“Don’t forget your bathing suit, Ken,” Violet shouts across the hall from her bedroom.

I drop the jeans I’m folding and stomp over to her room. “What the hell do I need a bathing suit for? If you haven’t noticed, there’s a random dusting of snow on the ground, and we’re going to Connecticut. Now, if we were going to Florida like I originally suggested, then maybe I would need one.”

Violet looks up from her stuffed suitcase and looks out the window. “It’s called a hot tub, bitch, and before you get in the car, I suggest you turn your poor ass attitude around.” A tiny ball of fabric hits me in the chest. I unfold it with a single finger to see it’s her new bikini. “You wear it. I like my white one better.”

“Violet, this will show just about everything I have going on,” I plead for some sympathy and toss the material at her. I shuffle back to my room to finish packing.

“I’m bringing it with me, so if you forget yours, you’ll be all set,” she shouts.

“I won’t need it,” I singsong back.

I roll my suitcase down the hallway and find Amanda staring in the fridge. She grabs a few bottles of water and tosses one to me. With cat-like agility, I catch it with one hand. She gives me a nod of approval. All those self-defense classes have done wonders for my reflexes.

“Is everyone all ready to go?” Amanda hangs her oversized travel bag over her shoulder.

Violet races down the hallway, stands on her tiptoes to kiss Dan and turns to us. “Let’s hit the road.”

“Why are we leaving so early?” I check my watch. “Connecticut is, like, maybe an hour and a half, two hours away, and I doubt we’ll hit much traffic on a Thursday morning at eight o’clock.”

“There’s no time to waste. We still have to pick up Bea and get gas and junk food. It won’t be a real road trip until we have beef jerky,” Amanda says.

We push out the door, with Violet hanging behind to secure the locks. Once we’re tucked into the elevator, we stand in silence until the bell alerts us we’ve reached the ground floor. Richard greets us, like usual, with his hand extended to take some of our bags. After helping load the trunk, Richard steps back as I roll down my window.

“Try to have a little fun,” he offers, patting my arm.

“I always have fun, Richard. You know that.” I grin at the white haired man.

“I mean real fun, Kennedy. You girls deserve it, and Dan,” he looks through the front window, “if you let anything happen to these girls, Mr. Jones will have your balls.”

Dan pops the gearshift to reverse as he nods, but before he drives out of the parking garage, he looks at his girlfriend. “Is your dad always going to give me a hard time?”

Violet giggles when she looks back at Amanda and me.

“Oh, yeah,” we all say together.

I lean forward and wrap my arms around his shoulders. “You should be used to it by now. You guys have been together, for what, three years?”

“Three wonderfully long and brilliant years.” Violet plants a kiss on his cheek.

“If I remember correctly, the first year was rather tumultuous.” I squeeze his shoulders but sit back when Violet sends lightning out of her eyes, striking me in my seat.

“Only because Violet is so damn stubborn,” Dan explains.

“Was.” Violet corrects him.

 “You’re still as damn stubborn as the day I met you, so I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dan winks at me in the rearview mirror, and I smile at their banter.

“I’m strong-willed.” Her words are barely audible. Violet huffs out a few exasperated breaths, crosses her arms over her chest, and stares out the front window.

We pull up in front of Bea and Alex’s apartment building. She’s tucked under the awning over the entrance of their old, dilapidated brick building.

“Hey, you all set?” I jump from the backseat and rush to grab her bags.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for me to come?” Bea fingers the curls near her hairline.

The front passenger window rolls down to reveal Violet’s smirk. “So, you have a thing for our little Marky, eh?”

Bea groans and a giggle slips through my tight lips. Wrapping my arm around her, I tug Bea close. “You’ll be fine. You said the date went well.” Since their meeting, Mark came into the city for a little impromptu date with Bea.

She opens the door. “More than well. I’ve never felt this way about someone, and I barely know him. Is this normal?” She throws her purse over Amanda’s lap and turns back to me.

Amanda scoffs. “Oh, Bea, Kennedy is not the one to be asking.” I shoot daggers in my friend’s direction. “What?” Her hands go up in defense.

Violet twists to look at me with an ambivalent smile. “What she means is, our Kennedy here is a romantic. Even when everything in the world tries to tell her to stop, she can’t help herself.”

Amanda shifts down the bench seat, allowing Bea and me to slide in beside her. After thirty minutes of debating what kind of snacks we plan to buy, we are on our way to Connecticut with a car packed with beef jerky, Twizzlers, and laughter. It takes Amanda fifteen minutes before she falls asleep, leaning on my shoulder for support.

My gaze wanders around the small space full of the ones I love. The family I chose, the family who stands by my side, brings a sense of ease. My heart warms as Dan grabs Violet’s hand and squeezes. The softness in her eyes makes me melt into the leather seat.

