I kicked a patch of grass next to my foot. I looked up as a child ran by screaming.

Okay, maybe a public garden wasn’t the best choice for a quiet place to think about things.

But when I’d run out of the apartment, I hadn’t known where to go. When I got to the curb, I’d realized I didn’t have my phone, so I couldn’t even pull up directions to anywhere. I’d told the cabbie to take me to a park just because it was the first thing that had popped into my mind. Now I was sitting here surrounded by happy families while I was miserable.

Trevor, meanwhile, was probably boning big-boobed Jenny back at our shared apartment.

Ugh. What was wrong with me?

You’d think after my experience with Brian, I’d have learned not to mix business with pleasure. Not that Trevor was business, but he was my roommate. And now that we were fighting, it jeopardized my living arrangements.

Could I really stay there while he brought other girls home? I recoiled at just the thought. No way. I wasn’t the catfight type, but I’d seriously wanted to scratch that girl’s eyes out. Something about Trevor brought out my territorial instincts, and that was alarming.

I’d been with Brian way longer, and I hadn’t felt the urge to fight off any of his other girlfriends. But what did that mean? I had a sinking feeling it meant that I’d fallen harder for Trevor. Once the shock wore off and the hurt set in, I was going to be even worse off over this betrayal. Which was a scary thing.

“You know what? No. I’m not going to let him have this power over me.” I kicked the dirt by my foot again, scaring a nearby pigeon into flight.

But I was already on my feet, ready to go back to the apartment and have it out with Trevor. He wasn’t going to do this to me. I was tired of allowing other people to manipulate my emotions. If he wanted to have another girl, then I was going to just lay it out for him that I wasn’t into that. He couldn’t treat me like I was disposable unless I let him.

All fired up, I hailed another cab to go back home.

But when I arrived at the apartment, he wasn’t even there.

Deflated, I went through the motions of making lunch, and ate a sandwich standing up in the kitchen. But Trevor didn’t come back. I did some laundry and even watched a movie, but by the time I got in bed that night, he still wasn’t home. I punched my pillow. He’d probably gone to work.

But when I walked into his room the next morning and saw his perfectly made bed, that was when the tears started. He hadn’t even come home last night.

He probably stayed with Jenny.

I bit my lip, looking around the empty apartment and wondering what I should do. I finally found my phone on the counter in the kitchen, plugged into the charger. There were no new messages or texts. My eyes caught on my last text message with Alex.

Hey, you busy?

Nope. What are you doing texting me on a Saturday morning? Shouldn’t you be humping that HOT roomie of yours?

I sighed.

My roomie is a slimy jerk. Can I come over?

Yes. I need the deets. Because if you did that hottie and aren’t happy, that sounds like a story I need to know.

A half an hour later, I was huddled on Alex’s couch in his tiny studio apartment, sipping on a cup of tea while he hung, riveted, on my every word.

“I don’t even know why I’m so upset,” I finished. “It’s not like we were really together. It just felt like something, you know?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Believe me I know. Try feeling that thing with a guy who then tells you he isn’t gay. The universe is cruel and deceitful.”

I winced. From that perspective, I couldn’t complain too much. Plus, at least I’d gotten to experience the best sex of my life. Although that was partially why this was so hard. How could the best lover I’d ever had be the same one who hurt me so easily? The universe really was cruel.

“You are wise, Alex. So wise. I’m going to stop thinking about him. He’s just a blip on my radar. And I’m not going to let his man-whore ways run me out of the apartment, either. I can handle him and his skanks coming over if it means I can stay where the rent is affordable.”

Alex took my mug of tea and set it gently on the coffee table. “You don’t have to pretend like it’s no big deal. This guy hurt you. If I wasn’t afraid he’d kick my ass, I’d take him out for you. Maybe this is not what you want to hear, but I don’t think you should have walked out and let some bitch move in on your territory.”

I rested my head on his shoulder. “That’s just it, I don’t want you to take him out. I just want him to feel the same way I do. Pathetic, huh?”

Alex stroked my hair. “No. Not pathetic. Human. You fell for him, sweetie. And by the way he was looking at you, I think he fell for you, too.”

I wiped down the counter in the kitchen, swiping at a few nonexistent stains. There was no need, because the kitchen was already spotless. After all, no one had really been using it for the past few days. Natalie had been home so seldom that the only reason I knew she’d come back at all was because her toothbrush had been there one day and then gone the next.

