Chapter 5:Connor
I moved on from Dana the only way I knew how. By trying to hook up with a new girlfriend. By trying to fuck my heartache away, more or less. The more I thought about it, after a few days of taking a break from it all, realizing that whatever I felt for Dana was short-lived…
The more what she said made sense. It wasn’t her fault or my fault. Our emotions clouded our judgment. It was far better to salvage our friendship than to try to bludgeon our failed romance into nothing. Jess was a colleague I met at the airport and I knew instantly she was the rebound “layover flight” I needed to get my mind off of Dana. It was very possible I just confused my insatiable horniness for something else. Something uncomfortable and unwanted.
Now, Jess, I have to admit was very cute. A natural redhead and a very quirky woman. We flirted a lot after the flights and decided to go out to dinner when I got back home. Things were progressing nicely…she was the type of no-nonsense bombshell that would eat light and suggest we head back to my place early.
And she was just getting to that part, I sensed…when the most unfortunate of coincidences occurred.
I saw Dana and Cammie having dinner a few tables behind us. I did a double take, not quite sure what I was seeing. I recognized Dana first…which is remarkable, considering I always find my sister first in a crowd.
But this time, I couldn’t tear myself away.
Dana looked fantastic. She showed up wearing a silky brown cami dress. It was a bit uncharacteristic for her. But in my eyes, it felt as if she were dressing up for ME. When I saw Danaand eyes finally met,she gave me the most loaded little glare I had ever seen from a woman.
She definitely saw Jess and was stewing over her. But why? Wasn’t I just following her cue and moving on? Forgetting any of this ever happened?
I shrugged it off, figuring she would get over it and get to her meal. But to my surprise, she kept staring at me, colliding with my eyes and wanting to get my attention. I had to figure Cammie was asking her what the hell is up at this point.
Even Jess noticed I was distracted. She could sense I kept looking back. I told her my sister was sitting back there, but even Jess knew the truth…no one looks at their “sister” so obsessively. But the woman seated with her, the woman staring holes through me and screaming internal thoughts was grabbing my attention.
The look on Dana’s face was mesmerizing. It was almost a come hither look…a reluctant come hither look. As if daring me to come and chase her…but reminding me that this was wrong. It was a game. A game I felt drawn into…manipulated. And yet one I could never resist, even if I tried.
I stared at Dana for most of the dinner conversation. Every so often she would smile at me, sending me a signal of peace and not war. Was she wishing me happiness or was she still sore about seeing Jess? Then she gave me an uncomfortable stare and a flinch right before running away with her eyes. It was the same feeling that I felt, no doubt. A fear, a curious feeling…just a vague intuition. And yet it’s all I wanted to think about.
I couldn’t help what I was feeling. For the first time ever I saw Dana and I was fully immersed in her, mentally and emotionally. Her face kept popping up in my imagination. Looking at her gave me a strange tingle inside. When our eyes locked and we shrugged at each other in panic…well, I can only speak for myself. But I felt a rush of emotions that felt illicit…criminal…erotic, if I can so boldly throw that word around. I wondered if the attraction was mutual. I wasn’t exactly looking like an Oscar nominee, since I only showed up in a shirt and jeans. Was it just me? Was I misreading this?
Her thoughts began to invade my own mind, as if she were communicating me the fierceness of her thoughts. As if her emotions were so volatile she couldn’t keep quiet.
Connor…I don’t understand what I’m feeling. But I feel it strongly. I am being torn apart by jealousy. I have never felt anything so harshly in all my life. Seeing you with her—with anyone goddamn it—makes me feel insane. I want to fucking punch anyone who gets too near to you! I don’t know what to think of this…but you better hear me. And hear me right now. I changed my mind I want you.
That’s definitely the impression I got. But was she really thinking that? I definitely “felt” the holes she was staring through me. And there’s only one reason a woman stares at a man that intensely. Either she wants to smack him a good or one she wants…
I smile at the possibility. Is she really thinking what I’m thinking?
I decided to throw caution to the wind and take my big chance. After all, I had nothing to lose at this point. And taking a huge risk seemed to be the theme that characterized our hot and cold relationship so far.
