Chapter One
I slowly scratched my throat while the bell of Julian’s intercom ripped through the horrid silence that screamed around my foggy ears. Pi. It was impossible to focus when the world was spinning. The unease swirled inside of my stomach, threatening to melt my insides. Julian pulled me against his chest, softening the effect. Inhaling his scent, I relaxed and the bile settled.
His questioning whisper left me mute. How am I supposed to say this? His hold tightened around me and I almost forgot I stood in just my knickers and his shirt. Priorities. The panic reassembled, violently coursing over me in a sheath of goose bumps and trembling limbs.
“Aideen, what’s wrong?” I closed my eyes at the sound of Julian’s voice, only opening them when Liam cleared his throat behind me.
“It’s just a damn headline,” he pressed, his voice filled with irritation. “Christ, Grandfather. You know how the press operates.”
“I am also fully aware of how our families operate, Liam,” Satan rebuked. “Get this pathetic, decrepit soul out of here, Julian. Now.”
“No.” His immediate defiance whirled around my head. “You should leave.”
The doorbell hummed again, the four of us caught in a frozen state of heightened anxiety. Maybe it’s just me. Nobody moved. A showdown.
“Is anyone going to get that?” Liam questioned, his footsteps scuffing along the hardwood as he walked away. I heard him press the intercom button near the front door, just a few feet away from where I stood, adhered to Julian in the hallway. Liam’s brief absence left my back exposed to the icy penetration of fear their grandfather instilled in the cloud of bullshit around me. Even in Julian’s arms, I felt vulnerable. Probably just the fact I’m in my knickers. Still.
“What the hell do you want?” Liam snarled into the intercom. I squinted, confirming that their grandfather was still two feet away from me, intently focused on Julian and I with no urgency to leave.
“It’s Edward,” a voice crackled through the intercom. “Edward Regan. Julian?”
“No,” Liam groaned. “Liam. Why are you here?”
“I requested his attendance, you shit,” Grandpa Fuckoy announced, reminding the room of his authority. I thought Julian was in charge. I thought he was responsible for everyone and everything. And yet, he stood as rigid as me in his own home. He guided me backwards until my back touched a doorframe. I wanted to look up, but I couldn’t.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” Julian murmured above my head, his tone determined and soft. I screamed at him on the inside, but he couldn’t hear. I wasn’t breathing. My heart raced. Everything was blue. Black. Gold. Flashing. Fading.
I heard Julian repeat my name. “Look at me!” I can’t. Not again. Black.
Something dribbled along my temple and wiggled its way into my ear, sending a shiver through me as it tickled my skin. It slowly brought me from the darkened haze.
“How often does this happen?” Liam whispered, but I didn’t know where he was. I felt the cool, damp pressure of a washcloth against my forehead.
“This is only the second time I’ve seen it.” My heart pounded with Julian’s voice.
Their voices blended together, a beautiful hymn of sound playing behind my heavy eyelids. Julian and Liam have no idea. They really don’t know. I convulsed, a vibrating shiver sent through my skin as water dribbled along my temple and into my ear.
“Quiet,” Julian hissed before I felt his weight on the bed. “Aideen?” I reluctantly opened my eyes, facing reality and the Molloy brothers. I wondered how long I could lie there, limp and mute, waiting for the plan of my truth to magically appear. It would be a lovely plan; an admission to defeat their omissions, silencing the worst of the evil so we could live happily ever after.
“Babby?” He’s still here. I focused on the eyes peering into mine, riddled with concern. I blinked, buying time and clearing my vision, rolling onto my left side and away from their sight. Buy time. Someone wrapped a blanket over me, protecting my legs from the chill of evening. Julian is such a gentleman. Minus the killing and omission crap, that is.
“My head hurts,” I muttered, lying straight through my teeth to the man I abandoned for having done the same thing to me. “I’ll be okay.” I can’t tell them right now, with their grandfather in the other room, that I know who tried to kill me in the hospital. How are they supposed to react? I can’t do that to Julian.
