chapter twenty-eight
“Is there anything else you need to tell me, Dix?” Although he’s been helping me plan the party for the last two weeks, this is the first time we’ve gotten together since we went out for drinks. The party has become more than just Skylar’s non-birthday party. At Baylor’s suggestion, it’s also morphed into a baby shower.
“Tell you?” he asks, as we move the last of the boxes we packed down into the basement.
I neatly stack my box in the storage area. I pull the marker from my pocket and label it ‘Erin’s school stuff.’ Logically, I know there’s no good reason to keep any of these things. It’s mostly class pictures, correspondence and certificates. But I can’t bring myself to just throw five years of her life into the garbage. It was hard enough to get myself to clean out the study.
“As in, are there any more secrets you’ve been keeping from me?” I replace the cap on the marker and stare him down. “First you didn’t tell me about the letters Erin wrote. Then you withheld information about Skylar dating. And now, I find out my wife got a tattoo? What the hell else don’t I know about? You seem to know more about my life than I do.”
He holds up his hands in surrender. “Erin swore me to secrecy, man. What did you expect? She isn’t someone you break a promise to.”
Guilt permeates my every pore. I think about the promise I broke by running away. The one time I failed Erin. Failed Skylar and the baby. Failed all those who were most important to me. I have vowed to rectify my epic mistake. Maybe this party is the chance I need to do just that.
“How many letters are there?” I grunt, as we pick up the large desk we brought down, trying to fit it into the corner of the basement.
He shakes his head at me, shooting me a look of sympathy. “Sorry. I can’t tell you that. You’ll get them when and if the situation calls for it. Her explicit instructions. I gave her my word. Scout’s honor.”
I smack the back of his head as we walk towards the stairs. “You were never a damn Boy Scout.”
He tries to duck away from my assault, laughing. “So, how are things with Skylar these days?”
I snort air through my nose. “The woman is a goddamn contradiction. I know she wants me. I can feel it. She’s holding back, but I can’t figure out why. And that asshole John keeps coming around. I wish she’d just dump him already. I don’t get her, Dix.”
We stand in the double-door entry of what was once the study, examining our handiwork. I put the finishing touch in the room—the flowers I had delivered earlier along with everything else.
Mason straightens a picture we hung. “Maybe she thinks you’re just honoring Erin’s dying wish. Have you ever told her differently?” He raises his eyebrows at me. “Could be it’s time for that grand gesture, my friend.”
“Isn’t that what this party is all about?”
He laughs. “Anyone can plan a party, G. It’s what you do at the party that counts.”
I nod, thinking about his words when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I smile when I see the name on the screen. I slide my finger across the surface to answer it, putting her on speaker. “Piper. Thanks for calling me back, I know it must be late there.”
“You wanted to talk to me about a party you’re planning for Skylar? I’m not sure what I can do all the way from Istanbul.”
I don’t know Piper personally. But Skylar and Baylor talk about her enough that I feel I do. What I do know is that she rarely comes home. Skylar said the last time she was here was for Baylor’s wedding and even then, she only stayed two days.
I know it’s a longshot, but I ask anyway. “I would love to surprise Skylar by having you at the party.”
There’s a long pause before she says, “No-can-do, Griffin.”
“I’d be more than happy to pay your round-trip airfare. Actually, I insist on it, Piper. It would be great to have you here.”
“I don’t think so,” she says. “It’s not the money. I just can’t make it.”
“Have you spoken with Baylor? Did she tell you that it’s a birthday party and a baby shower? I know it would mean a lot to Skylar, and the rest of your family, if you could make an appearance.”
“No, Griffin,” she raises her voice. “Please just drop it. I’ll send gifts. I’ll call her. But I can’t come. I’m sorry.”
I look at Mason to see if he has any bright ideas. He shrugs.
“Please reconsider,” I ask. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get you here.”
I hear her heavy sigh through the phone. “How many different ways can I say it? I’m not coming. I already told this to Baylor when she called to beg me. I have to go now. It’s late.”
Before I can say goodbye the line goes dead.
“What a bitch,” Mason says, gathering his things to leave. “How is it possible that the other two Mitchell sisters are even related to that one? What the hell happened there?”
“I don’t know. She didn’t sound at all like the person they make her out to be.” I walk him to the door. “Hey, thanks, man. I appreciate all the help. You’re a good guy.”
He leans in and gives me a hug that can only be shared by two confident heterosexual males. “Anything for you, G. You know that.”
~ ~ ~
“Dad, would you please stop apologizing already?” I roll my eyes because my father can’t see them through the phone. Every time we talk, which is about once a week lately, he tells me he’s sorry for abandoning me and mom. I recline into the studio couch thinking of how I’d be a hypocrite not to forgive him now, after I basically did the same thing.
