I’d gotten lucky the other day when I’d dropped my nephew off at my sister’s. Running late for work, I’d been able to dodge all of her questions…and my own. In the couple of days since then, I’d successfully continued to keep myself in the dark about what to do about Evan.

Waiting for one of my fellow cops to join me at the bagel shop for a regular break during our swing shift, the questions returned.

Evan claimed to not be interested in a relationship, but what would it hurt to ask him out on a date anyway? It wasn’t like we’d been friends before, and we hadn’t talked since, so there wasn’t a friendship to ruin.

I’ll ask him.

It sounded confident in my head, but even as I lied to myself, I found a multitude of reasons not to ask.

Certain rejection. Uncertainty about how to ask a man out. Confusion about where I’d be willing to go with him.

That last one bothered me the most. I pretended that I didn’t care if anyone saw me out with him, but if I really didn’t, why hadn’t I talked to my sister about Evan again yet? The suggestion that I was avoiding it because there wasn’t anything to tell felt hollow. After all, I’d fucked the man. And it was great. And I wanted him again. I’d gushed to my sister over dates based on much less than that.

Fuck.

Fortunately, O’Brian offered a distraction when he flopped into the opposite side of the booth. “What’s wrong with kids these days?”

“What happened? Bikes?” There’d been an increase in stolen bicycles recently and no one seemed to know why.

“No. I was walking and my shoe untied. I bent over to tie it, and stumbled. One of those slow motion falls where you keep thinking you’re going down any second, and your arms are windmilling. Well, then I finally fell against a garbage can and knocked it over. Then I hear these kids giggling, with their phones pointed at me. They were taking pictures and videos. Fuckers.”

When I managed to stop laughing, I said, “Can you imagine the crap we would have done with phones back in our day?”

O’Brian waved my words away. “We were never that bad.”

“Says the man that egged the police chief’s house twice in high school.”

O’Brian laughed at the memory. “He deserved it. The mean fuck wouldn’t let Paula date me.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Paula was never going to go out with you.”

O’Brian and I had been through a lot together. We’d graduated high school a year apart and we ended up going through the Academy together.

“Fuck you,” he said. “I don’t come around to have you tell me the truth, you know. Because of that you can buy the bagels tonight.”

“Fine,” I agreed, sliding out of the booth to go place the order. “But I still don’t know why we don’t just go get donuts instead. They’re all circles that have a million calories. At least donuts taste good.”

“Fiber, man. You’re getting old and need to keep all that shit from building up inside you,” he said, patting my stomach before I could flinch away.

As I walked to the counter, I said, “No idea why Paula didn’t want to go out with you, O’Brian.”

I ordered our regulars, which they’d already put in bags for us. We definitely needed to mix our breaks up a little bit before we ended up in too big a rut. When I opened my wallet, I noticed that my credit card was missing.

“Hey, O’Brian. Looks like you get to pay. I lost my credit card.”

O’Brian grumbled and made fun of me, but didn’t say anything that I wouldn’t have said to him if the tables were turned. We didn’t track money things that closely.

After returning to the table and eating our first bites, O’Brian said, “You heard about that dead kid in the alley the other night, right?”

“Yeah.” The Strip had more than its fair share of crime, but rarely murder. Most crimes were limited to theft, drugs, and prostitution. “Anyone figure out what happened?”

O’Brian shook his head and took a sip from his diet soda. “No. Nothing concrete. But it turns out, the kid went to Augusta University. He was a senior. And gay as can be. So, they’re checking into whether it was a hate crime, or lovers’ quarrel, or if maybe he tried to turn a trick with the wrong man.”

“In other words, the detectives don’t have a clue, like usual.” I hoped I sounded like we were talking about any other random crime in our city. O’Brian’s news made me worry about Evan, though. The thought of some guy targeting Evan just for being gay made my blood boil.

O’Brian shrugged. “You know how they work. Turn over every single fucking stone, one at a time, refusing to follow any hunches and leave us to keep everyone safe while they get around to putting together their theories.”

We both took another bite, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to spend our time complaining about the detectives’ methods. We all knew our roles. We cops would never let them tell us how to do our job, either, so they certainly weren’t going to change their slow procedures because of us.

The good news was I had a reason to talk to Evan. I could warn him to be careful. Maybe even offer to protect him. I could go deep undercover…

“Jimmy, you’re not going to believe this. You remember that girl I told you about the other night?”

“The stripper?” I hid my smile in my coffee cup.

“Fuck you. But, yes, the exotic dancer. She gave me her number last night.”

“36-24-36?”

