Nine
“It’s too quiet around here,” Claire said as she washed up the last of the dinner dishes.
Luca looked up from his spot on the living-room floor. He and Eva were having fun with some fabric blocks with little tags on the edges. Frankly, he couldn’t understand the appeal. He cut the tags off every piece of clothing he owned, but babies seemed completely enamored with them.
“I know what you mean,” he said. His family had left a few days earlier. After three solid days of big Italian family chaos, the house almost seemed to echo with emptiness. “It always takes me a while to adjust to being alone again after we have get-togethers. Does that mean you like my family?”
Luca wasn’t quite sure how his quiet, reserved Claire would handle Mia, much less the whole crew at once, but she’d done amazingly well. She fit in better than he’d ever expected. Whether or not she enjoyed her time with them was still a mystery to him, however.
Claire pulled the drain plug in the sink and strolled back into the living room while she dried her hands with a dish towel. “I love your family, Luca. They’re amazing. I didn’t even know a family could be like that. It’s mind-boggling, really. I mean, they’d just met me and they treated me like family. Jeff’s family was always kind to me, but I never felt like I was one of their daughters, even when legally I was.”
Luca smiled at her. “They really liked you. I’m pretty certain they aren’t like that with everyone. Even Carla liked you, and she’s pretty hard to win over. And Mama. Well, you could do no wrong in her eyes. If you spoke Italian, you’d be perfect. Maybe we can work on that,” he added with a grin.
“Very funny,” Claire said as she sat down on the couch.
He turned back to Eva in time to see her let out a big yawn. “Uh-oh. I think she is ready for bed.”
“Like me, I think she’s still recovering from all the overstimulation.”
Claire moved to get up, but Luca raised his hand. “You relax. I’ll put her to bed. Why don’t you pour us some wine, if my sisters didn’t drink it all.”
Luca stood and lifted Eva into his arms. Her little eyes kept slowly closing, then startling open as she tried to keep herself awake. “Don’t fight it, bella.”
It only took a few minutes to change the baby, put her into her pajamas and settle her into her crib. He turned on the mobile overhead and ran his hand over her soft baby curls. “Buona notte, cara mia.”
Eva cooed at him for a moment, then her eyes fluttered closed. That was quick. Slipping out quietly, he closed the bedroom door behind him. “You know,” he said, “it’s almost time to go back to New York and we haven’t done the one thing we said we came here to do.”
Claire glanced up at him from her spot on the sofa with a curious look. “What’s that?”
“Discuss the custody arrangement we want to submit to the judge.”
An odd expression flickered in her eyes. Luca couldn’t tell if it was disappointment, fear, anxiety or a combination of all three. “Okay. Let’s discuss it, then.”
Luca crossed the living-room floor and settled on the couch beside her. “Have you had a chance to review the proposal that Edmund sent up here with me?”
“Yes, I looked it over. There wasn’t a lot that concerned me. I was surprised, honestly. It seemed pretty standard to me, and after the time we’ve spent here, I think most of my worries about your abilities as a father have been addressed. I only had one question. The child support seemed a little high to me.”
Luca’s brow went up. “High? I’m sure that’s the first time anyone’s ever heard that.” He wondered, sometimes, if Claire underestimated just how much he was worth. Any other woman would’ve done her research and milked him for every penny.
Claire shrugged off his comment. “Even if I put her in one of the best schools in Manhattan and dressed her in designer clothes, I wouldn’t need that much each month. We have a nice home, a caregiver. It makes me worry a little.”
“About what?”
“That you’re wanting more from me than the plan outlines. Is there an expectation that I should sell my brownstone and move to Manhattan? The expense of an Upper East Side apartment near you is the only thing I could imagine would justify the money.”
The thought had crossed his mind a time or two, but he had learned early on that trying to push Claire would get him nowhere. He had to use his best negotiating skills to get what he wanted. “That wasn’t my intention, no. But would it be so bad if I wanted that? You’d be closer to the museum. Closer to the schools we discussed. It would be easier on Eva to move back and forth between us, or for one of us to step in if the other needed them.”
Luca watched the wheels silently turn in her head as he spoke. He knew it made sense, but he knew she also loved her place. “It’s up to you, but as you said, that amount of money I’m offering you could easily make that a possibility.”
She brushed a stray strand of honey blond hair from her face and nodded. “I’ll have to think on that. I like being able to get away from the chaos of the city sometimes.”
