CHAPTER TEN
Matthew sat on the floor beside the sleeping dog. The coals burned low in the hearth, but it provided a pleasant warmth for both of them. It was a miracle that the animal had not been crushed by the carriage wheels, but somehow, he had survived.
A low whining sound came from the dog’s throat, and he twitched in his sleep. Matthew eased himself to lie down beside the animal and rested his hand upon the black and white fur, stroking gently. The dog seemed to relax, taking comfort from his presence. The glow from the hearth seemed to cast a peaceful spell over them, and as foolish as it was, Matthew rather enjoyed resting beside the dog.
He knew what it was to be alone and suffering, yearning for someone to take away the pain. And somehow, the dog’s presence seemed to fill up the emptiness that burdened him even now. For this moment, there was only the two of them and the warmth of the fire. He kept one arm over the animal, until its breathing grew deep and even. It was strange to feel the same weariness passing over him. He stared into the fire, and he relaxed against the furry presence.
Sleep had eluded him for so long, but he closed his eyes and let his mind drift back to more pleasant memories. Lily’s beauty had struck him speechless, and he hadn’t known what to say or do.
She had arrived with her sister, Rose, as well as her parents and her brother, James. Although it was her sister’s debut, Matthew had been caught up in the soft dreaminess of Lily’s face. She hung back from the others, drinking in the sight of the ballroom as if she had never imagined to be there. Although he’d seen her on occasion while visiting James, Matthew had never imagined Lady Lily would transform into such a breathtaking woman.
His mother had all but shoved him toward the Thornton girls, but he held himself back. Instead, he found a way to discreetly stare at Lily. Her brown hair was caught up in a soft updo with hothouse gardenias tucked amid the strands. In the light, there were tints of red and gold, and he was transfixed by her presence.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” His cousin, Juliette Fraser, moved behind him and touched his shoulder. “I suppose you have not seen Lady Lily in several years, since she only just returned from school.”
He didn’t quite know what to say, but it was easier to nod.
“Would you like to speak with her?” Juliette asked.
“It’s not necessary,” he replied. “Her sister is making her debut, and I should not interfere with that.”
His cousin’s eyes were kind, almost maternal as she smiled at him. He had always been close to Juliette and had even spent a summer in Scotland with her family.
Her expression turned conspiratorial. “Leave everything to me, Matthew.” She crossed the ballroom and went to speak with Lily’s mother, Lady Penford.
He didn’t know whether to stand his ground or seek an escape.
His cousin disappeared behind one of the doors and returned a moment later, leaving the door slightly ajar. She approached Lady Penford and spoke to the woman quietly before leading the countess toward him, with Lady Rose and Lady Lily following behind. Matthew straightened and saw his cousin wink at him. What had Juliette done now? He suspected it had something to do with her hasty disappearance.
“Lady Penford,” she began, “I know you remember my godson and cousin, Matthew Larkspur, the Earl of Arnsbury?”
“Of course,” the matron responded, winking at him. “Matthew and James have been friends for years.” Then she nodded to her daughters. “You already know Rose and Lily, I’m certain.”
“It has been a long time.” Matthew kissed Lady Rose’s hand, and when he took Lady Lily’s hand, he held it a moment longer than he should have. She flushed but ventured a faint smile.
“Matthew, I—oh dear.” Juliette’s words broke off, and she sighed. “That cat. What am I to do with him?” He turned to see what she was speaking of and saw a brown- and black-striped cat walking across the refreshment table.
Lady Lily’s face transformed into a delighted smile, and she said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get him for you.”
She started toward the table, and her mother apologized, “Lily loves animals. I fear she may not give the cat back.”
“Matthew, go and help her,” his cousin bade him. “I wouldn’t want Lady Lily to be scratched by Tom.”
Understanding dawned upon him. So that was what she had done. The merriment in Juliette’s eyes suggested that she had known full well that the cat would begin exploring the ballroom. He had to admit, his cousin was indeed clever.
