Emmalin
I muffled a fake yawn. Grayson kissed the top of my head. "You tired, baby?" I wasn't tired. But tonight was the night I decided I was going to sleep with my boyfriend. It was time. He'd been patient for so long, dealing with all of my crap. I couldn't ask for someone better. That's what this night was about. Making him dinner. Getting his favorite wine. My attempt at seducing him clearly backfired. I wondered if he even still wanted me.
I cleared my throat. I was suddenly nervous. "I was hoping we could, um..." I focused on my hands. He lifted my chin up so I had to look at him.
"What?"
I took a deep breath. "I was hoping we could try again. To you know. Have sex. I mean, if you want."
Grayson was quiet for a whole minute and just stared at me. His eyes darkening. "Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you if you aren't ready. I understand if you're not."
I shook my head. "Make love to me," I whispered. I needed him. All of him. He looked at me with such lust in his eyes. Then, he slowly got up and reached for my hand, pulling me up to him.
"I want you so bad, it almost hurts. I ache for you. I crave you. We'll go slow, and do this my way, okay?"
I nodded. My breathing had already picked up at the anticipation. He slowly walked us into the bedroom, never taking his eyes off me. He was looking for that inkling of fear. As soon as we stepped into the bedroom, I lunged at him, digging my hands into his hair. He smiled when my lips met his.
"Easy, we have all night," he whispered against me. I eased up a bit, as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. He let out a growl when I lifted my tank over my head and toed off my slippers. He pulled me to him and lifted me up, as I wrapped my legs around his waist.
He laid me gently on the bed, and slowly removed my shorts, taking my panties with them. I started to cover myself and he grabbed my hands.
"Let me take care of you."
I slowly nodded, looking him in the eyes. I moaned as he tugged a nipple in his mouth. It'd been so long since he’d touched me. He slowly made his way down my body, leaving a trail with his tongue.
"I'm going to savor every inch of you. This body is mine. All mine. You are mine. Don't ever forget that." He laid a gentle kiss on my inner thigh next to my mound, then blew softly over my pussy. I gasped from the sensation. "You're my beautiful angel."
Angel. That word. My heart started to race. I squeezed my eyes tight. It's Grayson. Not Carson. Grayson. My mind went back to that night. That night I worked so hard trying to forget.
"Let's see if you're a good fuck."
I was pulling against the restraints, trying to get away. I needed to get to the gun. All of a sudden, he fell on my back, knocking the air out of me. I felt his hand go up my dress, ripping my panties off. I screamed and tried pushing him away, but he held me down. He kicked my legs apart, and I screamed louder, hoping somebody—anybody—would hear me. He covered my mouth with his hand and thrust forward.
I was in agony as he forced his way. I wasn't prepared, which only pissed him off, and surged him on to go harder. Anything to hurt me.
"Come on, angel. I won't mind if you come. I'll love it. I'll be honored. I want you to think of me every time he fucks you.”
I opened my eyes again. It was Grayson in front of me. I blinked, and he turned into Carson, but I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I felt myself shutting down. Everything I worked hard on these past weeks were all for nothing. The bricks started to layer themselves back up because I needed them for protection. The guilt and shame that I had. Me realizing that I hated my mother for marrying a man who raped and abused me. A stepbrother who raped and abused me. That same stepbrother who kidnapped Abby just to get to me. I can never forgive myself, or look at Grayson's family again after that.
I can't do this. It's not fair to him.
"Stop. Stop, stop, stop, Grayson, stop!" He backed away as I scooted up the bed and wrapped my arms around me, tears streaming down my face. "I'm sorry, I can't."
He nodded. "It's okay, don't apologize." He reached over and gently wiped a tear. "Look at me." I looked into his blue eyes. "I love you. You and me." He turned back the blanket, and we got underneath it. I took a deep breath, and willed myself not to cry as he rubbed my back until I fell asleep.