Chapter 24

Dani

 rush into Cash's house. He never locks his door during the day when he's home, and I don’t bother knocking. I find him outside relaxing by his pool. He's in the same place he was when I left earlier to finally tell Michael about the baby.

When I close the patio door behind me, he jumps up from his lounge chair and meets me halfway as unstoppable tears flow down my face, and he pulls me into a tight hug.

My tears soak his bare chest, but I can’t stop them as I think about my conversation with Michael.

His hand rests on the back of my head as he holds me close and sighs. “What did he do?”

I pull back slightly, looking at him as I try to get myself together and wipe away the tears. “He was an ass, but I don’t need him to raise this baby. I can and will do it on my own.”

“First of all, as long as I’m breathing, you don’t have to do anything alone.” I give him a weak smile, but it fades when he moves to his second point. “But, Dani you’ve had a week to let this sink in. It’s a shock and I have no doubt he was an ass, but give him a minute and I promise he’ll do the right thing.”

“No. He acted like I did this on purpose to, like, trap him or some shit. And then,” I say as I gesture wildly, and I’m sure my eyes are bulging with rage, “He actually had the fucking balls to ask if it was his.”

Cash cringes at that and then chuckles. “Fuck. Monroe.”

“It’s not funny.”

He laughs again, the asshole, then grips my shoulders in the big--brother stance he's adopted lately. “I know. It's a lot. Especially for guys like us. I mean shit, Dani, you should have been there when I found out I was having a kid.”

My eyes narrow in confusion as he sits back down on his lounge chair, and I take the one next to him “What? You have a kid?”

“A daughter.” He stares out at the lighted underground pool, “And I was terrified. Granted, I was high as fuck, but still terrified, and I lashed out too.”

“You never told me. Where is she?”

“Right here,” He places his hand on the center of his chest, over the tattoo that’s across his heart.

Reading the simple name in beautiful cursive ink, I look at him with the question on my mind. “Shay?”

“My daughter.”

“I always thought that was a drunken mistake. Some chick you banged or something.”

His eyes stay locked on the water, he doesn't turn to look at me once. “Nah, I wanted this tattoo to remember her.”

My head leans back against the fabric of the chair as I realize what he's telling me. “What happened, Cash?”

“Shay was born with a rare heart disorder. The doctors flat-out begged Beth to abort. When they found out, she wasn’t too far along. They said the baby wouldn't make it more than a month or two. I was too fucked-up to think straight, but Beth, she was stubborn, and she wanted that baby. And I thank God every day that she made the decision she did, because Shay lived for almost three years.”

My heart physically aches inside my chest as he relives his painful story. “Cash, that’s awful.”

He shakes his head, “I got clean when I saw that baby. I’d been struggling when Beth was pregnant, especially with her diagnosis. But when I saw Shay, I wanted to be present every fucking second. And I was doing so fucking well. My career took off, and I bought us a beautiful beach house in California. Kept them out of the public eye, which was easy because Beth and I weren't married, and she just stayed at home with Shay. Cheered me on from behind the scenes.” He clears his throat as I listen. “And then she died. And I spiraled back out of control . . .”

“That's understandable.”

Cash is in his own world right now. “I was so fucking mad at the world. I hated everyone and wanted so badly to die and be with her. And I fucking tried.” He smiles fondly. “Shriller and I were friends by then. He didn’t know anything about Shay, but he saw me getting out of control and helped me get clean again."

He seems lost in time for a minute, so I don't say anything to interrupt his thoughts.

He shakes it off and turns to me. “I would kill to have her back, to smell her hair and see that cute, crooked smile. But, Dani, I'm so lucky to have those memories. It was a gift to have those years with her, the happiest of my life. Beth gave those to me, despite me being a total shithead the entire time she was pregnant.”

Now I see where he is going with this. “It’s different. You had an excuse.”

“What? Being an addict? So is Michael. I didn’t become an addict because of Shay's condition. I’d been getting high long before that. I wasn't a prick when I found out Beth was pregnant about the baby being sick, because we didn’t know the baby was sick yet. I was a prick because of pure fear. And I guarantee that’s what Monroe is feeling now.”

I groan and lean back further in the chair. “I can't be pissed at you after that story.”

He chuckles and leans back in his own chair. “He'll come around.”

Tears start to fall again as I think about what Cash has been through, making my issues seem very small. No wonder he puts up with Beth's shit. “Fucking hormones.”

“Better get used to them.”

“I can do this alone, Cash. I’m not scared.”

I see the outline of his smirk in the moonlight. “I know, that’s why you’re perfect for him. Because he is.”

What the hell is that supposed to mean?