He bowed to the women before he followed. Lady Lily was already reaching for the cat, but Tom stretched out on the table and batted at her gloved hands.
“He thinks it’s a game,” Matthew told her. “Tom isn’t the most obedient of cats.”
“And that is why I love them so,” Lily answered. “They are deliciously selfish. I have an older cat of my own whom I adore.”
Matthew recalled that their family had owned a cat, but he’d never paid much attention to the animal. “What is his name?” He reached out and scooped the cat off the table, but he didn’t remove Tom from the room. He now had the perfect means of speaking to Lady Lily, and he intended to hold on to the feline.
The young woman bit her lip. “His, ah, his name is rather ridiculous, I fear. I’ve had him since I was a young girl, and I named him when I was five years old.”
He waited for her to continue, but Lady Lily said nothing at first. Instead, she reached out to pet Tom’s head, rubbing at his ears. The cat purred, and her gloved hand brushed against his chest as she continued to give the animal affection. At last, she confessed, “I called him Princess, for I wanted a girl cat.”
“And you still deride his masculinity with the name?”
She was trying to hold back laughter when the cat caught her glove with his claws. “His full name was Princess Caledonia. My father had more inappropriate names for him, since Princess insisted on scratching the furniture—but I shall not reveal those.”
Lily was trying to extricate her glove from the cat’s claws, but every time she tried to free herself, the cat snagged another bit of fabric.
“The inappropriate names are far more interesting.” Matthew tried to help her remove the claws, but instead, it resulted in him sliding her glove off her hand. The cat was delighted to have the glove and it squirmed in Matthew’s arms, trying to bite the delicate material. “Will you help me remove Tom from the ballroom?”
“Of course.” Lily walked alongside him. She made no comment about the door being ajar but pushed it open further and followed him into the hallway. “Where should we bring him?”
“Outside in the garden should do well enough. He can hunt until it’s time to return.” He nodded toward the doorway at the far end of the house. “Could you go and open that door for me?”
She hesitated a moment. “We should have gone the other way, I think. My mother will be angry with me for being alone with you.”
He remained standing where he was. “It was not my intent to frighten you, Lady Lily.”
“No, I realize that your hands are filled with the cat. It’s unlikely that you intended to accost me or damage my reputation.”
Matthew took a step closer to her and set the cat down. Without asking permission, he held out her glove and took her bare hand. Slowly, he slid it over her fingers, then kept her hand in his. The air between them seemed to grow warmer, and her hazel eyes flared with heat. He held her hand a moment, and the cat slid between them, rubbing his head against their legs.
And when Lily smiled at him, the ground beneath his feet seemed to crumble.
The next morning, Lily was startled to learn that Matthew had, in fact, stayed with the dog. She opened the study and found him sitting beside the animal, stroking his fur.
“I didn’t expect you to stay,” she admitted. “I suppose there will be talk, won’t there?” For him to stay overnight at the house, even with her brother at home, was quite a scandal.
“Only if you tell them,” he said. He rose and stretched by the fire, and she was caught by the outline of his body against the linen shirt. His skin still held a deep tan from the India sun, and she longed to touch it. Lily didn’t know what was the matter with her, but she could not deny her attraction to Matthew. It had not dissipated even a little over the years, despite all that had happened. She turned away to force back the unbidden feelings.
“How is the dog?” she inquired. “Was he in a great deal of pain?”
“I think he had enough laudanum to knock him senseless. I don’t recall him whimpering very much, once we both went to sleep.” Matthew went to stand before her, and she saw that the dog was breathing easier.
“I’ve asked Dr. Fraser to come and look in on him,” she admitted. “I know it’s only a dog, but I want to be sure I set his leg properly.”
Last night, for the first time in her life, she had felt such pride in taking care of the dog. She hadn’t thought about her inexperience or lack of knowledge, but had charged forward, wanting to help the animal.
“He looks better,” Matthew answered. As if in response, the dog yawned and tried to get up from the hearth. He avoided putting much weight on the broken leg and slumped back on the blanket, his tail wagging.
