled toward the door with his older brother in my hands.
“As I live and breathe,” Liam mused, “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Open the door, baby brother,” I sneered, rolling my eyes at him and entering the lobby once he opened the door at my irritated command. I was ten steps ahead of the brothers, tapping my foot while I waited for the obnoxiously slow elevator before they approached me.
“Do you have any food up there?” Liam inquired, leaning his shoulder against the wall outside of the elevator. “I hadn’t yet eaten when you rang for my taxi services.”
“Another damn slumber party,” I sighed, my arms uncrossing as the doors opened. Liam stepped in before Julian, pressing the number for his floor once inside.
“That’s a dangerous promise,” Julian whispered, leaning against the interior wall of the small box and eyeing me before his humored gaze fell on Liam. “I have whatever you didn’t eat the other night, Liam.” Liam pulled out his vibrating phone, his thumbs making quick progress across the screen. Julian’s hand grazed mine, the softest touch radiating throughout my skin and responding with a mere trembling shiver. Mere. Like my body practically convulsing at an accidental touch was mere. Please. It wasn’t an accident. His fingers wrapped around my hand, one by one, taking possession of my attention while his head lowered to my ear.
“When we get inside,” his voice was quiet, “I’d like a minute alone with you.” Considering it was no longer to kill me, I nodded and let my hand rest within his hold as the doors opened onto Julian’s floor. Glued to his phone, Liam stepped out first, leading the way to Julian’s home. The hallway reeked of morbid nostalgia. It smelled like Julian, coffee, confusion, and cleaning products.
Julian reached across his body to find his keys in the pocket next to my hip, another wave rippling through my skin as he touched part of me. Waiting for him to open the door, entering a privacy code before inserting his key, I found myself disturbingly apprehensive. I became a ball of nerves, and I didn’t know if it was because I was stepping into a suffocating shell of memories, entering the past, or if it was because this time everything was different.
Liam shuffled into the kitchen, his absence screaming loudly around us. The air was heavy with a haunting regret. My heart buzzed with painful memories of the girl I once knew, thinking of the man she once knew. The man she didn’t know she knew, who now was no longer past or present, but the future. The man who stood with his hands extended toward mine once his coat was removed, watching me expectantly with his powerful palms waiting to hold me.
“This won’t take long.” A softness lingered in the air around his words before Julian pulled me along with him toward his extra bedroom. My bedroom.
I felt his breath, the heavy exhaustion leaving his lungs while the door opened beneath his commanding touch. I followed him inside, my arms automatically protecting my heart as they pulled from Julian’s hands and crossed along my body. It was exactly as I left it, a time capsule of Aideen inside Julian’s world. The old Aideen. It was the same, but for the pillows against the headboard. And the phone charger on the dresser. And the pile of laundry on top of the mattress.
“Have you…”
His hand pulled along the back of his neck, rubbing muscles as though it would erase his embarrassment. “Yeah.”
“You can’t sleep in the same room that you killed someone,” I scoffed, shaking my head at him. “Imagine that.”
“No,” his hands fell to his sides, “I couldn’t sleep in the same room where I last kissed you, or where I thought I last kissed you.”
I sat against the edge of the mattress, studying Julian’s expression while he casually admitted the depth of his emotions. Shrugging, he leaned forward to collect a pair of sweatpants from the pile of laundry behind me.
“Oh, because I thought you might actually have had a problem with killing someone,” I mumbled, “you’ll have to forgive me, babby. This whole mob, murderer, secrets, political corruption stuff is brand spankin’ new to me.” I shouldn’t have looked up at him. My eyes should have remained adhered to my knees and not caught by the movement of his hands while unfastening his tie. Fortunately, for what pride I had left, Julian’s eyes were on the ceiling as his nimble fingers dismantled the glorious trinity knot. His mouth separated into a grin that refused to leave his chiseled face, knowing I was watching him.
“Care to help me?” he said through a simper, his index finger tugging along one loop of the tie.
“You’ve been spending too much time with your little brother.” Rolling my eyes, I looked away in a huff and climbed onto the mattress, nestling against the headboard. My headboard. I could sleep here for a while. I guess. I was planning on moving tonight anyway, so this is probably a good transition. Right? Right. Oh no. Lord, Buddha, and everything south of Australia.
“Care to take off your pants elsewhere?” I painfully stared at the ceiling, prepared to cry in response to the agony it took to hold my gaze at the crisp white paint above me.
“Aideen.” His head shook while he shrugged out of his trousers and wiggled into the pair of sweatpants. “They’re just legs. Need I remind you that you’ve seen them before? And, if I weren’t such a gentleman, I’d remind you that I’ve seen yours as well.” I returned my eyes to him, watching the deity of Ulster grinning at me.
