What the fuck?

I’m in the middle of the hallway in my underwear, and he leaves me here?

I think he’s had a change of heart when the door opens behind me. His head peeks out, and when he locates me, a sinful grin crosses his face.

“Here’s your clothes.” The balled up material hits me hard in the stomach, and I let them fall to the floor. He gazes at my chest. “It gets cold in the house at night.” With a wave of his fingers, he’s gone.

“Goodnight, Graham,” I call through his door, pulling on my pants and shirt.

“Night, Ken.” His quiet laughter is evidence he’s having as much fun as I am.

As I traipse down the steps, taking extra caution to make sure I don’t fall, the dark living room envelops me. The only light comes through the sheer curtains. The soft material of the couch soothes me. I curse the boy upstairs and then laugh because this is typical of us.

We’re a constant push and pull. Still, somehow we work. We’ve always worked. This is who Graham and I are. We challenge and test. We breathe life into each other. The cat and mouse game we play is our way of teasing each other.

Graham has always had this ability to bring me to the brink. This time is no different. He’s attempting to bring me to the edge, hoping I’ll jump, but what he doesn’t know is I’m willing to resist my need to feel him above me to prove my point. A point I’m not sure of yet, but I know, deep down, there’s got to be a reason for this torture. There has to be.

*****

The loud sun streaming through the curtains wakes me. I press my face into the cushion. Soft material slips down my bare arm.

“You looked cold last night.”

Graham’s voice startles me. I roll over and peer at him through sleep-heavy eyes.

“How would you know? If I remember, and correct me if I’m wrong, you slammed your bedroom door in my face.” I yawn and stretch as I plant my feet on the ground. With purpose, I stick my chest out. Graham’s eyes melt over me. When I’m alert enough to really look at him, his bare chest is dripping with sweat. “Have you been running?”

“Graham finds it to be a great release, especially since he hasn’t gotten any in many, many moons,” Rick explains, bursting through the room, but taking the time to grip Graham’s sweaty shoulders. He gives him a quick shake, then runs to the kitchen.

Graham gives a non-committal shrug. “It’s a good way to release some pent-up energy, and since you won’t be helping me in that department anytime soon, I figured I might as well.”

My hand ghosts through the air in the direction of his tight abs. At the sight, my mouth waters. “Explains why you’re in such good shape.” The compliment squeaks out in a bare whisper.

Graham runs his hands over his taut chest. I have to hold myself back from reaching across the table and doing the exact same thing to him.

Graham breaks me from my daydream. “Like what you see, Ken?”

I blink the desire from my eyes, remembering our little bet. His smirk tells me I’m unsuccessful, and he’s aware of my need to touch him. “I’ve always liked what I saw.” I stand and prance over to him, standing behind the high back chair. My arms wrap around his shoulders, not caring about the sweat transferring onto my skin. My hands skim his chest, stopping at his waistband. “Unlike you, though, I have some self-control.”

We both look down at the tightened material of his gym shorts. As I walk away, I grab a throw pillow off the couch and toss it onto his lap, covering the evidence.

“Kennedy.” His chair scrapes against the hardwood floor, and I stop on the stairs and face him. He stands proudly with his hands by his side. My eyes dip below his waist. “He knows what he wants, is all. It has nothing to do with self-control.”

I take a deep breath, fully registering the outline of his dick. He chuckles when my tongue wets my lips. He strides to where I stand on the bottom step, bringing us nearly eye to eye. “Maybe you’re the one having trouble with self-control.” His finger grazes between my breasts down to skim the apex of my legs. “You’re wet.”

“Ugh!” I groan, stomping up the stairs

“Going to change your cute little boy shorts?” Graham leans over the banister to taunt me.

I curse the entire flight of stairs. How does he do that? “Goddammit.”

“I guess you and Graham are still going at it this morning.” Amanda startles me as I turn the corner in the hallway.

“He’s impossible, I swear.” I huff.

He glides by me, making sure to trail his finger over my lower back, and enters his room. The open door gives me the perfect vantage point to his sweaty striptease.

She laughs, following my stare. “What do you expect? There’s a lot of pent-up sexual tension locked in that hot little body. It’s bound to burst out in sarcasm and manipulation.”

“He’s not manipulating me.” I allow the idea to soak in. “Is he?” I lean forward to find his room now empty. The shower runs in the background.

“Oh, honey.” She pats me on the back.