“He’ll need more laudanum,” Lily said. “I’ll put some in his breakfast. But only a little.” She decided to start him with a meat broth, not knowing how much food he could handle, if any.
The dog attempted to stand once again, but swayed on his feet. He sniffed at the rug, in spite of the muzzle, as if searching for food. Lily rang for a servant. “He may be hungry, but I don’t want him to eat too quickly.”
The door swung open, and James joined them. “I see you disregarded my wishes, Arnsbury.”
Lily couldn’t quite read her brother’s mood, but she stepped toward him. “James, there was no harm done. He slept with the dog, and that was all.”
A hint of amusement crossed her brother’s face. “A fitting bedmate, I should think.”
Matthew stared back at James. “I could say something, but we are in the presence of your sister, and it would not be appropriate. For now, I’ll say only that you should cease the derisive remarks.” Though his tone was stern, she saw the twinkle in his eyes that mirrored her brother’s humor.
The footman arrived, and Lily ordered the meat broth for the dog, along with warm water, towels, and soap. To the men, she added, “You can both have breakfast in the dining room. I want to stay with the dog and clean his wounds again.”
“I’ll remain here,” Matthew responded. “You couldn’t lift that dog if you wanted to.”
He was right about that. Even though the animal was thin and starved, he was still about seven or eight stone in weight. “Very well. You may stay.”
“If he stays, then I intend to stay,” James intervened. He ordered the footman to bring breakfast into the study. “We may as well dine here together.”
The dog limped unsteadily closer to Matthew, still sniffing the floor. Lily was about to ask him to lift the dog back to the desk, when the animal cocked his leg and relieved himself on Matthew’s ankle.
“What on earth?” He rolled his eyes in disgust. “After the night we spent together, you would do this?”
James howled with laughter. “Oh God, that’s the best dog I’ve ever seen. Lily, you have my approval if you wish to keep him.”
She glared at her brother. “Go and fetch Matthew a pair of trousers to replace these.” To Matthew, she added, “I’m so sorry. We should have taken him out, and. . .I suppose he couldn’t hold it.”
After James left, the dog limped under the desk and lay down, as if ashamed of himself. Matthew sighed and leaned against the desk. “I liked that dog until now.”
“He didn’t mean anything,” Lily insisted. “You must know it was only an accident.”
Matthew raised an eyebrow at her and shook his head. “Accident or not, I suppose my clothes are ruined, and it hardly matters what happens now.” He crossed the room and lifted the dog into his arms. The animal squirmed, and when Matthew set him down on the desk, the dog whined.
“Thank you,” Lily said. “I want to check his wounds again to be certain I didn’t miss anything. And he may likely need a bath.”
“So could I,” Matthew remarked, wincing as he eyed his trousers. But he helped her by holding the dog gently and stroking his head. Soulful brown eyes stared into his, and the dog jolted when Lily touched a sensitive place.
The footman returned with their breakfast while a second footman brought the meat broth, the towels, and a basin. Lily dipped the linen cloth into the warm water and wrung it out over the wound. The dog tried to scramble away, but Matthew held him in place.
“There, lad. You’ll be all right.” He leaned in close and whispered, “You’re a good dog, even if you did piss on me.”
She cleansed the raw skin again, wrapping fresh linen bandages around the animal. But the dog’s flesh was bruised and swollen, and she didn’t doubt that he was feeling the pain. It let out a mournful groan, and she gentled her touch. “You’ll be well soon enough,” she told the dog. “I suppose I ought to give you a name for now.” She thought a moment and then decided, “I will call you Sebastian.” The dog perked up slightly at the name, his tail thumping. She rubbed his ears, and he leaned back, trying to roll to his back.
“What will you do with him?”
She hadn’t truly thought about that. “I cannot simply throw him back into the streets. It wouldn’t be right.” And yet, she wasn’t quite certain what to do with the dog. He was sniffing at her fingertips, struggling to get up. At first, she tried to hold him down, and then it occurred to her what he wanted. “Matthew, will you help me remove the muzzle? I want to give him some more laudanum in the meat broth.”
