Chapter Eleven
Dominic
The most serious girlfriend that I had ever had was a girl named Madeleine. I used to love her name. I would say it over and over again, letting the syllables fall off my tongue. Madeleine. She was two years my junior and the prettiest girl that I had ever seen. Her hair was auburn in color and fell all the way down to her waist. No matter how many times she cut her hair, it would grow back down in no time. Thick, beautiful hair that seemed to have a life of its own. She was the only girl I had ever truly loved. I told her once. The two of us were sitting in her room when her parents were out, and I’d told her that I loved her. It was the first time that I’d said it. I had been practicing the moment for weeks already, trying to think of different scenarios. In my head, all the scenes had been romantic. In each one of those dreams, the tears had fallen softly down her face as she embraced me. In each one, she told me that she loved me back. I had no doubt in my mind that she loved me as much as I loved her. I had already planned our future together. I had already decided what we would name our kids. I couldn’t wait to share all these thoughts with her.
But when the time finally came in reality, she didn’t say it back to me. Instead, she shook her head and told me that she had met someone else. That day had been the worst day of my life. I had never expected to be so hurt by someone at such a young age. People told me that I would get over it but to this day it lingered inside me.
Madeleine moved to another city, and I was grateful for that. I didn’t want to see her pretty face all over town. Most of all, I didn’t want to see the man that she had left me for. Years later, she had called me, telling me that she was back in town on vacation. Asked if she could see me. I made sure that I was away during that time. I couldn’t afford to let my heart get broken all over again. It had taken me that long to get over the pretty Madeleine. The last thing I wanted was to fall for someone else and watch my heart get trampled on again. I hadn’t lied when I told the boys that I wasn’t interested in girls because I wanted to do well in school and well in my football career. Those were all valid reasons. But they weren’t the only reasons. I just didn’t want to fall in love again.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss with Candice. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way it had made me feel. But most of all, I also couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that went to the same college as we did. As much as I didn’t like him, I couldn’t do that to him. What if he loved Candice as much as I had loved Madeleine? I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t, be the other guy. The one that came along and ruined it all.
And yet, despite all these thoughts whirring through my head, the moment Candice called, I felt my resolve dissolving.
“I’d love to go on another bike ride,” she said after the very sudden and very confusing phone call.
I knew I should’ve said no. I knew I should’ve told her that I wouldn’t see her again. Not like that. But those weren’t the words that came tumbling out my mouth.
“I’ll be right there,” I found myself saying.
I looked in the mirror and felt shame burning through my eyes. What was wrong with me? Why was I so drawn to her?
Fifteen minutes later and Candice had climbed on the bike behind me and wrapped her arms around me. I tried to ignore how good it felt to have her there.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked her.
“Anyway. I don’t care. I just want to get away for a while.”
“Yeah, so do I,” I said and started the bike.
We rode for about an hour. I went up and down the roads, sometimes staying on the main road, sometimes finding a small street to go up. It was my favorite way to explore our area. Better than by car or by foot for sure. Every now and again I felt her grip tighten around me and I smiled. I knew I shouldn’t be so happy to have a girl that was off limits holding on to me, but I couldn’t help myself. I tried to just enjoy it while it lasted because soon she would be back in Derek’s arms and I would be left alone. I was only making things hard for myself. But with the fresh air around us, the smell of her behind me, and the feeling of her hands around mine, I kept forgetting how hurt I was allowing myself to get.
When I stopped, I saw that we were at the park. I hadn’t even intended to end up there but I must’ve ridden there without thought. The park had always been my favorite place to come and think about my life. We climbed off and took off our helmets and I chuckled at her hair which was sticking up all over the place without her realizing it. Then I felt annoyed at myself for looking at her in that way. Why the hell did she have to be so damn good looking? Why did I like her so much?
“That was amazing,” she said. “Thank you.”
“Pleasure,” I said. “I’m glad you liked it. Want to sit for a while or do you want me to take you back?” I asked.
She looked out onto the park. “Definitely sit for a while. I don’t know the last time I came here.”