Dan turns the music up a notch, and beside me, Bea squirms.

“You okay?” I roll my head across the headrest.

She shifts to face me, her back against the door. “What do they mean you aren’t the one to ask if what I’m feeling is normal?”

“I’m not sure if we have time for the story,” I answer. “It’s a complicated, twisted mess.”

She nods as if she understands. “Graham, right?”

Deep breaths.

“My high school boyfriend.”

“You’ve mentioned him a few times during group.”

“Yeah, I suppose I have.”

“What’s he like?” Bea’s curiosity makes me slightly uncomfortable. I’m afraid of where this is headed. “I’ve noticed when he comes up in conversation, you have two reactions. Your smile brightens or you fold up, hiding away.”

“I don’t know how to describe him.” I shake my head. “He’s tortured and strong. He’s impossible and loving. He’s everything and nothing, all at the same time.”

“You love him?” she asks sweetly, unaware of how complicated her question is.

“I’m afraid a love like ours doesn’t go away. Even with all the turmoil and heartache, you can’t will your heart to stop beating for someone.”

Bea draws in a deep breath and releases it, readying herself for our story. “So, what happened?”

I spin the brushed gold bangle bracelet around my wrist. “Which time?”

“I don’t want you to go,” I whisper into his shoulder as he holds me with the same urgency as I hold him.

Graham lets out an agonizing moan. “I know you don’t, but I have to, and so do you. The world’s waiting for you, Kennedy Lucille Conrad, and I’m not going to be the one who holds you back.”

I release him and walk the length of the car several times. His eyes are locked on me every time I glance up. “When will we see each other again?” Fear laces my words together.

Graham steps in front of me, a soft, sincere smile on his lips, and brushes my hair from my face. “I’ll be back for the trial and after, I’m going to make it to you as often as possible.”

“Promise?”

“I’m going to try my hardest.”

I groan at his inability and unwillingness to give me what I want.

“Kennedy, I’m not willing to make you a promise I’m not a hundred percent positive I can keep.”

“I can come to you before school starts,” I offer, desperate for a solution.

His lips graze my forehead in the sweetest of kisses. “We’ll figure it out. This isn’t the last time we’ll see each other.”

We stand in the middle of his driveway, holding each other for what seems like hours, but is only a few minutes. Once he’s behind the wheel, everything will change. My head and my heart aren’t ready for what that can mean.

Graham reaches around my trembling body to dig through his backpack, withdrawing a white envelope and a small box wrapped in gold paper.

“What is this?” I ask through a hiccup.

“It’s for you. Open it when you really start to miss me.” Graham smirks, knowing very well I’ll open the box as soon as he backs out of the driveway. He checks his watch and sighs.

“It’s time, isn’t it?” My lips turn down with my mood.

“You’re stronger than you think, Ken. I’m not what makes you strong, so please remember that. Keep your shoulders back and your head held high. You’ve earned the right to feel confident.”

I brush the tears away to take in his ungodly perfect features. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” He shrugs.

“Say the right thing at the exact moment when I need to hear it.” I rest my head on his chest.

His warm, strong hands wrap around my back, tickling my spine with his fingertips. “Because I know you, and I know your head is racing to unnecessary depths.” He holds me at arm’s length. “You’re going to be okay, even when it’s hard. You’ll survive this because you’re strong and resilient.”

“How can you be sure?”

“You survived the past two years, Kennedy. Nothing can hold you back unless you let it. You’re due a little fun and freedom from this place.” Graham motions to the space around us, referring to this town that sometimes feels like it has a choke hold on us both.

“We’re both due a little freedom from this place, Graham.”

“As soon as I get there, I’ll call you. We’ll talk every day and FaceTime,” he assures me.

Our lips graze, and the heat from his skin radiates onto mine. With my hands wrapped around his shoulders, I jump to bind my legs around him. He turns until I’m sitting on the hood of his car.

“I’m going to miss this,” I say, running my hands up and down his arms.

He closes the small gap and runs his tongue along the seam of my lips. “I’m going to miss this, too.”

Fifteen minutes later, he pulls out of the driveway, leaving me with a blotchy, tear-stained face, and a box I’m too afraid to open. There’s a finality to him driving away. It looms over me until I can barely take it, and when it becomes too much, I rip away the gold paper. Underneath the lid is a bangle bracelet with a compass charm. At first, I’m confused until I read the small white card.

The past year and a half hasn’t been easy on either of us, but one thing is true, Kennedy. We both survived, and I’d like to believe it’s because we had each other, even when we didn’t. Prom night, I told you I was born to find you. Whenever you look down at this bracelet, know, no matter where we end up, I will find my way back to you. I love you, Kennedy Conrad. Nothing in this world can keep me away.

I slide down the door of my car and cry, rubbing my fingertips over the beautiful, gold compass charm. A small splinter of hope pierces my heart once again.