I shrugged and excused my poor date for just one moment. I decided to text my stalker Dana and call her bluff. Was she really regretting losing me? Did she really want to fight for me at the last hour?
I texted her…
TURN OFF THE FIRE, IT’S HOT IN HERE.
I smiled back at her, letting her know that whether she was horny or angry, I was loving this shit. I couldn’t wait to know what she was really thinking.
To my fascination she replied within a few seconds after frantically typing—and right in front of Cammie, who was apparently none the wiser. I certainly wasn’t misreading that shared thought. And I know that must have been what Dana was thinking as we traded glances from across the table. Whatever our future was, whatever our present, that moment in the past was ours.
MEET ME IN THE RESTROOM IN 5 MINUTES
I smiled wide and felt a flutter in my stomach. Yes, she was calling my bluff. She changed her mind and suddenly I dropped everything. She wasn’t the only one boiling hot with jealousy at that moment. I wanted to possess her badly, to pick up where we left off and frantically throw ourselves into unbridled lust.
I hardly threw out a flimsy excuse to Jess and walked quickly to the restroom. I was moving so light and fast my knees felt weak. I saw in the corner of my eye as I opened the door, Dana start to shift uneasily—ready to bolt. Probably in seconds…just needed to lose Cammie.
I gave Dana one more glance and then entered the restroom.
My heart pounded as I waited inside the restroom. I heard little pattering footsteps approaching. Someone was coming and in a rush.
My eyes went wide and my smile stupid and thick—the hardest I had ever smiled—when I saw it was Dana. She followed me into the restroom and closed it behind us.
“Dana…” I said, at a loss for words.
“I know, I know. It doesn’t make sense. I know, I know, we’re going to pay for this later. But for the first time…I just feel it. Connor. I don’t want this to end. Seeing you with that girl…it’s not what I want…”
“You’re what I want,” I said taking her face into my hands and kissing her. I welcomed Dana into my arms, letting her kiss me with uninhibited, throw-caution-to-the-wind passion. I kissed her back and led the dance, aggressively flipping her in the opposite direction and holding her tight. Our kisses were inflamed, dangerous…hungry. By the time she put her tongue in my mouth I was humming out loud. The whole thing felt rushed and secretive—against the law! I wasn’t breaking any laws, was I?
I turned her over again, eager to bring her body closer to mine, to take her, all of her into my mouth—into my very soul. We stifled our laughter and continued kissing and necking, getting hotter, raspier in voice and then completely out of breath.
Maybe our first time together was supposed to be slow and romantic, but God, this was sexy as fuck. That one moment where we lost our heads and enjoyed an accidental kiss multiplied and became this ravenous monster of desire. Before I could even stop myself and ask “what’s going on?” I was kissing her chest like an animal, pulling her cami dress straps down and tasting her breasts. Putting her in my mouth, losing all control – and for once, for once, feeling like I was really alive—flying goddammit!
She kissed me back and rubbed my pants, finding my bursting erection. It was too hot to think and we were sexually mauling each other so fast, we could hardly move around in that little restroom. I lifted her up against the counter, horny as a teenager again, and wanting to see her panties. When I looked down all I saw was a gorgeous pussy smiling back at me, perfectly trimmed and perfectly wet – as classy as could be expected, given the circumstances.
“Oh my God…” I said, not so matter-of-factly but more like I was groaning in like lust.
“I wore underwear…but as soon as I saw you…I very carefully slipped them off……”
She stared at me as madly as any woman had before…and with the most infectious and adorable smile. The kind that warms your heart while filling your body with waves of erotic suspense. She was perfect all right…
No, not perfect. Brilliantly imperfect. Flawed. Fucked up but oh so beautiful.
“Good thing I ran into you, huh?” she said in a sexy, throaty voice which sent my mind spinning. I unzipped my pants in a hurry and entered her hard and vigorously.
My senses were overwhelmed with Dana’s body, voice and smell. She was perfect…perfect! And I kept thinking those words as I thrust into her with all my might. She took me…she begged me for more, whispering into my ears and turning my world upside down.
