I haven’t heard from Amelia in a while. Not since our out of nowhere make out session that felt like a hurricane…but in a very hot and humid and clothes flying off sort of way!
I won’t lie…I felt a little dirty for it, but it was the most erotic moment of my life. Undressing my friend, making out with a woman who was marked as “off limits” for so long.
And I know she wouldn’t agree, but I honestly had no idea that was going to happen. Sure, I knew I wanted to talk to her and in my imagination, I was imagining some sort of kiss or handholding. But we went from zero to sixty miles per hour in a hurry. Just thinking about the way she looked…her naturally big breasts and my lips exploring her body…and the way she breathed in little excited sighs.
It was more than I anticipated. She was everything I wanted in a woman. If there was ever any doubt in my mind, it was eradicated that night—that amazing night.
But I fear I’ve done the unthinkable. Amelia’s panic has caused her to avoid me. Maybe she feels ashamed. Or thinks I took advantage of her.
Or…I don’t know. But since she hasn’t spoken to me or returned my call, I can only assume she’s infuriated.
Probably because she liked it, but can’t admit it to herself. Could I admit it to myself? Was I ready for Amelia? Was this a childhood fantasy or was I really in love? I knew what I felt, I felt it in my mind and heart. But her doubts did challenge me. Did I ever feel like this towards Crystal and maybe the thrill just wore off?
I took the hint and decided to go away for a while. Crystal still wasn’t talking to me so I took a long drive south. I stayed in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and took my time walking through the woods, seeing the small businesses of a small town, and making small talk with people I would probably never see again.
Maybe I needed my soul repaired. Maybe I needed to repent for the way I treated Amelia. Maybe I was in the wrong.
No, I thought to myself.I’m tired of apologizing for the way I feel, for the way I always felt. I’ve never not been in love with Amelia. I’ve never grown tired of desiring her, desiring her friendship, her love, her lust, her entire being. Maybe we’re all allowed to do something selfish in our lives. Maybe one thing, and this is it. This is what I want. This is what I want most of all.
What I found out was that for every grand romantic gesture that a person feels in life, someone else has to suffer in that moment. Breaking someone’s heart never feels right, you never forget it or forgive yourself for it.
When I told Crystal what I decided, I didn’t do it for me, or to be honest or other motivation…except that I just knew she deserved better. She didn’t deserve to be treated this way and I had to tell her such.
“I’m sorry,” I told her over a very expensive dinner at Olive Garden. She did drink a lot of wine and ordered four dishes which she never finished—probably out of spite. Oh well. “I wish I could have seen this coming. My heart is stupid. My mind is immature. My…”
“Your dick is out of control.”
“Well that goes without saying.”
By now Crystal was over the shouting and the crying—although she made it clear she never cried over losing me, at least not where I could see her.
“You are an asshole, David Brown,” she said with a cocky attitude. “But I’ve decided to let you move on.”
“Really?”
“Yes, because I think you’re going to find that someone like Amelia is not going to make you happy. Guys like you, you think you can just find your true love every thirty seconds. You never take the time to appreciate a woman’s uniqueness.”
I wasn’t about to argue with the woman who was finally letting me go on benevolent terms and surprisingly without throwing any breadsticks, or breaking any glasses or singing to the ceiling about what a dick I was. All in all, it was a fairly quiet affair.
“I think you’re going to be sorry you lost me.”
“Jesus, Crystal,” I said, always a bit too honest. “I’m doing this because I respect you. If I were a selfish man, I would want you and her. I would be a louse, a cheat and a sneak. But I won’t do that to someone who deserves my utmost respect. I don’t regret our time together. It was everything I thought I wanted. But in the end, you just deserve better than me. And you know you do.”
“Yeah well,” she said with a cold shrug…but at least half a smile on her face. “Just so you know, I already got a few offers from some very big guys. Real athletes you know, not the ones that just sell vitamins. One’s a linebacker. The other’s a boxer. And the other…a Tantric Sex Guru.”
I laughed heartily. “That is a hard deal to pass up.”
“But okay, here’s what I have to say to you,” she said finally looking me straight in the eye and losing her stare. “I’m glad you just told me rather than made me some kind of fool. I take my wedding day very seriously.”
“I know, Crystal. I would never do that to you.”
“I hope…” she said before a pause. “I hope Amelia appreciates you.”
“I hope so too. I’m going to miss you.”
“Oh yeah you will. You’ll be kicking yourself two years from now when Little Miss Perfect just lays there, and you realize that I was the one who gave you the best sex of your life!”
I laughed in surrender. I was just glad Crystal wasn’t kicking my ass. Let her have her bragging rights. I was just relieved to be honest again. Free to pursue the woman I wanted most of all, more than life itself!
And this is the part where I would go to Amelia and tell her how much I love her and she would say yes to my proposal and we’d live happily ever after.
Right?
Well no, ironically it didn’t happen that way…