“Really?” I asked. “You don’t seem to do much, do you?” I said and then immediately regretted the words. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. That was rude.”
She laughed. “No, it was completely true. You’re right. I don’t do much. I’ve been holed up at home for a very long time. I guess that’s why I’ve been enjoying so much of my time lately. It’s been so different from what I’m used to. My fault, I guess. I mean, my father places a lot of restrictions on me but I’m not sure why I’ve always listened.”
“Because you love him,” I said. If there was one thing I knew for certain it was that Candice loved her family. I knew it was a hard family to grow up in and I knew that her father had made decisions for her that she should’ve made herself. But he loved her, and despite everything that he had done I knew that to be true.
“Yeah, I do. He drives me up the wall, and I don’t agree with so many of his ways. But you’re right. I love him.”
“How’s your mom?” I asked.
She looked up at me and beamed, and I could see that I had said the right thing. She nodded. “Yeah. She’s great. I need to hang out with her more. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about talking to her about standing up for herself. But I’m not sure. I mean, it’s her life too, you know. She should be able to do whatever she wants. And just because she’s my mother doesn’t mean I truly know her. I don’t know. I just want her to live her life a bit more. Like I’m doing now.”
“Maybe she is.”
She nodded. “Yeah, maybe.”
We walked until we got to a bench and sat down. For a while, we didn’t say anything to each other, but I knew I had to know what was going on with her.
“Candice,” I said as I broke the silence. “Are you okay? What was this bike ride about?”
She sighed and looked down at her hands. I noticed that her nails were all chipped. It contrasted greatly with her otherwise perfect demeanor.
“I broke up with Derek.”
I looked at her in surprise. “You did? Because . . . uh . . . because of us?” I wasn’t sure how that made me feel. Happy? But also nervous. I didn’t want to be the cause of anyone breaking up. It was never a good basis to start a relationship with someone. And did I even want a relationship? Did she?
“No. Because of me. I should’ve done it a long time ago. I’m sorry for kissing you when I was still with him, but the truth is that Derek and I have been over for a long time. I just haven’t had the guts to break up with him until now.”
I gulped. I didn’t know what to say. If she had broken up with Derek, it changed a lot of things. I didn’t know what to do either. I sat there, just staring out at the park, wondering what it all meant. Suddenly, she took my hand, and the feeling of her skin on mine startled me.
“I want to kiss you again,” she said.
I nodded. “I want to kiss you too.”
She smiled and leaned over. Soon, our lips were touching, and we were kissing like we had in the room the other day. Only this time it was better. This time I knew that she didn’t have a boyfriend. It still felt like it was too soon for all of this, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to get involved with someone that had just broken up with her boyfriend. But I also knew that there was no way I would be able to stop myself now that we had started. I groaned as our lips parted and our tongues found each other.
She moved over and climbed on top of me, basically pinning me down on the park bench. There was nobody around us, and our kisses became more and more intense. For a while, I completely forgot where we were. All I could think about was her lips on mine and the way she was making me feel. We jumped out in surprise as a car drove past and honked its horn. We looked at each other and laughed.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go back.”
I took her hand, and we walked back to the bike. She climbed on, and we rode back, this time only on the main road, all the way back to her dorm. I didn’t even ask her if I could come in. I just did. We both knew that we didn’t want to be away from each other just yet.
“Let’s order takeout,” I said. “I’m starving.”
She seemed somewhat taken aback by the fact that I didn’t automatically throw her onto the bed. I wanted to, but I was still very aware of how fragile she was. It was not how I wanted to start things with her. When the takeout arrived, we sat on the floor and spent the rest of the evening laughing and talking about the old days. We had a lot of catching up to do, and no matter how much we talked, there still seemed more to say. I didn’t want to leave, so at the end of the night, I asked if I could sleep over. We were both exhausted, and I could see that she was emotionally drained from the day she had. I took a shower and then climbed into bed beside her. By then she was already fast asleep, and it didn’t take me long to fall asleep beside her.