The shrill buzz of my phone on the glass bedside table woke me up early the next morning.

My eyes were still hazy with sleep when I blinked them open to look at the caller ID on my phone—it was a number I didn’t recognize, but they’d already called two other times and apparently I hadn’t woken up. The time on the phone read 6:50 a.m.

“Who is that?” Adam said, voice still groggy, putting an arm across my hip.

“I don’t know,” I said, sitting up and finally answering the call.

“Hello?”

“Is this Grey Foster?”

“It is, who is calling?”

“This is Maconty Presbyterian Hospital—we’ve got your mother here with us.”

My heart rate tripled and I shot up in bed. “You have her there? What happened? Is she okay? Oh my God,” I said quickly.

“We have her stable, but she called an ambulance for herself this morning because she was having severe chest pain. Her blood pressure is extremely elevated, and she’s under control now, but she was asking for you.”

“Oh my God,” I said, standing up and pacing aimlessly around the room. “Oh my God. Okay. I’ll—I’ll be there as soon as I possibly can,” I said.

“Are you coming from far away, Mr. Foster?”

“God, fuck, I’m in California.”

“Oh—well, she is doing okay, we will let her know you’re on your way.”

“Please—Please call me if there is any change?”

“We can do that, Mr. Foster.”

“Thank you,” I said, hanging up the phone.

“Grey, what’s going on,” Adam said, sitting up in bed.

“Oh my God, oh my fucking God,” I said, pacing around the room and searching frantically for my clothes. “Where the fuck are my clothes?!”

“Grey—Grey,” Adam said, getting up and crossing to the bathroom, picking up my clothes from the floor. He pressed them to my hands and stared deep in my eyes, but I couldn’t even register what was going on around me. “What is going on?”

“It’s my mom—” I said, pulling on my clothes. “She’s in the hospital. She’s in the fucking hospital and I’m hundreds of miles away. Holy shit,” I said, burying my head in my hands. I felt like I was about to cry, but was too in shock to actually do it.

“Oh wow, okay,” Adam said, “I’m so fucking sorry, Grey. She’s doing okay?”

“I mean I think so, but I have no goddamn clue,” I said, “they said her blood pressure was severely elevated or something.”

“Okay. We are going straight to the airport and getting the next flight. And I’m going to ask Chandler to pull every string he has,” Adam said, pulling his clothes on lightning fast and rushing out of the room, presumably to go find Chandler.

I sat on the edge of the bed, then stood up, then paced, then sat again. I couldn’t even begin to fathom what to do.

I was so fucking far away. I couldn’t just take a taxi to her. Couldn’t be there for her. And she’d called an ambulance for herself? I couldn’t bear thinking of my mom, there alone, walking down the block to my house and getting no answer.

I let out a gasping sob, but still no tears came. Adam came back a few minutes later.

“Chandler is on it. The car will be here in under ten minutes, and we will have the next flight out of LAX. Grey,” Adam said, sitting near me and gripping my shoulders tight, “You are okay. This is going to be okay. Your mom did the right thing going to the hospital, and they’ve got her blood pressure under control. All you can do is get there as fast as you can.”

I nodded, zombie-like, staring into the middle distance.

And I stayed like that for the next few hours, from the car ride to the airport, from security to the plane ride, just letting Adam guide me through everything. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t process. I was completely numb to the world around me.

When we arrived in Portland the clouds were thick and it was raining in earnest. We made it to Adam’s truck and then got started on the long journey to the hospital, at least an hour away from the airport.

I stared out the window, watching the raindrops collect and move in waves across the glass as we sped down the highway.

“I knew I shouldn’t have gone,” I said, my voice coming out sounding like it was someone else’s, unfamiliar and strange.

“What are you talking about, Grey? You couldn’t have known this was going to happen.”

I shook my head. “Still. It’s so stupid. The one time I’m not within a mile radius of her, and she ends up in the hospital.”

“It’s okay. She is going to be alright. And you’re gonna be with her very soon. Is there… is there anyone else? Any other family?”