He laughed. “You act as though Brooklyn is in the middle of a hayfield. If you want, I’ll buy a country house in Connecticut you can visit whenever you need to get away.”
Claire’s eyes widened. “Don’t be silly.”
Luca didn’t think it was silly. It seemed completely practical to him. Despite all his planning to seduce Claire and lure her into a relationship while keeping himself emotionally removed, he’d failed miserably. He wasn’t sure he’d call what he felt for her love, but he certainly felt more than he’d ever intended to.
At this point, he was willing to do almost anything it took to get Claire to play a bigger role in his life. Having her live nearby was just one part of that. If buying a country house helped his cause, so be it. He was dreading the end of this trip. He knew that returning home would mean long hours in the office, and, if he was lucky, seeing Eva every other weekend. That wasn’t good enough for him, especially when nothing in the paperwork dictated how often he’d get to see Claire.
“Well, how about this? I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this the past few days since my family left. If I’m being honest, I don’t want to let what you and I have started slip away. I want us to build on it. It’s all new to me, this relationship stuff, but I want to know how much more we can have together. And maybe if that happens and goes well, all that paperwork and custody agreements won’t matter anymore. I don’t just want Eva in my life, Claire. I want you in my life, too.”
Claire’s mouth dropped open the way it always did when he stole her prepared words from her lips. After a moment, her jaw closed and she smiled. “I want you in my life, too, Luca.”
Luca leaned into her, wiping away the smile with his kiss. The minute his lips met hers, he felt that familiar surge of need run though his body and urge him on. That touch, combined with being alone again in the house, reminded him just how long he’d gone without touching Claire the way he’d wanted to. While his family was there, she had kept her distance. Now that she’d agreed to be in his life for a while longer, he wanted her back in his bed, as well.
“Luca,” Claire said as she pressed against his chest with the palms of her hands. “Wait. I’m glad you’re happy, but I wasn’t finished. There was a ‘but’ coming.”
But? Luca sat back against the arm of the couch with a frown. “What’s wrong?”
Claire sighed. “There’s nothing wrong, per se, but I wanted you to know that your mother told me something while she was here.”
Luca felt the dull ache of dread in his stomach. She hadn’t... Who was he kidding? Of course she had. His mother never respected his desire to keep his private past private. “What did she happen to share?” he asked, knowing full well what the answer was—she knew he was a one-balled wonder and had reservations about the two of them together.
Claire’s eyebrows drew together in concern. “She told me about Jessica and the baby. Primarily, the point was how happy you seemed and how she’d wanted it so badly after everything you went through with Jessica. It worries me, Luca.”
Luca was surprised. He thought for sure his mother would’ve spilled the cancer story. Perhaps she’d finally agreed to let him put that behind him. He breathed a sigh of relief. “What worries you, exactly?”
“That you didn’t tell me about it yourself,” she said, surprising him. “Since we’ve been here, I’ve told you every secret I have. I told you about Jeff, about my feelings of inadequacy and my failing marriage. You had a million opportunities to open up to me about this, but you didn’t.”
“It didn’t seem relevant,” Luca said. “It turned out to be nothing. I don’t have another child you don’t know about, so I didn’t think it would matter to you.”
“It’s not about the child, but that you kept it to yourself. Secrets worry me, Luca. Jeff kept secrets. And as much as I want you in my life and I want to see how far this can go, I need to know you’re going to be honest with me, even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it might expose the ugly parts of ourselves that we don’t want anyone to see. It concerns me that you don’t trust what we have enough to share that with me. It makes me wonder what else you’re keeping from me.”
Luca started to open his mouth to insist he wasn’t keeping things from her, but she held her finger to his lips. “Don’t. Don’t tell me you’re not, because I know that you are. Tell me, Luca. Tell me why you were at the fertility clinic. What happened to you? Tell me right now or I can’t move forward with this.”
Luca sighed. He’d been dreading this moment since he’d decided to make a future with Claire. Things could go horribly wrong from here, but he got the feeling it would be worse to avoid her questions. As much as he didn’t want to, he needed to tell this story at least one more time.
“When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I missed most of my junior and senior years going through treatment. I had to have surgery to remove the tumor along with one of my testicles, then I went through extensive radiation and chemotherapy. I donated at the fertility clinic before the radiation because I would likely be sterile afterward. That’s why Jessica having my baby was such a huge deal to my family. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have children. I don’t like talking about it, so I avoided your questions about school earlier because it would lead into that topic. I didn’t get to go to prom. I got my diploma in a wheelchair. That whole period of my life was defined by my illness.”