He set the dog on the floor, reached for the linen cravat and gently untied it. The dog shook his head once it was gone, licking his lips. Lily mixed a few drops of laudanum into the broth and set the bowl down in front of Sebastian. The dog took a tentative lick and then began to drink. He stood, keeping weight off his broken leg, and slurped at the broth as if it would be taken away at any moment.
When he had finished, he licked his chops as if begging for more. “Later,” she promised him, stroking back his ears. Her fingers brushed against Matthew’s, and she froze at the unexpected contact. He took her hand in his and held it for a moment.
The touch unraveled her good sense, but she fought the urge to pull her hand back. Instead, she fumbled for conversation. Anything. “H-how did you sleep last night?”
The moment she asked, she realized what a bad question it was.
“Actually, I slept well last night,” he admitted. “I think Sebastian helped.” He rubbed at the animal’s ears again, and the dog licked at his fingers.
She softened at the sight of the pair of them. “I am glad to hear it.”
But then, Matthew drew closer. “It has been a long time since I slept for more than a few hours at a time.” His tone was husky, reminding her of what it was to sleep in his arms after a night of lovemaking. A soft rush of desire heightened her sensitivity, making her long to be touched by this man. And for a brief moment, it was as if the man she’d loved was standing before her once again.
James interrupted her wayward thoughts when he returned with a pair of dark trousers. He approached, holding them out to Matthew, and ordered, “Go upstairs and find a room where you can change into these. I’ll have yours cleaned and sent to your house later.”
Matthew took the trousers and regarded Lily with a look of interest. Her pulse quickened at the sight of his brown eyes watching her. You must not think about him undressing.
She would try not to remember his muscular thighs or the way his body had felt upon hers, skin to skin. Her traitorous body went breathless at the memory.
Matthew gave her a knowing smile before he left her behind with the dog.
“You’re looking flushed, Lily,” her brother remarked. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes. It’s just very warm in here.” She picked up another linen cloth and began drying off the dog.
“You haven’t touched your breakfast,” James added. “You should eat.”
Her brother was right, and she made a plate of food, bringing it to his desk. Then he pulled a chair beside her, and she picked at the eggs that had gone cold.
“Stay away from Arnsbury,” her brother warned in a quiet voice. “I can see the look in your eyes. Do not forget how dangerous he has become.”
“He’s getting better,” she argued.
“He’s not the same man you knew once. Don’t believe that Arnsbury is safe—he’s not. Just like that dog over there could snarl at you and bite. And you don’t know when his mind will break again.”
She knew he was trying to protect her. “I’ll be careful.” To change the subject, she inquired, “Are you attending the Duchess of Worthingstone’s ball this evening? Evangeline will be there, so I’ve heard.”
A stony look crossed her brother’s face, as if he knew exactly what she was doing to turn the subject. “Stop trying to play matchmaker.”
Lily stabbed a bit of sausage with her fork. “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it. Evangeline loathes you.”
“Then why would you mention her name to me?”
“Because I would find it most interesting to watch the pair of you together,” she said. “I wonder why it is that you are still at odds. I know after you left for India, she was furious, but it seems a long time to hold a grudge.”
“We are not at all suited. Every time I walk close to her, she attempts to blend in with the wall. Or she hides behind a potted plant. She is shy and ought to marry a man as quiet as she is.”
Lily wasn’t so certain. Evangeline was indeed a wallflower, but beneath her shyness was a strong woman. “I thought you were friends at one point.”
“I am not going to discuss this with you. Suffice it to say, it is best if we go our separate ways.” A troubled look crossed her brother’s face, but she didn’t press him.
She pushed her plate away, and when the footman came to clear away their dishes, he added, “Dr. Fraser, er, that is, Lord Falsham has come to call.”
“Excellent. Please send him in,” Lily said.
The footman started to put away the food, but Lily stopped him. “No, leave it for now.” Matthew had not yet eaten. She stood from the desk and waited for the doctor to come into James’s study. Her nerves tightened, and she hoped she had tended the dog properly.
