CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
A SLIVER OF SUN peeked out from behind heavy clouds, shining a small beam of light onto the tall buildings behind me that made up the city of Boston. I’d lost track of how much time I’d spent locked in my own thoughts throughout the day as I walked from one spot to the next. No matter where I went, something made me think of Noah. How could I figure out what to do about him if I was constantly reminded of him?
A little voice in my head told me that, in itself, should have been my answer, but I ignored it, like any sane person would. It was now after six in the evening and I’d finally found somewhere that hadn’t been marked, somewhere I could think clearly…or as clearly as possible with my libido reminding me of the ecstasy I’d experienced the previous night.
Looking over the harbor from my bench in Christopher Columbus Park just a few blocks from where I started this morning, I saw a plane landing at Logan Airport. I entertained the idea of going home, packing, and hopping on the next flight to some exotic locale.
My thoughts were all over the place. One minute, I never wanted to see Noah again, despite the improbability of that happening. The next, I recalled the previous night and how perfect it felt to have his arms wrapped around me.
Aunt Gigi’s story had thrown everything into a tailspin. The motto I’d lived by, that love was simply an illusion, had been crushed into tiny little pieces all over the floor of the café. I was more confused than ever. Even putting all my thoughts down in my journal didn’t help.
“There you are,” a deep, breathy voice called, interrupting my plans of escape and living on a remote island, complete with a native manservant to bring me drinks at my bidding.
I snapped my head to the right. When I observed Noah jogging up the harbor walk toward me, my heart fell to the pit of my stomach. Although he was a few yards away, his vibrant eyes stood out.
I quickly shot up, my limbs jittery. “What are you doing here?” I looked around, feeling exposed. “How did you know I’d be here?”
He came to a stop in front of me. “When you didn’t stop by the nursing home this afternoon, I was worried.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, avoiding the look of concern and worry on his face. “I’ve been a bit preoccupied today,” I admitted truthfully.
When he stepped toward me, I backed up. I wanted to run away. At the same time, I craved the feel of his arms around me. If this was what it felt like to be in a relationship, I was glad I’d stayed away from it. I felt bi-polar, maybe even manic. The swing from my highs to lows were wide and without warning.
“Is this about last night?” He raised his brow, his voice soft, gentle, beautiful.
“No,” I answered quickly. “I just have a lot on my plate right now. I already had to ask my publisher for an extension to finish this book. I’m still behind.”
“So you came here?” He cocked his head, eyeing me.
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. “Well, I went to the Common first. Then a coffee shop. Then a bar. That one turned out to be a really bad idea, so I ended up here.” My heart rate picked up as my vision raked over his full lips, his vivid, yet uneasy eyes, his slight smile. “But I really do have a lot to do, so I need to get going.” I snapped out of the spell Noah’s presence cast over me and spun on my heels, darting down the path.
“Why do I get the feeling you’re running away from me?” he called out.
Heat washing over me, I stopped. I knew my behavior made no sense to someone like Noah, who probably never had difficulty forming strong and lasting relationships with people. I, on the other hand, had only dated casually, and I used the word “date” very loosely. A date had always just been a means to an end for me, not a device to bear my soul. There had never been a connection…until Noah. I wasn’t too proud to admit all of this scared me shitless. Before this began, I had a plan, and falling for Noah wasn’t part of it.
“I’m not running from you,” I replied in a low voice, facing him.
He took several deliberate steps toward me. As much as I wanted to retreat, a force outside my control kept me glued to that spot.
“You are, Molly. After last night, I thought…” He ran his hand through his dark hair, tugging at it slightly as he tried to compose his thoughts. He drew even closer, the heat of his body sending a ripple through me. He tilted my chin, forcing my eyes to his. “I thought we were on the same page,” he said in a quiet voice.
“Noah, I…” I blinked repeatedly, unable to look away. “I’m not the woman you think I am.”
A soft smile cracked his lips. “And what woman do you think that is?”
“I don’t know.” I swallowed hard. “But I can assure you, I’m not her.” I backed away from him. “I’m not the type of girl a guy like you dates. Hell, I asked your sister if she ever got tired of looking at vaginas all day. I’m not exactly someone you’d want to introduce to friends and family.”
