I leave the gymnasium with everyone else, still in a daze.

We failed. I failed. There’s not going to be a girls soccer team this year.

I think John says something to me before heading down a different hallway than I am to go back to class. I don’t catch what it is or any of what my teachers say during any of my classes.

How did this happen?

I see more than a few people crying in the halls between classes.

Those tears don’t hurt nearly so much as the grinning faces and high fives from the people who see today as a win.

Or even as much as everyone else just going about their day, probably glad to have all of this behind them so they can get back to their regular school year.

I’m not even sure what I feel.

At home, I get an endless outpouring of sympathy. Dad makes ribs for dinner and before bed, Reagan comes and deposits Molly beside me, to make sure I have someone to keep me company.

None of it helps. I’m not sure anything could make any difference at all. Mostly, I feel numb.

By the next morning, I feel a hell of a lot more than that.

Mostly, I’m pissed.

There must be some kind of neon warning sign flashing above my head, no one in my family says a word to me beyond good morning as I storm through the house like a hurricane, muttering to myself about all of the things I’d love to say to everyone involved in creating this mess.

I mean, where did this budget cut even come from anyway? I get that people are worried that somehow the current political climate might spell bad news for public schools, but how does something like this just fall out of the sky with no warning?

On the walk to school, I leave ten minutes after my sisters because I really don’t care if I’m late for my first class. My internal rant shifts to who exactly decided that the guys’ team was worth more salvaging than we were. We probably cost close to the same to run so someone, somewhere had to have picked them over us.

I have a whole lot of things I’d like to say to whoever that person is.

I’m only shocked out of my daze when I sit down in second period, barely avoiding coming in late, just to have a test placed down on the desk in front of me.

I look over at Rhiannon in shock, but of course, she’s already working.

There’s a test today?

Maybe this was some kind of surprise quiz? No one around me seems surprised. They’re all already writing down answers or flipping through the pages.

Isn’t it too early in the school year for something like this?

There was no part of me that knew this was coming, and as a result, I’m completely unprepared.

Over the next hour, I fake my way through as many of the questions in front of me as I can.

By the time the bell rings to signal the end of the period, I still have a page of short answer questions to get through. The essay portion at the back of my booklet is looking pretty pathetic too. I’m glad to have come up with anything at all, but there is a very good chance I just bombed my first test of junior year.

Rhiannon waits for me by the door of the classroom, but she’s about to wish she hadn’t.

“How did you not tell me we had a test today?” I snap as soon as we’re free of everyone else.

Rhiannon’s usually neutral expression goes wary at once. “You didn’t know?”

“Of course I didn’t know! I’ve kind of had some other stuff to think about, remember?”

Rhiannon’s eyes narrow the tiniest bit, making it oh so clear that she’s not pleased. “One, we were talking about this last week. Two, there’s been a reminder on the board every single day for a week. Three, I’m not your damn secretary.”

With that, my sister is gone, leaving me alone in the hallway fuming more than before. Even if I had known there was a test coming, how could anyone have expected this to be my priority, with everything else that was going on?

Ugh.

Screw it. Today is already a total bust. I might as well give myself a double lunch period.

Not bothering to go back to my locker to ditch my stuff, I head outside through the back doors of the school. I have zero interest in dealing with other people right now, so this seems like the best possible option for keeping me from doing something stupid. I briefly consider writing the day off completely but with my luck recently, someone my parents know will see me as soon as I leave school property. They won’t know which Donovan sister I am but in the end, it won’t matter.

I kick a nearby pebble, watching it skid across the ground, propelled by the force of my footwork doesn’t do anything for me. It’s not rocks I’m supposed to be kicking. It's a ball.

Not quite able to just sit still and waste a period, I head around the back of the building toward where the coaches’ offices are. There's no sign of Coach Wasserman. Or is she just Ms. Wasserman now? She must be teaching this period.

I’m not sure what I’d say to her anyway. Maybe that if she hadn’t wasted the weekend, this would have gone better. She needed to fight harder for us.

I just want someone else to agree with me that this sucks. That it isn’t right.

Not that anyone I’ve talked to so far has argued with me. Sympathetic agreement isn’t enough. I need someone to point me in the direction of something I can do. I need some real answers about how this played out.

Why them and not us?

I'm about to head back inside toward the cafeteria where I can escape the chill in the breeze, when I notice a lone figure sitting on the bleachers nearby reading a book. Immediately I recognize Noah. I didn’t know he liked to read.

I also didn’t know he’d be out here.

As much as I want someone to vent too right now, he’s one of the last people I want to talk to.

This might actually be the first time I’ve thought about him at all since we got the news yesterday.

I turn on my heel and head back for the door.

“Reece?” He calls out to me.

Crap!

Noah’s voice is quiet at first, but the second time he calls my name he’s louder, more insistent.

Today, I don’t care about being rude. Least of all to someone who got to keep everything I was forced to surrender.

I open the door and step inside a little too quickly, stumbling a little as one of my shoes lands on the laces of the other.

The time it takes for me to right myself is the same amount of time it takes Noah to get off the bleachers and come after me.

Noah speaks before I have a chance to turn and face him. “Reece, come on! I’ve wanted to talk to you for days now!”

I stop walking between one set of double doors and the next, knowing that if I keep going into one of the main hallways of the school, I'm risking Noah drawing attention to us while I’m skipping class.

He’s still waiting.

Finally I turn, still not feeling chatty, but out of escape options.

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you! So, you’ll have to deal.”

Exasperated, Noah shakes his head. “What did I do?”

“Nothing!” I snap. There's no way I can come up with a better answer. Noah didn’t do anything, wrong or otherwise. I still can’t look at him, or even think about him without remembering what he gets to have that I don’t.

