Bjǫrn to Cin - Preview

Awakening the Golden Queen

A Tulsa Immortals Story

By Audra Hart

Copyright © 2018 Audra Hart Publications

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Unedited Preview subject to revision

This story is slated for publication in February of 2019

 

Prologue – Thanksgiving

 

The actress on the screen says; “But you need all of those things.”

“I need you more,” he responds.

I pick up the remote and turn off the DVD.  “Yeah right.” 

Tossing the remote onto the coffee table, I begin pacing the spacious living room of my apartment.  “Why do I not believe you, Mr. Pushy Billionaire?”  I laugh drily.  “Probably because I know better.  Probably because I am just as twisted as you.  Probably because I too think that very same thing, at times, about him… well, them.  Both of them.  But the truth is, sooner or later, I’ll be right back out at Raven’s Keep.  I need Master Sam, or one of the other sadists I trust, to give me what I need.  What my body craves.  What my stunted emotions and warped self-image tell me I need.”

Who knows how long I pace before I look at the clock and sigh.  4:21 am.  “Shit!”  I know I won’t be able to go back to sleep and watching movies isn’t working either.  So, I head to the kitchen to bake.  After all, today is Thanksgiving dinner with the MC. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

For the first time in all of the years that I have been friends with members of the Twin Ravens MC, I am convinced they are hiding something from me.  No, scratch that, they are not just hiding something from me, they are outright lying to me.  I woke up in Callie and her mates’ suite of rooms the day after the Autumnal Equinox with an achy body and some faint remnants of bruises and scrapes, but absolutely no memory of how any of it happened.  The very last thing I remember is getting into my car to drive to Starbucks for coffee and a muffin. My Advanced Psychological Testing class was kicking my butt and I needed a caffeine and sugar boost.  The next thing I know, I wake with a sore body and friends who can’t even meet my gaze head on.

Oh, first Blood and then Morrigan, tried to feed me a cock and bull story about getting mugged in the MC parking lot, but I knew they were lying.  Instinctually.  I knew it deep in my very bones.  And then later that day, the next, and even weeks later at the Halloween party the MC threw to celebrate rebuilding the MC after it was nearly destroyed the year before, friend after friend fed me the same lie.  Actually, I am not at all sure that everyone was truly aware it was a lie.  But many were.

And still, I continue to come around the MC even though I’m struggling to maintain my trust in my friends.  Why?  Well, without this crazy, wild, loving, honorable and magickal bunch of bikers and their ole ladies, I really have no one.  No family to speak of except for some dear friends who are so very busy with their own lives. 

I sigh, involuntarily and toy with the candied sweet potatoes on my plate.  I’m quite certain they are probably delicious, but everything I eat tastes like sawdust and has since I woke to my trusted friends lying to me.  I look across the table at my friend Callie and she is watching me with that knowing look on her face.  There is never any judgement or criticism in Callie’s honest face, but these days there is… worry, concern, and … uncertainty.  And let’s not forget, my bestie lied.  Just like everyone else, Callie Boyd, the Ruby Dragon Queen lied to me.   Well, she did not actually lie she just told me that she could not tell me what really happened the day of the Equinox. But isn’t that the same as lying?

But hey why not?  I’m a nobody.  Just a club girl who isn’t even interested in fucking the club members any more.  I never show up for parties these days unless someone who invited me shows up to drag me over here, and over the last few weeks, those invites are not coming as often.  And they rarely protest when I decline their invitations.  Nope, I’m on the outside looking in.  This feeling of being excluded is even worse than it was when I first started hanging around the Twin Ravens.  Back then, it was an adventure I was willing to dive into because their open, accepting ideas about sex, friendship, honor, duty, and brotherhood appealed to me.  Because the whole “live free, ride free, and die free” way of living teased me, enticed me with very real possibilities of genuine freedom.  Of living one’s life without boundaries or judgements.  Living a life where you do the best you can with what you’ve got and if someone doesn’t like it, they can just fuck off.

Well, now I am thinking I am the one who needs to just fuck off.  Maybe my time with the Twin Ravens, like all good things in life, must now come to an end.  Why or why does my heart absolutely shatter into a million pieces at that thought?  Why?