Claire’s expression crumbled into near tears as he told her the truth. He reached his arm out for her. “Come here,” he said. Claire snuggled against him, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. With her beside him and her curious eyes turned away, it was easier for him to talk.
“Don’t cry. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you about that, but it was so hard on me and I don’t like reliving it. I was just a kid. Someone that age shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not they can have children someday when they’d never even kissed a girl, much less face their own mortality. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to my next birthday. The price of beating the cancer was high. It took more from me than a teenager my age could understand at the time. Even now, knowing what I do, I would pay it gladly, but it’s not something that ever goes away. I’ve continued to pay to this day.”
* * *
Claire could hear the pain in Luca’s words and it made her heart break a little more the longer he spoke. He was right; that wasn’t something a child should have to deal with.
“The physical toll was a lot to get over. I recovered from the surgery, my hair grew back after the chemo, but that really isn’t the worst part of it all. The worst part is the waiting.”
“Waiting for what?”
“Waiting for it to show up again.”
She placed a reassuring hand on his knee. “You don’t know that it will. It has been over ten years since you were sick. That’s a long time to go. Don’t you think if the cancer was going to come back it would have already?”
“Don’t use logic in the same context as cancer. It doesn’t work. Besides, I know that’s not true. The treatment I received to destroy the cancer alone puts me at risk of developing a secondary cancer at some point. It also can cause a slew of other health issues later in life. I suppose I should be happy to have a ‘later in life’ to get sick from the long-term effects of the chemo and radiation.”
“So is that why you’ve focused so much on work at the expense of your relationships? In case you got sick again?”
“In part,” he admitted. “The children part doesn’t help, either. I don’t ever want a woman to give up her dream of a family because she had the misfortune of falling in love with me.”
“Luca!” Claire said, sitting up to look him in the eye. “The woman who falls in love with you is anything but unfortunate. You have so much to offer. You’re doing yourself a disservice by only focusing on what you can’t do. Besides, there are plenty of women out there who already have children or don’t want any. Or can’t have any,” she said with a pointed tone. “Like me.”
Luca looked at her with dark eyes that reflected a pain he’d always hidden from her before. There was a vulnerability there that she never expected to see in the eyes of her confident CEO. She hated that he had been through such horrible things, but she was happy to finally feel the last walls coming down between them. He deserved to be happy.
And more than anything, she wanted him to be happy with her. Her defenses were coming down as quickly as his own. Before she could stop herself, she leaned into him, capturing his face in her hands before she pressed her lips to his.
The emotional current running through each of them connected with a spark of a desire. Luca’s hands pulled her closer, his hungry mouth eager to pick up where they’d left off a few minutes ago. This time, Claire wasn’t about to stop him. She eased into his touch, craving the feel of him against her.
It didn’t take long for the throbbing ache of need to build inside her. Claire had been content enough to go without a man for months and months, but Luca had opened Pandora’s box. She wanted him. Now.
Pulling on his shirt, Claire slipped down to the rug and brought Luca with her. Their lips never parted as they slid to the floor. Luca’s heavy body covered hers, the weight of it making her feel secure, somehow. She had been drifting through life since Jeff died, but here and now, she finally had an anchor to keep her steady.
“Make love to me, Luca,” she whispered against his lips. “Let me show you that you’re everything a woman needs.”
Her words lit a fire in him, and she was happy to receive the results of it. His hands slid over her body, pulling at her cotton dress and exposing the length of her leg beneath it. He continued pushing the fabric up until it bunched around her waist.
He sat up then, abandoning her lips at last so she could pull his shirt over his head and toss it away. Her hands immediately moved to his chest, rubbing over the hard muscles. She let the smooth crescents of her fingernails drag over the ridges of his six-pack, leaving tiny half moon imprints just above the waistline of his jeans. Before she could unbutton his fly, Luca moved out of her reach.
He traveled slowly down her body, leaving a trail of kisses across her bare skin. He pushed the straps of her dress off her shoulders and tugged at the neckline until her breasts spilled over the top. His mouth teased and tasted her, sucking hard at her puckered nipples until Claire cried out and buried her fingers in the thick waves of his hair.
The tiny fire he’d ignited in her had grown to a steady burn. She ached for him, tugging him close even as his touch was so intense that she was tempted to pull away. As the kisses moved across her stomach and he nipped at the quivering muscles of her inner thigh, she felt the need gnawing inside her with no release in sight.