Besides, I shouldn’t have been talking to him in the first place so what does it even matter anyway?

"Look..." I say, trying not to be too miserable but barely holding myself together. “This week has just been crap, okay? I know you did everything you could, I know none of this is on you. The reality is... the guys team gets to play when the girls team doesn't even though we all worked just as hard." I'm not even sure that part's true since I'm pretty sure it was coach Wasserman and I that were doing a lot of the organizational work. I don't want to make this a thing any more than it already is. "I just don't want to do any of this right now, okay?"

Noah agrees and backs off, just like I knew he would. How exactly can he argue with any of that? Part of my brain can still acknowledge that he is still massively cute, but most of my brain and my body just don’t care.

I already regret skipping class. I'd rather be busy and at least marginally distracted than whatever this is. I still have more than an hour until the next starts, and that's only lunch, which will probably involve more of the same waiting around with nothing to do and nowhere to go. If I thought waiting last week was hard, it's nothing compared to this.

I can't sray it school a second longer so I head for the opposite door to the building, the one that will take me out to the front driveway and away from Noah. Away from everyone here.

It doesn't take long at all to get to the shelter. I at least have time for one or two walks before I even have to start worrying about heading back. No one is even going to care if I missed lunch. They probably think I’m just off soaking somewhere.

From the looks of the parking lot, the only person here is Kendra, which isn't surprising considering the time of day.

I go into the back door by habit, more than anything else. I'm greeted by a chorus of barking maniacs with way too much pent-up energy.

I barely had time to hang up my backpack before Kendra appears. "Oh...Reece. It's you. The dogs started going nuts, but I didn't think anyone was supposed to be in…"

"Sorry…” I say. "I didn't mean to scare you. I probably should’ve mentioned I was coming."

"Aren’t you supposed to be in school?"

"The teacher didn't show up, so I had a free period." The lie slips off my tongue easily. It's not Kendra’s job to know where I'm supposed to be at any given time. I'm not even sure she would care, but why take the risk? "Since I had time, I was just going to come in and take someone for a walk."

Kendra's watching me with a strange expression on her face. The longer she's looking at me, the more the expression behind her gaze turns from surprise to concern.

"Actually..." she says, drawing the word out like she's not sure she wants to be saying it. "I think we should talk first."

I swallow hard and do my best to school my expression into neutrality. I should have seen this coming. I should have texted ahead to let her know I was going to be here and tapped on the apology I've been meaning to give her for ages now.

I should have done something.

I’m screwing everything up today.

"Sure." I sound too chipper, too forced. "What's up?"

Kendra looks around the room and I get the impression she's not sure this is where she imagined having whatever conversation it is she’s setting herself up for.

"Well, Reece, you missed a shift last week. You'd also promised me you would come in and get new pictures of Fiona, Marie and Porkchop so that we could put them up on the website for adoption."

My eyes go wide as my breathing quickens. I’m suddenly very aware of everything around me from the slippery texture of the floor, to the endless animal smells that fill the room. I had forgotten all about volunteering to get pictures of our newest cats for the website. I stand there in silence for far too long as my heart thumps so loudly I'm sure she must be able to hear it. "I'm so, so sorry. Honestly, I have been so overwhelmed with everything ever since school started. I realized that I missed my shift, I had been trying to make it up to you by walking the dogs but I was way too nervous to say anything. I don't even know how I forgot about the thing with the cats." I'm rambling now, trying to give explanations and apologies all at once as my sentences become jumbled before I'd even finished them. By the end, I'm actually a little winded and Kendra looked more startled than anything.

She takes a long breath before speaking. "Reece, you have been a fantastic volunteer for us and I'm so glad you were recommended to me." It sounds like there's a but coming. I can almost guarantee that I can't handle anything she could have to say that will start with ‘but’. "But, it's clear you have so much on your plate right now. We love having you here. I mean... I have, and I'm sure every single one of the animals that you've interacted with has been better for it. You've long since finished your required volunteer hours and maybe, it would be more fair if I give a different student the opportunity to start volunteering with us."

My entire face seems to tighten right from the base of my neck, up through my temples as my body braces itself like it's been hit.

"No, no. I promise I'll have more than enough time from here on out. Now that soccer isn’t going to happen this year my schedule is even more open now than I thought it would be during the school year. I love working here!" I throw on the last bit as a final effort to get through to her. I can tell right away that while she may be sympathetic, she's also unmoved. She had made up her mind before I even got here.

"Maybe down the line come out and we can revisit this. For now, I need to know I can count on every single person who comes into this building, in order to benefit the welfare of the animals I'm responsible for."

I want to argue, or to say more in my defense, or to apologize all over again like I should've right from the beginning. I don't because I know I'm going to start crying any second now. This is so entirely unfair.

Why the hell did it have to happen today?

I give one definitive nod and step back toward the door. "Okay, I get it. Thank you so much for the opportunity” I stutter. I let the sentence trail off as my back bumps up against the doorknob behind me. I reach for it until my fingers clasp the cold metal. "Goodbye, Kendra."

There's so much more I want to say, both in my defense and criticizing her decision. I'm pretty sure I'd been the best volunteer she's ever had. In the months I’ve been working for the animal shelter, there have been five or six other students that have come in who just complained about the messes animals make, or how they don't always act the way we want them to. I'd been nothing but patient, nothing but enthusiastic.

After I screwed up just one time, she doesn’t care about any of that anymore.

It takes everything I have to bite down any comment I might regret before I'm out the door.

I can still see Kendra staring after me right into the moment the door clicks shut and I'm alone in the parking lot all over again.

I don't have any strength left in me to even make it home before I break down completely. Instead, I sit against the back wall to the animal shelter where I no longer work, my feet stretching out in front of me over the cold tarmac. I bawl my eyes out.