When Dr. Fraser entered, she smiled at him. “I am very glad you could come.”
“It was no trouble at all.” To James, he nodded, “Penford, it’s good to see you again.”
“And you,” her brother answered. “Forgive my sister’s summons. She was quite upset when this dog was injured last night. She felt it necessary to send for you.”
Dr. Fraser shrugged it away. “He’s one of God’s creatures, is he no’? We’ll have a look and see. I suppose this is the animal, aye?” He knelt by the hearth. Sebastian’s tail thumped, but he didn’t rise. “There’s a good lad.”
Lily moved toward the animal and knelt beside the doctor. “He is. I think his leg is broken, and he has many cuts. I tried to clean them with water, and I put some salve on them.”
The doctor studied the dog’s wounds. “You were right. His leg is broken. But Lady Lily, I must be telling you that ’tis rare that a dog can heal from a break such as this. Most veterinary surgeons would be killing it.”
She was horrified at the very idea. “It’s only a broken leg. Why should he die from that?”
Dr. Fraser stood up. “Many of the surgeons believe that ’tis no’ worth tryin’ to heal a pup, especially if he could have rabies. Some might take the leg off.”
“He deserves to live as much as a sheep or a cow.” Lily stroked Sebastian’s fur, and the dog turned to lick her hand. “And I’ll not allow you to amputate his leg.”
Dr. Fraser smiled. “I didna say that I would be doing such a thing, Lady Lily. Only to warn you that other surgeons might act differently.”
Her shoulders lowered with relief. “Thank goodness.” She took a breath, stood, and asked, “Did I set his leg properly?”
He reached down to feel the leg again, and the dog whimpered. “Just a little pinch, lad. Naught t’be worried about.” Dr. Fraser made a slight adjustment to the limb, and the dog let out a short yelp. “There now, that’s better.” He wrapped the bandage around the dog’s leg tightly and secured the end. “You nearly had it right, lass.”
But it bothered her to think that she had set the dog’s leg in an improper position. Had she not summoned the doctor, the bone might have healed wrong and crippled the animal for the rest of his life. She wished she knew more about healing, even with only a book to help her learn.
Dr. Fraser stood and asked, “Will you attend the Worthingstone ball this evening? Juliette and I would be glad to see both of you there.”
“Yes, I will come. And so will James,” Lily asserted.
The doctor nodded. “Then I’ll be seeing you there.” He leaned down to rub the dog’s ears before he left.
Matthew entered the room at that moment, wearing her brother’s trousers. “Lord Falsham,” he greeted the doctor. “I know Lily was glad to have you look in on the dog.”
“Ah, lad, you can be calling me Dr. Fraser. I was that long before I inherited the title of viscount. It feels as if you’re speaking to someone else,” the man remarked. “I didn’t realize you had come to call.”
“I was here earlier when the dog decided to relieve himself on my leg. James was kind enough to loan me a pair of trousers.”
The doctor barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Animals have their own ways, do they no’?” Then his gaze sharpened upon him. “You’re looking better than the last time I saw you.”
“A little,” Matthew agreed. But Lily noticed that there was a slight trace of tension between the men.
“He’s sleeping with dogs now,” James said, clapping him on the back. “It agrees with him.”
There were times when she wanted to strangle her brother. “Matthew offered to watch over Sebastian the first night. I was grateful for it.” To end James’s teasing, she offered, “Perhaps you would like to sleep with the dog this evening?”
“Not at all,” James replied. “I prefer more pleasant company.”
Dr. Fraser picked up his bag and said, “I should be going now. Juliette will be wanting to know where I am.”
They bid him farewell, and after he had gone, Lily realized that Matthew hadn’t eaten anything yet. “Would you care for breakfast?”
“If there’s anything left.” He took a seat near the desk.
Lily fixed a plate for him from the leftover food and sat beside him. Sebastian sniffed the air and hobbled his way over to rest at Matthew’s feet. “I suppose he is hoping you’ll drop food for him.”