“Why not?” He closed the distance between us again. “Because you ask the questions everyone else is too shy to? That’s a positive character trait, if you ask me.”
“That’s what you say now, but at some point, you won’t like it anymore,” I explained, an urgency in my tone. “And the lack of a filter is just one of my many quirks that should send you running for the hills. There are plenty of other women out there. Women who wouldn’t put your job in jeopardy.” My expression turned serious. “Maybe it’s best we forget last night ever happened. You can go find someone who’s at least in the same intellectual sphere as you…maybe another doctor. Then you can have lots of doctor sex and little doctor babies.”
A low chuckle rumbled from his chest. He slid his hands down my body, landing on my waist, pulling me against him.
“But I don’t want to have doctor sex.” He slowly shook his head, his voice sensual. My resolve to walk away melted in a puddle in the middle of Columbus Park. I was complete putty in his hands. His touch was all I needed to agree to whatever he wanted. “I want to have Molly sex. Lots and lots of Molly sex.”
“But how would you even introduce me to your friends? ‘Hi, this is Molly. She writes smut’?” I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure that’ll go over well in all your doctor circles and doctor parties.”
“Stop labeling everything. Stop putting the two of us in categories. You’re a writer, a brilliant one, and I decided to make a really bad financial decision and became a doctor. How we make a living doesn’t define us. You’re just trying to come up with every excuse out there about why we shouldn’t be together.”
“And there are a lot, Noah. I’m sure I could fill pages with all the reasons we shouldn’t be together, the most pressing of which being the fact you were my father’s doctor.”
“What if your pages full of reasons we shouldn’t be together are no match for my one reason we should? What if all your reasons, taken as a whole, pale in comparison?”
My heart drummed at the sincerity in his eyes, his face, his body. “And what’s that?” I swallowed hard.
He ran his finger over my lips, sending a tremor through me. “That something about you has drawn me in since the day I first saw you reading to your father. That, despite trying, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for months. That I firmly believe fate intervened and forced us together that day all those weeks ago when I saved you from a gang of ruthless miscreants.”
“Otherwise known as ducks,” I muttered, a lightness in my chest.
“Just a tiny, insignificant detail.” He brought his lips toward mine. “I knew I’d regret it every day of my life if I didn’t say fuck it and just be with you, despite all the complications surrounding a potential relationship with you. I’ve never been as happy in my life as I am with you…even when we’re fully clothed.”
I allowed a laugh to escape my throat. “But I like it when there’s no clothes, too.”
“As do I.” He paused for a beat, his lips a whisper away from mine. “So…”
“So…,” I breathed.
“So…”
“So.” I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him toward me. Gently, he pressed his mouth against mine, his kiss unhurried. Even with the most innocent of kisses, he seemed to invade every inch of me. I felt him on my skin, in my core, in my heart.
He leaned his forehead against mine, licking his lips. “I get it, Molly.” With a firm grip, he cupped my cheeks. The intensity in his eyes was unwavering. “I’m scared, too. It’s hard for me to describe. I’ve dated many different women in all my thirty-eight years—”
“Twenty-nine-plus-nine,” I corrected.
“Yes. Twenty-nine-plus-nine,” he said with a smile before his expression turned serious once more. “And not one of them has left the same imprint on me that you have. I’m not just saying that to get into your pants again.” He paused, his eyes becoming hooded. “Although I’d really, really like to get into your pants again.”
I laughed, my heart brimming at his ability to make jokes during a serious conversation, as if he knew I needed it. It was as if he always knew exactly what I needed.
“I’d really, really like that, too.”
A smile tugged at his mouth. “Molly, what I’m trying to say is…” He took a deep breath, wetting his lips again. “I want to be able to call you my girlfriend and have a smug look on my face when all my friends find out you can write one hell of a sex scene and use me as a very willing guinea pig.”
I pouted playfully. “Are you just using me for my mommy porn?”
“No. Never.” He grinned. “Maybe just a little.”
