“Why’d you come back here?” I ask her when the night begins to fall. “Because last night you wanted to end things.”

“I don’t know,” she whispers. “I was kind of angry with you.”

“Kind of? You were pissed. You screamed at me, Emma,” I reason. “I know I haven’t been honest about every single aspect of my life, but we’re not exactly dating or anything.”

“I know. I know,” she admits. “I was being dumb. I’ll admit it. It’s just that… Oh, I don’t know.”

“It’s just that I’m not the kind of guy you pictured yourself with,” I finish her sentence and she looks down, embarrassed. “It’s fine,” I say.

“Look, I keep coming back here because we understand each other,” she says. “Or, at least, I think we do. You lost your father at a young age. I know what that’s like. My father… he died of cancer when I was a little girl.”

I nod, but something is eating at me. That’s not why she stayed. Because we have a connection? Please. We’re complete opposite each other on the spectrum of human behavior. Sure, she likes to get dirty, but is she ready for the kind of man I am? I mean, really ready?

“I’m a monster,” I finally mutter. “You don’t want to stick with a guy like me.”

“A monster? No, you’re not Soren,” she says, but she can barely make eye contact with me now. She knows it. She knows I’m bad fucking news. No, I’m not the guy who beats his wife. I’m not the guy who goes out and commits crimes. But I am the kind of guy who brings a storm with him. Bad luck. All the bullshit you don’t want near you. That’s me.

She smiles for a second, but my face turns dark. “I am a monster. I’m everything your mother told you to stay away from,” I say. “Normally, I try and stay away from women like you, but you’ve been sweet to me, even when you should stay away.”

“What’re you saying, Soren?” she asks, starting to worry.

“I’m saying I know what I want. I want you,” I say. “But I don’t think you know what you want.”

There’s an unusual sensation in my stomach. It’s one of excitement and regret. I don’t know what the right choice to make is, but I do know that we’re in this now. No matter what, I’m connected to this woman, for better or for worse. I just don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want what happened in Buffalo to come back to her somehow. Lucky for us, it’s taken long enough to find me. Maybe they’re content with taking my store. Maybe they’re over things.

“I know what I want,” she says, but her eyes are wandering. They say it all. They speak of confusion and misunderstanding. She wants to have a good time. That’s all. She’s not looking for love and she sure as hell isn’t looking for a boyfriend like me.

“You’re headed back to that job of yours with Harry. I won’t do you well over there,” I tell her. “You’ll get blacklisted so fast your head will spin. I can’t do that to you.”

“So, now you’re breaking up with me,” she gets angry. Her face turns red, but she’s still beautiful as ever.

“I didn’t say that. All I’m saying is be mindful of your choices, woman,” I say.

“Stop calling me woman,” she angrily replies. “And I’ll make my own damn choices, thank you very much.”

I smile because she’s perfect. She’s everything I’ve been waiting for in a woman. She’s cute, she’s young but not too young, she’s about as feisty as they come, and she rides a cock better than any woman I’ve ever been with. Most would say I’ve hit the jackpot with this one. Maybe I have. I just don’t want her to make the wrong choice. Truth is, I don’t know what the right move to make is now. I’m just feeling things out.

I put my hand on her cheek and feel her smooth skin. “Woman,” I reply. “I’ll do whatever you tell me to do. I just want to make sure you’re not doing this for charity’s sake.”

“Look, it’s not like we’re getting married,” she says. “We’re having fun. We’re feeling things out.

I laugh and kiss her cheek, trailing my fingers around her soft body. “Is that so funny?” she asks.

“No it’s just that—”

“Just what?” she angrily fires back.

“It’s just that you’re so darned cute when you get worried,” I chuckle louder. “You’re like a breath of fresh air to me.”

“Oh yeah?” she smiles and looks bashful. My heart is changing. I don’t get it. Every single day, I lose sight of everything that’s happened and focus on her. The revenge, the anger, my brother and the family problems all go out the fucking window. What does any of that matter now? I’m happy. I should be able to feel a little of that, for once, right?

“Yeah. I think I like you,” I tell her.

“You like me? What is this, seventh grade?” she smiles.

I make a frustrated noise and get out of bed. I put my underwear on. She stares at my body as I put the rest of my clothes on. “Seventh grade, huh? Didn’t know I looked like a seventh grader to you,” I laugh.

“You cocky bastard,” she smiles and pounces on me, throwing her arms around my neck. “Your body is pretty nice. Like, really nice.”

“So, that’s that?” I ask, kissing her like it’s my business. “You’re my woman now?”

“Ugh,” she groans. “I’m feeling this out, okay?”

“Alright,” I mutter. “Fine by me.”

“Listen, I have to go home and do some reading for once. If I don’t, I’ll be screwed come Monday. Come over later tonight?” she asks me, holding onto my hand.

“Sure.” I smile and kiss her again. One last time before she goes. “I’ll come by around eight.”

Fuck, I never want her to let go. I always want to be this close to her. I just want to fade into her forever. What is wrong with me? Is this what love feels like? No. Probably not. And even if it is, love breeds betrayal, loss, and sorrow. Love isn’t some nice fruit basket that never ends. Love is pain.