I drag her into his bedroom. “He’s playing me, isn’t he?” I point at the bathroom door.

“Like a well-oiled fiddle.” She nods, holding back a laugh.

“He thinks I’ll crack, like I won’t be able to resist him.”

Amanda’s eyes widen with doubt. “Well, I mean, can you?”

“So, what do I do?”

“Why don’t you do the rational thing and stop playing games? You two are an inevitable thing in this world, so why torture yourselves?” She shrugs, not understanding our need for this painful banter.

“Because it’s fun,” I deadpan.

“You’re telling me you’re having fun?” Her hands pinch into her hips. “Now, don’t get your panties in a twist when I say this, but if it were me, I’d be ripping my clothes off and jumping in the hot shower with him.” She leaves me biting the inside of my cheek, debating her words of wisdom.

Amanda has a valid point. How did we even get here? Only yesterday, Graham and I were professing our love, and now, we’re playing head games with each other. Before my mind can catch up and dig my heels into the carpet, I jerk my shirt over my head and walk to the bathroom. The small space is filled with steam. My skin dampens, and I take a deep breath. The rest of my clothes form a pile on the bathroom floor.

Without overthinking, without second guessing, I pull open the blue, striped shower curtain.

Nothing. The shower’s empty. Am I losing my mind? I’m frozen, positive I saw Graham come in here.

A chuckle from behind me makes me turn fast, but angry. Even though a towel’s wrapped around his waist, he’s completely dry.

“What the fuck?” I shout. His eyes shift down my body, snapping me back to reality. I’m naked, completely naked, but I don’t bother to cover myself.

“Whatcha doing, Ken?” He smirks, knowing he won.

I recover quickly. “Get the idea out of your head. I was only coming in here to tempt you.”

“Seems I’ve tempted you.” He drops his towel and steps past me into the shower.

Quick to snatch the soft bath sheet from the floor to shield me from his eyes, I lean against the vanity. “Did you hide in the closet or something?” I groan, irritated with his Houdini act.

His head pops out, showing off his wet hair and amused eyes. “That door,” he points to the corner, “leads to Mark’s room. I hid in there.”

“How did you know I was going to come in here?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Kennedy, I want you as bad as you want me, if not more.”

“So, why are we doing this?”

“Do you remember the time when you came out of the bathroom, and I was studying on your bed?”

“Yeah, you kept distracting me. I read the same damn page like a hundred times. What does that have to do with this?”

“I ran my fingers over your palm, and you pretended you didn’t notice. My eyes never left you, even when you forced yourself not to look at me to prove some point, or maybe to put me in my place.” He shrugs and then smiles at the memory. “Your breath quickened and your eyes went wild from a simple touch from me.”

“Okay …” I still don’t understand.

Graham crooks a finger at me. I walk over to him as if pulled by a magnet. “You, flustered, overwhelmed by my touch, is the most alive I ever felt.”

“So what you’re saying is you’re riling me up?”

“No, I’m simply reminding both of us how we’ve always made each other feel.”

“And how’s that?” I brush his wet hair from his forehead.

“Impossible. Uninhibited. Reckless. Gentle. Everything.” Graham lets the curtain fall.

My chest aches, and I press to ease the pleasant pain his words cause. Everything he says, I know is true, so when the towel pools around my feet, I don’t stop myself from stepping into the shower. Graham turns, the water cascading over his skin.

“What are you doing?” His eyes fall to my chest, then spring up to my face.

Our breaths fall into a weird synchronized dance. When my lungs heave, his pulls. I shake my head, not thinking straight, but not caring. “Do you think …?”

He brushes my hair, speckled with the shower mist, out of my face. “Do I think, what?” He closes the small space between us until my back hits the shower wall. “Do I think what, Kennedy?”

My hand falls to his bare chest. It stills, but quickly runs along his collarbone, down his arms. When I reach the end of his fingertips, I move to his waist, scanning a light line along his ‘V’ muscle that still seems like a mystery to me. I stop at his abs and shift to his ribs, spying a little bit of ink tucked under his arm, perfectly hidden in plain sight.

He strains his arms to block my view, but I push him out of the way. When I bend to investigate, Graham’s feet shift. He doesn’t want me to see it, but why?

I stand to my full height and look him directly in the eyes. “What is it?”

“What is what?” He plays dumb.

“The tattoo. What is it?”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Show me, then.”

“Kennedy …” he pleads, but relents and lifts his arm.

A perfect compass tattooed on his ribs.