Arching my body into his, I forced his head toward me. “You can use me any time you’d like,” I murmured flirtatiously.
Groaning, his mouth moved against mine once more. All my worries momentarily left me. I’d often rolled my eyes in romance novels, including my own, when the heroine claimed all her fears were miraculously erased after the hero touched or kissed her, but I understood it now. It wasn’t that I had no more concerns or trepidations. It was the knowledge I wasn’t alone in my fear, that we were in this together.
“So… Dinner?” He raised a brow, looking down at me.
I gestured to my jeans and ratty t-shirt, not to mention the hair I’d haphazardly knotted in a bun on top of my head. “I’m not exactly dressed for it.”
“Don’t worry about that.” Winking, he grabbed my hand and tugged me with him. “I know the perfect place.”
My stomach fluttered when he glanced at me with more adoration than anyone ever had. I couldn’t remember anyone ever looking upon me with such devotion.
“So… You never answered my question,” I said, breaking through the silence as he led me toward Hanover Street and the North End. “How did you know where I was?”
He grinned. “Your brother.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, pulling my hand from his. “Drew? But won’t he think something’s going on between us?”
Noah held my arms, a satisfied expression on his face. “I want him to think something’s going on between us. I said I wanted to be with you, Molly, and not just behind closed doors. I want to go out in public with you. I want to hold your hand everywhere we go. I want everyone to know how incredible you are. I’m not going to hide you away like some secret I don’t want anyone to find out about.”
I tugged my lip between my teeth. “But what if you get in trouble? Isn’t it frowned upon for a doctor to form an intimate relationship with someone involved in the decision-making process for one of his patients?”
He cocked his head.
“Google.” I shrugged.
A peaceful look crossed his face. “It is, which is why I am no longer your father’s neurologist. Since it’s a bit of a gray area, I sought an opinion from the medical board. As long as I shield myself from anything to do with your father’s care, it wouldn’t be unethical for me to be involved with you, considering he’s now a former patient.”
“But when we kissed the first time, you were my father’s doctor. What if someone finds out?”
“I’ll deal with it if and when the time comes. Right now, I just want to be with you. There’s no telling what the future holds. I’m not going to worry myself with a bunch of what ifs. Not right now. I just want to hold your hand as we walk through the city streets, then have dinner with you. I don’t care who sees us. In fact, I want everyone to see us,” he declared with such joy, such fervor, such zeal. No one had ever fought so hard for me before and it chipped at another piece of the wall I’d erected around my heart. “Okay?”
“Okay,” I said in a small voice, blindly allowing him to lead me down a few side streets I knew like the back of my hand.
In a daze, I didn’t notice when he turned down my street until the familiar scent of my family’s café found its way to my nostrils. I gave Noah a smile, grateful he knew my perfect idea of dinner was an appetizer of takeout with him as my main course.
I dug through my bag, searching for my keys.
“We’re not going to your place.” He grabbed my keys, tossing them back into my bag. Clutching my hand in his, he continued past my front stoop, dragging me up the steps of Drew’s apartment building.
My eyes widened. “What are we doing here?”
“Don’t you do family dinner every Sunday?”
“Yes, but—”
“I know how important family is to you. I won’t come between that.”
“You think this is a good idea? I mean…” I avoided his eyes, not knowing how Drew would react to this rather drastic change of events. I knew I’d have some serious explaining to do, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that just yet.
“I do. Your brother did, too. He’s the one who invited me, although he did warn me if I ever do anything to hurt you, he’ll make sure I pay for it dearly.”
“That sounds like Drew,” I mumbled, nausea filling my stomach, my mouth suddenly dry.
“It’s okay,” Noah encouraged. “It’ll all be okay.” I had no idea why he was reassuring me when this was my family. You’d think it would have been the other way around. Wasn’t he supposed to be the nervous one? “This is all part of being in a relationship. But if you’re not ready, we can do something else.”
I sighed. “Then I’ll never hear the end of it from Drew and Brooklyn. Drew would just hunt me down and haul my ass over here anyway.” I faced the door and placed my hand on the knob. “I just need to warn you. My family can be a bit…loud.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything else.”
