Chapter Fifteen
Emma
With only my broken heart to keep me company, I start the long trudge home. Every step is torture. I want to turn around and run back to Damien’s cabin and throw myself in his arms.
I want to remind him of the powerful connection between us. I want him to know how bad I need him in my life.
But then I remember that he doesn’t want me, and the realization hurts so terribly that I can’t breathe. For what feels like hours, I stand in the woods, crying and unable to move.
How could Damien be so cruel? How could he say that what happened between us had been nothing but a fling? How did it come to this?
Deep down, I know it’s because I don’t deserve to be loved. I’m a nobody. I’m a fat girl with mediocre grades and a meek personality. There’s nothing about me that stands out. Damien would be able to replace me in a heartbeat if he wanted.
He made me feel so special, though. That’s what kills me now. Remembering how Damien treated me with kindness and love hurts most of all. I thought that I was breaking down the barriers between us and really getting to know him, but I was wrong. The whole time, Damien didn’t care about me.
Heck, he was probably just using me for sex. And when the fog of lust cleared from those gorgeous eyes of his, he saw me for who I really am.
A complete and utter disappointment. The kind of girl who lets everyone down.
God, I wish I could just run away and live alone forever. For the first time, I really understand why Damien wanted to be alone and away from society.
I can’t go back to my normal life. And I’m certainly not going to Trim Acres, either. But I can’t stay out in the middle of the woods. It’s freezing cold out here and I won’t last long. Setting my mouth in a line of grim determination, I decide to go home and grab a few more things, then set off for … wherever.
The Greyhound station seems like a good idea. I can catch a bus out of here to the first big city that sounds good. Then, maybe, I can establish some kind of new life for myself.
But I know that no matter what I do, I’m never going to be able to forget about Damien and the utter heartbreak I feel.
By the time I’m back at my parents’ house, the sky is streaked with the first sign of dawn. My heart is heavy in my chest, and I wish that I could lie down and sleep for a thousand years. I can’t do that, though. Or rather, I won’t. Not anymore.
I’ve spent my life being passive, and it’s time for a change. It’s time for me to stand up for myself and take what I want. I’m not going to let other people dictate the terms of my life anymore.
Sneaking up to the front door, I gently push it open and step into the foyer. For a moment, I’m worried that I’ll catch Gina – this is around the time that she arrives at work in the mornings. I know that I couldn’t handle the look of disappointment on her face. If there was anyone in the world besides my mother and Lacey who wanted me to be happy, surely it would be Gina.
But thankfully, the house is dark and silent. I take a deep breath as I start up the stairs. Inside, my chest feels cold and hollow. I feel as if Damien reached into my chest and ripped out my heart. Just thinking about his name stings.
Before I can stop myself, I’m crying again. Damnit, Emma, pull yourself together, I tell myself as I push open the door to my room. Lock it up!
“Emma?”
My mother’s soft voice startles me, but I don’t jump. I simply no longer have the energy to be frightened. I turn around to see Ramona standing behind me with a concerned look on your face.
“After you said that you weren’t feeling well, I went to check on you,” Mom says softly. “And you weren’t in your bed. Then I went downstairs and saw that your father’s lunch for tomorrow was missing.”
All I can do in response is sniffle pathetically. Emotions are swirling through my chest and I want to confess everything, but I still feel like I can’t give Damien’s secret away.
After all, it’s not my story to tell.
But when my mother steps forward and pulls me into her arms for a comforting hug, I lose all remaining control. The tears begin to fall faster and faster until I’m sobbing into Mom’s shirt, soaking the expensive merino wool with my tears and gooey snot. Mom doesn’t complain, though. She holds me tightly and strokes my hair.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” Mom says. “Shhhh, stop crying.” She takes me by the hand and leads me into my room where she gently pushes me toward the bed.
“Can you stay here for a few minutes?” Mom asks. “I’ll be right back.”
I look up at her in alarm. “God, Mom, please don’t tell Dad!”
Ramona shakes her head. “No, honey, that’s not what I’m going to do. Don’t worry. Just try to relax and I’ll be back soon.”
She leaves and closes the door behind her with a soft, muted click. I flop down on my bed and wipe my nose on my arm. I can’t believe that just a few hours ago, I was right here, plotting to leave home and live with Damien forever.
And now look what’s happened. I’m back at square one, except it’s even worse because I still can’t believe he kicked me out. When did this all go so wrong? When did he decide that I was no longer worth loving?
Or maybe he never loved me at all?
When my mother returns, she’s carrying a tray with two steaming mugs of tea and a plate of cinnamon buns. The sugary confections smell incredible and despite my sorrow, my stomach rumbles at the thought of comfort food.
“I thought you could use a snack,” Mom says quietly. She sets the tray down on my desk and passes me a mug of tea before settling down in the chair. “Tell me what happened, honey.”
I bite my lip and swallow hard. The tea feels good in my hands – the ceramic is soothing and warm, and I can feel that I’m finally starting to relax. But I still don’t think that talking to my mother about Damien is a good idea.
Especially considering what I know now.
“Thanks for the tea,” I say in a soft voice.