A short while later, as though the heavens are sending me the answer to my questions, Boomer, Gunnar, Tank and Cin all come strolling into the lounge room where us club girls are now hanging out, enjoying a few shots after cleaning up the remains of the big feast.  Gunnar practically snarls at me when he sees me relaxing with Dottie.  I glance at the bottle of tequila and shot glasses on the low table before the loveseat where we are sitting and shrug.  Let him bitch about me drinking.  It wouldn’t be first time he snipped and growled at me over what he called unsafe behavior.  Well screw him.  He’s not my Daddy. I expect him to tie into me about some imagined wrong I’ve committed today, but he simply leans against the wall to glare daggers at me. And why not?  The sexy as sin, but oh-so very rude, Nordic Berserker has always been hateful and hyper-critical to me.  Always seems to loathe the very sight of me. 

And that would be fine if my body didn’t burn for him.  If I didn’t have to constantly repress this burning need to understand why he reacts so negatively to me.  If I didn’t have this driving need to get to know him, to understand everything about him.  Over the years, he has become my silent obsession.  But now, I’m not sure I even care anymore.  Let the sex god with the nasty attitude and out of control bear spirit hate me.  Who the fuck cares?

I’m contemplating getting up and calling this Thanksgiving a wash, when Boomer sits on the arm of the loveseat beside me, and Tank plants his massive behind on the low table in front of me.  These two males have been my best friends nearly from day one, so why do I feel suffocated by their very presence? 

“Wassup, Susie Q?” Boomer greets me warmly, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

Oh my gosh, did Gunnar just growl?  Seriously?  Maybe someone needs to look into antipsychotics for that dude.  Do those meds even work on Immortals?

I snap out of my odd reverie when Tank begins to snap his finger in front of my face.  How long was I distracted?  It couldn’t have been more than a second or two, could it? 

“Susie!  Earth to Susie!”

“Wha… What?” I bleat.

“Girl, what’s gotten into you?” Tank asks gently.

“Nothing,” I reply primly.  “Not a thing.”  I look around the room and notice everyone, especially the males, are looking at me strangely.  Am I being paranoid or am I really being watched like I might off the deep end at any moment?  Suddenly, I am no longer feeling sad about no longer feeling as though I fit in around here.  No, I am angry!  Scratch that, I am pissed. Royally pissed off!

“Suze?  What’s up?” Boomer asks gently, reaching out as one might to an injured animal.  Wanting to help, but afraid of getting bitten for their trouble.

I rise to my feet, smooth down my mid-thigh length wool skirt, not because it needs smoothing, but simply to give myself time to gather my thoughts.  When I do, I look up into the genuinely concerned gazes of Tank and then Boomer.  “I’m going take several weeks break from the MC.”  I smile, really pour on the charm.  The same tactic I’ve used for years when I want to avoid an unpleasant situation.  “School and other things are making life crazy for me right now.  If things calm down for me, I might be back sometime after the first of the year.”

I turn on my heel and try to walk away, but Boomer gently clasps a massive hand on my bicep to stop my forward momentum.  I stop and look down at his familiar hand, but the sight of it doesn’t evoke the comfort like it should.  I look up into Boomer’s handsome face and blandly demand; “What?”

“That’s my question, Susie.  What’s going on with you?  You’ve been off for a year now, but lately… lately, well, I’m honestly worried.”

I scoff.  Blatantly.  Loudly.  Rudely.  Hell, Gunnar should be envious of my newfound ability to behave so crassly.  That’s just how rudely I am behaving.  “Really?” I demand with, what I suspect is, a hard, disbelieving gleam in my eyes. “I find that hard to believe.”

“That I am worried?” Boomer asks, looking all butt hurt and confused in one adorable package. If I didn’t want to kick all of them in the nuts, I would kiss his adorable cheek.  This man has been a dear friend for years.  In fact, he was the first friend I made with the MC.  And friends is all we’ve ever been because there has never been single spark of attraction between us, even though he is gorgeous and sexy as hell.  He just doesn’t do if for me.

“No,” I shake my head slowly.  “I guess you might actually be worried.  What I find hard to believe is the honestly part.  I have found the quality of honesty in seriously short supply around here for some time now.”

