CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I PUT MY CAR in park outside the nursing home, then checked my reflection in the rearview mirror. I hastily applied a bit of lip gloss before stepping out of the car and scurrying across the parking lot. Reggie looked up from his book as I walked through the front doors, heading straight for the sign-in form.
“Wait a second, Molly.” He shot up, unease on his face.
I frowned, confused by this unexpected change in protocol. I’d been coming to see my father every day since we had to move him here. This was the first time anyone had tried to stop me from signing in.
“What is it?”
He blew out an uneasy sigh. “I’ve been instructed that your father can’t have any visitors at the moment.”
“By whom?”
“Dr. McAllister,” he answered guardedly. “Dr. Connors, the executive director, agreed with this decision, as well.”
“That’s bullshit.” I raised my voice, heat building in my face at the idea that Noah issued this order.
It wasn’t the fact someone was trying to prevent me from seeing my father that irked me. It was the idea of him being alone with only the nursing staff to take care of him. This was precisely why I fought against putting him in a home for as long as I could. Now his own daughter was being kept from him.
“Why?” I ran my hands through my hair, seething.
“It’s a safety issue,” Reggie responded in a quiet voice, sympathy etched in the lines of his face. “If it were up to me, I’d let you go, but I could lose my job if I did and something happened to you.”
“Nothing’s going to happen to me! He’s my father, for crying out loud! He never so much as spanked me when I was growing up! He’s always been the most docile, congenial man I know!”
“That may be,” a gruff voice said. I whirled around to see Noah approaching the front desk. “But he’s not the same man anymore. You know that just as well as I do. You’ve said so yourself.”
“Why can’t I see him?”
“It’s not just you, Ms. Brinks,” he replied in a formal voice, a complete one-eighty from the fun and carefree version of Noah I’d been spending time with over the past several weeks. It served as yet another reminder that our friendship…I wasn’t even sure we could call it that at this point…would always be second to his career. “Even the nursing staff isn’t allowed to see him without security present.”
“Security? What the hell is going on?” I looked from Noah to Reggie, then back to Noah again, wanting someone to tell me what had happened.
“I’d be happy to discuss this with you in private.” He glowered at me, obviously upset I had raised my voice.
“I don’t want to discuss this in private. I want you to tell me what the fuck happened in the last twenty-four hours that you’re now keeping my father completely isolated!” I took a breath, stepping toward Noah. My voice barely a whisper, I added, “You know damn well how I feel about this.”
Sighing, his stern demeanor cracked and he ran his fingers through his hair. “I understand.” He closed the distance. His hand flinched, as if he wanted to reach out and touch me, but prevented himself from doing so. I wondered if it would always be this way between us. If he would try to hide even our friendship from everyone. I didn’t know why I cared so much. I had never needed reassurance of a man’s feelings toward me before. Why did I need it now?
“He’s taken a turn, Molly,” Noah explained quietly. “You’ve seen it with your own eyes these past few weeks. His speech has become impaired. He’s having so much difficulty communicating, he’s grown increasingly more violent, lashing out at everyone, particularly during the evening hours. I have no reason to believe he’ll act any differently around you. I’m not willing to put you in that type of situation.”
“Well, I’m willing to take that risk,” I shot back. “He’s my father. I’m not going to leave without seeing him. You’ll have to have security throw me out.” I glared at him for several long moments, then softened my expression. “Please. It’s not even close to sundown yet. Maybe he just needs to know there’s someone out there who still cares about him.” I leaned toward Noah, my voice barely audible. “What would you have done to have just five more minutes with your father?”
I hated using his personal information against him, but I didn’t know what else to do. My father needed to know he wasn’t alone, even if he didn’t know who I was at the moment.
Noah ran his hand over his face, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “Fine,” he relented. “You can have ten minutes.”
“Two hours. Like usual.”
“One hour, and that’s it.”
“Fine. One hour.” I stepped back to the front desk and scratched my name on the sign-in sheet while Reggie eyed both of us with intrigue. Smiling at my victory, I grabbed the visitor badge and proceeded down the hallway.
“An orderly and a security guard will be present,” Noah called out.
I huffed, spinning around, watching him approach with a furtive stare. “What could have possibly happened to make you think I need protection from my own father?”
“He doesn’t know he’s your father.” His tone was even. “He’s been lashing out, refusing to eat, shouting incoherent thoughts.”
“And how is that different from every other day?”
He breathed in through his nose, pinching his lips together as he stared at me, fire in his gaze. “One of the orderlies was helping him into the bathroom after lunch. She now has five stitches in her forehead.”
My eyes widened as I shook my head. “That doesn’t sound like him.”
“It’s the disease. These violent episodes never have any warning so I need to do everything I can to keep those around him safe.” He lowered his voice. “I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there. I didn’t want to think my father would ever hurt me. The disease eats away at him. He doesn’t know which way is up and it scares the shit out of him. So much so, he has no choice but to try to protect himself from what he perceives as a potential threat.”
