Chapter Twenty-Six:
Braxton
It’s been one hell of a week since I’ve been back. The only way I knew to avoid Emerson while also avoiding Cade was to conveniently not be home, so that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been drowning myself in one-dimensional women, alcohol, and my misery. Although I’m a guy and love sex, I haven’t wanted anyone other than Emerson. It felt weird the first time because I thought she would be my next bedroom conquest… yet, I’ve been filling my nights with empty and meaningless romps.
The problem is, apart from not being able to stop thinking about her, I really miss Cade. We’ve been close since he moved to Camden after their parents passed, and he’s always had my back. To him, I’m sure this feels like the ultimate betrayal. I’d be lying if I said I could blame him.
Tiptoeing through the front door, I close it softly, trying to be as quiet as possible. Even though I’m well over the age to be worried about curfews, I still have respect for my parents. Not to mention their dog, Gino, is getting old and will bark at anything and everything, waking the entire house up.
A light in the kitchen is on, and I can see my father sitting at the table with a mug.
Slowly, I make my way into the room, approaching him. “Hey, Dad.”
He looks up at me but his eyes are glazed over, he looks out of it. I wave my hand in front of his face. “Dad?” It’s as if he is looking straight through me. His eyes are open, but he isn’t acknowledging anything that I’m saying.
I grab him by the shoulders, shaking him gently. “Dad, wake up.”
This time his eyes widen and he stares back at me with recognition. “What’s happening?”
“I think you were sleepwalking again,” I say shrugging. Now that I’m close enough to get a glimpse at his mug, I can tell that it is empty and appears clean. Not unusual at all.
My father rubs his hand over his eyes, appearing even more tired and worn out than before. “What time is it?”
I glance up at the clock hanging on the wall. “It’s almost three in the morning.”
A surprised look takes over his face and he hurriedly stands, pushing the chair back in as he does. “I didn’t mean to scare you, bud. I’m sure it’s nothing.” This is his way of wrapping up, calling it a night.
I nod slowly. “See ya in the morning.” Although it’s technically already morning, I’m sure he knows what I mean. My face falls as he exits the room and I hear his footsteps creaking up the stairs. Alzheimer’s runs in my family. My great-Grandfather had it, and then his daughter, my Grandmother has it, and now my father is beginning to show signs of early-onset Alzheimer’s. It’s the most difficult thing watching someone you love forget who they are. I don’t want to think about what it’s going to be like in a short year or two. The disease works quickly and quietly to attack the brain cells, rendering most confused and broken.
Sighing, I reach into the cupboard pulling out Frosted Flakes. I’m starving and want to get something in my stomach before I call it a night. After I’ve got my cereal in a bowl with milk, I make my way to the table to eat it. It’s not more than a few minutes before I hear a tapping on the sliding glass door I can’t ignore. I stand, walking toward the noise, and find myself face-to-face with a pajama-clad Emerson. My heart begins racing as I realize that I can’t avoid her this time, not if I don’t want to hear an earful.
Slowly, I make my way over to the door and unlock it, sliding it open. “Hey,” I say simply with a head nod.
Emerson is wearing turquoise pajama bottoms with polar bears on it and a matching turquoise long sleeve shirt. She looks just she just walked off of a Sears’ ad for kids.
She notices my eyes taking in her clothes and then immediately her body tenses up. Her shoulders grow stiff and her arms cross in front of her stomach. “You’ve been avoiding me,” she says in an insecure tone.
“What are you talking about? Since when?” I ask. Of course, I’ve been avoiding her. I feel like if I don’t, Cade will think I chose her. I don’t want to have to choose between them. I just wish things could go back to the way they were before the tour, when they weren’t so complicated.
“Don’t play dumb, you know what I’m talking about,” she says firmly, her posture growing stiffer.
“What do you want me to say, Emerson? I’ve been avoiding you? Fine. You win. What do you want from me?” I don’t mean to lose my cool, but this whole situation is pretty fucked up. Either way, I lose. If I choose Emerson, I lose my best friend. If I choose Cade, I lose her. Neither outcome has any appeal to me whatsoever.
Emerson’s eyes gloss over, and I feel a pang in my chest. I didn’t mean to make her cry. “I’m sorry, but am I in some alternate universe? We both wanted this… am I wrong?” she asks her voice quivering.
I shake my head, throwing it into my hands frustrated. “I don’t know what I want.”
“What?” Emerson asks innocently.
“Everything is just happening too fast,” I rattle off.
“Too fast?” Emerson scoffs. “Besides a little kissing and groping, we really haven’t done anything. I’ve pretty much given up any hope that you’ll be the one to take my virginity. So tell me, what has you so stressed out?”
It hurts to hear her words. Of course, I want nothing more than to take our relationship further, but I am not ready for the consequences. “Emerson,” I say softly.
She takes a couple of hesitant steps toward me and I don’t back away. “Tell me that this is one-sided and I’ll walk away and never look back.”
“I can’t say that, and you know it.” I breathe in deeply, inhaling my emotions.
She takes another step toward me, and I’d be willing to bet she can hear my heartbeat. “Stop pushing me away, Brax. We can face the consequences together. He’ll come around eventually, he always does.”
“You don’t know him like I do,” I argue. Choosing Emerson will be kissing my friendship with Cade goodbye. Washing away all the memories we have from the past ten years. It’s not as easy as she is making it seem to simply choose a side. Not to mention the fact that we are in a band together. The tension would be unbearable; one of us would have to go. We’ve been working on A Deafening Silence for more than three years. I can’t imagine throwing all of that away, even for someone as amazing as Em.
Emerson’s face scrunches up, her nostrils flare, and her eyes flutter. She takes another sniff closer to my neck and then groans. “Where were you tonight?”
My heart rate spikes. “Out.”
“Obviously, but where?” she questions, and I know I can’t get away with lying to her.
“I was out with a friend,” I answer, hoping she will drop it.
“A female friend who just happened to be so close to you, you reek of her now.” She deduces.
I shake my head, unsure of what to say next. “I’m single; I can do whatever I want.”
Emerson’s eyes grow redder along with her cheeks and nose as she fights back tears. “Noted. I’ll see ya around, Brax.”
I want to stop her. I want to call after her, but I know if I do then the decision will be made and there will be no going back. So, I don’t chase after her. I let her walk out the door.