“At least I know Drew has plenty of wine.”
Noah chuckled as I opened the door, the sound of boisterous voices filling the stairwell. As we headed up the stairs, I could hear my uncle Leo telling another one of his fishing stories. I wanted to turn around and run, the prospect of introducing Noah to my family as my boyfriend making my stomach roll. I didn’t see how this could possibly go well. Worse, I knew Drew and Brooklyn would put two and two together and figure out there was no coworker. They’d realize it was Noah all along. I feared one of them would slip and Noah would find out I only wanted to spend time with him in the beginning to use him as inspiration.
For the first time I could remember, I actually wanted to be with him. I’d never felt a pang in my chest at the prospect of any of the men I dated walking out on me. With Noah, it wasn’t just a pang. It was a full-on gripping ache.
Drawing in a breath, I pushed open the door to Drew’s apartment. Silence fell over the living room as we stood in the doorway. I felt like I’d just shown up to a party naked. I glanced down to reassure myself that wasn’t the case.
“Molly Mae!” my uncle Leo bellowed, breaking the stiff silence. “Get in here, peanut! You’re letting in a draft.”
Gritting a smile, I pulled Noah into the modest living area of my brother’s apartment, shutting the door behind us. Only my uncle Leo would complain about letting in a draft in June. Careful to avoid any of the girls’ toys strewn about, I led Noah toward the peninsula where everyone was congregated, laughing over appetizers of calamari and mushroom canapés.
“Don’t be rude, Molly,” Gigi said. A smug, yet satisfied expression broke out on her face. “Aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?”
“Like he even needs an introduction. I’m pretty sure you all know him already.” I looked at all the familiar faces. For years, it had been a tradition to get together at Drew’s every Sunday with a sliver of my huge family, which consisted of me, Drew, the girls, Aunt Gigi, Uncle Leo, and Brooklyn. She wasn’t related by blood, but she was part of our tribe.
“Good to see you, Dr. McAllister,” Drew said, breaking the tension, holding out his hand to Noah, who took it, giving my brother a smile.
“It’s Noah. Please, just call me Noah.”
“I’m sure you remember Aunt Gigi and Uncle Leo.” I gestured to a short, balding man with glasses, then the petite sixty-five-year-old graying brunette at his side.
“Of course. Pleasure to see you both again,” Noah replied with a smile.
“Oh, the pleasure is all ours.” Aunt Gigi winked.
“And this is Brooklyn.” I nodded at my best friend, who looked like she had a thousand questions she was bursting to ask. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself in it.
“Nice to meet you,” Noah said cordially.
Brooklyn simply studied him, her lips pinched. I’d expected Drew to be the one concerned with this arrangement. I didn’t anticipate Brooklyn to have reservations.
“If you’ll excuse us for a minute.” She offered a tight smile, then gripped my arm, tugging me away.
I glanced over my shoulder as she led me from the kitchen and toward the hallway. “I’ll be right back.”
Noah gave me an understanding look. Relief washed over me when Drew slung his arm over his shoulder and led him toward the wet bar, asking what he’d like to drink.
Brooklyn pushed me into Drew’s bedroom, then practically slammed the door. She whirled around. “What the hell is going on, Molly?”
“It’s kind of a long story, Brook. One I’d rather not get into tonight.”
She crossed her arms, standing in front of the door to prevent me from leaving. “I’ll take the bullet points. How did you go from pursuing a coworker at the magazine, to going on a date last night with some guy you met online, to now dating your father’s doctor?” She narrowed her eyes. “Is this because the guy at work rejected you? So what? You find someone else who’s off limits to use as a muse?”
“Shh!” I pulled her away from the door and toward Drew’s bed. “It’s not like that.”
“Then tell me exactly what it’s like. From where I’m standing, it looks like you’re willing to let that poor guy jeopardize his career just for a stupid book. I’ve stayed quiet for years, but I’m done, so you’d better have a damn good explanation for what the hell is going on.”
Dropping onto the bed, I hugged one of Drew’s pillows to me, trying to collect my thoughts. “There never was a coworker.” I peeked over the pillow.
Silence rang in the room.