With nimble fingers, Luca removed her panties. Claire sighed in relief, thinking she would finally have him, but she was wrong. His jeans were still firmly in place as he pressed her thighs apart. Her breath caught in her throat as she realized what he was doing.
“Luca?” she gasped.
He paused, looking up at her from between her thighs. “Yes, tesorina?”
“What are you...you’re not...?” She couldn’t even ask the question. Claire was embarrassed to admit that this was something she’d never experienced before. Jeff had felt it was unhygienic, although he never seemed concerned when he wanted her to satisfy him.
Luca narrowed his gaze at her just as her cheeks starting flaming with embarrassment. “What’s the matter? Haven’t you been pleasured like this before?”
She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. Claire heard only a low rumble of anger in Luca’s throat.
“I see your bastard of a husband failed in yet another aspect of your marriage. I intend to rectify that right now.”
Claire was torn. It seemed like an incredibly intimate thing. She wasn’t certain if she was ready for something like that. “I don’t know, Luca. I’m not sure I—”
Without warning, Luca’s tongue flicked across her aching flesh and stole her protest. A bolt of pleasure like she’d never experienced before shot through her body. “Luca!” She gasped and arched her back off the plush living-room rug.
He waited until the muscles in her body relaxed again, then he stroked ever so slowly across her with his tongue. Claire bit at her lip to keep from shouting too loudly and waking up Eva. It was difficult, especially when Luca encircled the outside of her thighs with his arms, pressed his palms against her inner thighs and opened her even wider to him.
The sensations of the intimate caress made it easier to forget how awkward all this seemed. The touch of his silky tongue on her most sensitive parts brought her close to an intense climax far faster than she ever anticipated. She wiggled and writhed beneath him, feeling it building inside of her, yet being virtually helpless to do anything about it.
Luca eased up on her for a moment, then he pressed her knees back until they were pushed against her chest. She caught her legs behind each knee to hold them there. At least that gave her something to grasp at when he returned to her, this time with his hands free.
With renewed fervor, he devoured her. Claire could only chant “yes, yes” as he drove her closer and closer to the edge. At the perfect moment, he slipped a finger inside her and she was done. The most intense orgasm she’d ever experienced exploded. Tiny sparks of pleasure danced through her whole body as her muscles quivered and tightened.
Luca retreated, but Claire barely had the energy to open her eyes. She managed to do it just in time to see his jeans pile onto the floor and an empty condom wrapper follow it. He’d kept his promise and went to the store, even with his family’s unexpected arrival.
“Keep your legs right there,” he whispered as he returned to her.
Her overstimulated nerves lit up as he slowly pressed his length into her. With her legs back, he reached farther, deeper than she ever could’ve imagined possible. When he was finished, her knees were resting on his shoulders. She could barely catch her breath, but she didn’t care. This is what she’d wanted, more than anything. She wanted to be one with him in a way she’d never been with anyone else.
Luca murmured soft words in Italian against the sensitive skin of her inner knee as he thrust into her again. Each movement was so slow, so deliberate, so tortuous, as though he didn’t want it to end. She didn’t want it to end, either.
Claire opened her eyes and watched his face as he moved so she would always remember this moment. His brows were drawn together in concentration, as though he were preparing an amazing dish in the kitchen, as if this were the most important task he’d ever completed. He made her feel that way, too—as though she was a priority in his life. She’d never had that before. She didn’t want to let that go. Not at the end of this trip. Not after the judge’s ruling. Not ever.
Because she was in love with him.
After what happened with Jeff, she told herself she wouldn’t make the mistake of falling in love again. You couldn’t trust someone enough not to take your heart and soul and crush it. Claire refused to give someone that much power over her again, and yet here she was. It might not be the smart thing to do, and it might bring her nothing but heartache before it was through, but there was no fighting it any longer.
Claire could feel it down in her bones, down in her core. Even as another release built up inside of her, she knew the sensation couldn’t begin to touch the feeling of love that was warming her heart.
“Yes!” she gasped over and over as she felt both of them tense with anticipation.
Yes, she was close to oblivion. Yes, he was doing everything right. Yes, she wanted him to lose himself in her. Yes, this was better than she could’ve ever dreamed. Yes, she wanted to be with him back in New York. Yes, she loved Luca with everything she was and everything she had.
Yes to it all. He needed only ask the question and she was his forever.