Mom nods. “Gina made the cinnamon roll dough last night. She was going to bake them this morning but when I saw that your bed was empty, I couldn’t sleep.” She pauses and I can tell there’s something else on her mind.
“You made these?”
Mom nodded.
I reach for the tray and take one. It’s warm and topped with gooey icing that smells incredible. After taking a huge bite and chewing, I smile at my mother. In all my years at home, I can’t remember the last time she baked.
“It’s really good,” I say.
“Gina did all the work, I just put them in the oven,” Mom replies modestly. She shifts uncomfortably in the chair. “Honey, I know about Trim Acres. Your father told me. You don’t have to go. I think you’re beautiful the way you are.”
“Is that why you brought me the cinnamon rolls?”
Mom flushes guiltily. “I just … well, I know I haven’t always been the most accepting of your size. But I just want you to be happy, and I don’t want to send you off to that horrible place if you don’t want to go. It isn’t fair to you.”
I bite my lip and nod, feeling relieved. At least there’s one less thing to worry about now.
“But I know something else is going on,” Mom says. This time, she sounds a little more confident of herself. “And I want you to tell me what it is. I’m worried about you, Em.”
I swallow nervously. “I … met someone, Mom.”
“A boy?” Mom asks, her face lighting up. “Like, someone from school? Emma, that’s wonderful news.”
For a moment, I think about lying. But I can’t lie to my mother – for one thing, she’d never believe me. And for another, I owe her the truth.
“No,” I say after a long pause. “I met someone. He lives out in the woods by himself, he’s a hermit. He used to…” I trail off nervously. “Well, it doesn’t matter. But I fell in love with him.”
Mom nods. But her face is pale and I can tell that she’s still concerned.
“And things were going so well, Mom, he’s so great – you have no idea. He’s smart and poised and he respects me. He doesn’t treat me like I’m a loser.”
My mother smiles. “That’s wonderful, honey, but—“
“He’s Dad’s mortal enemy,” I continue. “His name is Damien Evercore.”
“Emma!” Mom gasps. Her jaw drops and her already-pale face turns white as a sheet. “You can’t be serious!”
A fresh wave of tears comes to my eyes and I try blinking them away but it’s useless. Soon my face is covered with hot salt water and all I can do is sob.
“And he kicked me out when the truth came out,” I cry. “And Mom, I love him so much! It hurts so bad! I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
My mom is silent for a long moment.
“Please,” I beg. “Please help me figure out what to do. I can’t stay here – not with Dad! And Damien doesn’t want me.”
“Emma…” My mother trails off. “I can’t tell you what to do. You’re a big girl. You’re twenty-one, and it’s time for you to start making your own choices.”
I purse my lips and look at her in confusion.
Mom takes a deep breath. “But Jason – I mean, your father – well, he’s never wanted what’s best for you. He’s a self-centered bastard and I have a feeling that he always will be. I want you to think about what you want to do. Your father and I will be fine.”
All I can do is stare at her. “Are you serious?” I gnaw on my lower lip until the bitter metallic taste of blood splashes across my tongue. “Are you really saying that I should betray Dad?”
My mother shakes her head. “No,” she replies. “But I want you to be happy, Emma. After being married to your father for over twenty years, I know that he doesn’t care about hurting those closest to him. He’s never thought twice about my feelings. Or yours, for that matter.”
My head is filled with a raging sea of emotions as my mother speaks. For the first time, I wonder just how much abuse Ramona’s gone through at the hands of my father. I always thought she was weak for not standing up to him, but maybe it was simply that she had lost her will to fight.
“I’ll let you think about what you want to do, sweetie,” Mom says softly. She stands up and walks over to the bed before leaning down and kissing my forehead like she used to do when I was a kid. “Just know that I love you.”
Between Damien’s harsh words and my mother’s kindness, my heart is starting to feel like I put it through a juicer.
“I love you, too,” I say quietly. Impulsively, I get to my feet and throw my arms around my mother. She hugs me tightly and then pulls away.
“Your father isn’t home,” Mom says from the doorway of my room. “But I would think about what you want, and soon.”
I nod. “Okay. And thank you.”
Mom nods one more time and closes the door behind her. As soon as she’s gone, I flop down on my bed. My head is spinning and I feel faint. When my head hits the pillow, I close my eyes and immediately Damien’s face floats to the front of my mind.
I think back to the vow I made when I got home. About how I’m not going to let anyone tell me what to do anymore. My mom even said that I have to make my own choices.
I could go with Damien. Damien, the man who loves me and cares for me just as I am. The man who has never asked anything of me.
Or I could keep trying to make my father happy. I could go to Trim Acres and give up pizza and sugar and everything else good in the world. But based on everything my mom just told me, I still don’t think that would make him love me.
I can’t stay here. I have to follow the man I love, Damien, and forget all about my father because Damien is my future.
And as for Jason?
He never loved me. He never cared. In fact, he was willing to banish me to a fat farm, so that I wouldn’t embarrass him.
So Jason is nothing. Less than nothing. And if I want one last shot at happiness, I have to return to Damien and make him understand that we belong together.