“I’m the only family she’s got, Adam,” I said, probably a little more forceful than I needed to be. “Her brother died years ago. No other kids. All of her cousins either don’t speak to us or they live in fucking Florida. No one’s nearby.”

My voice became a little strained, choked up at the end of my sentence, and Adam reached a hand over and squeezed my thigh.

“She has you, Grey. You’re a better son than anyone could ask for.”

I nodded, sniffling, and tried to steady my breaths as we drove closer. For the rest of the drive we kept silent, Adam’s hand either resting on my thigh or squeezing my hand the entire drive, and though I still felt like I didn’t know what the hell was going on, I felt steadied by his presence. Like he was one shining beacon in an otherwise horrible day.

Finally we pulled up to the hospital and hurried inside. We signed in at the front desk and they pointed us toward my mom’s room. I ran down the hallway, Adam hanging back. When I finally got to her room I raced inside, so scared for what I was going to see.

…But when I went in, she was sitting up in bed, with the news station on the TV as usual, complete with food and a crossword puzzle sitting on a little tray in front of her. In other words, she looked completely normal.

“Grey! Honey!” she said, and I ran up to her, squeezing her in a tight hug.

“Oh my God mom, what happened?”

“Oh, I think it really was less of a big deal than it seemed at the time. My chest was feeling so tight and it wouldn’t go away—and you know we’ve got some history of heart failure in the family, after your grandpa—so I just got convinced I was having a heart attack.”

“Jesus, mom, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”

She waved her hand dismissively and took a sip of her icy water. “Nonsense, Grey. They fixed me right up. Got me on this floxa-whatever drug, I don’t remember the name.”

I pulled up a chair to her bedside and sat down. I reached for the remote, shutting the TV off.

“Hey, they were gonna talk about the scandals in—”

“Mom,” I said to her, looking her straight in the eye. She took another sip of her water, and I gently grasped her wrist. “Mom. You need to tell me one thing. Were you smoking a ton last night?”

“Grey, I—”

“Yes or no.”

She sighed. “Yes, of course I was. And quite frankly I could go for one now—”

“Mom, I’m being serious right now. Things are only going to get worse if you don’t rein it in. How many more surprise hospital visits are we going to have? How many more bills? I know the ambulance is gonna cost a fortune and just—God, ma, I’m so fucking worried about you,” I choked out, the tears that wouldn’t come all morning finally spilling out of my eyes.

“Oh, honey,” she said, sitting up a little more in bed and draping her arms over me in a hug. “Baby. I’m going to be okay. I know… I know the smoking isn’t helping. But sweetie, I’m also just getting older. Health problems like this just start to happen.”

“But you’re only 68,” I said. “God, I just need you around, mom, I can’t lose you.” The tears kept coming and I hoped that people walking down the hallway couldn’t hear me.

“I’m not going anywhere, Grey-bird,” she said. “I’m feeling fine now. I mean it. I’ll probably be at home making hambone soup by tomorrow.”

I puffed out a laugh, sitting up a little and smiling through my tears. “No hambone soup. You’re on a steady diet of kale and brown rice and fruit from now on,” I joked. “Jesus, mom, I was so scared.”

She seemed to have loosened up a little after I laughed, and she gave me a sly grin. “Where were you, by the way, sweetie? I wasn’t gonna pry, but they said when they called, you were in California? I didn’t know about that.”

I took in a deep, shuddering breath, trying to center myself in the whorl of emotions coursing through me. “Yeah. California,” I said, thinking back to the trip. It all seemed so far away now, like another world entirely, and I kind of couldn’t believe I had just been there this morning.

“And what was going on in California?” she asked.

“I was in Los Angeles with—with Adam,” I said.

“Adam your neighbor? Dog walker Adam?”

I nodded, biting my bottom lip. “His friend had a party and so Adam invited me along.” I neglected to mention who the “friend” was—my mom didn’t know anything about pop culture but she sure as hell would know who Chandler Price was just from watching the news so much.

“Well,” she said, leaning back. “That’s quite a trip. He pay for it?”

I was shocked to find that I almost got a little angry when she asked it. I didn’t know how that was possible—adding anger to all the emotions I was feeling—but the way she asked about him paying for it sounded like some sort of accusation.