Okay, so maybe I only left for a few months while he checked out on us for years, but I’m trying to cut him some slack and repair our relationship as much as I can. I wouldn’t go so far as to say we’re planning family vacations together. But we’re . . . amenable. Friendly even. Erin would be happy.
We start discussing Mason and the shit-sandwich served to him by Johnny Henley refusing to retire. My hand falls into the crack between the cushion and the arm of the couch. Something pokes me. I reach down and come out with a handful of pictures.
Pictures of me.
I scrutinize the stack of photos while making excuses to get off the phone. We plan to have lunch next week and then say goodbye.
I can’t believe what I’m staring at. I remember seeing one picture of me there on the couch the night I came back for my things. But I didn’t think much of it then; my studio is full of pictures. But this . . . this is a pile of pictures hidden by a woman with a serious crush. Not only are there several pictures of me that she took at Erin’s picnic, but older ones, photos taken by Erin when we were in college. Pictures taken at birthdays, holidays, and awards ceremonies. Some of the pictures have Erin in them, but most are just me. Skylar must have found them when she went through Erin’s things.
My smile widens as I think of her sitting here looking at them. She doesn’t want me to know she thinks about me. I laugh to myself as I go over to a file cabinet and pull out a picture I’d filed away long ago. My senior picture. I was eighteen. My hair was even longer and more unruly than it is now and I’m pretty sure I didn’t even own a straight razor. I take the picture to the couch and put it in the middle of the stack before I tuck them back where I found them. I’m onto you, Mitchell.
I hear the front door slam shut. When I reach the top of the stairs, I find Skylar staring wide-eyed into the old study. I’m not even sure she hears me come up behind her. I follow her gaze as her eyes take in everything Mason and I did while she was at work.
We transformed the room into a child’s playroom. There’s a play mat on the floor with one of those mobile things over it. A bassinet swing that will convert into a regular chair swing as Aaron grows older. Next to that is a play saucer with all sorts of beads and toys to keep him occupied. The bookshelves are lined with parenting manuals, Dr. Seuss books, and a bunch of other crap the baby superstore sent over. In the corner, I had them put another rocker so we won’t always have to trek upstairs to use the one in his room. I finished the room out with a small pack-and-play crib that has a changing table attachment on the side.
She eyes the pictures on the wall. I’d blown up the photo from Skylar’s night stand. The one with Erin touching her belly at the picnic. On the opposite wall, I enlarged the drawing of Erin’s tattoo and had it matted and mounted in a wrought-iron frame outlined in the shape of flowers. Finally, her eyes settle on the vase of white lilies on the small table by the rocker.
Even from behind, I can see her hand come up to work the locket. I take a step closer and she must finally hear me because she startles. “Oh my God, Griffin. How did you . . . when did you?” She turns to face me, but her eyes don’t meet mine quite yet. They fall beyond me, onto the new large play structure I had erected this afternoon in the back yard.
Her hand covers her mouth in surprise. “You did all this?” Her eyes lock with mine.
I give her a smile and a shrug.
She gestures to the swing set outside. “You know he won’t be able to use that for years, right?”
I laugh and shake my head. “Just say thank you, Skylar.”
“Thank you,” she says, reaching out like she wants to touch my arm, but then pulling back before she makes contact. “Of course, thank you.” She walks into the playroom and sits on the rocker. “It will be so nice not to have to go up and down the stairs for every little thing. And the pictures—” she waves her hand around the room “—they’re perfect, Griffin. It’s all perfect.”
She plucks a single lily from the bouquet and places it across her belly. Then she closes her eyes and relaxes into the soft gliding motion of the chair. What I would give to have my camera in hand right now. What I would give to snap a picture of her belly while she’s holding the flower against it. What I would then give to kiss the woman holding the flower and tell her every single feeling that is coursing through my body at this very second.
“Skylar.” My voice is like sandpaper. I clear my throat and brace for her refusal. “I would really like to take a picture of you right now. Can I?”
She glances down at her outfit and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Then she nods.
Without giving her another second to think about it, I race down to my studio to grab my camera. In seconds, I’m back, snapping picture after picture of her. I must take dozens before I stop and take a breath. Then the photographer in me kicks in and I start spouting out directions. “I think it would be a really dramatic black-and-white if you’d lift your shirt a bit and hold the flower against your belly.”
I look up from the viewfinder and catch her raised eyebrows. She wants to protest, but before her words come out, I say, “Skylar, I’m a professional. Believe me, you’ll thank me later. It will be a beautiful photo.”