“You passed out and now your head hurts. I’ll call for Doctor Monroe.”
“No,” Julian ordered, leaving the mattress. “Don’t.” I tried to eavesdrop, unable to pick up the muffled whispers exchanged near the door. My normal health would be revealed too quickly if I turned to face them, so I looked away.
“Be careful, bird,” Liam whispered from the door. “Things could get ugly. Don’t trust anyone.” That’s fucking cryptic. The door opened, barely emitting a sound. The room was filled with a heavy silence as Julian’s weight rolled my body back toward him once he rested at my side. His hand fell to my leg, his long fingers spreading their possession along my thigh. I slowly turned to look at him, my stare timid. Timid? Try absolutely terrified.
“Tell me the truth, Aideen.” I was embarrassed and equally frightened to be caught in the hypocrisy.
“Wh—” I swallowed. “Why is Edward Regan here?”
Julian’s brow furrowed, a soft laugh trickling from his delicious lips. “You faint and the only thing you want to ask me is why Edward Regan is here?”
“Well…yes.” You’re not wearing pants. Don’t let him win. Julian’s fingers slowly spread, claiming my skin beneath the comforter, burning their possession into my flesh. He pulled his right hand away from me, lifting over me to balance his weight as his hand pressed into the mattress near my left thigh. Blinking away my stupor, I was paralyzed as Julian mounted me, his face lowering mere inches above mine.
“You have no idea,” he whispered, his eyes flicking between my mouth and the widened orbs staring into his, “how long I have waited for you. You haven’t an inkling of the need my body has for yours, for you?”
“Need.” I felt my cheeks burn. His attempted manipulation worked as I fell further under his spell. The heavenly scent of his cologne drifted into my nostrils, tying my brain in a functionless knot.
“I’m going to get them out of here, and then you and I are going to discuss what happens next.” His lips pressed against my forehead, filling my burning abdomen with fiery longing. Wanting.
“Next?” But he has no idea that his grandfather tried to kill me. How am I supposed to tell him this? I can’t just let him touch me like this and blurt it out. I can’t hurt him. I can’t. Julian’s forearms pressed against mine as he lowered toward me, kissing my forehead once more. I must be dying.
“I look at you, Aideen, and the world stops. There is nobody else. Nobody exists. It’s you. It’s only ever been you and it only ever will be you.” Julian’s head nuzzled mine, ceasing all function within my mind. I just need to think of how to tell him. When his grandfather leaves, I will tell him.
“Julian,” I whispered, finally finding my voice as I peered behind him at the door, praying it would remain closed. “I can’t stay here.” His eyes, vibrantly bearing into mine, fell despondently against my gaze while I spoke.
“I should never have expected you to be comfortable here.” His frustration was a muffled hum as Julian’s head hung low. “And now my family is here, Edward is here…forgive me. Please. I was selfish. I am selfish. I just wanted you. I want you. I want to protect you, and keeping you here with me is the only way I can make sure that happens.” I get it. I do. I honestly, without a doubt, believe him for the first time in my life. I trust him.
Closed off, stranded in bed beneath his powerful body, and momentarily hidden from the deviance brewing on the other side of those walls, I felt nothing but the delicate peace that Julian brought my heart. My soul was hopelessly devoured by the glowing sapphire blazing into my eyes, drinking every last particle of my being with each soft blink or unconscious flutter of his eyelash.
“It isn’t about you being forgiven,” I began, struggling to compose myself beneath the heat of his body, and the invigoratingly seductive cage in which he held me, “I just…” He waited, his expression and body patiently accepting my inability to speak.
“Yes?” His brows met ever so slightly, only hinting at his worry while Julian scanned my face. Balancing his weight above me on his left arm, Julian’s right hand lifted to stroke my cheek. The back of his knuckles hovered above my skin, barely touching my reddening cheeks, and my body was his.