O’Brian tore off a piece of his bagel and threw it at me. “Why do I tell you anything?”

“Sorry,” I apologized, realizing I’d crossed a line. It was perfectly fine to make fun of people we wanted to date. But it sounded like O’Brian was getting somewhere with her. I needed to treat her with some respect in case it actually worked out. “So, you got her number? That sounds good.”

“Yeah, I called her before work and we talked for a while. We’re going out on Friday.”

Jealous of his happiness, I lashed out. “You going to stop by the bank and get singles on your way?”

O’Brian threw the rest of his bagel at me, but laughed. “I don’t know how I’ll afford to date her, though. My rent just went up and I was barely making ends meet before. I’m still recovering from how much I lost on the Super Bowl. At least I have someone to go out with, though. When was the last time you got any action?”

“If you must know, just a couple days ago,” I couldn’t help myself from bragging a bit. O’Brian was right. It had been a very long time.

O’Brian leaned toward me. “Who was she?”

“Just someone I met at a club. A DJ there, actually.” I tried to stay as close to the truth as possible so I wouldn’t contradict myself later when O’Brian made me tell others at the station.

“Nice. Was she wild?”

“Yeah, man. Tats all over and, well, let’s just say she needed me so bad that she wasn’t interested in foreplay. She practically begged me to get inside.”

I felt bad about lying about Evan’s gender, but since he wasn’t going to give me a chance for another date, it felt harmless enough. Boldly telling myself that I’d have no trouble telling everyone if I ever ended up in a relationship with a man, I tried to shake off the dirty feeling.

“Un. Fucking. Believable.” He shifted in his seat, excitedly preparing to ask more questions, but was cut short when his walkie-talkie squawked.

Cindy Walker, our dispatcher, said, “O’Brian, you need to get back to the station and fill out a couple reports before the end of shift.”

O’Brian looked at his watch. “Shit.” Pressing the button on his walkie-talkie, he said, “Roger that. I’m on my way.” Turning his attention back to me, “You coming?”

“No, I just remembered that my credit card might be at the club, so I’m going to head over there and check it out.”

“And maybe check out your little minx, huh?”

It wasn’t worth denying it. With any luck, Evan would be working and we’d get a chance to talk.

“Which club?” O’Brian asked, snapping his walkie-talkie back into place on his belt.

“The Firehouse.”

O’Brian quickly sat back down. “The Firehouse? The gay club? I know that place from our patrols.”

Shit.

“They don’t have any female DJs, man. I’ve been in there enough times during our normal walkthroughs that I’m pretty sure of that. Did you…I mean, I can’t believe I’m about to ask this, but did you fuck a dude? Was it that main DJ? The one that always wears the hoodies? He’s a hell of a DJ, but…I think he has a dick, right? Like an actual penis?”

I could have denied it, but he wouldn’t have believed me, he’d still have razzed me about it forever.

Fuck it. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with a man.

“Yeah, that’s the one. Evan. And it was fucking great. He did this thing—”

O’Brian held his hands up to shut down my story. “Dude. No, no no. It’s cool, but just do your thing. I don’t need a blow-by-blow.” He blushed at the implication. “You guys like an official thing?”

It didn’t really surprise me that O’Brian was so accepting. We’d been through everything together for so long, we’d always have each other’s backs for anything important.

I expected the other cops to give me shit, but eventually, even they would be fine.

And having everyone know would give me yet another reason to go after Evan. The quicker the secret got out, the quicker I’d have nothing to hide.

“Not yet. Fingers crossed, though. I’m hoping to talk to him when I check for my credit card.”

O’Brian looked thoughtfully out the window. “What do you bring a guy for a date? Flowers? Candy? Wrenches?”

O’Brian always knew how to say the right thing when things got awkward. “I don’t know, man. This was my first time and it was more of a hookup.”

He slapped the table. “Hey, if it doesn’t work out, they have apps for guys like you, you know? I heard about it on the news the other day. Gay guys have like no trouble hooking up anymore. Fucking makes me wish I leaned that way.”

When his walkie-talkie squawked again, he jumped to his feet and rushed to the door while yelling into the walkie-talkie. “I’m on my way right now. Just helping Jimmy out with some love stuff.”

Thankfully the door shut behind him, silencing the rest of the conversation.

I finished my coffee while wondering at how easily some people could accept something like finding out their best friend was gay. I wasn’t even sure how I felt about it yet.

I did know one thing. I wanted to see Evan again, so I finished my bagel and started the walk to The Firehouse, enjoying the breeze and the setting sun, and wondering where my life was taking me.