“You really have no boundaries,” I mumbled, kicking my legs over the side of the bed. “You’re also beginning to act a lot like Liam, and it’s unsettling. I hate to say it, but I miss Julian.”
His hands pressed into his hips, revealing the small bandages that still clung to the side of his abdomen, triggering my memories back to the night of our theatre date and the explosion. So much has changed in only a week. My gaze was on my shoes, still protecting my feet from his pristine floors, as his palms cupped my face. I couldn’t resist the gentle guidance of his hands lifting my stare from my shoes to his eyes.
“I miss you too, grá. I think we should talk about that. No omissions. No Liam interruptions.”
“What does that mean? Your endearments. I was just getting used to babby,” I taunted. “Aideen will suffice, you know. Most people just call me that. And you can tell Liam I’m not a damn avian.” Julian’s smile widened, a task I once believed impossible, but his lips parted with great humor and ease before his face lowered to gently kiss my forehead.
“I called you love. I’ll always call you babby. Liam is an imbecile.” His hands released as he nestled next to me on the edge of the mattress. “I don’t want to have a plan for this, for us, but I need you to understand how important you are to me.” I glanced at his hands, watching his fingers wrap around his knees, squeezing through the thin sweatpants to hold himself steady. He’s nervous.
“Is your kind allowed to feel how you’re feeling right now, Molloy?” I whispered, my left hand sliding under his right, ceasing the methodic squeeze of his knee. “It’s actually more terrifying than you threatening to kill me without actually saying so. Stop freaking out on me.”
“I’m not freaking out on you.” His response was quiet while his fingers intertwined with mine. “I’m just trying to figure out how I can fix this, how I can repair your heart and still function. No, my kind isn’t supposed to have feelings, but my kind never really met their match as I have.”
“Your match,” I questioned, taking my hand out from his hold and standing from the mattress. I was getting too comfortable on that bed with him. His palms slapped against his thighs, barely making a sound through the layers of muscle beneath his pants. He needs to put on a shirt. A girl needs to breathe.
“Yes.” Julian nodded, extending his bare arms behind him, resting his weight against bent wrists, and ultimately killing the last piece of my resistance. It’s futile. Truly. Look at him.
“You’re pathetically manipulative, Julian,” I scoffed, turning away from him and heading toward the imposing closet. I was two steps away when his arms snaked around my waist and he threw me onto the mattress. My head flopped backward, bouncing only once before his forehead gently pressed it into the covers beneath us.
“You’re pathetically stubborn, Aideen.” Julian’s words were a mumble as they poured into my mouth, stirring passionately with his tongue against mine.
His knees lightly drove between mine, separating the trembling thighs stretched out from my burning hips. My legs were bent at the edge of the mattress; my bottom still adhered to the covers while skilled hands glided along my thighs, tortuously climbing along my sides where his fingers bound my wrists. An exciting ache rippled against my skin as his hold secured, each finger tediously informing my heightened skin of its presence. The pounding within my chest called to him, the warmth of his skin pressing down against my body with just enough deadly force to comfort me beneath his weight. It feels amazing.
My body was no longer my own, only responding to the smell of his cologne, the delicate touch of his skin while Julian began raising my arms above my head, and the burning darkness between long eyelashes.
“I’m not afraid of you,” I whispered while losing myself in the depth of his eyes, realizing my heart rang true. I’m not. He is terrifying, lethal, horrifically deadly and intimidating, but I’m not afraid of him. It isn’t him; it isn’t Julian that I fear.
The pulse spreading from my core, swelling through my body like a tidal wave of euphoria at his touch alone called to my memories, reminding me that I was only afraid of losing the feeling in my dreams, the feeling of Julian. I was securely caged by his towering frame leaning over me, while his imposing stare left its mark. I’d totally be fine if he kept this I’m-too-sad-to-shave thing for a little while.
Julian’s lips twitched, curling upward, a grin tugging at more than my heart, while his face again lowered to mine. The body encasing my soul, the one no longer responding to my mind, tilted my head to the left as if demanding from Julian a response it knew he was desperate to provide. My eyelids fluttered shut, hoping to contain the memory as his lips grazed my exposed skin, nibbling along a tortuous path while caressing and biting my skin. Keep the stubble. I shivered, a warm and trembling mess beneath him.