“Just so.” He dug in with his fork and “accidentally” let some of the eggs fall to the carpet. The dog devoured them hungrily.
Lily smiled and turned back to her brother. “You will go with me to the duchess’s ball tonight, won’t you, James?”
Her brother sighed. “If I must. But I am not going to dance with Miss Sinclair.” His tone held a warning, but she cheerfully ignored it and smiled at him.
“And what of you, Matthew? Are you planning to attend?”
She posed the question idly and was surprised when he answered, “She is my cousin, so I might. If you want me to.”
She thought about it for a moment and realized she did want to see him there. During the last ball, she had enjoyed his company, despite the runaway kitten. “Yes, I would like you to come.”
Matthew reached for her hand and held it a moment. “Then I will.”
Lily wore a lilac-colored ball gown and had tucked violets into her hair. Right now, she stood beside her friend Evangeline, who wore a short-sleeved gown the color of dust, with a neckline that covered any hint of a bosom. The grayish-brown silk did nothing for the young woman’s complexion, and her hair was twisted into a severe updo.
“You look lovely tonight, Lily,” Evangeline said. “Especially in that color. Have you changed your mind about finding a husband?”
“Not at all. Thank you.” She studied her friend, trying to decide if she dared to broach the subject of Evangeline’s attire. “I do not mean to offend, but was this truly a gown of your choosing?”
Evangeline beamed. “It’s perfectly dreadful, isn’t it? I asked the modiste to find silk the color of mouse fur. Now I can safely remain a wallflower, and no man would dare ask me to dance.”
“It is. . .certainly a different color than any I’ve seen before.”
“My mother was horrified. She thinks I should make a greater effort to find a husband, but why would I want a man to govern my life with his own rules? I am perfectly happy with my books. And my father seems content to let me remain a spinster.”
Evangeline’s father, Cain Sinclair, had a darker reputation among the men. Born a Scottish commoner, it was well known that her father would not hesitate to shoot any man who dared threaten her virtue. He would likely dress his daughter in black crape and a veil, if he could.
James crossed the room and joined Lily, pretending he didn’t notice Evangeline standing beside her. “Lily, would you care to dance?”
“Not just now, thank you. But I am certain Evangeline would be happy to take my place.” She sent him a smile filled with mischief.
“I would sooner stand in a corner and peel wallpaper,” Evangeline answered cheerfully. “But thank you for the offer.”
James’s posture grew rigid at the insult. “I see your manners have not improved, Evangeline.” To Lily, he apologized, “Forgive me, but I am trying to avoid being matched up by the meddling mamas.”
“Matchmaking meddling mamas,” Evangeline repeated. “Now there’s a phrase I’d wager you couldn’t say three times without twisting up your tongue.”
“I don’t recall that you are part of this conversation,” James snapped.
Now why on earth was her brother being so rude? Lily was startled to see the flare of anger between the pair of them. Evangeline’s cheeks were fiery red, and she took a step toward James. “I don’t know that I want to be part of a conversation with you.” Without another word, she spun and strode away, disappearing into the crowd.
Lily was horrified by her brother’s behavior. “Why on earth would you behave like such an awful man? I’ve never seen you this way before.”
“We do not like each other,” he said calmly.
But there was far more to it than that. Her friend was normally a quiet young woman who made pleasant conversation—not at all a fierce termagant who looked as if she were contemplating murder.
But before she could think upon it further, Adrian Monroe approached. He bowed to her and said to her brother, “Lord Penford, it is good to see you back from India. I know your sister was most overjoyed at your return.”
“You are already acquainted with Lily, then?” James mused.
“We shared a dance a few months ago,” he said. With a warm smile, he invited, “Would you care to join me, Lady Lily?”
There was something about the man’s tone that struck her as insincere. Since it would be rude to decline, she told him, “I fear I have already promised this dance to my brother.” She tucked her hand in James’s arm. “Perhaps another time.”