“What you feel for Graham, I think I could have with Mark. Something’s different about him, Kennedy. He’s not like any guy I’ve ever met,” Bea explains, dragging me from my memory.

“My mom believes some of us can know, the moment we meet someone, that they have the capacity to change us, move us to be someone we never thought imaginable. When that happens, we need to have hope they will find it within themselves.”

“Basically, you’re telling me to take a leap of faith?” she questions.

I shrug. “You’re here, aren’t you? It would seem to me that you’ve already taken the leap.”

Bea quiets and turns her entire body to lean against the cold window. I press against the headrest. My eyes shut, and I rub the face of the compass between two fingers. The all-too-familiar burn radiates behind my eyelids. My bottom lip quivers, and a warm hand links with mine. I don’t need to open my eyes to sense Amanda’s presence.

No words need to be said. She’s been witness to the small motion over the past year. The ritual is pointless, a security blanket almost, a glimmer of hope in the vastness of all the hopelessness.

*****

“Well, ladies, we’re here.”

Dan’s voice startles me to a more alert position. Everyone is picking up trash and grabbing their bags.

In front of me is a beautiful, Tudor-style home. The gray paint and the gorgeous white trim sets it apart from the others on the street. The steep roof. The decorative timber. The embellished doors and windows. The side gables. The stone chimney. This is my dream house, almost to a scary, vivid exactness. I step onto the sidewalk, lost in my imagination.

Dan strides up next to me. “Who lives here?” I ask.

“I don’t got a clue. This is the address Mark texted me,” he answers, admiring the same details as me.

“I thought we were staying in a hotel,” Amanda says as she comes to my other side.

“Once Mark heard we were going to be in Connecticut, he refused to let us stay anywhere else. Something about having plenty of space.” Dan gestures to the house.

Violet laughs. “Clearly.”

The front door slams. Mark jogs down the walkway. His gaze moves across the group until his baby blues find Bea. She fidgets from foot to foot, her eyes zeroed in on the crack running the width of the cement path.

Amanda elbows an unaware Bea, pointing to Mark, who’s patiently waiting to be noticed. When Bea’s eyes snap up, Mark laughs, closes the distance between them, and scoops her up in his arms and spins her around. “I didn’t know you were coming.” The brown curls on her head swish around her face until he sets her safely on the ground.

“I hope it’s okay. I don’t mean to impose.” Bea rubs her palms up and down her jean-clad thighs.

“Don’t be silly. I’m happy you’re here.” Mark turns to the rest of us. “I’m happy you’re all here.”

I grab my two bags from the backseat and follow Mark inside. Warmth hits my face when we walk through the large door into a gorgeous foyer. A small table full of mail and car keys sits in front of us with a large silver mirror above it. The décor in this place appears to have been done by a professional. I don’t think college guys are capable of what this house has to offer.

Gorgeous navy fabrics and gold accents with silver undertones run throughout the main living area. Everything about this place is comfortable. The bright lighting illuminates the room to its full potential, making any visitor stop and appreciate the surroundings.

We drop our luggage at the bottom of the stairs and follow Mark into the enormous kitchen with marble countertops and dark-stained cabinets. A group of guys sits at a circular table. One of them I recognize as Beckett.

The largest of the six stands and saunters over to us. Dark hair hangs in his eyes, but he does us a favor by brushing it away to expose his striking brown eyes.

“Hi, I’m Amanda, and you are?” Amanda steps in front of us, her hand extended.

The Greek god smirks, showcasing a single dimple on his left cheek. “I’m Rick, but everyone calls me Rico. What are you doing in my house, beautiful?” He shakes her hand, keeping a tight hold.

“Your house?” Mark scoffs from beside me.

“I pay rent, don’t I?” Rick rebuts, sending a warning to Mark.

“Rico, eh? Like Suave?” Amanda laughs, biting her bottom lip.

“I guess you’ll have to stick around to find out.” He pulls her close.

Mark clears his throat to break up the weird sexual tension between the two. “Rico, this is Amanda, Kennedy, Dan, Violet, and Bea.” Mark points to each of us, then turns to the rest of the guys. “Everyone, that over there is Griffin, Shaun, Elliot, Beckett, and Levi.”

Amanda turns around and grins at us, pulling Rick with her. “Let me guess, you all went to private school and were captains of your row teams?” They each nod, and she turns with wide eyes for the rest of us. “We are in Connecticut, aren’t we?”

“Born and raised, ladies,” Griffin announces with a wink.

“He has a girlfriend,” Rick blurts, then his disapproving eyes shoot back to Mark. “And does Graham know you have all these people coming to stay?”

My throat swells when I hear his name. My vision blurs and an ache builds in my stomach. At the same time I let out a forced breath, a loud gasp rings in my ears. I tell myself there’s probably a million Grahams in the world. It isn’t my Graham.