I straighten and both our gazes travel down to the gold bracelet on my wrist. He rubs the face of the compass between his fingers.

I swallow the lump in my throat and fight the burn behind my eyes. “Do you think, maybe for ten minutes, we can stop the games and …”

Graham answers my unfinished question with his lips tracing over mine, gentle, but hurried, afraid I’ll push him away. I’ve never been capable of pushing him away.

He lifts me in his arms, and I wrap my legs around his waist, my back against the wall. His fingernails dig into my hip as his other hand rests above my head. Our kiss deepens into a fiery, eager mess. We drink each other up, forgetting every playful threat made this morning and last night. The game melts away when his skin brushes mine, burning a memory deep in my soul.

He breaks away, catching his breath. “God, I’ve missed this.” His hand snakes up my spine, holding me to him. We are one move from connecting, and a slow burn rages in my stomach, begging for Graham to take charge. He must notice the question in my eyes. He smiles, relief flooding his eyes.

“God, I would do anything to have you wrapped around me again, but not yet.”

“When?” I ask, anticipation pooling between my legs.

Graham bites the inside of his cheek. The hand above my head skims over my shoulder and through the valley between my breasts. My stomach tightens when he reaches between us. His fingers, ever so lightly, run over my center. My eyelids pinch shut, savoring his touch.

“You’re so wet.” He leans forward as his finger dips into my core.

“I’m in the shower.” I pretend to be unaffected, but we both know it’s a show.

“You know what exactly what I mean.” He slides a second in, creating a perfect rhythm.

“Please …” I beg.

A satisfied grin plays across his lips. “Please, what?”

“Make me feel like only you can.” I feed the whisper to his skin. Not embarrassed by my boldness, my eyes burn into him as he sets me down. His fingers retreat, but don’t leave my body.

Graham places my leg on the side of the shower, spreading me for his own enjoyment. When he drops to his knees, I’m shocked. Don’t overthink this, Kennedy. Live in the moment. You’re safe with him.

No one has ever … Even in high school, Graham and I never … It never happened fluidly, not like this. No, nothing like this. His mouth covers me, and at the first swipe of his tongue, my nerves over the unknown dissipate.

My knees quake as he runs an open palm up my lower abdomen and pushes me back, trapping me between his hand and the wall. The small pressure makes me look down at him.

I want to witness him between my legs. At the thought, my skin flushes. Graham removes his tongue from the sweet spot and gazes up at me with an intoxicated stare.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Graham pants. Water falls over his sculpted shoulders as he peers up at me through hooded eyes.

“How am I looking at you?” I take a deep breath, my eyes focusing on the ceiling to gain my sense of control.

“Like you never want me to stop.” His honesty makes a shudder run through my body.

With my fingers wrapped through his hair, I boldly pull him back between my legs, making him snicker. A few flicks of his tongue over my clit have me letting out a loud moan, and bucking my hips off the cool wall. His hand tightens its hold, pushing me back into place.

“Graham …” I scream as I begin to crash. My legs weaken, but Graham catches me as he stands. He holds me, leaning down and gently kissing my lips. I taste myself on him, but don’t react the way I thought I would. “You drive me crazy.”

His hand cups my jaw. “You have no idea.” His lips fall back to mine.

My fingertips dig into his hair, gently tugging on the short ends. He moans, pushing my movement further. I trail my lips down to his collarbone and across his chest, drop to my knees in front of him, and look up with determination and for understanding. He mutters a curse. My lips graze his lower abdomen, and he grows harder. His reaction makes my smile widen.

“Kennedy, you all ready?” Violet yells through the bathroom door as she knocks.

My hand covers my mouth, and I pray she doesn’t barge in and find me on my knees.

“She’ll be out in a minute, Vi,” Graham shouts.

I smack his stomach. Using his waist for leverage, I stand.

“Ohhh,” Violet squeaks in surprise. “Don’t rush on my account. We’ll be waiting downstairs. Take your time.”

Graham and I smile as her laughter slowly fades. We take a deep breath when the door slams. My forehead rests on his chest, and Graham runs his fingers over my hair.

“Maybe we should get out,” I suggest. He nods to the towels on the hook outside the shower, and I hand one to him. “Later?” My eyes skim down his body. My mouth waters at the mention of it. He wraps the towel around his waist, covering the most enticing part of him.

