Maverick

I eyed Lo as I headed out of Wicked Bay and pulled onto the highway. We needed this. Time away from my father and Caitlin. The shit with her Dad and Stella.

We needed space to remember how good things could be between us.

Fucking Nick and his big mouth. I knew the kid didn’t mean it. He was tangled up in a web of lies and secrets he didn’t understand, but everything came crashing down the second the question about prom left his mouth. Lo tried to reassure me it was okay but nothing about this mess was okay.

“Where are we going?” she finally broke the silence, and I replied around a smirk, “You’ll see.”

Kyle had pushed for this time away as much as I had. He was worried about her.

We both were. 

After that night, we’d spent another week of pretending, of walking the school hallways trying not search one another out. I’d told Lo I couldn’t lose her, and she’d promised she wasn’t going anywhere, that she was right here with me, but words only held so much power. I needed to hold her. To touch her. To lose myself in her. So much I ached for it.

For her.

So I made a split decision. It wasn’t easy. We needed our parents to buy our cover stories. As far as Mom and Gentry were concerned, I was staying at Luke’s for the night and Lo was over at Laurie’s. It was a risk, but one worth taking.

“It won’t take us long,” I added, and she flashed me a strained smile. Because despite how much we clung onto the hope everything would work out, time was running away, and Gentry was no closer to a solution.

But that’s what tonight was about, finding one another again. Of reminding ourselves of what we were fighting for. With only six weeks left before graduation, we’d come too far to let him win.

Forty minutes later, Lo straightened in her seat. “Hollywood? You brought me to Hollywood?” Her eyes widened on a soft gasp, taking everything in.

“Yes and no,” I said following the GPS to our hotel. “This traffic is insane.” If we wanted to make the show, we’d need to hurry.

“This is… just when I think my life can’t get any stranger, it does.”

“Strange? That’s not quite the reaction I was hoping for.”

She threw me an amused look. “You know what I mean. This isn’t real life, Maverick. Not for me.”

“But it is, Lo. Your life is in Wicked Bay now.”

She settled her gaze back on the sights. I’d been here enough times not to be wowed anymore. But seeing the sparkle in Lo’s eyes was worth it.

I just hoped she enjoyed the rest of the night. 

~

Lo stared at the door, her eyes wide. Confusion imprinted on her soft features. “Lo?” I said, and she took a couple of steps back. Retreating.

Beats didn’t look like much from the outside, but it was one of the best live music venues in the whole of LA.

“I- I can’t go in there.” Her hand hovered in front of her as if she was physically protecting herself.

“But, this is the surprise.” I raked a hand over my head feeling as confused as she looked. “I got tickets to see Three Steps Back, they’re pretty awesome.”

“I- I’m sorry.” Her arms shot out, wrapping around her waist. “I can’t do it, Maverick.”

“What? I don’t—”

And then it hit me like a wrecking ball.

I’d fucked up.

“The accident…” my voice trailed off.

“Can we just go, please?” Her eyes were skittish, glazed with unshed tears I knew she was fighting to hold back, and people were starting to stare. I went to her and wrapped an arm around her. “Come on, let’s go.”

Fuck, how could I have gotten it so wrong?

Her discomfort in crowds. How she’d come off the ride at Disney, pale and terrified.

We walked back to the hotel in awkward silence. Surrounded by dazzling lights and the noise of downtown LA, I’d never felt more helpless. Lo had disappeared into herself, lost to her memories of what she’d survived.

When Gentry got the call about the accident, he’d told us all, but he hadn’t gone into detail. Lo’s mom and brother died. She suffered life threatening injuries resulting in a long stay in the hospital. That’s as much as we got. Back then, they weren’t real people to me. It was tragic, and it affected Gentry the way it would any brother who found out his sister-in-law and nephew were gone, but they weren’t real to me—or so I thought.

Now all I could see was the girl I loved, hurt. Laying in some sterile bed, hooked up to machines and tubes. A deep shudder rolled through me. I’d never pushed her about what happened. But whatever Lo had experienced left deep scars, and not just physical ones.

The hotel came into view and I went ahead, holding the door open for her. She didn’t make eye contact as she slipped inside and waited for me to guide us to our room. As soon as the door closed behind us, Lo disappeared into the bathroom. I paced, rubbing the back of my neck, wondering what the hell to do.

Was she having a panic attack?

Did I need to call someone?

Jesus, how had this blown up so epically? Because you’re a fuck-up, Prince, my father’s voice echoed in my head. It was funny how once, he’d been the person who lifted me up and made me want to be better. Now he was the person who made me doubt myself. The devil on my shoulder. Taunting and teasing.

“Lo?” I rapped my knuckles on the door, pressing my ear to the wood.

“I just need a minute.”

A minute.

I could give her that.

But when five minutes had passed, and I’d burned a hole in the carpet from pacing, I knocked again. “L—” The door swung open and Lo stood there.

“I’m hungry, shall we order room service?”

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

I stared at her, searching her face for any signs she’d been crying. But all I saw was Lo’s indifferent mask. The one she usually reserved for family dinners with Stella.