Before either Boomer or Tank have a chance to respond, I dash from the room. I’m not a big fan of running away, but I am just not up to hearing more lies.  Surprisingly, I make my down the stairs and through the public portion of the clubhouse and out the front door without anyone stopping me.  The crisp November afternoon feels like freedom to me.  The brisk wind is chilly, especially since I forgot to grab my jacket on my way out, but leaving the clubhouse still makes me feel liberated.  Obviously, hanging with Twin Ravens just isn’t for me these days. 

Maybe again.  That thought corresponds suspiciously with a sharp pain in my chest, but my ability to survive right now depends on me getting some distance.

Before I can make a clean get away, I hear heavy footfalls on the gravel behind me. I glance over my shoulder to see Cin rushing after me. I can’t help it, I smile at the sweet and sexy fire demon. I do not know him well, but I what I do know of him, I like.  A lot.

“Susie,” he calls out eagerly.  “Can I speak to you?”

I turn to face him head on as he walks the last few steps to stand just inches away from me.  “Look Cin, I like you and if things were different for me right now, I’d happily hang out with you and have sex, but I just can’t.  Not right now.  Hell, maybe never.  But if you need a girl, go back upstairs.  Dottie would happily…”

Cin chuckles softly and reaches up to tentatively caress my face, pretty effectively cutting me off without saying a word.  But he barely brushes his so very warm hand against my cold cheek before he drops his hand to hang limply at his side.  “I don’t want that.”  He shakes his head and I’d almost swear I see a hint of a blush on his handsome face.  “I mean… I do,” he stammers.  “Susie, you are so, so beautiful.  And Sexy.  But I can’t.  Or I won’t.” He backs away and raises his hands as though in surrender.  “Shit. I knew this was a bad idea.  I’m fucking this up royally.  Sorry.”

I giggle. Yep for the first time in weeks, a genuine giggle erupts from my lips.  “Cool it fire boy, and tell me what’s on your mind.  I do not bite.”  I giggle again.  “I like getting pain, not giving it.”  Now why in the heck did I just admit that to a male I barely know?

He almost looks heartbroken when I say that.  Stupid move, Susie. Not everyone gets masochism.  “No one should ever lay a hurtful hand on you,” he says earnestly.  “You are too precious.”

“Thanks, for saying that.  But I am also a woman with masochistic tendencies.  Sometimes, my body needs the pain.  My body likes it.”

The sadness I see in his fiery amber eyes makes my heart ache.  When he nods, I know he gets it.  “I understand,” his words confirm my intuition.  “My own body was trained to crave pain.”

“Really?” I ask, professional curiosity only a small component of why I feel compelled to learn more about this male.  “How so?”  He chuckles, but it is not a sound meant to convey humor. It is defense mechanism meant to distance himself from a painful subject.  “That’s okay,” I rush to assure him as I place a gentle hand on his bare bicep. Such a strong, well formed, and almost too hot to the touch, bicep.  “It is really none of my business, and I should not have asked.”

Cin reaches up to cover my hand still clasping his powerful arm.  “I don’t mind.  Really.  I want to tell you.” He chuckles.  “Just please believe me I am not trying to pull some bullshit on you.  I need a friend, and I think you might as well.”

I nod and then smile.  One of the few genuine smiles I have been able to muster in weeks with anyone besides Clara and Callie.  “Want to go with me for coffee?”

“You bet,” Cin says eagerly.  “My bike is over there.  I will follow you.”  He nods like an eager puppy and then darts away, no doubt to go get his bike.

I make my way to my car, unlocking it with the remote and starting the engine.  I hop inside where my bare legs touch cold leather seats.  I turn on the seat warmers, and crank up the heat.  Apparently, my emotional disquietude has led to a physical manifestation of feeling cold all of the time. Take today for instance, it is only fifty degrees with an occasional stiff breeze.  Not really cold at all, but I’ve been freezing since I awoke this morning.  Maybe it was just simple dread of coming out here that made you feel so very cold.  I know that thought is from my own subconscious and not that part of my mind that is hypercritical of my every action because my father taught me to think that way.  No, that thought was logical.  Reasonable even.  And likely, correct.  Suddenly the small amount of happiness I found talking to Cin fades to the background and my unease her on Twin Ravens property comes back.

I quickly belt in and pull out of my parking space, only to realize Cin is already on his bike, waiting for me at the exit from the parking lot.  Just how long was I lost in thought and why does this keep happening?  Why am I spacing out and losing time?