And then the familiar electric charge runs up my spine.

“Does Graham know what?” a strong, deep voice says from behind me.

As if I’ve been hit by a raging bull, I rest my hands on my knees to catch my racing breath. I twirl in the direction of the familiar voice to find his honey-filled eyes searing into me. Everything around me sounds muffled.

Graham’s here, right in front of me.

“Kennedy,” Graham whispers.

With my right hand, I rub the compass resting on my left wrist. His eyes follow my movement, and with a small nod of his head, he takes a deep breath.

“I can explain.” He removes the Yankees hat from his head and tosses it on the counter.

“This is your place?” This shouldn’t be my first worry, but for some reason, this is what falls from my mouth.

“This is my house.” He takes a step toward me.

Violet pulls Dan from my side. Amanda whispers to Bea and her eyes widen.

“No, this is my house,” I whisper, tears resting on the rims of my eyes.

“Maybe.” He takes another step.

“Is anyone going to tell us what the hell is going on?” Rick’s voice breaks through the strange standoff between Graham and me. I assume Amanda whacks him across the stomach by the smack I hear, followed by his loud grunt. “Graham, who is this?”

“His past.” I move away from his path he has every intention of following.

Graham breaks the stare-off and glares over my shoulder at Rick. When his gaze falls back to me, his eyes are soft and inviting. “My future.”

I shake my head and press my eyelids to stop the tears from falling.

Rick lets out a loud groan. “Okay, this is getting too weird for me. Does anyone want to go grab breakfast somewhere else, anywhere else but here?”

“We do,” Amanda announces, happily, bouncing beside me.

I glare at her for abandoning me in this situation, leaving me alone with him.

Violet wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes. “I’m not sure why he’s here, and I promise you I didn’t know.” She turns a questioning glare on Graham. “You look frumpy by the way.”

“It’s nice to see you, too, Violet.” His eyebrow perks up, and he chuckles. “And no, I don’t.” He lifts his shirt, showing off the tight abs that have multiplied since high school. His delicious V peeks out, and I roll my eyes at the effect it has on me.

My best friend looks back at me and gives me one of those I-know-you’re-not-happy, but-look-on-the-bright-side stares. “Good luck. We’ll be back soon.” Violet kisses me on the cheek and disappears, leaving Graham and me alone for the first time in what feels like an eternity.

Because much-needed distance is necessary, I back away until my legs hit a stool at the center island. My eyes never drop from him, as his never leave me. He takes a few deep breaths. His stare brushes over my body, causing me to fidget in my seat.

“You look good.” He rests his forearms against the same cold marble I run my palms over. His eyes never leave my side of the island I use as a shield against him.

“So do you.” My body betrays me and attempts to smile at him, but I push the urge back.

He laughs and straightens his spine. Circling the island, he stands beside me, close enough for me to smell his cologne. It’s different than what I remember but enticing enough to make me want to take a deep breath to inhale him. “You can smile, you know?”

“Shut up, Graham.” I shake my head. “What are you doing here?”

“I play baseball here,” he answers matter of fact as if his answer will solve all the world’s problems.

“I get that,” I motion to his long sleeve UConn t-shirt, “but, why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Georgia?”

Graham reaches his hand out in offering. “Will you come for a walk with me?”

I rub the charm on my bracelet. “Why should I?” I snap, looking up at him. The excitement, pooling around my heart from being near Graham, frustrates me.

“Because I’ll always find you, remember?” He gently places his fingers over mine and rubs the charm between his own.

I pull my wrist away from him. “Don’t do that.” I stand to leave, but his strong hold wraps around my forearm. He twists me until I face him. My eyes soften as I take in his features I’ve almost forgotten. The sincerity of his smile is the only reason I’m not bolting out of this kitchen.

“Take a walk with me, Ken.” His head tilts to the side, reminding me of a disobedient puppy.

I follow him through the living room and out the front door. There’s no use trying to pretend I’m not intrigued and curious.

Graham mutters under his breath as he walks down the driveway. I tug my hat over my ears and stop as he turns onto the public sidewalk. He makes it almost ten feet before he realizes I’m not following him. When he searches for me, I stand frozen with my hands on my hips.

“What are you doing here? I’m not walking one more step until you explain why I’ve thought you’ve been in Georgia all this time, but turns out you’ve been less than two hours away, hanging out in Connecticut with Mark. Explain yourself now, or else I’m packing up my shit and leaving.”

Graham strides back to me. Quick and precise. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my body flush against his. The coolness of the air causes me to shiver, or maybe it’s our proximity. I’m not sure.

My mind tells me, push him away before it’s too late, but my heart melts into him. The two of them have always been in a constant battle when it comes to Graham Black. Most moments, I’m not sure which will win in the end.