“Oh Dana…” I whispered as I kissed her in afterglow. We both had mini-orgasms from that rough fuck, but the experience was so intense they felt better than even my longest sex session. I could only imagine what she would be like in bed again…where I could touch, caress and stroke every inch of her body just like we did before. I was addicted to her taste, her touch, her every curve…I needed more.
“Shhh…” she whispered. “There’s no need to say anything…just go back to the table. Pretend like nothing happened.”
Her voice…so sexy. And the idea of playing this secret game was the most mind-fucking thing I ever experienced in my life.
By the time I left the restroom and went back to the table, Jess was gone.
Damn. She probably deserved better than that. I was going to call her and apologize later.
At this very moment all my thoughts and feelings were swarming around Dana. I could barely keep myself focused as I sat myself down.
Much to my chagrin, within thirty seconds, Cammie sat down next to me.
She stared at me with the most Oh My God look I had ever seen coming from her. The jig was up.
Dana came outside next, smoothing her dress out. But she watched in confusion as Cammie had left her table to come to mine. Now she had folded her arms and sat back in her seat, waiting for an explanation.
I smiled at Dana in red-faced embarrassment. “I think she knows.”
Dana reluctantly came over to our table and hid her face. This was a pretty brazen stunt and we just barely managed to hide our naked bodies from the public, let alone our very obvious feelings for each other.
“I’m not stupid. I know what you two were up to.”
“What? Nooo!” Dana said. “We were just…”
“Oh? What were you just? What were you two just doing? Together? Alone and away from me?”
Dana smiled awkwardly. She lost Cammie’s angry eyes and then stared at me in trepidation.
“Damn…” I finally confessed.
“So. Say it. I already knew what you two were up to. But I wanted to hear you say it. Now you’re busted. I’m waiting for a confession. From both of you!”
“All right…I think…”
“We’re…”
We almost spoke at the same time. I nodded at Dana and she stared back.
“We’re in lov...”
“We had sex.”
“Err, I mean yeah, we had sex. Umm it was an accident.”
I blushed and smiled, hoping Dana didn’t hear me and Cammie wasn’t going to kill me…
**
“Wow, that’s crazy!” Stephanie said, as I related the story to her in Jake’s apartment. They had just moved in together after a few months of dating…and playing some weird sex game with each other where Stephanie pretended to be her own evil twin?
I didn’t quite understand it and frankly I didn’t want to know. But it was nice of my sister to take me in and offer some words of comfort, right when I was feeling at my lowest.
“I’m a little surprised to hear how it went down.”
I laughed. “Hey, I am a pilot, you know. I’m used to danger.”
“How did Cammie take it?”
“Well she made us both confess. And then she left. I’m not sure how she took it beyond that. I kissed Dana and then told her to call me. She hasn’t. A lot is going on.”
Jake laughed. “Hey, good for you. In my opinion, you followed your heart and did what felt natural. So Cammie just needs to back off. It’s your life. If you’ve found someone you like, you have to fight for her.”
“I know and ordinarily I wouldn’t have a problem with it. But it’s my sister and her best friend. It’s an awkward power struggle.”
“Well, well, big bro,” Stephanie replied with a sleazy smile. “It looks like Mister Maturity, the big mature guy, the big brother everyone just loves…finally has a taste of some epic family drama. About damned time!”
“I know,” I replied sadly. “Believe me, I don’t like it.”
“Eh, drama is just a part of life. Definitely a part of romance. But I think sometimes you need a little drama. It’s the price we pay for finding something magnificent.”
“What’s worth all this stress?”
“Love is always worth it. And when you find it, Conn, you’ll realize it was always worth fighting for.”
**
I talked to Dana again in her apartment. She was definitely admitting to me what she felt by now…that she was just as hungry for me as I was for her. But damn, she’s such a good and caring person, her first instinct was to think of Cammie.
“We both betrayed Cammie,” she said, grieving and drunk, disgusted at herself, me and everything in the world. “I don’t blame you, Connor. It was my weakness. It was my selfishness.”
“No,” I said firmly. “It wasn’t anyone’s weakness. I’m tired of thinking of this as a weakness. This is what I want, Dana.”