“That day at the Common, when I was trying to overcome my writer’s block, it was Noah who saved me from being mauled by a bunch of savage miscreants.”
“Or ducks.” She sat on the edge of the mattress.
“Details.” I shot her a smile, a dreamy look crossing my face. “We hung out for hours just talking about whatever popped into our heads. After I left, I couldn’t wait to get home to write. I’d never felt so inspired before, and that’s when my book took on a completely different feel.” I sighed. “Maybe my reasons for spending time with him were selfish at first. So many times when I’m writing, I get distracted by everything else. After spending time with Noah, I didn’t give in to those distractions. I couldn’t stop the story that bled from me.”
“It was a damn good book, one you never should have tossed out,” Brooklyn admitted. “So when you said you kissed your coworker and he pushed you away…” She raised her brow.
“It was Noah.” I shook my head. “After my dad grew violent with me that time, Noah wanted to make sure I hadn’t suffered a concussion or anything from falling and hitting my head. He took me to one of the exam rooms.” A tingle spread through my limbs as I recalled our first kiss, the adrenaline of it being wrong, the fullness in my heart making me feel more satisfied than I ever had.
“So he took advantage of your injured state?” she hissed, her expression cold, her lips pinched. “Real stand-up guy.”
“He didn’t take advantage of anything, Brook. I was the one who kissed him. I initiated it. Sure, he kissed me back, and it was fucking amazing, but he came to his senses and stormed out of the room. I confronted him the following day after I found out he had my father’s care transferred to a different neurologist. I didn’t see him again…until I went out with Paul last night. By the way, did you know that Soul Mate is a Mormon dating website?”
Her eyes widened in surprise as she studied me, then burst out laughing. “You went out with someone from there?”
“I had no idea. He didn’t come off as all holier-than-thou when we messaged each other. But when the waitress came to take our orders, he said we didn’t drink. I knew something was up, so I hid away in the bathroom to find out where I’d met him. Brook, he asked me to say the blessing before we ate.”
Brooklyn giggled. “I would have paid to see this. I’m pretty sure a church would erupt in flames if you ever stepped through the doors.”
“Well, the date definitely went up in flames.”
“How does Noah figure in to all this?” She leaned closer, engaged in the story. Her fury from earlier had begun to wane, and it was comforting to see the version of my friend I was used to.
“He was at the same restaurant with this gorgeous blonde, who also happened to be a doctor and knew my date. As they were leaving, they stopped by our table.”
“What did you do?” she asked, her attention rapt.
“I was surrounded by all these wicked smart doctors, so I did what I always do when I feel uncomfortable.” I shrugged.
“Oh, my god. You made a tasteless joke,” Brooklyn said, horror on her face. She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.
“The blonde was a gynecologist, so I asked if she ever got tired of looking at vaginas. Honestly, I was curious. I don’t know if I could deal with looking at beavers all day.”
She burst out laughing, shaking her head. “Only you.”
“I didn’t know what else to say. Noah stood less than a foot from me with this tall, strikingly beautiful doctor. I couldn’t compete with that.”
Brooklyn’s jovial expression fell as she placed her hand over mine. “You’re a beautiful, smart woman, too, Molly. Who cares if you didn’t go to med school?”
I smiled, offering her a silent thanks.
“So what happened next?” she inquired after a long pause.
“Like I said, the date was a flop, although he wanted me to go to church with him this morning.” I cringed. “I debated on giving him Aunt Gigi’s number to see if she’d be interested in converting to Mormonism.”
Playfully hitting me, she chuckled. “Stop it.”
“When I got back home and started up my steps, I heard a voice call my name.”
“Aww,” Brooklyn cooed, resting a hand over her heart as she fell onto Drew’s bed. She rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow. It reminded me of all the nights we spent sleeping over at one another’s houses in middle school, gossiping about boys. “How romantic.”
“He told me how he couldn’t stop thinking about me. That he was sorry for ignoring me the past few weeks, but he was just scared. Then I invited him upstairs.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Answer me this. After he apologized and probably poured his heart out to you, although you’re conveniently leaving those details out of this retelling, what was your intention?”
