Chapter Thirty-Three:
Emerson
So, it finally happened. I am no longer a virgin. I never thought this day would come. I’m feeling conflicted now that it’s over though. For some reason, I thought I would enjoy it so much more than I did. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it; it’s just that it felt uncomfortable. I thought people had a lot of sex because it feels so good, but last night I experienced the complete opposite. Braxton said it’s only supposed to get better, but now I’m anxious to avoid having sex again just because I’m scared it will feel the same.
I’m starting to feel like there is something wrong with me and this is not a normal reaction. I know they coined the phrase ‘popping the cherry’ because it’s not supposed to be a pleasant experience, but I must not have been as prepared as I thought. Braxton cuddled me all night before he slipped out this morning so he could make it back for breakfast with his parents.
I really want to talk to someone about my experience, but I feel embarrassed. Sex isn’t the easiest thing to talk about. I decide to call Breigh and see if she wants to get lunch. I’m off today and could use a friend. She answers on the third ring, and she agrees without hesitation. Hopping in the shower, I begin readying myself for the day.
***
We meet at a nearby Applebee’s and decide to sit at the bar. Flagging the bartender down, we both order strawberry margaritas.
Breigh’s eyes are sad and have a far-away look to them, but at least she isn’t crying like the last time I saw her. “How have you been?” I ask her.
She shrugs with a frown. “About the same. I’ve deleted his number from my phone.”
I’m surprised she would go to such an extreme. “He does this; it’s Cade. He pushes people away out of fear, but you don’t need to erase him from your life.”
She grunts. “He’s basically deleted me from his, so I don’t know how me trashing his contact info makes any difference.”
I sigh. “He’s just hurting. He doesn’t know how to cope with his pain.”
“Well it’s been long enough, don’t you think?” Breigh snaps at me. I’m so taken aback that I have trouble responding right away.
“I’m sorry…” I trail off, still in shock by her comment. After a few breaths to calm myself down, the words come to me all at once. “I didn’t know there was an expiration date on grief.”
“Emerson, I didn’t mean…” She isn’t able to finish her sentence before the tears begin building up in the corner of my eyes.
“We didn’t just lose one parent; we lost both in the same breath. I understand how that might be hard for people to grasp.”
“I’m sorry,” she says quickly before I can interrupt her. “You know I didn’t mean what I said, I’m just upset and talking out of my ass. Now let’s stop talking about me and talk about you. What’s up with you?”
I sigh. This is the Breigh I know. Anytime there is any complication or confrontation she shies away from it or sweeps it under the rug like it’s no big deal. I’d say it’s her biggest flaw. She’s my best friend though, and I asked her to meet me because I needed a friend.
“I had sex with Braxton,” I lay it on her in one breath.
“Holy hell!” she basically shouts, making other patrons of the restaurant turn and stare in our direction. She clasps her hand over her mouth shocked. “How do you feel?”
I shrug. “That’s the thing. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I guess I always had this idea in my head that it was going to be some magical moment.”
“And it wasn’t?” she asks as she takes a sip of her margarita.
I shake my head. “It was uncomfortable and kind of painful.”
She giggles at my expense. “That’s how everyone’s first time is.”
I stare back at her, deadpanned. “Then why would anyone ever want to do it again?”
She continues laughing, taking a sip of her margarita. “Girl, you have some things to learn, but it only gets better.”
Suddenly a thought pops into my head along with a disturbing picture. “Ewww, don’t tell me you had sex with Cade.” It would be silly of me to think they didn’t have sex, but the idea of it is not pleasant.
She stops laughing. “I don’t kiss and tell, you know that.”
I stare back at her with a smirk. “Since when?”
“Since I started dating your brother.”
“But you’re not even dating anymore, are you? Last I heard he was avoiding you. When is the last time you heard from him?” I know my words will only hurt her, but she needs to get out of her funk.