“Yeah,” I said finally. “He did.”

She said nothing, just nodding, staring back up at the muted TV screen.

I had no idea what to make of it. On the one hand, I was so unbelievably relieved and joyous that my mother was well enough to be up and talking to me and seemingly completely normal. But on the other hand, she now seemed to be judging me for having gone on the trip to California.

I had already felt guilty enough. Incredibly guilty, actually. And I’d come back as soon as I could. So hearing her asking about the details of who paid for my trip just felt like a slap in the face.

“And did he bring you here?” she asked, peering at me.

“Yeah, he did.”

“Is that him sitting outside on that bench?”

I turned, looking out the narrow hospital door. I saw Adam, sitting there on one of the pastel pink benches in the hallway.

“Yep, that’s him.”

“Why don’t you invite him in? I’d love to meet him.”

I shook my head. “No, ma. Not when you just got admitted to the damn hospital. I don’t want you to have any more stress than you need.”

She puffed out a laugh, shrugging. “Honey, I don’t think it would be any stress for me. Seems like it would be to you, though.”

Just then a nurse came into the room, carrying a clipboard and wearing blue scrubs with rubber duckies all over them.

“Mr. Foster?” she said, and I stood to shake her hand. “So glad you’re here. Your mom’s been a champ today.”

“A champ at eating rice and chicken noodle soup,” my mom joked.

“It’s definitely a good thing that you’re eating fairly normally, Ms. Foster. I did want to let you both know though that Dr. Tallis would like to keep you here for at least another night or two. Keep your blood pressure monitored at all times, make sure there aren’t any more insane spikes like you got this morning.”

I nodded grimly. “I understand. I want to make sure she is okay too.”

“I will be,” my mom said. “But okay.”

Already my brain had begun to tabulate the costs of my mother’s latest hospital visit. It was enough stress worrying about her in general, but her health was so important to me, and there was no way I was going to let her go home if there was a possibility that she was going to have a heart attack.

No.

No matter how bad the cost was, I would pay it. Even if it meant getting two jobs, spending every waking hour working to cover the cost.

The nurse went over some of my mom’s vitals and statistics from earlier in the morning, then left the room.

“Have you eaten all day, Grey?” my mom asked.

I shook my head. “Of course not. Couldn’t have even if I’d tried.”

“Well, they’ve got a fairly good cafeteria downstairs. You should take your friend down there. You said he paid for your trip to California?”

I nodded again, wondering if she would ever let me live that down.

“So I’m sure you can buy him lunch now. Go ahead. You don’t have to stay here with me. I’ve got a crossword to finish,” she said with a smile.

I took in a deep breath. “Okay, ma. But I’ll be back in an hour.”

I went out and updated Adam on everything the nurse had told me as we walked down the corridor toward the elevators.

“I’m so, so glad she’s doing so well. She looked pretty happy, from what I could tell,” Adam said.

I cracked a grin. “She wanted to meet you. Luckily I covered for you.”

“What?” Adam said. “Why? I would have gone in there, no problem. I just thought you might want privacy instead. Didn’t know if she’d want any visitors other than you.”

I shook my head. “Nah. But it’s for the better,” I said, as the elevator doors slid open and Adam and I stepped inside. Once they were shut, and we were alone inside, Adam pulled me into a tight hug.

“I’m so proud of you, Grey. You’re handling this incredibly well.”

I took a deep breath, so comforted in his arms, surrounded by his familiar smell. “Thank you, Adam. You… you have no idea how much that means to me.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and let me go as the elevator doors opened again.

“Don’t know how the fuck I’m gonna pay for these brand-new hospital bills, but… guess I will get a second job in Portland. If I can even still go to Portland,” I said, my voice low.

Adam looked at me, his brown eyes so full of emotion. “You can do whatever you put your mind to, Grey. I know it.”

I realized then that I had no idea how I would be dealing with this without him. He’d become such a huge part of my life, so quickly, and I couldn’t imagine being in this situation without him by my side.

I didn’t even want to think about the fact that I might not get to be with him in a little over a month.