“I just want to read to him.”
“And you can.” He grabbed my hands in his. I shot my eyes to him, surprised by the sudden change. Whenever I was at the nursing home, Noah had always made a conscious effort to avoid coming within even an inch of me. “But with people who are trained to deal with this sort of behavior close by in case he lashes out at you.”
“I don’t like it—”
“I know you don’t,” he answered quickly. A tingle spread through me when he caressed my knuckles. “But this is the only way right now. I’m hoping tomorrow will be different.”
“Is this why you’re here on your day off?” I asked.
“I said goodbye to the idea of days off the second I decided to go into this field. My patients are my priority. Always have been. The staff called and said your father was having an unusually bad day. It’s my job to keep him safe, even on the weekends.”
Footsteps sounded from down the hall and he quickly withdrew his hands from mine, taking a step back. I didn’t know why I expected anything different, but it still pained me.
“Dr. McAllister,” a large man in a security uniform said upon seeing us. “You requested assistance?”
“Yes. Larry, this is Molly Brinks. She’d like to spend about an hour visiting her father. I’d like you to remain in the room with her, along with Brian.” He nodded at the orderly by his side.
“Certainly, sir. We’ll make sure everyone remains safe.”
“Thank you.”
“This way, Ms. Brinks,” Larry said.
I forced myself to tear my eyes from Noah’s and followed Larry down the familiar hallways toward my father’s room. He opened the door and allowed me to enter first, remaining within an arm’s reach of me at all times. This all felt like visiting hours at a prison, but I bit back any derogatory comments. If this was the only way I could see my father, I’d suffer through.
“Hiya, Dad.” I gave him a congenial smile as he sat in his favorite chair, a shape sorter on the table beside him. It reminded me of a child’s toy. My heart ached thinking how low he’d fallen in such a short time. It wasn’t fair.
His eyes met mine and, for a split second, I thought I saw a hint of recognition in his warmhearted gaze.
“I heard you’re having a bit of a rough day.” I tried to pretend nothing had changed, that this was just like any other day. “But I’m here now.” I lowered myself into the chair beside him, grabbing his hand in mine.
When Larry started toward me, I glared at him. He stopped, still hovering in case he needed to quickly defuse the situation. “It’ll be okay,” I assured him, then returned my attention to my dad.
Eyeing a new book on the side table, as if a silent instruction to read it, I picked it up. Memories of tenth grade English class rushed forward as I flipped through the pages. Turning to the first chapter, I cleared my throat, then started reading. A heat fell on my skin, as if someone was watching me. I glanced up. Noah leaned against the doorjamb, wearing an expression I couldn’t quite place. Returning his tight smile, I continued reading.
“Even then, he was the most striking figure in Starkfield, though he was but the ruin of a man.”
Noah continued to hold my gaze, a pang forming in my heart as I recalled the story of Ethan Frome and Miss Mattie Silver’s forbidden affections toward each other, their botched attempt to find a way to spend eternity together, and the sad result of the sled accident that caused so many girls in my high school English class to shed a few tears. Not me. I saw the book for what it was…an allegory that the illusion of love could destroy your life, although my English teacher didn’t quite agree.
“Keep going,” Noah’s voice cut through my thoughts as I contemplated whether my English teacher was right. Maybe the lesson in Ethan Frome wasn’t that love could destroy your life, but that life was too short not to take risks. According to her, love didn’t destroy Ethan’s life. It was society’s limitations that forced his desire to abandon the burdens put on him. It was impossible to ignore the parallels between this book and the story I was currently writing…and living.
I shot my gaze to my father. “Did you…?” I asked with a quiver, wondering if he set this book out after hearing me tell him what I was working on. I could feel three sets of eyes on me.
It was probably nothing, but my heart filled with hope my father’s condition wasn’t progressing as fast as everyone believed. In my soul, I knew he’d heard me tell him the storyline of my book and remembered it enough to want to read another forbidden romance. He still had some memories. He wasn’t a lost hope yet.
Returning my eyes to the page, I lost myself in Edith Wharton’s tragic tale, thinking of my own book and what fate awaited Avery and Jackson. I didn’t quite know how their story would end. Would they be able to overcome the limitations and expectations imposed on them by society? Or would they crash and burn like Ethan and Miss Mattie Silver?
Consumed with the story, I lost track of time. Just when things had started heating up, as much as they could in early twentieth-century literature, a loud throat clearing tore me away from the book.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Brinks.” Larry loomed over me, Brian standing beside him. “Doctor’s orders. Time’s up.”
I glanced around the room to see the doorway now empty. Nodding, I reluctantly placed a shoestring between the pages of the book. A smile tugged at my lips as I recalled my father always using an old shoestring to hold his spot…a habit I now used in my life.