“Lo…”

“Maverick.” She folded her arms over her chest, building her walls higher. But if she thought she could keep me out, she was wrong.

So fucking wrong. 

I straightened, filling the doorway, refusing to let her through. There was no way in hell we were just going to pretend that didn’t just happen. I’d given her time, I’d waited for her to open up to me, but watching her go into herself like that freaked the shit out of me. I couldn’t just forget that.

Not again.

“What happened back there?” My voice was hard, and anger flashed in her eyes. I didn’t blame her. I was being a dick. But sometimes it was the only way I knew how to reach her. When she still didn’t respond, my head dropped, the fight leaving me. I could own the court. Trample over some of the best defensive players in the state. But I couldn’t find a way to reach my girlfriend.

“What’s the matter?”

My head snapped up, our eyes colliding. “You’re asking me what’s the matter?”

“You have this look…”

“I don’t know how to do this, Lo.”

“Do what?” her voice was soft.

“Be who you need me to be.”

“I just need you, Maverick.” She leaned into me, letting me wrap my arms around her. We were both broken. Worn down by our pasts and our messy presents. But here, like this, everything made sense.

“Come on.” I led us to the bed. “Let’s feed you. And then we talk.”

She didn’t answer but I could have sworn I felt the small movement of a nod.

We ordered room service. Lo only picked at the plates. Her hunger disappeared the second the food was delivered. But it eased the tension, and we ate in comfort, sticking to safe topics. We didn’t mention Caitlin, or my father, or Lo’s freak out. It wasn’t exactly what I had planned for our night in LA, but I’d take it. 

“I’m sorry.” Lo said as I cleaned the plates away.

“Sorry?” I stalked back to the bed and sat on the edge. 

“For earlier. I ruined your plans.”

“It’s my fault. I should have realized, should’ve known...”

“Maverick, it isn’t your fault. It’s not something I talk about. Ever.”

“I know, and I get it, I do. But talking might help you deal with it.”

“I write things down. In the journal you gave me.” Her eyes dropped away. “It helps to sort through my feelings. It’s been over a year, you know…”

“Shit, Lo, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She shrugged, the small movement cutting me in two. “It’s not something I want to celebrate, but it’s made everything seem… I don’t know, more somehow.”

“Hey, hey. Come here.” I kicked my legs up and shuffled back up the bed to sit beside her. “I’m right here. Whenever you’re ready.”

“I just... I haven’t really ever dealt with it.” Lo lifted her face and what I saw crushed my chest. She was hurting—Lo was still hurting so much and I’d been too preoccupied to notice. 

Silence enveloped us and after a few minutes I thought she might never talk. But then she started, her voice barely a whisper.

“It was my brother’s idea. We’d been talking about our regrets over dinner one night and Mum said she regretted not hearing more live music. Elliot was a doer and before the night was over, he’d convinced me and Mum to go to this local venue with him. They had live mic nights, jam sessions, that kind of thing. Dad thought we were mad. But it was always hard to say no to Elliot. 

“It was busy. The band playing was a local favourite. Mum was so excited, it was nice to see her happy. Things between her and Dad had been strained. They didn’t tell us, but we saw it.”

I reached for her hand and rested it between our legs. “What happened?”

“Everything was fine, at first. The band was great. The crowd was amped. I slipped away to go to the toilet but there was a queue. I was washing my hands when I heard the first screams.”

Lo’s body trembled, and I smoothed circles over her hand. Grounding her. 

“I ran back into the room and it was chaos. Smoke ... there was so much smoke. I’d been gone less than ten minutes. I didn’t understand what had happened, but people were running, screaming... and the smell. 

“Then I saw it, the fire behind the stage. I couldn’t see them. People were rushing for the doors, pushing and shoving and screaming. But I couldn’t leave them, I couldn’t...”

“It’s okay.” I pressed a kiss to her head. “You don’t have to... it’s okay.”

Lo dragged a deep breath into her lungs, stifling back her tears. “The fire spread quickly. Too quickly. It was an old building, a lot of the wood was... the smoke was unbearable, I could barely breathe, but I couldn’t see them and...”

She broke down. In a hotel in downtown LA my brave strong girl let her walls down. And although I knew it would help her in the long run, I couldn’t imagine how she felt reliving it. 

“I’m so sorry, Lo. I’m so sorry,” I shifted, dropping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her into me. Her soft sobs filled the room. 

After her tears slowed, Lo untangled herself from my chest, pushing damp hair from her face. 

“That was the last time I ever saw them. Laughing. Dancing... Happy. I can’t...”

“Ssh, come here.” 

Lo settled beside me. Heartache radiating from her. She’d lost so much. Survived so much. She was strong, I didn’t doubt that. But it was a front. A mask for the pain she carried with her every second of every day.

But she had people. She had her dad, and Kyle, and Summer, and Laurie. 

She had me.

And I’d spend a lifetime trying to make her happy, if she let me. 

I leaned down, tilting her face to mine and brushed my lips over hers, reassuring her that I was right here. Silently promising that I would never knowingly hurt her. I would protect her and keep her safe. And most of all that I would love her. Scars and all.