Her brother did not seem pleased as she led him to join the dancers. There was tension within him, and he remarked, “You were trying to avoid Mr. Monroe. Why?”
“He was too forward the last time I danced with him.” Something about the man made her uneasy, and she preferred to keep her distance.
“Shall I speak to him about his behavior?” James took his place across from her and bowed while she curtseyed.
“No, let it be. He’s harmless.” She took his hand, and they joined in the country dance. Her brother was quite a good dancer, though reluctant. She found herself relaxing and enjoying herself as he spun her in place.
But his expression remained serious. “Is Matthew courting you again?”
She shook her head. “We’re friends, nothing more.” But despite her dismissal of the idea, she had felt a shift between herself and Matthew. She enjoyed spending time with him and had appreciated his help tending her new dog, Sebastian.
The dance ended, and he asked, “Would you like lemonade or something to eat?”
She nodded. “I would, yes. Shall I come with you?”
“If you wish.”
They began walking toward the refreshments when Lily caught a glimpse of Matthew in the shadows near the hall. It warmed her to know that he’d kept his word about attending the gathering. “Actually, I think I will go and talk with Lord Arnsbury for a moment.”
She nodded toward the hallway, and James raised an eyebrow. “I hardly think that’s proper with no chaperone.”
“The door is open, and I know you will join us within a moment or two.” She narrowed her gaze at him. “Don’t you trust me?”
He shrugged. “I trust you. I am not so certain I trust him.”
“It’s only for a moment, James.” Without waiting for his consent, Lily crossed the room and slipped into the alcove leading toward the hall. Matthew was standing in the shadow of the stairs, dressed in evening finery.
“I see you’ve found a place to skulk.” She smiled at him. “And I hope there are no stowaway kittens this time.”
“None at all. I am free to skulk at my leisure. Or watch the people from a distance.” Then he took her hand and guided her back so that she could see from his vantage point. “Do you see the woman in white over there?”
His voice was husky against her ear, evoking a silent thrill of sensation. She was nearly in his embrace, and if anyone caught them together, the gossips would whisper about them.
“Y-yes. What about her?”
“She is making her debut.”
Lily was far more distracted by Matthew’s breath against her cheek. At this moment, all she could think about was kissing him and touching the muscled edges of his body.
“Do you know her?” she managed.
“No. But I find it fascinating to observe the guests.” His hands drifted to the small of her back, and a flare of yearning slid over her body. The very touch of his hands made her skin rise with anticipation.
She struggled to put together her thoughts. “Are you. . . planning to remain here, hidden from view?”
“I am. It’s better this way.”
“Why?” Was he still feeling unnerved by crowds of people? But his hand moved over her spine.
“Because then I can watch over you.”
The words slid over her like a caress, and she warned herself not to fall beneath his spell. Her brother’s warning echoed in her thoughts. Don’t believe that Arnsbury is safe—he’s not. And you don’t know when his mind will break again.
She knew James was right. . .but she also remembered how much she had once loved Matthew. And she didn’t know if that same lover was beneath the surface of the man who stood behind her.
“I should return to the ballroom,” she said. But she couldn’t quite bring herself to move. Here, in the shadows, she wanted to pretend that Matthew was her husband, that they were stealing a quiet moment together.
“You could stay,” he murmured. “Just for a little while.”
Lily wanted that, so badly. She remained motionless and answered, “Sometimes I daydream of the way it used to be, before you left for India.”
“We were different then.” His mouth rested against her hair, and goose bumps rose over her body.
She was acutely aware of his touch, and though she tried to distance herself, she yearned for him. “We were. Do you remember it now?” Her voice came out as a broken whisper.
“I remember everything.” His hand trailed up her spine, and she felt the touch deep inside herself. “I remember your smile when I came to see you. And the way you threw yourself into my arms when we were alone.”
A faint note of nostalgia brushed over her. “I was impulsive then. And you tried to make me see reason.”