She hesitates, but then acquiesces as the hand not holding the flower slowly raises her black shirt and tucks it under her breasts. The shirt bunches awkwardly so I ask her to stand up and turn sideways. I take dozens more pictures, having her move a hand this way or the flower that way. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that one of these will be my new favorite picture.
She’s fucking gorgeous. Absolutely flawless. How is it I never before saw the beauty in pregnancy? Through the lens of the camera, my eye traces every pronounced curve of her belly. Every faint line that is evidence of newly-stretched skin. Every quiver of her nervous hands.
I put down the camera, my heart pounding and my breath quickening. I walk over to her and press myself up against her bare belly. I hold her face in my hands as we stare into each other. I think of the pictures that are hidden away in the couch. She wants this. My eyes fall to her lips and I lean in, willing to take whatever she gives me. Willing to fight for whatever she doesn’t.
I can see the hesitancy in her eyes; feel it in her body. My lips barely brush hers when I stiffen. I pull back and stare down at what separates us. Our son. The kid who just gave me a swift kick in the groin. My hand immediately goes to her belly to feel the squirms and movements I can now clearly see.
Her stomach moves even more, bouncing up and down when she giggles. “Someone doesn’t think you should have done that,” she says.
I fall to my knees and put both my hands on her still-bare belly. For the first time, I have words with my son. “Listen up, Aaron. You are not allowed to cock-block your own daddy. Dudes have to stick together.”
“Dudes have to stick together?” Skylar repeats. “Those are your first words of advice for him?”
The doorbell rings. I silently curse it and whomever pressed it for ruining our family moment. Skylar looks down at me with guilty eyes. “Um . . . I should probably get that.” She backs away from me and pulls her shirt down. She hands me the lily on her way by.
I don’t even have to ask who’s at the door. I already know. It’s written all over her.
I put the flower back with the others and then casually lean against the doorframe, watching as she lets him in. John walks across the threshold, giving her a welcome kiss on the cheek before he sees me standing here, glaring at the two of them. He follows Skylar’s eyes over to me. His brown eyes go cold as he nods his chin at me. “Pearce,” he says. He doesn’t wait for my response before turning back to Skylar, holding out a bouquet of red roses. “These are for you.”
Skylar’s eyes momentarily flicker over to the vase full of lilies in the playroom. It happened so fast, I’m sure John didn’t even notice it. She plasters what I think is a fake smile on her face as she takes them from him. “Thank you, John. They’re beautiful.” She deposits them on the foyer table.
Skylar hates roses. How does he not know this about her after all the dates they’ve been on? Maybe he hasn’t been paying attention. Maybe he doesn’t know other important things about her either. Like how she twists the pinky ring on her right hand when she’s lying, like she’s doing right now. Or how her favorite color isn’t actually a color at all.
Or how she has a stash of pictures of me in the basement.
I laugh, looking over at the asshole trying to steal my girl. “Roses. Nice touch, man.”
“What’s so funny, Pearce?” he says with a sinister smile and arrogant laugh. “After all, I’m the one taking her to dinner tonight.”
“About that,” Skylar says, rubbing her stomach. “I don’t think I’m up for going out tonight. I’ve been having a lot of those Braxton-Hicks contractions and I just want to put my feet up and relax.”
John watches her hands as they rub over her pregnant belly. Then he looks over at me while his lips form a thin line. He sighs. “That’s okay, we can stay in. Want me to cook for you?”
Skylar shakes her head. “No. You don’t need to stay and take care of me. I’ll order out.”
“It’s no problem, really.” He starts to remove his coat.
“John, I think I’m just going to turn in early. Can we reschedule?”
I find it hard to control the smile that struggles to break free. She’s blowing him off. I watch the back-and-forth conversation like a Ping Pong tournament.
“Are you sure?” he asks. “I’d be happy to run and get you some food.”
“I’m sure.” Skylar reaches towards him and pulls his coat back onto his shoulders. I’m sure she didn’t mean it to be an intimate act. In fact, I think she’s doing it to get rid of him. But the mere thought of her touching him has my blood about to boil.
He turns around to open the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow, then. Take it easy, okay?”
“Don’t worry, McCormack, I’ll take care of her,” I say, still leaning in the doorway to the playroom.
He looks into the re-designed room, just now noticing how different it is. He stares at the picture on the wall before his eyes fall onto mine. If it were possible to shoot daggers from one’s eyes, I’d be dead, pinned up and hanging bloody on the doorframe.
Skylar delivers me a scolding look before walking him out.
I go over and sit on the couch, knowing my plans for the evening include rubbing the feet of my kid’s gorgeous mom.
Griffin – 2
John-the-food-guy – 0