Chapter Nineteen:
Emerson
I’ve known Robert for a few years now. His band has played a couple of shows with the band Cade was in before A Deafening Silence and we’ve always been flirtatious. Back then, he could have never made it past Cade to ask me out, so when I knew we’d be stopping in Portland, I made it a point to reach out.
I’ve always wondered what his lips would feel like on mine, and I’m hoping tonight is the night I will finally get to find out. I’m surprised he answered on the first ring and agreed to this whole night, given the fact that it was so last minute. We haven’t seen each other in more than six months though, so I am unsure if it’s even appropriate for me to be flirting with him.
We help ourselves to drinks and watch right around half of the line-up. I’ve seen the show so many times now that I practically have it memorized. There are minor changes with the different stops and venues, but for the most part, the entire tour is a well-oiled machine. When Tanks is halfway through their set, Robert and I slip outside. It’s too loud inside the venue to talk, and although we both love music, we don’t want to miss the chance of catching up.
When we make it outside, he lights up a cigarette and then eyes me down curiously. “What?” I ask.
Robert rolls the cigarette between his lips expertly, before maneuvering it to the side so he can speak. “What have you been up to since we last spoke?”
I shrug. “Not much. I still live with my aunt and Cade, and I started toying around with photography. Honestly, I’m not sure it’s my thing, but it’s fun for the time being.”
He takes another drag off his cigarette. “Are you working?”
I shake my head. “Not right now, but I’ll probably start looking once we get home.”
He nods, blowing out a puff of smoke. “You look good. You dating anyone?” he asks looking as cool as a cucumber with a hint of indifference.
“No.” I want to elaborate, but I know he’s friends with Cade too, and I don’t want to make things awkward.
His eyes widen a bit, and I can tell I’ve surprised him in a good way. “What about you? Where’s your girlfriend tonight?”
He grins a charming smile back at me before dropping his cigarette butt to the ground and stomping it out. “I dumped her a while back. Too clingy.”
It’s my turn to be surprised. For as long as I’ve known Robert, there have only been a few instances where he hasn’t been tied down. This would be one of them.
“What does Cade think of you hanging out with me tonight?” he asks.
I sigh. “He’s probably not happy about it, but I don’t give a fuck. He’s meddled in my life for too long. He has his own life to worry about.”
Robert chuckles, his hidden dimples making an appearance. “Okay then, what do you want to do?”
Nervously, I close the distance between us until he has no choice but to put his arms around my lower back. We’ve never been physical with each other like this before, but c’est la vie! It’s time to start living. Before he can, I make the first move by pressing my lips to his. His arms tighten around my lower body when we hear someone clearing their throat.
My stomach immediately tenses up in response as it usually does when I think I’ve been caught by Cade. Pulling away from the intimate embrace, I take two steps back. Instead of my brother staring back at us, it’s Braxton. His eyes are lowered, and a scowl is covering his face.
“What?” I bite out.
“Seriously?” He gawks back at me.
I stare back at him, deadpanned.
“Nice to see you too, Braxton,” Robert says lightly.
Braxton’s glance shifts to him for a few beats and then back to me. “Cade is looking for you.”
I shrug. “Yeah, well, I’m right here.”
Braxton glares back at me, unenthused. “Let’s go, Em.”
Oh, no he did not. I fold my arms across my chest. “I’m not going anywhere. If Cade wants to talk to me, you can tell him I’m outside.”
Braxton groans. “He’s working the merch table; he can’t leave right now.”
“Well, you better go relieve him then,” I say in a snarky tone before turning my back to him and shifting my attention back to Robert. “Can we get out of here?”
“Sure,” he replies, already reaching into his pocket for his keys.
“Okay, that’s it; I asked politely, but if you want to play this game…” I’m not exactly sure what Braxton is getting at before I feel my body being lifted into the air and then tossed over his shoulder.
“No! What the hell, Braxton!” I’m upside down punching him in the back in an attempt to free myself. He begins hauling me back toward the venue. I crane my neck slightly, enough to see Robert who has surrendered. His hands are up in the air, palms out, and I know he won’t be following us.
“Call me later!” he shouts from behind us.
“Braxton!” I shout at him. “Put me down.”
