Chapter Eighteen
Summer
Bob greeted us at the door, overexcited to see Jake. I understood how she felt, because I got excited every time I saw him too, even if I didn’t break out into a silly looking, wiggly dance. Seeing her, Jake smiled as he bent down and scratched her behind the ears before sending her out in the rain to pee.
He paused beneath the small overhang and turned to me. “I’m fine, really.”
“Rue said,” I started as I shook my head, remembering her exact directions.
“Just tell her that you tucked me in and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.”
My skin prickled at the thought of tucking him in and each pinprick lit on fire, until it felt like I was being consumed by flames from the inside out. Even though I was standing underneath the eaves of the barn, rain still managed to splatter me. I was pretty sure every drop hitting my body instantly evaporated and turned to steam because my skin was so scalding. This was just what Jake did to me. He always made me feel like I was on fire, burning with the need to feel him.
“I told her I would see to it that you got to bed and I intend to do just that,” I insisted, my jaw tight. I was beyond nervous at the thought of stepping through the door, but I couldn’t walk away either. I forced myself to stare into his heated gaze as it melted my insides. I crossed my arms and cleared my throat as he stared down at me, his eyes daring me to enter the barn, daring me to go upstairs to his bedroom with him.
But I wasn’t going to back down.
That pointed, azure gaze slid across my face as the storm intensified once more. The rain was now coming in at an angle as the wind bulleted against us, drenching us both in a new deluge. Without a word, Jake gripped my elbow and hauled me inside.
I felt my breath hitch, heard the shocked sound of my own voice as I yelped out my shock. Our bodies collided the second we were inside the barn and I took a dizzying step backward, trying to catch my breath. I sucked my lower lip between my teeth as I begged my heart to slow down.
“If we go upstairs, you know I’m not letting you leave,” Jake started as he glanced up and then outside as the rain continued to pound the ground. It was almost like he was saying he wouldn’t allow me to make the trek back to my cabin because of the rain. But we both knew his reasons were otherwise.
He looked down at me, his eyes inquisitive, awaiting my response. As for me, my words were lodged in my throat. My body was screaming at me to let him do whatever he wanted with it while my brain was worried about what would happen once the thrill of the moment wore off. The last thing I wanted to be was another notch on Jake’s bedpost, another conquest, just another girl whose name he’d forget after a few months.
Not to mention the whole issue known as my virginity. I was more than sure Jake didn’t know I was a virgin. And if he found out, what would he think? Maybe it would bother him that I hadn’t told him? Maybe it would scare him off because he’d be afraid I wanted to corner him into marrying me or something equally ludicrous? Or maybe he wouldn’t care?
Bob came back inside, a wet and dirty mess. Jake laughed as he reached for a towel which was hanging on a nearby hook. He toweled her off and then pointed to the stairs as he barked an order at her to go to her bed. And then he turned to face me.
“I can walk you back to your cabin if you like?” he asked. “I don’t want you to go alone in this storm.” He paused a moment. “Lightning has been known to strike down ‘round these parts.”
“No,” I insisted as I held my ground. “I don’t want you to walk me back.”
“Summer,” he started.
“Rue,” I interrupted.
“Damn Rue!” he yelled back at me, silencing me for a moment because his vehemence surprised me. “You know as well as I do that if you come upstairs with me, you aren’t coming back down until the morning.” He took a deep, frustrated breath as he ran his hand through his wet hair and then faced me again, looking like he’d stepped right out of my dreams.
“I know,” I answered with a gulp.
“Whatever this is between us,” he started as he inhaled again and shook his head. “I can’t fight it anymore. I’m not strong enough, Summer,” he finished, his shoulders sagging as if his announcement was one he was ashamed of. He dropped his gaze to the dirt floor and held it there for a few seconds before glancing up at me again. “I want you more than I can ever remember wanting another woman.”
I swallowed. Hard. I wanted to tell him that I felt the same, that the burning, stinging feeling I felt inside only happened with and for him. I wanted to tell him that I thought about him constantly, that just a smile from him could brighten my worst days. I wanted to tell him that I wanted nothing more than for him to be the first man I ever had sex with. But I didn’t say anything.
Instead, I turned on my toes and started for the stairs. I’d made my decision. Maybe the truth was that I’d made it way before I’d even stepped foot inside the barn. If Jake wanted me, I wanted him just as bad and tonight was going to be the night I had him. Tonight was going to be the night we had each other, the night we finally found out what it meant to be one.
I’d been right to think his apartment above the barn was teeny and cramped, but he’d managed to keep it from feeling like a storage unit. He had a small single bed covered with a bright blue comforter, a shelf nailed into the wall that served as his nightstand and was curiously stacked to overflowing with books. I hadn’t pegged him as a reader and I was dying to know what type of literature interested him.
“What are your books about?” I asked, my voice sounding nervous.
“Mostly science fiction,” he answered, his coming out throaty and raw. “I like an escape every now and again.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything, just followed the spines of each book with my eyes but I couldn’t say I was actually reading the titles. Instead, I was trying to calm my frantic heart down, trying to beat the dizzy feeling that was already overcoming me.
I heard the pitter-patter of Bob’s paws against the wood planked floor as she obediently went to her bed. I turned around and found Jake standing right in front of me, his eyes glued to me.
And then it was just him.
And me.
And this awkwardness that seemed to fill the air between us anytime we were within a dozen feet of each other.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered, even as he made no motion to close the distance between us.
My lungs squeezed tight and I was captivated by those eyes, those lips.
Him.