She sighs, her lip quivering. Oh, God. Not the tears. It’s not that I don’t feel sorry for her, it’s that I do and I hate seeing her like this. She deserves more than tears and a broken heart. “He’s slipped up a couple of times and texted me while drunk or during a moment of weakness.”
“When was the last time, Breigh?” I ask the question again.
“Nine days ago.”
I gawk at her. “I haven’t really been talking to Cade because of this whole mess, but if you want me to intervene, just let me know.”
She shakes her head. “No.”
“No?” I ask.
“He obviously doesn’t care about me or think I deserve any kind of explanation, so I am going to move on. Or at least try to. It would be easier if I didn’t have to see him in you all of the time.”
I tuck my chin down, knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do about that. I’m always going to be a twin.
Breigh lets out a sad laugh and then pulls me in for a side hug. “I was just kidding, and I’m sorry about what I said earlier. You’re my best friend, and I could never replace you.”
I nod. “You were one of my first friends when we moved to town. You are one of the only people who knows what happened and how hard it was for both Cade and me. You would think ten years would be enough time to dwell on the past, but when we are constantly reminded of it with holidays and birthdays, among other milestones, it’s hard. I want nothing more than to turn back the clock and have my mom and dad back again, but I can’t. All we have is each other, and although Cade isn’t the best at showing it, he has a good heart. Inside his core, he actually cares.”
Breigh grabs my hand and squeezes it reassuringly. “What I said was stupid. Please forgive me. Sometimes I open my mouth and stupid shit just falls out. Don’t listen to me.”
I chuckle and then hug her again. “I forgive you.”
***
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” I say loudly over the noisy restaurant coupled with the live music.
Cade is grinning back at me, but it’s not just him. He’s accompanied by Red, Spencer, and three groupie girls I vaguely recognize from past shows. I should have known Cade wouldn’t let the chance to torture me at my new job pass by. I’ve only been working at Greystreet for a little over a month now.
“We haven’t seen you around in a long time since you moved, so I had to come check on ya,” he says as they all stand staring at me.
“I’m alive.” I wave my jazz hands in front of them and then place them on the bar in front of me. “What can I get you?”
Cade glances at the guys and then the girls in tow and then back at me. “I don’t know how long we are going to be staying, but can you get us a round of shots?”
I nod, already readying the small glasses. “Rum? Vodka? Tequila?”
He looks around again before making an executive decision. “Tequila!”
I nod my head and then quickly grab the Jose Cuervo, pouring five identical shots. When I walk back to the group, Cade’s eyes are on the band onstage.
“They’re good, aren’t they?” I point out.
He glances back at me and then back to the band. “What’s their name?”
“Rebels with a Cause,” I reply with a smile.
He grins back at me before turning his attention back on the exotic female lead singer. She has dark hair and features, and flawless brown skin. When I met her earlier, I asked her what her nationality was and she said Indian. Her voice sounds like a young Beyoncé.
Typical Cade, as usual, his wandering eye always gets the best of him.
He turns his attention back to me. “You haven’t come to check on Puss and Boots one time since you moved out.”
I gasp offended. “Yes, I have. You’re always asleep or gone when I’ve come. Don’t put that on me.”
Cade shrugs. “What is going on with you? You’ve been acting differently.”
Goosebumps rise all over my skin from his words. What does he know? “What are you talking about? I’ve just been busy. It’s called moving and getting a job; look it up.”
Cade scoffs grabbing the round of shots I’ve just placed in front of him. “You’re hiding something, and I’m going to find out what it is.”
I shake my head, biting my lip nervously. “You’re delusional.” He doesn’t know anything. Brax and I have been super careful. The only person I’ve told is Breigh, and she definitely isn’t speaking to Cade…
“Go hang out with your friends, please. Let me get back to work.”
Cade rolls his eyes at me, grabbing the small glasses of tequila and passing them out one by one. “To Emerson’s new job!” I cringe as all their glasses clink together.
I need to speak to Braxton.