He doesn’t listen to me at all, and I’m worried he is going to try to walk me through the entire venue like this, which won’t bode well for anyone.
Instead of marching me to the merch table like I imagined, he ends up carrying me into the green room for the band. Attached to the green room is a private bathroom, and he doesn’t release me until we are secured inside. He locks the door behind my head and then places both of his palms on the door behind my back, pinning me in place.
“What are you doing?” I ask, but my voice sounds small. My heart is beginning to race from the closeness of his body, his lips.
“Robert isn’t the guy for you,” Braxton says in a definitive tone.
“And you would know that how?” I push back, irritated.
“Because he’s not a good guy,” he answers.
I scoff, breaking eye contact with a roll of my eyes. “According to you and Cade, no one is good enough.”
Braxton shakes his head. “You deserve better than him, Em.”
I lock eyes with him again. “And what, do you think of yourself as some kind of saint or something?”
He looks offended or slightly hurt, but he recovers quickly. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes; I don’t deny that.”
“What do you want, Braxton?” I ask, frustrated in more ways than one.
He pauses for a few moments, takes a deep breath, and then looks me deeply in the eyes. “I want you.”
I don’t know what I was expecting him to say, but that was not it. I’m so thrown off by it; if I weren’t backed up firmly against the wall, I would have stumbled over my own feet.
“You… what?” I’m still trying to process his words when he takes another step into my personal bubble.
“I… want… you,” he says the words slowly and in a whisper against my lips sending chills down my arms.
“But you’ve been avoiding me… you—” His lips cut me off as he presses them firmly against mine.
“Stop… talking,” he says in between kisses. And for once in my life, I do what he says.
***
I don’t know what Braxton and I are doing, but it feels dangerous and mysterious, and that thrills me. We only have one stop left on the tour and a couple more days of driving before the Collateral Tour is wrapped up. It’s bittersweet. It took them dragging me, kicking and screaming, but I’m actually going to miss the guys. I won’t miss cramped spaces, smelly odors, and lack of showers at a lot of places.
Since our defining moment, Braxton and I have been sneaking glances at each other whenever we can. I want to know what is running through his head; I want to know what he is thinking. Cade is driving and too busy focusing on the road to pay attention to us in the back of the van. Braxton and I are seated next to one another, and I am leaning my head on his shoulder. This is something we’ve done a million and one times, fallen asleep on one another. As my eyes flutter closed, I can feel his fingers tracing lines up and down my hand and arm. He is discreet about it, but if any of the guys were actually paying attention, they might ask what’s up.
It makes me feel giddy inside, like I know a secret that no one else knows. It makes me feel powerful and important. On the flip side, it also makes me feel anxious enough to puke. I have no idea what is going to happen when we return home to our real lives, but the possibilities make me smile.
The last stop on tour is in Seattle, but we finally have a day off, so we are barreling straight through so we can relax most of tomorrow before the big finale. I know there is going to be a huge celebration after and everyone will be drinking. The thought fills my stomach with butterflies as I think about Cade noticing a difference between Braxton and me. He’ll probably be so busy getting piss ass drunk and hitting on chicks to notice what I’m doing. Or at least that’s what I hope.
I’m looking forward to going home soon as I’ve really been missing Mischa. Although she hasn’t been around too often in the last year, I can still count on seeing her a few times a week. I want to tell her about Braxton, but I’ve been waiting. Partly to see if there will be anything to tell, and partly because I don’t want her to say anything to Cade. Seeing her reaction in person will help me gauge that.
Braxton squeezes my hand lightly to get my attention. I glance up at him, breaking from my thoughts. He grins back at me and then leans over, his lips hovering above my ear. “I want to kiss you so bad right now.”
I gasp and then shove him away gently. He’s going to get us caught for sure!
He leans over once again. “I’m being serious. I want to do so many bad things to you, it’s not even funny.”
I slap him across the shoulder again and then glance up toward the front. I can see Cade’s eyes in the rearview looking right at us. I glare back at Braxton shutting him up. He sighs loudly, crossing his arms, leaning back. Don’t make it obvious or anything.
My eyes shift back to the mirror, but Cade isn’t staring us down any longer. His eyes are facing front, and I release a small breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Just let us get through the next couple of days without any minor incidents….