She’d obviously found somewhere else to stay.

The thought of her moving out sent me into a panic. Initially, I’d been the one staying away from the apartment. After my conversation with Professor Washington, I’d decided that giving Natalie some space before we talked was the right way to go. I could explain my future plans in a calm, rational manner before we decided how to move forward.

I couldn’t leave her alone, even though it was probably the best course of action for us both. I’d been climbing the walls wondering where she was just after the first twenty-four hours. There was no way I could let her go completely. But I’d figured that if we talked and everyone had the same expectations, we could go forward without anyone getting hurt. I’d still be leaving after graduation, sure, but that was a while away, and maybe we could get our fill of this insane sexual connection in the meantime.

I ignored the part of me that railed at the thought of reducing what we had to sex. After I hadn’t seen her the second day, and then the third, I had gotten my first glimpse of what life after Natalie would be like. And it wasn’t pretty.

I’d tried working on one of my projects and hadn’t been able to concentrate. At work, I’d given three people the wrong drinks before I realized what I was doing. I’d even been called out for daydreaming in class today. I was a mess.

How could I have thought that staying away from Natalie was the best option?

It was easier to pretend that it was just sex, and that I wasn’t inexplicably drawn to her. But it was useless, really, because I already knew that it was way more than the physical that was drawing us together. It was her sweetness and her smiles. It was the warmth she seemed to exude like sunlight. Just a few days without her, and I could barely function.

Nothing seemed to matter when I didn’t have her face to come home to. I was startling to realize that I’d come to rely on that, knowing that she was there waiting for me, making my apartment feel like a home.

I pulled out my phone and called her again. I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t answer. I needed to figure out where she was and go to her. But the only person who would know was her aunt, and Professor Washington definitely wasn’t going to help me.

Then I glanced over at the whiteboard where her friend Alex’s number was still scrawled. Before I had time to second guess it, I dialed the number.

“Hello?”

“Is this Alex?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“It’s Trevor. Natalie’s roommate. Please don’t hang up.”

There was a sigh on the other end, and that was enough to tell me that he’d guessed correctly. She’d obviously told the other man what had happened, or he wouldn’t sound so disgusted with me.

“Can I help you?” Alex’s voice was cold as ice. He sounded like he really wanted to say, Can I push you off a cliff?

“I just need to know that Natalie is okay. Is she there?”

“Mmm. I’m not sure I want to help you.”

I gritted my teeth. I needed to be nice. Alex was quite possibly the only person I knew who’d seen Natalie in the past few days.

“Please. I fucked up, but it’s not what it looked like. I just want to apologize to her. Is she there?”

After a few seconds, Alex sighed. “Yes, she’s here studying. Do you want to talk to her?”

Making a split-second decision, I decided to surprise her. I didn’t want to give her too much time to put her guard up before I could explain.

“No, don’t tell her. I want to surprise her.”

“Okay, but don’t take too long. I’m not a good liar, so if she asks me what’s up, I won’t be able to hide it.”

I hung up and grabbed my keys after sticking my feet into the jogging sneakers next to the door. I was still wearing the sweatpants I’d slept in, and hadn’t shaved in two days, but I was taking Alex at his word. I couldn’t afford to waste any time, so I could only hope she wouldn’t hold my appearance against me.

What was a guy supposed to look like when he realized he’d met the woman of his dreams, anyway? I was having an epiphany, surely I deserved to catch a break for looking a little sloppy.

When I arrived at the address Alex texted, I knew as soon as the other man opened the door that something was wrong.

“You look guilty,” I accused.

Alex sighed. “I told you I wasn’t a good liar. When she asked me who was on the phone, I tried to say it was my mom, but she saw right through it. Then she took my phone and looked at the call log.” He rubbed his arm. “She’s stronger than I expected, too.”

I groaned. “Great. Do you know where she went?”

Alex shook his head. Then he glanced behind him. “You can still come in if you want. Maybe I can make you feel better?”

“Seriously?” I had to laugh at the shameless pickup line. It was either laugh or give in to the overwhelming urge to punch the other guy for letting Natalie leave so easily.

Alex held up his hands in apology, but didn’t look the slightest bit sorry. “Too soon? Okay, it was worth a try.”

I left, deciding that maybe the universe was giving him a hint. If Natalie didn’t want to talk to me, I had to respect that.

But it didn’t mean I had to like it.