“Territorial, I see,” Tensley said on a laugh.
“Shut the fuck up,” I snapped.
The man and Lex spoke, her smile brightening. I clenched my fists, breathing through my nostrils. The beast was winning. After all this time, it was still fucking winning.
“That bastard better fucking stop touching her,” I snapped and stomped off toward her. I’d be damned if I let her slip through my fingers. I wanted to be better, but I wanted her.
I’d kneel.
For her, I would.
I’d worship her.
She’d make a sinner kneel.
I stalked toward the group, my eyes focused on the little souleater. Her smile faltered at the sight of me, her brows furrowing.
I wedged myself between her and the soldier, glaring down at him. “Keep your hands off of her or I’ll remove them for you,” I said, lowly, baring my teeth and letting the whiplash of my aggressive pheromones rain down on him. My hands clenched and unclenched, trying to keep myself from fighting him like I would have in the Pit before. I wasn’t that man anymore. Or at least, I tried not to be.
The soldier’s mouth formed into a frown. “Who the fuck are you?”
I stepped closer, invading his space and looked down at him. “She’s mine.”
The bastard had the nerve to laugh. “I can tell you for a fact that she’s not.”
All my bones seized.
Lex must have felt the shift in me and stepped in between us, her hand resting on my chest. Just one single touch—so light, so gentle—made me pause. Made my mouth dry and my groin ache.
“Both of you—stop it,” she said, frowning.
The soldier backed up, shaking his head as if disappointed. As if she wasn’t good enough to fight for.
That bastard was a fucking idiot.
“And you—” she hissed shaking her head in disappointment, her eyes swinging back to me. Her frosty glare only made my cock harden in my slacks. She pressed her lips into a tight line and stepped back, marching off into the house.
I didn’t waste a second and followed after.
Before she could reach the entrance of the townhouse, I gripped her elbow and yanked her into a dark corner, hidden from the party by the ivy and trees.
She gasped as I pressed her against the wall, trapping her against me.
And then she slapped me. Red hot pain flared in my cheek, but I didn’t care. I’d take the violence, the pain, just to have her with me.
“Let me go, Beau,” she said, pushing her hands against my chest and it felt like pure heaven. “I’m not doing this anymore.”
Her words were like whiplash. “Just let me talk. Let me explain, Lex. Please.”
LEX
Like an addict on a relapse, I couldn’t give up the chance to indulge.
I stared at the man who had hurt me more than anyone else ever had, his body shaking. He was weighed down by so much that I couldn’t even wrap my head around it all. I sighed, resigned.
“You left me,” I snapped back. I broke away in a gasp, turning my head away. Too embarrassed to let Beau see tears welling in my eyes.
Beau’s heavy breath hit my cheek, the sound making my chest tight.
“Alexandra…” he whispered, and I felt his fingers skim my cheekbone.
I slapped his hand away, the anger burning any wetness in my eyes and I glared up at him.
“Don’t you dare call me that,” I hissed out. It was like a knife stabbed in my heart over and over again when he said my name.
I could feel the deep frown set between his brows without having to look.
“I can’t. I can’t,” I said, breathless. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. At the sight of him. I still tasted him in my mouth, in my soul. Like he had never left. “I’ve moved on. I’m not…”
I snuck a look at him, seeing his pained expression.
“You left me. You left me alone and all I wanted was—” The words caught on a lump building in my throat, the emotions pulling me back, deep into their depth. I shook my head, fisting my hands. “For you to just hold me. But you didn’t. The first opportunity you got, the first moment it got too much, too hard, you left me. Just like everyone else. I’ve moved on, Beau. You should too.” When I looked up at him, his heated eyes had gone cool as he gazed at the wall behind me. Like he couldn’t stand the sight of me. I swallowed thickly. “Find another addiction, Beau.”