“Every time you kissed me, I lost all sense of reason. There was none, and I didn’t care.” His mouth lowered to her nape, and her body reacted instinctively to the touch of his mouth upon her skin.
She was torn between wanting to flee back into the ballroom. . .or turning to kiss him back. Instead, she remained frozen, his touch awakening her senses. “Matthew, what do you want from me?”
“A second chance.” He kissed the back of her neck, and his lips were like warm silk against her flesh. “I lost two years of my life, and memories of torture haunt me at night. I want to replace them with something better.”
Shivers erupted upon her skin, and she longed to turn and pull him closer. But not here. “We could be seen at any moment,” she whispered. “Take me somewhere else.”
He took her hands and guided her deeper into the shadows, to a darkened corner by the stairs. She went with him, her heartbeat quickening. It was almost as if the old Matthew had returned to her once again.
But this time, she was no longer a girl with foolish dreams. She understood that his mind could not heal as swiftly as his body.
He didn’t speak at all, but his hands framed her face. Strong fingers traced the outline of her cheeks, and she felt herself softening beneath his touch. Her bare arms prickled with gooseflesh, and he raised her hand to his lips, kissing it.
“I am sorry,” he murmured. “For all that I have done.”
Lily touched his cheek and answered, “Forgiven.” She wanted Matthew now, just as she always had. No one else made her feel this way, and she wanted to believe that the jagged edges of his past could heal back into a whole man.
His arms moved around her waist, drawing her close. For a time, he didn’t move, and she understood that he was giving her the choice to refuse him. She could pull away now, and he would allow that.
Matthew cupped one cheek, tilting her mouth toward his. Then he kissed her gently, and the heat of his mouth conjured a craving she knew would never be satisfied. He claimed her lips as his own, plundering her mouth until she could scarcely breathe. Hot blood rushed through her veins, and she clung to him for balance.
Just for a moment, she told her brain. I need this.
And God help her, she kissed him back. Her tongue mingled with his, and she lowered the boundaries of her conscience. Matthew shielded her from the outside world, pressing her back against the wall as he kissed her. She knew that they could be discovered at any moment, and the danger felt reckless. Between her legs, she grew wet, wanting so much more than this stolen moment.
He had taken her innocence two years ago, and she feared she lacked any willpower when it came to the fierce desire between them.
Her breasts ached, and she could scarcely gather her thoughts when he pulled back at last. There was only the sound of their hushed breathing, and she knew that her mouth was swollen from the intensity of the kiss.
“You should return to your brother,” he warned. “Before he comes looking for you.”
She took a step backward. Then another, trying to gather her composure. In the end, she turned and fled back to the ballroom, not wanting to face her tangled thoughts and dreams.
Her cheeks were burning, and she fanned herself, seeking a sanctuary among the older women. She didn’t want to dance or endure the flirtations of men—not now. When she spied Lady Falsham, she crossed the ballroom and joined her.
“Lady Lily.” The viscountess smiled and motioned for her to join them. “I am glad to see you this evening.” Her face softened, and she added, “Have you seen Matthew, by chance?”
Lily nodded. “He preferred to remain away from everyone else.”
Lady Falsham’s face held concern. “I had hoped he was starting to get better.” She kept her voice low, but there was no hiding her worry.
“I believe he is improving, but he does not wish to be among everyone else just yet.” To change the subject, Lily added, “By the way, I wanted to thank you and your husband for the book you loaned me. I find medicine most fascinating.” She told the viscountess about the dog. “And I do appreciate Dr. Fraser paying a call upon Sebastian.”
Lady Falsham smiled warmly. “While my husband doesn’t normally tend dogs, I believe he enjoys a challenge.” Then she thought a moment. “If you are interested in veterinary medicine, you might visit the Royal Veterinary College. They may have pamphlets you could read.”
The idea intrigued her. She had always loved animals, and although the Royal Veterinary College was known for treating horses, they might allow her to borrow books or study about the treatment of animals. She had not considered it before, but it might be a distraction from her family’s goal of finding her a husband.
“I will ask,” she told Lady Falsham.