“What do you mean? What intention?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Did you only invite him upstairs because he inspired you to write? Do you plan to just toss him out when that’s no longer the case?”
“No!” I exclaimed, then drew in a long breath. “I mean, when I invited him upstairs, it might have been.”
“You understand this man is potentially risking his career just to be with you, correct?” Her tone was direct, harsh, abrasive, at odds with the light and carefree Brooklyn I was used to.
“I understand that! But something changed. I actually felt something when I was with him.”
“An orgasm?”
“No, Brook. Something. It was beautiful and wonderful and everything I imagined it would be. So naturally, in the light of day, I realized last night was a monumental mistake.”
“Oh, jeez,” Brooklyn muttered, rolling her eyes. “So what did you do? The walk of shame from your own house?”
“Thankfully, I didn’t have to, although I had planned my escape. When I finally summoned the courage to roll over in my bed, it was empty. He got called into work. I spent all day figuring out how to avoid seeing him again.”
“Well, from the looks of things, you did a great job.”
I laughed. “He went to my place looking for me when I didn’t go visit Dad today.”
“You didn’t go see your dad?” Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.
Biting my lip, I slowly shook my head. “I’ve never allowed a man to come between me and my friends or family before. I had no desire to see Noah, so I ditched my father to avoid running into him. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I knew last night was a bad idea. At least I thought it was…until I talked to Aunt Gigi this morning.”
“Wait a minute.” Brooklyn shot off the bed. “You talked to your aunt about hot doctor sex and not me?!”
“You were working!” I argued in my defense, pulling her back onto the bed. “And she didn’t know it was hot doctor sex. I mean, I don’t think I mentioned sex. Maybe I did. I don’t know. Anyway, she told me about my mom and dad. She said a lot of things that made sense…” I looked away. “Too much sense. Now I wonder whether I wasted the best years of my life hung up on some crazy motto I thought my idol, my father, lived by. It wasn’t a motto at all, but a reminder of why the love of his life, the mother of his children, didn’t want him. That was why he had said ‘real love isn’t real life’. It wasn’t because he believed the words to be true. It was because my mother had told him those very same words each and every time he tried to convince her to come back. She broke his heart, but you know what? He never gave up on her.” I fidgeted with my hands in my lap.
“So when Noah found me in Columbus Park toying with the idea of jumping on a plane… I don’t know. I’m scared, but like Gigi said, maybe that’s how I know it’s real.”
Brooklyn sighed, then clutched my hand in hers. “I honestly never thought I’d see the day when Molly Brinks, Metropolitan Magazine’s own serial dater, would settle down.”
“Hey! I’m not settling down! I’m still the same Molly. Being with Noah isn’t going to change me.”
“I think he already has.” She winked just as a soft knock sounded on the door.
Drew poked his head in. “Everything okay in here?”
“Of course.” I smoothed my jeans and stood from the bed. “Sorry. We kind of got carried away.”
“Don’t be.” He offered me a smile. “Dinner’s almost ready.”
I looked at Brooklyn. “Are we good?”
She got up from the bed and wrapped her arms around me. “Of course we are.” She squeezed me tight, then headed out of the bedroom. Drew and I followed down the hallway. As we were about to rejoin the crowd, he pulled me aside.
“I’m happy for you, Molly,” he offered, surprising me.
“You shouldn’t have found out like this. I should have told you the truth from the very beginning.”
He lifted a brow, smirking. “Do you honestly think I fell for your little story about a coworker you never spoke of before?”
“You knew?” My eyes widened. “For how long?”
“Long enough.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I don’t know. I thought if I didn’t pry, if I didn’t push, maybe this one would be different than all the others.” A wide smile crossed his face. “I guess I was right.”
He grabbed my elbow and tugged me into the living room. My heart warmed when my eyes fell on Noah sitting on the floor with Alyssa and Charlotte, having a pretend tea party.
“Don’t let it go to your head,” I muttered.
“Too late.” He handed me a glass of wine as I leaned against the peninsula, not wanting to take my eyes off how comfortable Noah looked surrounded by relative strangers. It was as if he belonged here.