“I was destroying you,” he snapped back, his cool eyes darting to mine and I felt his anger slam against my skin. “I couldn’t stay here. Trust me, Alexandra, my body and… my body was screaming to stay, but I couldn’t. You would’ve been dead by now if I hadn’t left. I did it so you could heal. So I wouldn’t destroy you like I destroy everything else in my life. I said I’d protect you, I promised you I would, and that’s exactly what I did.”
White-hot anger stormed through my body. “What about my choice in all this? It’s my body after all, isn’t it? You did the one thing I told you would hurt me. You left me without even saying goodbye, without giving me a choice, without looking back one second to see how much damage you were causing by leaving.”
“I had to for God’s sake. I had to, Lex,” he hissed back, the veins in his neck visible. “I was killing you. My fucking disgusting soul was sucking everything out of you. And I think you knew this could happen before I ever did. You just didn’t want to admit it to yourself. ‘His essence had tainted hers,’ remember? I had to do something about it.” He let his head drop. “From the very start, from that first time you entered the Pit, I said I’d destroy you and I did. Just like I do with everyone around me.”
Seeing him so broken and vulnerable, my anger washed away, replaced with sympathy. “Beau,” I said, shaking my head at him. “You need to stop blaming yourself. You need to move on. You need to forgive yourself because this guilt is going to destroy you too.”
He stilled, and I watched as his dark lashes fluttered, gawking at my chest. Could he hear my heart racing? Fast and violent for him?
Beau’s soul was dark from everything he thought he had done. He thought he deserved to live in darkness, he thought he deserved to live a life at the Pit, damaged and beaten and worthless.
He needed to find himself.
I realized then that I never could’ve saved him. He needed to save himself.
I could love him, I could love him with everything I was, but he had to learn to forgive himself first to save his own soul.
And for that, he needed to be pushed into action.
I shoved past him, not looking back, leaving him there to choose what he was going to do. Once I made it inside and was alone in my bedroom, the tears blurred my vision and I tore at the red fabric, trying to breathe. Trying to gain control over my emotions.
I had given him every part of me and he had abandoned me. I wasn’t going to be fooled a second time.
A beast like him could never truly let me in.
What I needed was the man hiding underneath, desperate to be heard and loved.
BEAU
You need to forgive yourself.
Her words echoed in my head as I lifted my gaze to watch her rush around the corner and vanish.
My chest felt hollow, replacing her words. I had abandoned her. But I had to. I had had to break the tie between us for her to heal.
But myself?
She had healed her soul, but I hadn’t. Not fully. I had hoped being apart and working in Boston would help me. But I knew I was still damaged, still living in the past of my regrets and pain.
She was so close, so close, but so far away from my reach.
“That didn’t go too well,” a voice echoed, and I looked up, finding the same warlock who had helped her a year ago.
Dressed in a black suit and with graying hair, he stepped into the shadows, smiling at me.
I frowned, turning away.
“You willing to do anything to cleanse your soul?”
I paused at his words and slowly, looked back over my shoulder at him, still grinning faintly at me.
“I can feel your essence from here,” he said, moving forward as if I had invited him to. “It’s dark, deadly, lethal. But lighter than it was a year ago. Most demons would be dead with that much toxic energy inside of them.”
I glared, fisting my hands. “Do you have a point?”
He flashed his teeth at me. “I’ve seen demons like yourself cleanse their souls and return a different, better man.”
I straightened, scanning his features, looking for a clue that he was lying. “The catch?”
He stuffed a hand into his pocket and leaned against the wall. “It may kill you and with how dark your soul is…there’s a high chance it will.”
I gritted my teeth. Death was something I played with daily, especially at the Pit.
Death didn’t scare me. The only thing that truly made my chest tighten and my pulse race was losing Alexandra.
“What do I have to do?”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “Come with me. I’ll take you to a group of warlocks practicing healing in the city.”
I worked my jaw, looking down at my palms. Hands that used to hold her, hands that had felt her pain and pleasure and happiness. I wanted that again and I wanted to be the man she deserved. Worship her the way I should have. Tending to her every need, her every moan that escaped those full lips.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll go.”