I left the book on the side table, then met my father’s eyes. I would have given anything to rewind the clock to those days when we would read together every night. I’d never forget the disappointment in his eyes when, as I neared adolescence, I told him I’d rather read by myself. I shouldn’t have shut him out like I did. I should have granted him the one thing he had in common with me…a love of the written word.
“I have to go, Dad,” I told him, standing. “But I’ll be back tomorrow and we’ll read some more, just like when I was little.”
He gave me a lopsided smile, then mumbled something incoherent.
I was about to give him a hug when the security guard and orderly rushed toward me. I stepped back in surprise, my eyes fierce.
“What the hell? I’m just giving him a hug.”
“Just a precaution, ma’am,” Larry explained.
“I understand that,” I hissed in a quiet voice, hoping my dad couldn’t understand what was going on. “But he’s my father. As you’ve seen with your own two eyes, he’s been calm the entire time I’ve been here. He may be confused, but he knows I’m not here to cause him any harm. I’ll be fine.”
Before they could stop me, I spun back around and flung my arms around my father, wishing he could understand he wasn’t alone. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, Josie,” he mumbled, his speech slurred.
I drew in a breath. These were the first real words I’d heard him say in over a week. My teeth gritted. I hated the idea this man would die thinking I was the woman who deserted him and his family, not the daughter who idolized him.
“I’m not Josie. I’m Molly, your daughter.”
“Molly?” he said, sounding almost like an infant learning to speak for the first time.
I pulled back, searching his eyes, praying for a hint of recognition. “Yes, Dad. I’m Molly.”
In a flash, his serene expression turned irate. Before I could react, he wrapped his hands around my throat, his strength surprising for his frail condition. Everything else was a blur as I struggled to capture a breath of welcome oxygen. One moment, I was being choked by the man who gave me life; the next, I was pushed away violently. Unable to maintain my balance, I fell back, hitting my head on the corner of the coffee table.
Disoriented, I blinked, the bright lights in the room obscuring my vision. A dark figure leaned over me, Brian’s face coming into view. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the security guard pinning my father’s arms behind his back.
“Stop! You’re going to hurt him!” I screamed, my heart pounding. “He doesn’t know what he’s doing!” I tried to sit up and go to him, but the room spun.
A flurry of medical staff descended on the room, ushering my dad from the sitting area and into the bedroom. Almost immediately, his irate yelling and shouting ceased.
“Are you okay?”
I glanced to my left, surprised to see Noah crouching down beside me. His wide eyes raked over every inch of me, his breathing ragged.
“Of course I am,” I shot back, quickly standing up. Dizziness set in and I lost my balance. Noah reacted quickly and grabbed my waist, preventing me from falling.
“Get a wheelchair,” he ordered Brian.
“You got it.” He dashed out of the room.
“I don’t need a wheelchair,” I insisted, trying to push away from Noah, but he was too strong for me in my still rattled state. “It’s just a little headrush. I’m fine.”
“If you don’t mind, Molly, I’ll let a professional make that determination.” His hand on my elbow, he slowly lowered me to one of the chairs.
“Who? You?” I cocked a brow at him as he kneeled in front of me, studying my face intently. My hands still shook from the unexpected attack. I didn’t want to believe my father had any hatred in his heart.
“I do have a medical degree, after all.” Noah flashed a compassionate smile, then reached for my neck, pressing against it slightly.
I flinched when he hit a tender spot.
“That hurt?”
“No,” I lied. I didn’t want him to feel any more guilt for what had happened than he already did. He wasn’t to blame. He had tried to warn me, but I’d been too stubborn to listen. I’d pushed him. I’d used personal information I knew about his family history to persuade him to allow me to see my father when he’d insisted it wasn’t safe.
“Nice try, Molly. I can’t let you leave until I look you over.”
I raised my eyebrows, my heart rate slowly returning to normal. Since day one, Noah had an uncanny ability to calm me. The same was true today, as well.
“Does that line work on all the ladies?” I needed to laugh about the ridiculousness of the current situation I found myself in. I didn’t want to think about the possible ramifications of what had happened. I feared I’d never be able to see my father without supervision again. The disease already isolated him. Not being able to offer him any sort of love or compassion would only make matters worse.
Noah’s face turned red in the most adorable way. “Not like you’d think.”
Brian returned, pushing a wheelchair toward us.
“Thanks, Brian.” Noah stood up, stepping away from me, his voice demanding once more. “Please wheel Ms. Brinks to an open exam room. I’ll be along.”
Brian took my elbow and helped me into the wheelchair. As he pushed me out of the room, I glanced over my shoulder at the open door to my father’s bedroom. I could see him sitting on his bed, what looked like an old photo album splayed on his lap. There was a smile on his face.