“Leave with me,” I blurted, my heart bounding free of my ribs, landing directly next to his beneath the protective shell of his chest. Julian’s right hand returned to my side, his voice mute while my thoughts found our hearts buried within him. Don’t cry. Don’t do it. Let this beautiful devil think. Don’t you dare do it, Aideen. I swear, I will make you drink milk if you do this. Whole milk, girlfriend.
A small chuckle flirted with his throat, trickling from his parted lips as his smile formed. “I was waiting for you to ask.”
My lips met his with the heady, welcomed intrusion of his lust and desire. Desire. This man, this delicious, demanding deity desires me. Bringing my mind back to the important matter of Julian’s hands now tightly holding my head within their grasp as his teeth pierced my bottom lip, my breath caught. I needed to touch him, to feel him above me, but when I lifted my hands, his fingers left my face and locked around my wrists, binding them above my head in a prison that exploded my heart. His pelvis pressed harder into mine, his weight relaxing against me as his head nuzzled mine to the side, giving Julian’s burning lips access to spread their delicious sin along my exposed, aching skin.
I squirmed beneath him, desperate to hold Julian, craving only the release of my fingertips to I explore the man above me. Yet with each jerk of my body brought on by the softest touch of Julian’s lips or his stubble against my neck and collarbone, his grasp tightened, holding my hands in his possession above my head. Don’t ruin this moment, you horrid, overthinking brain.
“My God, Aideen.” His husky voice crackled into my ear. His right hand restrained both of my wrists in its possession as his left hand scoured my face and shoulder, caressing me as its warmth radiated into my pores. Julian’s fingers grabbed my chin, delicately at first before his lips once more crashed into mine. My hips wiggled, out of my control, while I wanted to free myself from his restraint, only to hold him.
“Julian,” I murmured, turning my face as his teeth grazed my right earlobe, “please.” The sudden, violent absence of his chest against mine, blissfully suffocating me, jarred my desperate body.
“What? I pushed you too far. I am so sorry. Please forgive me!” Julian climbed from me, almost instantly leaving me isolated on the bed. I wriggled up from the pillows and covers, kneeling on top of the mattress while Julian’s feet met the floor. I grabbed his shirt, stopping him from leaving me.
“Where the hell are you going, Molloy?” His hands dropped to mine and he lifted my palm to his chest in response.
“I wasn’t asking you to stop.” I squeezed the fabric of his shirt beneath my fingertips. “I want more. I need more. I need you. But…”
“There’s someone else?” That arrogant shit. His grin beamed, loud and destructively gorgeous. I…I love him.
“That isn’t even funny, Julian Molloy.” I pinched what skin I could grab with my palm that had spread above his heart, vibrating with a quick pound of his heart. “Get back over here. Now.”
Julian dropped my hand, the smirk upon his face melting me into a puddle desperate to be lapped up by only him, and pushed my shoulders before I landed on the soft covers of his bed.
“I’m here,” he moaned against my mouth, his legs pressed against the edge of the mattress, separating mine at the knees. “I always will be.”
His lips fought against my clavicle, warring to break through my ribs and reveal my heart. But he already had that. I had to tell him. Two things.
My hands wiggled to hold his face, tickling beneath the unusually neglected stubble forming along his jaw and cheeks. “Can you take me to my apartment tonight? We need to talk. I want to be alone with you.”
With an exhale deep enough to consume the Atlantic Ocean, Julian’s head fell against my chest. It was the warmest, most comforting weight. My veins throbbed, unable to keep up with my rapidly beating heart.
“Your heart is pounding,” he whispered, his fingers spreading around the sides of my ribs, burrowing into my skin and barely grazing my chest. “Talk to me here.”
“I can’t,” I urged, my voice weakened. “We need to be alone…please?” Julian’s head slowly lifted, his chin resting against my sternum with his wide, blue gaze patiently studying me.
“Of course.” His eyes flicked between mine, taking a moment to consider me, as though that was it. It. This is only the beginning. I hushed my mind, reminding myself that Julian might only be looking at me with the deepest expression of concern because he had a heart somewhere in there, dancing alongside my own.