“I’m only afraid,” his teeth tugged along my earlobe, exploding molecules of tension within my belly, “of losing you, darling. Hold me, babby. Please?” Without waiting for my reply, Julian released my wrists and lifted my hands to his neck, further pressing his weight against my demanding body. I’m holding him. Holding him. Keeping him. He is mine.
I memorized every muscle in his neck, my fingers rolling over the tightness that begged for release. My fingers slowly strolled along his shoulders, curling over his trapezius muscles. They were rigid, tightened like boulders that left me wondering just how hard the rest of his muscles were. Oh, Jesus, Aideen. I couldn’t help it. Julian, shirtless, muscles, cologne, too-sad-to-shave stubble, touching, my neck, on fire, bodies, hotness. With my eyes closed, my fingertips traveled in small circles along his skin, knowing precisely what they were touching. His gruff, panting breath tickled into my ear.
“Mo ghra amhain.” He knew what I was tracing; it was his body after all. It was his body and his dedication to me, to us. My hands drifted toward me, curving over his shoulders to press into his chest.
Description was futile, as our lexicon lacked all vocabulary to begin considering the gift of deity beneath my palms. I melted with his kisses, the delicate pain inflicted between bites and licks that pooled my soul at his mercy. Finally. Yet, as I pushed against his chest, my mind slowly regaining composure, I thought more about Julian’s words. He burned his memory of me into his own skin, informing the select few who would ever see him half naked that I was his only love. Me. Aideen Leary, the orphan, the girl with a small business, the girl who was already in too deep without even knowing she agreed to participate in the tournament. I couldn’t say those words to him. I still knew nothing of the future after just gaining pieces of my past, a past I still needed to fully accept. Way to ruin a moment, wet blanket. It wasn’t ruined; nothing could take away the potent pleasure his lips alone inflicted upon me.
Julian’s skin burned beneath my touch, his ribs expanding beyond allowance as his breath panted. My hands grazed along his face, pulling his head from mine and lifting it so I could stare into his eyes. Stare. Keep doing it. Let them hypnotize you. Whoops, too late.
“You’re right,” a softness consumed his face while he lifted from me, taking my wrists into one of his large hands, “it’s too soon. You have questions. We just talked to each other for the first time in a week this afternoon. I’m sorry, babby. God.”
“Stop,” I urged, my brow furrowing in confusion. “Please, Julian. Look at me.” His glance burned against my skin, searing me with the same flame that destroyed my resolve.
“I hated you a week ago,” I sighed, my wrists wiggling free of his hold and dropping next to his bent legs that straddled my hips, “but I think…I might have loved you months ago.” Might have. Do. Still do. Somewhere.
An agonizing throb within my heart, buried in the confines of forgotten chambers long since sealed, knew it was a lie. The pain reminded me, waking my consciousness, that my feelings for Julian were real. It wasn’t a farce. The pull, the tug of a rope that bound our hearts together even without my awareness, was formed when he found me on my fifth day in the hospital. It couldn’t be cut, frayed, or broken. I knew this.
“I’m not going to pressure you.” His eyes shimmered in the dim light while brightly burning into me. “I also didn’t bring you in here to seduce you.”
“Liar.”
His grin was my reward, a sultry, debilitating reminder of his power over my soul.
“Thief.” He winked, climbing from me and reaching for my hands once his feet met the floor. “I wanted you alone to tell you something. I didn’t want Liam to interrupt or be involved. It’s just something between you and me.”
“Go on.” My arms crossed while I stood, holding my melting body together beneath his bare skin. “I’m still your prisoner.”
His eyes rolled, a beautiful reaction to my sarcasm. Beautiful. He was laughing at me, amused by our past, humored by the comfort with which we could now respond. Somewhat. This bastard still owes me a lot of information. Julian’s eyes were focused on my hair while he slowly removed pins to let it cascade along my shoulder. I was about to fall asleep; the tickling of his hands combing through sent me to dreamland.
“I don’t expect you to respond, and you don’t need to either, but I need to know that you’ve heard from me how infatuated with you I am. Aideen, I love you. You’re killing me, you’re awakening me, you’re keeping me alive. You are my only love and you only ever will be. I need you to know that whatever we discover, whatever plans are formed, I will protect you. I will die so you can live. I just need you to know that. I know it seems intense and a lot, especially since this week was awful…”
“Now you’re scaring me.” I stepped closer, falling into the warmth of his body. “Can you just go back to riddles and threatening me?”
“No.” His chest vibrated with a chuckle while his arms tightened around mine. “Unless you want me to.” My eyes sealed, allowing other senses to consume the moment within his protection, the security of his arms.
“No.” I sighed, a heavy release of the past drifting from my mouth as my heart accepted our fate.