He grins and steps out of the shower. When he looks back at me, the intensity behind his glance makes my stomach tighten. “If it will make you smile like that, Kennedy, I’d be happy to let you slip down on your knees in front of me any day.”

I wrap a towel around myself and step out with the help of Graham’s outstretched hand. We walk into his room, dry off, and get dressed. I don’t bother to hide in the bathroom. At this point, he’s seen every square inch of me, and there’s no need for modesty or the formality of acting coy. I run a quick brush through my hair and throw the wet strands into a high, messy bun. Picking my purse up off the floor, I check to make sure my phone is charged.

“I have the same number,” Graham states. His Adam’s apple bounces in his neck as he swallows. He shuffles his bare feet across the wood floor. I smile and nod. When I turn to leave, a hand wraps around my wrist. “Have fun today, okay?” he says. A giddy smile plays on his lips.

“I’ll be back soon.” I open the door and slip out, but duck my head back in to find Graham shaking his head and jabbering to himself. “Maybe when I get back, we can talk about a truce.”

“Didn’t we just do that?” Graham yells after me.

At the bottom step, I’m greeted by three smiling, eager faces.

As if it’s not a total invasion of my privacy, Amanda asks, “How’d he taste?”

Bea’s eyes widen, and she smacks Amanda on the shoulder. “Don’t be crude.”

“She can’t help herself,” Violet chimes in. Her eyes follow me. “You okay?”

“You guys ready to go?” I ignore her question, even though her eyes sear into the back of my head.

Dan walks into the room, distracting her. “Here’s the key, babe. I programmed the salon into the GPS, so you shouldn’t get lost.”

I admire them as they embrace. Dan ducks to wrap her in his arms, and she lets out a loud squeal when he kisses her neck.

Why can’t I have that kind of normal?

“Quit,” Graham whispers in my ear. I’m usually in tune to his presence, but somehow he’s slipped into the room without me noticing.

“I’m not doing anything,” I lie. He knows exactly what I’m doing.

“You’re allowed to want that,” he motions to them, “and I can give it to you if you’ll let me.”

“I know you can.” I smile as he moves in front of me. His lips drop to my forehead. At the contact, my eyes shut.

“I’ll see you when you get back, okay?” Graham whispers, tucking my hair behind my ear.

My face hurts from my impossible smile. When he’s out of the room, everyone’s eyes are on me. Bea and Amanda walk to the door, purses over their arms, and knowing grins on their faces. Violet follows them, and I bring up the rear.

“Kennedy, hold on,” Dan murmurs. He steps toward me with his arms open. His warmth is comforting.

“Thanks, buddy, but what was that for?”

“I like the strength he gives you. There was a time when I thought he would be the death of you …”

“Dan, he didn’t leave me. I left him.” The mention of our past only reminds me of the day after Craig’s conviction.

“And still he held on all this time. Imagine what kind of love is capable of doing that.” Dan smiles.

“Why are you saying this?” I motion to the door. “The girls are waiting.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Him being here.” Dan shrugs, his head cocked to the side. “You two are my best friends, and I can’t believe I’m even going to say this, but don’t break his heart.”

My brow furrows. “He has more of the ability to break mine, Dan, and I understand why you didn’t,” I say.

“I wouldn’t be so sure anymore.” He turns on the balls of his feet, glancing over his shoulder at me. “You’ve been guarded for some time. Some may even call it cold, Kennedy, so if he’s not going to be able to melt the wall around you, don’t let him try.”

I nod, saddened by the reality of what I’ve put all of them through. I haven’t been the easiest person to deal with, and I’m woman enough to admit it. I run into Dan’s strong arms and cry into his chest. “I’ve always loved him. Not a day apart could change that.”

“And he loves you.” He pulls away, holding me at arms-length, and drying my tears with the arm of his shirt. “Now, go have fun. I didn’t mean to drag your mood down.”

“No, you were right to say something,” I state to ease his mind. “Thank you.”

 I jump into the passenger side and don’t bother to explain my late arrival. Violet reaches over and squeezes my hand. Like always, I don’t need to tell her anything. She already somehow knows.

We arrive at the salon in perfect time for our appointments. The four of us are led to the back of the salon after we pick our preferred color. Violet and I sit with Amanda and Bea flanking our sides.

“Okay, Bea, spill it. I have to know what you and Mark have been up to.” Amanda leans forward, catching Bea’s stunned expression. “You were alone all day yesterday. Something had to have happened.”