I looked her in the eye and held her hand in a loving grasp. “I never once felt bad about any of it. If I was moving too fast, then okay fine. But I never doubted what I felt was sincere.”
“I know…but…”
“But nothing. I want to be with you. I want us to explore this together, at your own pace. Nothing too fast or too intense. Just easygoing, the way you would have it. You’re not the only one who deals with doubt, you know…but we take it one step at a time.”
“It’s not that, Connor,” she said. “It’s about finding the right place where we can all be happy.”
“Yeah I know,” I said in frustration. “I just don’t see why Cammie’s feelings are more important than mine.”
“It’s not about importance, silly. It’s just that she’s our friend. She’s our family. And you don’t treat people that really matter like shit.”
I shrugged and finally nodded in acceptance. She was right. I complained about Cammie, we all did…but it was damn true that we insisted she be involved in our lives. Mom and dad taught me to stay close to family. And if Cammie was upset about what happened, she deserved an apology. If the reward for all this legwork and buddying up and apologizing was Dana’s heart and a clean conscience…then it was damn well worth it.”
**
Cammie said she would talk to me, but that she was busy working all day and night. I wasn’t sure if she was making that up just to punish me with an extra day of worry, or if she was legitimately busy.
But I have to give Jake credit. He decided to take me out for a drink and cheer me up though he hardly knew me. He even invited his friend David along. Apparently David was happily engaged to this woman named Amelia or something like that. Eh, newlyweds. You can always tell. They’re so damned happy.
“Lighten up, dude,” Jake said, tapping our beers together. “Women are just goofy sometimes.”
“Oh yeah,” David said matter-of-factly, already drunk. “The entire enigma of women can be summed in two words: Illogic and irrationality.”
“Isn’t that three words?”
“Don’t be a grammar Nazi!” David replied.
“‘And’ doesn’t count as a word!” Jake said.
“Oh. I see. So you don’t think I should apologize?”
“Well…see here’s the thing,” Jake said, motioning his arms and ready to give me a tough life lesson. “You see when I was young…my mother told me…”
“Oh God,” David whined. “I can’t listen to this shit anymore.”
“Excuse me? I’m just getting started making a speech!” Jake said. “You drone on for hours when you’re lovesick about Amelia. But you don’t even give me ten minutes to talk some sense into Connor here?!”
“It’s not that,” David said, standing up and pacing around the bar. “There’s something else, Jake. Something big. And I have to tell you what it is.”
“Oh my God. This sounds big. Is it big?” Jake said, looking at me in interest and then back to David. “Is it huge?”
“It’s monstrously huge and big.”
I shook my head and chuckled. I told the rest of the story to my half empty glass of beer. It was obvious these guys were all absorbed in their own problems.
“Amelia is pregnant…” David said, staring at us both.
Jake’s mouth dropped open.
I just smiled in confusion, since I barely knew who the hell Amelia was.
“OH MY GOD! You lucky bastard!”
“I know, I know!” David said, smiling and turning beat red.
“You perverted son of a bitch! You totally came in her pussy. What a porn star thing to do!”
“Heeey!” David said. “She’s a mother now. You can’t demean her like that anymore.”
“Ahh, right. The sacred mommy oath,” Jake said with a nod. “Sustained, your honor. But oh my God that’s so magnificent!”
Jake and David hugged in giddy excitement.
**
Who was I kidding? I didn’t really need a pep talk. I knew I hurt Cammie and I knew that Dana needed Cammie’s good wishes before she could really give this thing a try. And all that really mattered at that moment was that they needed me to intervene. I had to be strong. They were counting on me to make things right.
I looked to the sky, for once no longer feeling that strange urge to jump into the sky and escape my problems. Now flying halfway across the world was pointless. I had already found what I was looking for. I wanted Dana. I wanted to grow with Dana and see where this thing took us. Could it be love? Could it be something deeper than just friends with benefits? I felt it in my heart every second I looked into her vulnerable eyes.
I was home with her. That was the day I realized there’s no longer any reason to run or fly away from what truly made me happy. All that was left to do is to make things right.
***