“We kiss. A lot,” Bea answers her intrusive question. “That’s it. Nothing much to tell, except that we’re planning on seeing each other more often once I head back to the city.”

We praise her newfound love with smiles and silent claps.

“You deserve someone like Mark,” I offer.

“What about you and Graham? You two seem cozy,” Bea asks, making Violet and Amanda laugh.

“They are not cozy. They’re like warmth wrapped inside warmth. It’s disgusting.” Amanda rolls her eyes.

“He’s hot,” Bea blurts.

“Hey now.” I lower my eyes on her.

“I’m just saying. He walked into the kitchen with his shirt off this morning, and I about –”

Amanda cuts her off. “Finish that sentence, and Kennedy will slit your throat. Trust me.”

The distant gleam in Amanda’s eyes makes me laugh at the memory we are both reliving. I stare ahead at the large mirror in front of us. Violet and Amanda giggle along with me. Only true friends can laugh about the same unspoken joke.

“Am I missing something?” Bea leans forward, addressing all of us.

“Kennedy punched Amanda right after Graham left for Georgia,” Violet recalls the day.

“I’m not a complete psychopath. I’d just wept in Graham’s driveway all morning. He drove away, and when I get home, they’re waiting for me.” I jerk my thumb to Amanda and Violet.

“So, what happened?” Bea asks, handing her nail polish to the quiet pedicurist on a short stool in front of her.

“We got her drunk, as any good friends would.” Violet laughs. “Vodka was our confidant that night.” She hands her polish down. “And then, in the middle of a night of giggles and jokes, Amanda took it upon herself to remind Kennedy that most high school loves don’t work out anyway, so what’s the point of fussing over it, especially when the guy is as hot as Graham?” Violet explains.

“And then she gave me a black eye. End of story.” Amanda hangs her head.

“Not end of story,” Violet intervenes with a loud hoot. “I had to remove her from on top of you. She latched onto you and wouldn’t let go.”

Bea’s eyes are wide with surprise when she glances at me. “Did you really?”

“I’d gotten Graham back for a minute, and it felt like he was slipping away again. I was scared and unaware, and I took it out on Amanda’s face.” I shrug, taking full responsibility for my actions. At the time, it felt really nice to let out the pent-up aggression.

“And my hair. If I remember, I had to cover a little bald spot with a hideous deep part for months.” Amanda sits forward.

“Since we’re talking about the boys, Amanda, what about Rick?” I raise a curious eyebrow.

“Why do you call him Rick when everyone calls him Rico?” Violet asks, interrupting my interrogation.

My mind wanders a bit, contemplating my need to call him by his given name. “Rico’s who he is now, but someday he’s going to be Rick. I like to see people for who they’ll be, not for who they’re trying to convince themselves they are at this point in their lives.” It’s the same way I let Graham into my life, on the pretense of who he is capable of being, not the person he’d pretended to be in high school.

A playful groan escapes Violet’s mouth. “You’re such a romantic, Ken.” She pats my leg, and I reach for her hand. Sometimes you need the stability of a sturdy hand, and no one is more grounded than my best friend.

Once our polish is dry, we grab lunch and do a little shopping. By a little shopping, I mean Violet drags us into every store imaginable. By the time we convince her it’s time to leave, it’s dark outside. On the way back to the house, I answer Graham’s text saying he’s going to spend time with Ben. When my phone rings, I think it’s him, but my mom’s name pops up on the screen.

“Hey, Mom. How’s it going?” I ask after pushing accept.

“Hey, sweetie. What are you doing? How’s your trip going?” she asks. I hear a rustling noise in the background, maybe flipping pages.

“The girls and I just finished getting our toenails done. The trip’s good. Graham lives in Connecticut,” I blurt the last part and hear a loud spewing of liquid. “Mom, did you just spit out your drink?”

“Did you just say Graham lives in Connecticut?”

“Sure did, but it’s too much to talk about right this second. I’ll call you when I’m back in the city,” I instruct. “I’ll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye.”

“No, honey, don’t hang up.”

I hear her but do it anyway.

When we pull into the driveway, Graham’s car is gone, and I wonder if he’s still with Ben. Bea runs upstairs in search of Mark, and Violet shouts for Dan. Exhausted from the morning, I sit down on the couch and wrap a blanket around me, flipping through the channels on the TV. Fatigue takes over, and I slip down the cushions and my eyes close to darkness.

Like usual, I welcome the quiet black of sleep.

Until I don’t anymore.